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Blurr

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  1. Blurr
    Why not just remain friends and leave it at that? If she has a history of running from you, what makes you think that things will be any different this time? I understand that talking to her felt great and that you were very comfortable, but I think just remaining friends is the best idea. Time for you to move on and find a new love.
  2. Blurr
    Yes, that is quite a bizarre situation. A classic example of an overly protective mom. But the problem is, she had no reason to be so protective. From what you said, you did nothing to prompt such rash behavior or lies from her. It's quite obvious she is unstable and is the type of person who meddles in her son's life, either because she enjoys it or has such a miserable one herself. As bellamcb mentioned, try talking some sense into your boyfriend. You figure after 6 months he would know what type of person you are and not let one little chat from his mom convince her otherwise. I shudder to think that she may have even bruised herself up to provide 'evidence' to him. If he doesn't believe you then it's really not worth your time, as it has already been mentioned, it would just be the first in a long string of incidents from a very unstable individual. You are a strong, good person and you deserve better than to be falsely accused and demonized for something that never even happened.
  3. Blurr
    Wow....what she said was really, truly mean. She is also full of ****. I find that sex between partners is far more satisfying than between two people who hardly know eachother. Of course, other people will say between two different people may be more 'exciting' but, I suppose it's just personal preference. I don't know whether she is lying or not, but I can't get over what she said to you...and she's supposed to be your girlfriend!! I'd worry less about the length of the sex and more about her supposed problems with the sex she has with you.
  4. Blurr
    definitely sounds like there is some unspoken feelings between your b/f and his roommate, although the feelings are definitely coming from her. I've seen that before where two people are friends, they mention that one friend should date their mutal friend. Things are good and then the original friend who mentioned the dating becomes jealous, even if they have a significant other. I don't know what it is, but there definitely is some jealousy there, so you're not just imagining things. As for the L word, like I said...us guys say it far earlier than it should be said. Not to say that there is a designated time to say it, but we certainly have an easier time saying it than women (at least from my experience that is what it has seemed like). Whether it's because we feel love differently compared to a woman or it's because we're just stupid and like to rush into things...who knows.
  5. Blurr
    Well, he sounds like he may be confused about his emotions towards you, which is not a bad thing. I find that as men, we say the L word too easily without thinking about it's meaning or the consequences when we do utter those 4 special letters. I doubt he was being light-hearted...it's just something us males say (lord knows I've been guilty of saying it too early and getting myself in trouble!). The fact that you've backed off and he has continued to pursue you makes me think that he is, indeed, interested in continuing things with you (which is not the impression I was getting before). This bit about his roommate being a bit controlling is interesting. Seems like they may share a very close bond. Have you met her? Does she know about you and how does she feel about it? While his friends shouldn't have any impact on your relationship, it's certainly possible so it's something I'd keep my eyes on. Other than that, keep doing what your doing. You sound like a strong, capable woman...let him know where you stand and things should fall into place.
  6. Blurr
    Sorry to hear you've had such bad luck with LDR's. I also have had my share of heartbreaks thanks to internet LDR's. Thats why I've chosen to no longer participate in them myself and actually start seeking someone in real life. I remember when I was younger a lot of my friends were so obsessed with the internet they would spend almost every waking moment on there. Several had internet flings which seemed more real to them than their actual friendships. Thankfully they, and myself, grew out of it and started to live our lives away from this blasted thing. It's funny that you mention the phone and internet as a fantasy. I've said before that if I'm talking to my signifcant other, I prefer to do so in real life...I find the emotional barrier and shield that the internet/phone provide are too insular and leave too much to misinterpretation. I wish you luck in your future relationships and hope you find someone that you can truly connect with
  7. Blurr
    When you say you met him in March, do you mean this March? If so thats only four months and while four months is not that long, I think it's long enough to get to know a lot about someone. Especially with the amount of contact you claim that you two have had. At 30 years old he should be mature enough emotionally to understand his feelings and know where things are headed. To continually say he needs to 'step back' and 'put things into perspective', I don't know...it just sounds like an excuse. He most certainly may like you...but does he love you? I don't know. He would be an awfully lot more willing to contact you and spend time with you if he were...thats just my opinion. He has to understand that you are not his past girlfriends...you are a different woman and you have your own unique traits. Try and help him understand that the best you can but if he cannot grasp it then...well, not sure what you can do at that point.
  8. Blurr
    I was just going to say that he sounds like a quitter. The line that really gets me is 'why bother when it is obvious that we can't get along'. What, because you had a few fights?? I'd say a couple was seriously odd if they didn't fight, so just because there is a little strife is not enough reason for him to just take off. It's quite obvious that this guy isn't worth your time and you just have to do what you did before. Be strong, realize there is nothing you can do and move on with your life. He is going to be the one to realize that he made a mistake but this time he won't get another chance. Be strong!
