steff

hey everyone, i need to give some history to this story first, its not long. i was raped a few months back, by my ex's dad. i had this friend who would spend up to 8 hours in the hospital with me. he was always there for me. however once i got out of weeks in hospital, and then re-admitted for another two weeks. he decided that the first time i got 'drunk' he decided to have sex with me, i dont remember it, but i know it happened coz i could feel it later, and he told me. i was really up set and felt really betrayed. but i stayed friends with him. the next day i went up to talk to him, but i fell asleep, only to wake up to him touching me and kissing me. i didnt want to talk to him, or have anything to do with him. but i felt so bad for everything that he had done for me in the past, so i stayed friends with him. then i went up about 3 weeks later, again fell asleep (i have depression, and sleep alot) only to have to him fingering me, and touching me all over. i got so angry called him a sick barstard and walked out. he didnt come after me, he didnt say anything and he hasnt tried to contact me. i feel so guilty and bad, he was a great friend, and so many times has helped me, but i dont know what to do. please help me work out what to do. i just dont know who to trust now.

thank you so much for ur reply. i do work with children, i have just finished my youth work course, so am a youth worker, and my job atm is a swim teacher, working with kids aged 3-12.

throughout 2006 i lived by myself. i struggeled financially, living off $120Australian a week, (if that) admittetly my parents owned the house, yet i still paied food, transport, gas, water ect. i struggled and hardly ever ate food, or went out on a social basis. i worked three jobs, was a full time student, and had two volunteer jobs. i then went into cronic depression, attempted suicide, and started cutting. i was then raped and put into a pysch ward for two weeks. my parents took me home (as in back to their place) and now im hating it. i only have one job, and not any perment shifts, i feel useless, and not needed. i hate living at home with my parents as now they want to spend every last second with me and wont give me time to my self at all... i need all your ideas, as to the best ways to save money so i can move out again. or any ideas as to how i can deal with my situation at the moment. thanks guys.

i am trying so hard to express my feelings, instead of cutting them into myself, but its so hard. i against myself each and every day. i hate my mum for taking my razers away from me, but at the same time love her for it.

but the worst thing is, that the police dont know if they can sentence him, because its his word agains mine, and thats about all the evidence they have.

i was raped three weeks ago, and spent three weeks in a psych ward. i have trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, or happiness that may come. please any words of advice????

hey guys, i know i havent been on here for nearly a year, only because i moved out and didnt have the internet. here is my story. i worked at a restraunte, and in april of this year this one large family came in, and there was this thing between one of the young men and me. at the end of the night, i was given a tip and their number, and asked for mine, we had developed a great friendship in such a short time, and with a mobile number u cant really be traced. anyway, months went by, and i got this phone call from the 'mum' anagha, asking to come to dinner, there had been many invertations, which i had turned down, but anyway i decided to go, as my current (at the time) boyfriend had just cheated on me. so i went, and james and i really hit it off, he was a fantastic guy. two weeks later i was hospitalised from getting an std for my then ex boyfriend (one who cheated on me) and was in there for a few days on morphine, i was then taken back to james' place and they looked after me for a few days. anyway, so we had a great relationship, myself and the whole family. i trusted each and everyone of them. two weeks ago, anagha broke up with her partner, and he came to me looking for a place to crash the night, i had no problems with that nothing made me think i should be worried or turn him away. so after i finished worked, we had dinner at my work, and went home, around 1am after a movie, i started crying over my late grandmother, he started comforting me, and around 1:30 suggested i get sleep and he would wait till i go to sleep before moving to the couch. hopped into bed, and started to drift of to sleep, only to wake to his hands gropping my breast and touching me all over, i frooze i didnt know what to do, so i rolled over to face away from him, so he started touching my bottom, and saying things like "why dont you lie naked next to me" and "where are the codoms" over and over again, i couldnt believe this was happening, this was my ex (james and i broke up) boyfriends foster dad (james is a foster child) i couldnt move i couldnt speak, and then he raped me from behind..... i got really angry, and i finally was able to speak and told him to get the * * * * out of my house. he was like "omg what have i done?" "we need to talk" "i didnt mean to hurt you" he left and i called the police, and was taken to hospital. when the police dropped me back home my best mate came up, and we started ringing people up to say i cant come to work or uni and things, then called my sister, who came straight from work and she called my parents who were in the uk at the time. i was taken to the police station and had a 5 hour statement, then taken to a different hospital, on suicide watch for two days then trasfered to a psych ward and stayed for 2 weeks on suicide watch again, have only just gotten home, which is now my parents place. i feel like he has taken me and i am just a walking thing with no sole or heart. please anyone who has been through this or knows something about it help me get through this, i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel stef

his 25, and he knows the panic attacks are from years of rape, so he understood that, and helped me to get better after each one, and got me into theropy and stuff

