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I don't think the setting so much matters as going somewhere where you two can talk. I find that if you are going out with someone you don't really know, talking is the best thing to start out with. That way you can find out more about eachother and see if you share similar interests. I like to listen a lot more than talk, but just talking can be liberating to. Remember, she is coming out to see you so you don't have to overwhelm her with some spectacular evening...just enjoy eachothers company!

I would just go ahead and ask her on a date...look at it this way, you've really got nothing to lose. And I think the chances are good that she would say yes since you've already been to a formal event. Perhaps something a bit more toned down will put both of you at ease and let her get to know you better? I find proms and the like to be very superficial (much like highschool itself). They are really just a big show...out in the real world things are a little differnt and I think you both may find that when you are alone together.

I agree with crookster...it's more infatuation right now. It may also be because it's a new feeling to you as well. I just started going out with a new girl recently and I tend to have the same feelings as well. I know it's not love yet, however, as I really don't know her well enoughto have those feelings...but all the signs are there: wanting to be with her all the time, getting depressed when she's not around, dreaming/day dreaming about her, etc. Continue to enjoy her company and see how things pan out...and again, as crookster said, with the highs come some pretty big lows...so be prepared for them.

It definitely sounds like she's an interesting gal and that she enjoys talking with you. If I were in your position I'd continue talking and then maybe ask, non-chalantly, if she were interesting in having coffee or a drink after work one day. That way you can get to know eachother a little better outside the work environment and see if it's worth persuing further. I also have problems seeing the signs...but having gained some confidence in the past while, I've acted on them and, for the most part, have been fairly lucky. Give it a shot and see what happens! Good Luck!

It's funny you bring this up because there was just another topic asking if you would quit smoking if your partner asked you do. Well, it was more 'would you quit doing it if they said you had to or else they wouldn't marry you'. Anyways, I think if it's something that he likes to do and he is not willing to quit, that you may be hurting yourself more if you continue to stay with him. I can sympathize on the other end of things because I, myself, smoke weed. Not on a regular basis like I did when I was younger, but I do it every few days and I enjoy it. I can understand that you are against it, but you have to also understand that it's something that he enjoys doing. I certainly wouldn't quit if I was asked by my girlfriend (but she smokes too so I doubt that would happen). It's much like someone who enjoys drinking or smoking...it's a social, recreational thing. If it's that important to you for him to stop, and he won't do it, then I would say just end it now and save yourself a lot of hurt.

Congratulations on your first time. It isn't abnormal for someone to not cum their first time. I've had sex quite a few times and haven't cum yet without oral or hand stimulation. I think some of it has to do with being nervous and the other may have to do with the fact that you may be used to getting yourself off. I know personally I have a particular way to get myself off and now it's harder for a girl to do the same. As for taking off the condom, not the brightest idea, but you should be safe pregnancy wise (although there is always a chance). However, not a good idea because you never know about diseases. I've made mistakes in the past and now make sure to always wear a condom no matter how constrictive it may feel. It's to protect you and your partner from not only pregnancy, but all the nasty dieases out there which, compared to pregnancy, are WAY scarier.

Ok well, don't bring it up on AIM or the phone or anything, do it in person...I know it's hard, but you will find it much better because you can see his reaction in real life insted of in a text message or whatever. Just say 'So about what happened the last time we were together...' or 'I really enjoyed myself the other night but I wanted to tell you...' Honestly, I'm not so great at these things myself either Just be honest, be yourself and don't worry. I know you really like the guy and you tend to get flustered (same thing happens to me). Like I said, if he really is the great guy you say he is, then everything should be OK. You're both at an age where you are mature enough to act like adults and hopefully he will be a gentleman about it. I know if I were in the same situation and the girl said that it was too soon and didn't want to do it again until getting to know me better, I would just smile and say 'Ok, as long as I get to stay with you I'm fine with that' Just don't say you regret it or regret doing it with him, since that may hurt his feelings and make him feel inadaquate

Sorry, it's that line that threw me off...what I meant then is to not worry about it and just hang out with him. I would hang out with him and perhaps talk about what happened in person. I find that email, the phone or IM is too much of a shield and things can become misinterpreted WAY too easily. When you are together just casually bring up the topic of what happened and just be honest. Say that you really like him but feel that what you guys did, although it was great, was a bit too soon. Like I said, if he is as great a guy as you think he is then he shouldn't have a problem with it and everything should be fine. Just don't stress about it...as the old saying goes, sh*t happens! Just relax and don't worry! Everything should work out fine...