  9. Blurr
    I agree, you definitely sound like a caring, loving woman and you deserve better than to be given the 'possibility' of seeing your so-called b/f. He definitely sounds confused, but I'm wondering if there may be someone else on the side? It's hard to say...but the fact that before you left for Germany he said he loved you and then he ignored all your emails? That makes absolutely no sense to me. How old is this guy? If he's around you age, there is absolutly no reason why he should be 'scared' about his feelings for you. He's playing with your heart and you don't deserve that...you deserve better. I say get rid of him and find someone else who can return your love.
  10. Blurr
    I think to be single after being with someone for so long would be harder than starting to see someone else. My advice is to just take things slow with the new guy...I know things seem to be so much better with him, but it's so easy to stumble into another abusive (not physically, but mental) relationship...especially after the length of time spent with your current b/f. definitely introduce him to your kids though and see how they like him. Of my female friends who have kids, everyone of them has told me that their kids come first...so make sure they are cool with him and then make your first step to leaving your b/f. BTW, is he the father of both?
  11. Blurr
    I agree with densil...you have to do what is best for you and your kids. No one can live a fufilling life when they are constantly miserable and unhappy. I imagine it will be quite scary since it has been so long to be single (or even dating) but think about how much better you will feel once you have him out of your life. I'm sure it will be a big relief and hopefully this new guy will be able to give you the love and support you've needed for a long time. Have your kids met this new guy? If they have, what do they think about him?
  12. Blurr
    Well it sounds to me like you've already told her that you like her and that you've already got a response: she is not interested. You could express your feelings to her again, but I don't think it's going to change anything. But you never know...people change their minds all the time. I think the fact that she said she was bisexual as well, and then said she wasn't may be an inkling that she was interested, but she was a little embarrassed about it (I sometimes think I'm bi too but have only told one friend that I truly trust). I would just continue to be friends with her and maybe let her know that you are still interested with little hints here or there. But the best thing is to perhaps start looking for someone else because there is nothing more painful and really liking someone and building up all these feelings when they can't be returned.
  13. Blurr
    I find it really depends on the person, in regards to how much you open up about yourself. On a date I went on last week, I was so comfortable with the girl we talked about so many things...nothing extremely personal, but just stuff that had happened to us. You'll never truly divulge all your secrets to someone in the first few dates or the first few months or years for that matter. That is the best part...you should always be discovering something new about your partner...
  14. Blurr
    Yea, I have a bad tendency to agonize and worry about the littlest things. But I'm trying to relax a bit (or a lot) and just see how things turn out. Worrying, as a past therapist once told me, does nothing to help so you should stop worrying. I'm going to leave my thoughts as just thoughts for now and see how things work out between us. She is coming over tomorrow to make me dinner...so I guess things can't be all bad!
  15. Blurr
    Well one cannot change ones self overnight...or over several years. You don't need to feel bad for the way you are, it's just the way you are and thats that. I used to be somewhat the same way..in the sense that I was quite shy and aloof. I've changed much over the past few years and have become a little more comfortable with new people that I don't really know. I think, when working with someone closely, the best way to make things work smoothly is to crack a few jokes. I've always had a decent, albiet strange, sense of humor and I find it really lightens the mood. Perhaps be just a wee bit more carefree at work, try not to let these feelings consume you and overshadow your work. I know it is difficult, but we have to try and enjoy our jobs or else it just makes everyday waking up a nightmare. Good luck!
  16. Blurr
    In the words of the great sage, Homer Simpson: 'I've got 6 words for you baby, I'm not gay, but I'll learn!' I think a simple, 'thats very sweet but I'm not looking' or 'I already have a boyfriend' (even if you don't). Nice to know you want to be polite about it, if I had known girls were like that I would've approached a lot more back in my bar days
  17. Blurr
    I don't understand how you can hate the person you work with if they havn't done anything to you. Hate is a very strong word and not one I use often, or at all, for that matter. There are certainly people I dislike, but no one that I actually hate. Perhaps the best course of action would be to get to know this person a little better? Maybe see what they are doing after work one day and ask them out for coffee...this way you can have a candid conversation outside of work. That way you can perhaps get to know the person and what they are really like because, lets be honest, most of us are quite different at work as compared to outside of it. Give the poor person a chance as you did say they have done nothing to you...it's not right to 'hate', even when you do have a reason.