ok, so i actaully started to trust this guy, and well we slept together, but i black out and have panic attacks during sex, so he started saying he doesnt want to have sex with me, now he isnt talking to me pretty much at all, and is also moving to sydney, which is just that state above me, because im in Melbourne, but thats not the point. the point is, i wanna know if he was only with me for sex... he seemed really nice and caring and like.... a real gentalmen. and i know i should just get over it, but i feel like such a * * * *. he meant everything to me, because ive just moved out of home and he used to come over all the time, and just drop in, and make me happy... but when he goes i wont have anyone to drop in and stuff.... i guess what im asking, is if anyone has any ideas about how to get over someone....im not asking for it to be fast, but for the strength. i always tell myself that im not going to call him.... 2 days later im dialing his number.... someone give me the strength to let go and forgive myself

i guess i do eat rigjt.... maybe ive just moved out of home.... and its not that i eat take away food.... coz yuck i dont like it... its that i eat really basic stuff like salads and stir fry... i dont really like cooking meat because it makes me feel sick, but i am on iron tablets so im getting iron. im not over weight, im healthy weight, although im losing weight each week dont know if thats just because of my eating. my social circle is not affecting my studies because they all live to far away from me that i cant see them anymore i am in theorpy for alot of stuff at the moment, so that might have something to do... as for my work load... it will be increasing, but at the moment its school three days a week, and working two jobs, one as a swim teacher and another as a waitress, im soon to take up volunteer work at a local primary school, which shall be only 2 hours a week, but i also have to get placement for school, which is volunteer work for youth work which is 300 hours. im also soon starting my certificate three in hospitality which isnt by choice and getting my responsible serving of acohole, which again isnt by choice.. work is making me do it. i generally go to bed at the same time, but its hard, sometimes i can finish work at 9pm, and then other times i will finish at 11pm, and then i have to walk home and you know quickly clean the house before going to bed. i know i get up at generally the same time, because my mum always calls me at the same time. ive started taking garlic tablets centrum, and some other tablet thats like eckanaisha.... totally cant spell it.... ive sort of felt alittle better, but am not fully awake. should i still go to another doctor?

im not going to the gym or anything, im talking about walking to the train station or to work or to school and and the shops and stuff... its just walking, and its not that far away, its like to each place its like 15 minutes max each way... so im not killing myself in exercise.... i used to go to the gym for like 30-60 minutes a day, and the rest of the day i would just sleep... so i stopped that.

ok, so u all know that i sleep alot, and am always tired and dont have energy, but want to change all that... its been happening for three years now that i just dont have the energy to get through the day giving 100%. now admittadly i am really busy with school and work, but and 18 year old should be able to deal with this, seeing alot of 18 yos deal with this and more... i went to the doctors again and said that im still really tired and want to find out whats wrong... so she looked at my blood tests results from last year and shes like... "ei ur fine, just take iron tablets" so i did... and nothing.... im still really tired... my dad told me to go to bed earlier.... i go at like 8:30 sometimes ... cant really get much earlier than that, seeing some of my classes dont finish till 9:30... what do i do, and whats wrong with me???? my diet is good... heaps of veggies, i walk everywhere so im getting alot of exercise.... i just dont want else.... please help me, i want energy.

ok, well ive told part of my story in another post, but i'll update. ive found a guy, but his moving away so i dont know if it will last, and we are not actaully going out... but anyway besides the point... ive finally started having sex after rape, now the thing is, i faint when having sex now because of it... my teeth go all tingerly and so do my arms and hands, i cant see or focus on anything, i start shaking really really really violently and cant get up for about 15 minutes later.... so as u can imagin its pretty much a nightmare for me to even be with a guy sexually.... so my question is: can i have a relationship with a guy, a emotional relationship without sex, because i cant deal with it, and my theorpest is helping me through it all... im scared that if i find another guy, he wont understand the way that francis does (francis understands completely because his done med school and psychology and all that sort of stuff and has deal with friends in this situation, so he knows whats going on) but im scared that a new guy wont, and will just brake up with me once i have trusted him enough to open myself enough and be with him fully.... and he realises that he wont get much from me.... i really want to feel loved and be loved by a guy but i know i wont get that, if i dont give the guy what he wants.... what do i do?

um havent gotten that far yet.,...

ok well, so u know, it happened again, i fainted on him, and this time it was worse, so he made me go see a theropest, and my theropest told me its because, i dont feel safe during sex that my body goes into shut down mood and takes the attention away from the sex and does something to make it stop... and thats what it is.

ok, well ive been on the pill sense october last year. so it has been a while. at the beginning i didnt care if i didnt have a sex drive because i wasnt coping with having sex with anyone.... not that i would sleep around. i am already on a really low dosage pill anyway, i dont know if u can go much lower. if i go off the pill will my sex drive come back?

