Jump to content

ezila

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    50

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by ezila

  1. ezila

    Conflicted

    ezila posted a topic in Infidelity

    A friend of my husband's has been going through a really rough divorce... basically, his best friend - another friend of my husband's - hooked up with this guy's wife. They are now living together, but this friend has been through the wringer... It's been 2 years now since this bomb initially dropped; our friend has not gotten back into the dating scene, is still really bitter, and still has a hard time dealing with all of this - especially sharing his kids with the other guy. I love this friend, and I want to be supportive - but at the same time, I want to tell him to just get over it, it's been long enough. He's practically been living here when he doesn't have his kids - and even sometimes he's here with his kids. I love seeing him, and them, but sometimes it feels like too much. How long do you stay in the supportive role with a friend like this? At what point do you tell him, "Just get over it and move on!"? Is there any getting over something like this?
  2. ezila
    I would call my local Planned Parenthood and ask these questions, just to be safe.
  3. ezila
    I think you need to calm down about this. He's married to YOU, isn't he?? From what I read in your post, you have nothing to be threatened by. You said yourself, she's 250 miles away. Do you have any reasons for not trusting your husband to maintain an appropriate relationship with her? Don't let your insecurities get the best of you. He's married to YOU - be happy with that!
  4. ezila
    Fist of all - if she likes you, it doesn't matter what your education is vs. what her education/ambition is! Sometimes, opposites DO attract! And secondly - you're only 20!! It's perfectly OK to not know where you're going in life at 20 years of age! I don't think I even found my career stride until I was 23 or 24! Not everyone has a Grand Master Plan when they are in high school; some people do (like this girl), and some people don't. It's OK!
  5. ezila
    I know where you're coming from; I used to do it, too. I used to tell myself that the only way to rid myself of the emotional pain that I was feeling, was to make it physical. You probably won't be surprised to hear that it never really worked that way. Instead of cutting yourself, you need to find a more PRODUCTIVE way to express your emotions. I wrote poetry and read it at the local coffee house. I took up oil painting. I sketched. I wrote stories. Having all of these different outlets helped me to give up my relationship with the razor blade. I haven't cut myself in almost 6 years. So, I definitely recommend that you try and find a creative outlet! Seeing a therapist would probably be a good thing to do, as well. Good luck, and please keep us updated on how you are doing!
  6. ezila
    You say, " No, I'm sorry, they have to know this. They need to know who did what and why. " I'm sorry, but your relationship was nobody's business but yours and hers. NOONE ELSE. I think you need to regain some perspective. Seriously, get some help!
  7. ezila
    I do think that you have EVERY right to be hurt, to feel betrayed, and to be angry as all get-out over what you found. However, I think you went WAAAAY overboard in distributing the personal ad and info that you found. Her relationship with you did not end because of her job, her family - bringing them into the mix like that, only makes you look like the psycho ex-boyfriend. Her family and friends are probably telling her at this point what a good decision she made in tossing you out. I strongly recommend that you see a counselor or therapist, to work through your anger without doing any more harm - to her reputation, or to your own. I think it would be in your best interest to handle things with a bit more decorum. I'm sorry she hurt you. But be glad that it happened before you were romantically entangled in more complicated ways, i.e. marriage, kids, etc. And the next time you run into her, or anyone you had on your "distribution list", just say, "I'm sorry; I was hurt over the breakup." and walk away.
  8. ezila
    I just don't understand why people obsess over the number of PAST partners their lover has been with. It doesn't make sense to me. They are in the PAST, YOU are in the present. What difference does it make if it was 6, 16, or 60? As long as there's (a) no health risk to you, and (b) no chance that she's still sleeping with any of the HISTORICAL paramours, why should it even matter? I don't mean to seem like I am attacking you; I just see this topic pop up a lot here, and it just baffles me. Like the omnipresent double standard wherein if it was one of your guy buds, he'd be labeled a "stud" for being with six women; when it's a woman with those kinds of numbers, she's a harlot who inspires insecurity in her new relationships. Don't even THINK about the number. Focus instead on the fact that she's with YOU now.
  9. ezila
    People who break up with the "I still love you, we just can't be together" line are usually just trying to cause as little pain as possible, without realizing that they are having just the opposite result. You just need to move on. NOBODY is "everything" to a person, EVER. You need to remember that you are a whole and complete person WITHOUT him, all by yourself. I'm sorry you are hurting; the only thing that will make that go away, is time. Hang in there.
  10. ezila