I understand completely PB. As I said in my situation, there was no way that I could remain friends with this girl with the strong feelings that I had. I knew that everytime we would have been hanging out or whatnot, those feelings would be gnawing at the back of my brain and just killing me. So you're healthy selfishness is a good step and one that I took as well. Sometimes you feel like the bad guy but you have to do what is best for you and what is going to make YOU feel good.

I'd have to say the generalization that 'guys don't date fat girls' is mostly true. However, there are a lot of guys who are very attracted to larger girls, such as myself. Now that I look back, every single one of my past girlfriends has been on the chunky side. Not morbidly obese, but not hollywood skinny either. But when it all comes down to it, it's the personality that matters. My current girlfriend is a little chubby but she's tall so it balances out. She's also blond and quite beautiful which is what originally attracted me to her. However, once I got to know her and her personality, I was in love...if she had been a royal b*tch then it would've ended right there. But being one of the sweetest, funniest girls I've met in a while, she won me over. So for all the overweight girls out there, don't fret!! because there are guys out there who WILL find you beautiful...just be outgoing and laugh and have fun. And like someone else has said before, if they aren't attracted to you because of your appearance, then they're not worth your time anyways!

I think what you've done is right. Perhaps getting jealous of her highschool friend wasn't the right thing to do nor was breaking things off with her, but thats in the past and at this point is no longer relevant. I think the way you've handled things shows that you are commited to getting over her and moving on. However, I still think that she truly wants to be friends. I think that even though you had feelings for her (and probably still do) it is a little on the harsh side to just shut her out because she has found a new love interest. Although I must say that I am guilty of a similar situation. I had a crush on a high school friend of mine for a long time. We went out a few times but I always got the cold shoulder when I tried any of the old 'wrap-your-arm-around-her' moves and such. Once I confronted her about the chance of us ever hooking up she steadfastly said 'No, never'. Well that summed up the deal for me and I decided that I didn't want to be friends either. It does get annoying when she calls me to go hang out or go for drinks and it makes ME feel like I'm the bad guy for refusing, but in the end I had to do what was right for me. I couldn't hang out with someone who I had some very strong feelings for because, as much as I may have wanted to be friends, those feelings would always be near the top and it would have killed me. So I see where you are coming from and can sympathize with your situation. Good luck!

I don't think what you did was wrong or messed anything up at all. When two people are attracted to eachother things happen. Regretting them doesn't help much because what has happened...happened, it's in the past. There is no hard set rule to say that you shouldn't sleep with someone the second time you are with them so don't feel bad about it. I say just go to the party and go with the flow of things. If you don't want to sleep with him again right away, just let him know. the best you can do is be honest with him and if he truly does feel the same way about you, there is no reason for him to get mad. I just started going out with this AMAZING girl and on our 2nd night together we got into a hardcore make out session as well. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to have sex with her right then and there...but she said she couldn't and I knew that it wasn't right for us to do so anyways...I would've done it 5 years ago, but being a bit older now I know it's necessary to take things slower for things to work out. But remember, if things happen faster than anticipated, that doesn't mean that things won't work out. Just have a good time with him and be yourself and most importantly be honest!!

Well first of all, I'm a firm believer that marriage is something that both parties want to have to do. It shouldn't be something tied up with stipulations saying 'You have to do this before I'm going to marry you'. I'm also hesitant about the situation since it seems as though you really don't know the girl that well. Where did you meet? How long have you been talking before? When you met how did you perceive how she felt about you? I'm also suspect at her lack of wanting to help out with the money issue. Perhaps she's just a little old fashioned and thinks the man should pay for everything, but I think nowadays people are a little more in tune with the times, so I wouldn't use that as an excuse. I think you need to do what you said and get to know her a lot better before walking down the isle...marriage is something that needs to be taken seriously...remember, this is the person that you'll be spending the rest of your life with. Confront her about your concerns becuase if she truly cares about you, she shouldn't have a problem addressing your questions.