ok, im on the pill, but for the reason of really really really really painfull periods, no other reason. however ive noticed now, that when my guy touches me, i feel nothing, its like "yeah im being touched" its no "omg that feels so good" even with intercourse, (like what i said in my last post, i didnt feel anything, just a great desire for him) i dont feel tingerling, or anything that makes it feel nice. and i know that would he is doing, should feel fantastic, but i feel nothing. i have heard that the pill can take away ur sex drive and stuff, is this true, is this what im experiencing??? is there anyway i can fix it without going off the pill, because i cant bare my periods without it. thanks guys.

yeah he knows about it. he knows to some extent what happened, he he does treat me well. like i started to get uncomfortable about being naked and he just craddled me and made me feel better. so his really caring and nice.

well the thing is, i wasnt actaully panicing at the time, like i wasnt like "omg im going to faint" panicing, it was like like i was trying to grab at his neck to pull myself up and make him stop, and then after that i dont remember much. this was the first time, that i was able to go this far with a guy after the rape, so that might have something to do with it. but he told me he doesnt want to sleep with me anymore because i freaked him out

um, u might want to go talk to a doctor about that... that is frightening stuff... have u tried locking all knifes away?

hey guys, well i found this guy, and his really nice and ive known him for a while now, and the other day we had sex for the first time together.... now i have never had an orgasm, however during the sex and forplay, i didnt feel any pleasure, just a deep desire for him. but the thing that really freak me out was that once during the forplay i felt like i was going to pass out/faint, i didnt tell him at the time. and then while we were actaully having sex the feeling of fainting was so stronge that i started to freak out, now i dont remember much but he told me, that my eyes went all funny, i remember not been able to focus, and my whole body being numb, he gave me water and i spilt it all over myself and the bed... i couldnt breath or anything like that.... can anyone tell me what that was, but i think im possitive that wasnt an orgasm, and if it was.... it was horrible and i never want to do that again. please help me, because im freak out to what that was.

well theres this guy, and his everything ive always wanted, his funny, his inteligent, his caring, he plays the piano, he can speak five different languages, you know the list is endless. however, at least once a day he makes me upset or angry by something he says. like today, my sister had her first car accident, shes ok and the other lady is ok. and all she wanted to do was go down and see her bf. now addmittadly her bf doesnt treat her nicely, and he yelled at her when he found out what happens, and theres a whole heap of other stuff that he does to her, and this guy knows about it. so i took my sister down to her bf's place so she would be happy, coz she really wanted to see him. while i was down there i rang my guy, and he asked where i was and then why, so i told him. and he wasnt happy... like "why would you take her to her bf's place when he doesnt treatd her right." she wanted to go. and so he got angry with me. ok now this guy is spanish, and well i dont know alot about spanish men, but from what other people tell me, they are controlling of women. so im guessing their culture is much different. he has a habit of calling me stubborn and thick headed, but when i tell him im not, he goes into a joking thing of "oh come on hunny, you know your stubborn" an mucking around with it. i find it offensive, to me thick headed means dumb. everything i say to him is wrong. and im like "how can it be wrong if my teacher just told me that today?" like everything i say is wrong. his like "no DEAR its......." and makes me feel soooo dumb. however on the bright side of this guy, when ever i need him his there. like the other day i decided it was time to go back to the cematery and put some flowers down. (i havent been back sense the funeral over a year ago) and so he came with me, but it was closed so he told me he will take me up on saturday. i started crying, because i felt bad. and he was telling me not to cry, and complaining that i cry over everything. ok well, while i have known him, i think i might have cried three times. one because it was one year sense opa died, and well, i miss him like crazy so i cried, and just some other stuff... i want to know if i should even attempt to start a relationship with him, because besides his putting down side, his everything ive ever wanted. and im scared to try and get over him because i know it will hurt. what should i do. please help me.

if i try to get my self there, i just go 'dry' so theres no point... the guy im with at the moment, his spanish, and apperently they are one of the best 'lover's and i know his really good, because of what sort of things he does.... but it just does nothing.... if that makes sense

Hey, Im concerned that I have never orgasmed. Whether by my self or with a guy. These days I don't even feel tingerly or have shivers or anything like that… its like "oh im being touched …. That's nice" and its not like I don't like the guy that's doing it, I really really like him and trust him and stuff, and it was the same with my other boyfriend. But why cant I orgasm… will I ever orgasm???

hey guys, ive met this guy, and we both like each other alot, but his in a relationship. i was talking to him today and he was like nearly in tears over this, he wants to get out, and everytime he says to her that he wants a brake or he wants to brake up shes always like "u dont want to be with me coz im fat.... no one wants to be with me... im having troubles with my family" and uses emotional blackmale, so he hates it, and now doesnt know how to get out of the relationship... what do i do???? do i back off or stay?