  18. Blurr
    I too am mystified as to why, because you are both of different backgrounds, that you had to break up. Regardless, as the other two folks have mentioned, keeping yourself busy is the best thing to do. I know that when I am hurting emotionally from a woman, I have to keep doing something...otherwise my mind starts to drift back to her and I start to feel depressed. Play a game, go out with friends, read a book (thats always a good one), watch a movie...just do SOMETHING to keep yourself occupied. The pain won't go away, but it will get easier to deal with as time goes by.
  19. Blurr
    The drinking age in Australia is 20 or 21 I believe, so that's a no go for them.
  20. Blurr
    Yea, what you guys mentioned was exactly what I was thinking too...it would make me seem somewhat less 'attractive' to her or what not. Well thanks for the advice...I guess I'll just lay off those thoughts for now and just go with the flow and see how things turn out Thanks guys!
  21. Blurr
    Well, I have had my fair share of online relationships as well, and they can be very intense and emotionally draining at the same time. If you are seeing this guy in real life, let him be your priority, not some guy online. And be honest with your online guy friends...just because you have a boyfriend doesn't mean you're going to lose them as friends. For me, real life takes priority over online life. This may not have been something I would have said a few months ago, but with all the stuff that has been going on in my life, I have little to no time anymore to hang out with my online buddies.
  22. Blurr
    Hello again everyone, For those of you who have looked at my last post, I'm 'seeing' this girl from work and things have gone somewhat OK so far. Last week on Friday I asked her a stupid question ('Are we boyfriend/girlfriend?') and regretted it ever since. However, I've thankfully had things put into perspective by both some people on here and my friends. Anyways, what I'd like to know is...would it be a good idea to just be up front and tell her that I have little to no experience when it comes to relationships? I just figure being honest would be the best idea...but what I'm worried about is making it (my connection to her) seem so much more serious than it really is. I mean, I very much like her and enjoy her company, but I'm not in love. And I don't want to come off as some starstruck sappy guy...I just want to let her know so that she's not surprised or shocked by my utter cluelessness when it comes to this sort of stuff.
  23. Blurr
    Just take the initiative. Our society is so stuck on the guy making all the moves and making all the decisions, it's a nice change for the girl to get you up off your butt and do something fun. Just like Svenman said, role reversal... Or perhaps show up at his place unexpected with a case of beer, I know that would make my jaw drop and make me leap all over my g/f
  24. Blurr
    Thank you very much for your advice. I was feeling really down most of the day after the incident. Luckily, shortly after I posted I went over to my best friends house, which happens to be a girl, and her AND her parents (who are my second family) helped me put things into perspective. And it's funny because everything that you guys mentioned was exactly what they said: enjoy yourself and don't worry about what happens next, don't try to 'define' it. I guess I am a little new at this since I've never had a relationship before...I don't know how all this works. I wish I were more experienced so I knew what to expect, but right now I'm all over the place emotionally, but your support and help has....well....helped! Thank you!
  25. Blurr
    Well, I asked this girl out at work last week and we've been 'seeing' eachother for that length of time. We went on a date last Satruday (dinner and then a movie) and have spent time together alone and with friends during the days of the week. It was also her birthday on Wednesday, so we went to the bar with a bunch of work friends. It was a fun time, but I think she was a little drunk since we made out for a bit right in the middle of the bar (while I waited to pick up the bill! lol) Anyways, I really enjoy her company...a lot. The times we have spent together at my house we sit on the couch with her curled up next to me. We had a hot and heavy make out session one night and she seemed to be pretty into it, just by the way she was stroking my back and running her hands through my hair (which I took to be a sign she was enjoying it too). Today I popped a question to her that I instantly regretted: 'So...are we girlfriend/boyfriend?' Now that I think about it it was insanely stupid, it made me sound like a awestruck little teenager again (not a dis to any of the teens on this board) and I wish I had never said it. Regardless I did and she thought about it and said that we aren't just yet. She said that she wanted to take things slow (like she had told me before, and she actually told me this BEFORE we started making out the one night). She is going on a trip next week to this country music festival and she said 'Just let me go on my trip, relax and get things into perspective. I don't want to get involved with someone and have them having feelings for me right away' I agreed, although it tore me up inside when I heard that. That was about 2 hours ago...since then I've just felt like utter crap and I'm so confused. I mean, I think she does like me since we've cuddled and she returns my affections, but she also wants to take it slow. I'm afraid I've messed it up by my stupid question, but I'm also confused about this 'taking it slow' business? What does that mean in male-speak? I'll be honest, I've only had one other 'relationship' to speak of, and it was 4 years ago and only lasted a month. I usually end up having one night stands and I'm just tired of that, I WANT a relationship and this is a girl with which having one is worth. But I need to know what 'taking it slow' means... Do you guys think I messed up with my stuipd question? Can you help me understand what I'm doing here? Please help and let me stop worrying and depressing over this
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