Well I hate to generalize, but when most guys understand that they are on a 'break' they go out and have fun. They go out with their guy friends and, a majority of males, will end up hooking up with some floozy and...well, you know what ensues. It sounds to me that he does have feelings for you, but how deep those feelings go, it's hard to say. I think to begin with you may have overreacted a bit in regards to him making plans with his friends. I know that when you don't spend everyday together, the times that you do get to see one and other are special. But to get angry over it and have a fight doesn't really solve anything. Even so, him making plans with his buddies, even after he knew you guys had plans maybe is sending the message that he doesn't want to spend time with you? I don't know...us guys are almost as confusing as you girls when it comes to our intentions. My suggestion is to just let it go for a bit and see how he reacts...let HIM call you insted of the other way around. I know it's depressing and it's hard to swallow, but if he doesn't make the effort then it may be evident that he doesn't want to get back together...the sooner you find out (either way) the easier it will be for you to get over and start feeling better again.

It sounds to me that she's just as confused about the whole situation as you. I've never been in the situation to go out with an ex again, but I know with friends they usually havn't worked out as the problems you broke up for before remain and they seem that more horrible. I think what you may need to do, even though you are back together, is to distance yourself slightly from her. If she wants to take things slow, then don't call her everyday or hang out with her all the time. With my g/f we both said to eachother that we have separate lives, different friends, different things to do. The time that we do get to spend together is great, but there are times to be apart too. This provides us with a good balance and it lets both of us chill out and not worry or fret over things that are trivial (like her hanging out with her guy friends or me with my girl friends)...so spend some time apart and see if that changes her perspective on the situation

Ok so, the whole thing about someone else having interest wasn't a big deal after all. There is a guy at work that flirts with her and apparently REALLY wants her, but of course he is married and has kids and she isn't the type to go after a married man. Plus, she has told me on occasion that he is completely harmless so the worst that would happen there would be he would be pissed off at me...when quite honestly, I don't care what he thinks. So we ended up going out to dinner and a movie on Saturday night. It was a really great time! She drove to my place (since I am currently carless) and I ended up driving to the restaurant (letting me drive her car on the first date seems like a good sign!) and the theatre. We talked the entire time...on the ride in, during dinner, at the movie...the conversation came so easily. I was surprised how comfortable with her I was...we talked about anything and everything and had a lot of laughs. After the movie we went to my place and relaxed on the couch. Nothing happened besides a back rub. I was very very tempted to move on my "impulses" but I held back. On many dates I've ended up making out and having a big grope fest, but this time I stoped becuase I want to know her more before I start falling head over heels for her (which may not be too far off anyways). Still, she said earlier in the evening that she thought I was quite the gentleman, so I took it to heart. Although I did have the feeling she wanted me to make the move...regardless I think we'll be seeing eachother again, if not tomorrow. The only thing I got worried about was saying goodbye...I want to hug her and she kissed me instead...it just felt kind of awkward since it wasn't what I was expecting...regardless...we'll see how things ride out. Needless to say I'm feeling pretty good and can't want to see her and talk to her again By the way, thanks for your advice ves, you definitely helped me out

I can't believe someone who was supposed to be his friend, and confided in him and such would say things of that nature. Those are the types of things that really hurt deep down, I know because I am a slightly heavy guy and average as well. If my best girl friend had said things like that about me, I'd be devestated... I think she (your friend) really needs to reevaluate whats more important to her...her own ego or her friendship with you and your boyfriend. I would confront her on it and say 'Look, I don't appreciate what was said and neither does my boyfriend. If we are truly your friends then be happy for us and leave it be.' Don't know what else to say other than she is a very mean, bitter person for what she said.

I tend to agree, it sounds to me like he is still carrying a torch for his ex-g/f, no matter what he says. I think another problem may be that the age gap between you (right now) puts a stop on things since you can't join him when he goes to the bar. After reading through your post it seems he spends a lot of time at the bar...not that thats a bad thing, but it also seems fishy to me. I think remaining a friend for now would be the best action and don't pop any serious questions like if he's still in love with his ex or how his feelings for you are, I think that would just upset him and maybe end up pushing him away... Just my 2 cents

Ves, thanks for the advice. It's funny how much your attitude and feelings can change in a day. I've always been an insecure person mainly because I don't have the perfect body with 3% body fat. I'm by no means obese, but I could stand to lose a little flab (which I have been working on). Today I was talking to a mutual friend at work and he told me..well, here is a quote from the email he sent me: He told me earlier that he had something to tell me about this girl that might make or break my chances so this was in response to my inquiry about that. Ever since then I've spent the day worrying and stressing out, thinking to myself for being a fool and for wondering why I'm even bothering to try. Like I said, I sometimes just see what I want to see when it comes to someone I'm interested in. I take all the signs and amplify them to the point where I imagine that the girl is just enthralled with me, when really she has no interest other than just being friends. *sigh* I'm probably over analyzing things, but I feel really down and depressed now which is a big change from yesterday when I was up and happy and nothing could bring me down. What is wrong with me and why do I end up tormenting myself like this...it's like I have this built in mechanism in my brain that immediately turns on when there is any sort of doubt as to what may happen between me and a crush.

Is anyone able to give me any advice? I'm surfin around the forum and no one has taken the time to answer my post I have setup a date with her on Saturday to go to the movies, so I guess things are good, but what does anyone think about the way she acts towards me? I have a good feeling but I tend to be a little blinded when it comes to this sort of thing...I only see what I wanna see...

Hello everyone, This is my first time posting on this board, but I've been trolling around for a while. I just need some advice before I cross a line I told myself I never would...so I guess a little background would be in order before I get into my problem/question. Quite a few years ago I was working at my first real job, which was stocking shelves at the local Safeway. I worked there for about 1.5 years and had gone out with one of the girls there. Things didn't work out but we remained friends of a sort. Then this new girl started and I had a big crush on her. We talked and had fun at work, and then one day I asked her if she wanted to go for coffee. She accepted and I waited a week for her to call me (I didn't want to seem overly aggressive so I gave her my number). Week went by and no call and when I saw her at work I asked her what was up and why she hadn't called. She proceeded to tell me that her and her boyfriend had been fighting and thats why she had accepted my offer (??). I said that was OK and told her that we could go out just as friends, nothing serious and asked her to call me again. Another week goes by and I get called into my managers office. Apparently I am making this girl uncomfortable and she wants me to stop asking her out. I get brought up on sexual harrasment (no criminal charges or anything were laid) and needless to say from that point on I swore to myself that I would never mix work with pleasure again. ... Fast forward to 5 years down the road. I am at my current job and have met a lot of nice girls here. Of course, I've never gone any farther than being work friends with them as I've told myself time and time again that no matter how tempting, I won't cross that line between work and pleasure. Well, I think I might just go ahead and break my own rule finally, but I am really afraid to. See there is this new girl who started at my work. The first time I saw her my heart got caught in my throat...she is one of the most gorgeous women I have ever met. Not only that, after talking to her for a while I've found her to be most pleasent and she has a great sense of humor. We seem to get along really good and have no troubles talking about anything (I even told her about my unfortunate incident at my previous job and she was shocked). Now, the reason I think I may break my unbreakable rule, is I feel as though I am getting all sorts of signs from her that she is interested in going out (perhaps not a serious relationship just yet, but dating to get to know eachother better). A few examples...we all went out to the pub the other week (me, her and a bunch of friends from work) for some drinks. We all had a good time and as everyone was leaving, she asked me to stay and have a drink with her. Needless to say I accepted and we chatted for a bit before we both had to go home. Next example is, we were out having a smoke at work and were talking about movies with my boss. He asked me if I was going to see this one particular movie and I replied 'Hell no!' which was quickly met with 'Yes you are, we're going to go see it' I look over and am surprised to see that the girl I'm interested in had said this. I sheepishly answered (while trying not to look too shocked or blush) 'Ok, sure!'. And finally she has come over to my place a few times (always with friends) and we seem to get along swimmingly. I've pretty much decided that I AM going to forgo my golden rule and ask her out, but I'm waivering on when I should do it and how. I'm invited out with her and some friends for some birthday drinks on the 6th, so I was thinking about waiting until after then. But I was also thinking about asking her this week about taking her up on the offer to go see a movie...Thus, I leave my question with you good people and hope someone can give me some advice. Thanks and I REALLY apologize for the long post...just had a LOT of stuff on my chest and had to get it all out in the open.

It sounds to be that she just wants to be a close friend with you. I've been in similar situations before and it's always the friend angle they want, nothing more. I don't think because she says that 'she doesn't want jim to get in the way' that she thinks she made the wrong choice. She is just saying that she doesn't want to get so serious with him that she can't remain close friends with another guy. I wouldn't spend more time worrying about or stressing about it. Just let things play out, continue to be a friend for her and see what happens. In the situation with me, the girl I was fawning over ended up screwing my best friend for a few months (while he had a girl friend). I was good friends with both of them and was really jealous that he was getting the action and not me. However, as the years passed I forgot about it and now I don't think, even if I had the chance, I would have sex with her simply because we are such great friends and so close that anything that might ruin that wouldn't be worth it... I hope I make sense to you... Good luck!