    He's 3. It's a phase. He'll get over it. My youngest stepson was six months old when his parents divorced; a year later, I started seeing my (now) husband. My husband and his ex have ALWAYS had 50-50 custody; we get the kids wednesday after school through Saturday afternoon. We alternate in the "hand-off"; their mom picks them up, or we drop them off at her house. Stepson went through a phase where he would scream and cry and throw fits EVERY TIME it was time to go to his mom's; at first, only on the days when we dropped him off, and then EVERY time. This was not a result of us telling him bad things about his mom; this was not about which was the better envorinment, which house had the most toys, or who spent more time with the kids. This was simply the kid, being a kid. Well, being a 3-year-old, specifically. You don't say how long you and his father have been separated, but this may just be a part of your son going through an adjustment phase. It's hard, it's confusing. Life is overwhelming enough for a three-year-old; sometimes they just short-circuit in their dealing with life. I promise you, he'll get over it. I think ALL children do this, at some point. Don't let it get to you too much, because he is too young to fully understand how much this hurts you. Good luck. (edited to add) (oops) I guess I should have pointed out that the moral of my story is that my stepson DID eventually stop with these fits, and is now just FINE when it's time to go back to mommy's house. I'd say this behavior lasted for almost a year, from about age 3. But it did get better!
  11. ezila
    First and foremost, you need to realize: there should be *NO* negotiations with your wife on this. None. You said you don't love her, now you MUST do the right thing and just file for divorce. Don't lead her on with "trial separations" or separate bedrooms, or any such nonsense. You are both likely afraid of change, because change itself can be scary - but you have to do what's best for both of you. As for the girlfriend: you REALLY REALLY need to weigh the importance of seeing your children regularly, against your love for your girlfriend. There is no right or wrong answer here; you just need to do what's right for you. Be wary, though: you are REALLY likely to find your children bitter and resentful towards you, if you up and leave to another country to be with the woman with whom you have cheated on their mother for two years. Just as a caution... Be strong, and at least start the process of cleaning up this mess by doing the right thing, and getting a divorce. One step at a time with the rest of it.
  12. ezila
    I don't think what you need right now, is to seek out yet ANOTHER relationship. You've had two concurrently; now what you need, is time alone. Your wife cannot FORCE you to stay married to her; I reject that notion outright. If anyone could MAKE their lovers stay with them, we wouldn't see nearly as much heartbreak posted on here. Sure, she can cajole, she can coerce, she can plead her case. But the only one who is FORCING you to stay in the marriage, is YOU. You need to put HER long term needs before yours, and just get out of her life. You need to give her a chance to find someone who actually LOVES her. Who knows, maybe by the time you're divorced, things will work out with the girlfriend....?
  13. ezila
    In my personal experience, when a man behaves like this, he's just toying with you. It's a method of keeping you under his control, ensuring that you are still available to him just in case his other pursuits don't work out. Move on, sweetie. Let it go, and spare yourself some anguish.
  14. ezila
    Bad idea. Bad BAD idea. Never get involved with a coworker. Trust me; I've been there.
  15. ezila
    I have yet to be less than impressed by *ANY* of the pieces you've posted thus far. Go for it. If she's not thrilled, then she's not worth you wasting your talents upon.
  16. ezila
    the taste of the irony is bitter indeed on my lips there forms a wry smile for this one painful moment stretches before me like an eternity and for once I cannot find words the need to reach out to you consumes me but, clumsy, my words stumble and fall my consciousness falters my mind obstinately refusing to finish the thoughts my heart beats faster, imploring for you to hear its unsent message and shatters into millions of fragments defeated as, unheedingly, you walk away
  17. ezila
    While to a certain extent, I agree with the "the more love the kids get, the better" thought, I have some warnings. Here's my story: I married a man with 3 children: a daughter, whom he (we) never met until a year ago (long story), and two sons from his first marriage. We have 50-50 custody of all 3 kids. I love my stepchildren, I truly do. I usually don't even define them as "step"; they are simply "my kids". But dealing with TWO moms is REALLLLLY hard. I mean, as much as I love my husband, AND MY KIDS, if I had known how much drama would be a part of my daily life, I really would have reconsidered, and very likely would not have gotten married. I never wanted kids; I will never bear children of my own. But I am a great stepmother! It's really hard though. REALLY think it through before you get roped into it for life.
  18. ezila
    Yes, it's possible.
  19. ezila
    Two years is an awfully long time to wait around in Limbo for someone.
  20. ezila
    how long have you been using it? I didn't see terrific results until about two months of using it twice a day. also, I use the Biore nose strips.
  21. ezila
    I think you need to talk to her and let her know about the ring and what it represents to you. Let her know the level of commitment you were ready to make. But DON'T just give her the ring. She doesn't deserve something so thoughtful, so symbolic, if she isn't going to wear it in the way it was intended to be worn when you bought it for her. Good luck. I hope she makes the right choice.
  22. ezila
    sisterlynch is 100% right on.
  23. ezila
    *hugs*. I know you're hurting, but all you can do is move on at this point. You deserve a man who is certain that what he wants, is you. Don't worry, Mr. Right will come along. Hang in there.
  24. ezila
    First of all, the hugging is inappropriate for ANY teacher/student relationship, and it has to stop NOW, or else he could get into huge trouble, possibly even losing his job. Secondly, sweetie, you're only 13. If he EVER, *EVER* makes a romantic type of move on you, he is BREAKING THE LAW. It's perfectly OK for you to have a crush on him; I think we've all had crushes on at least one of our teachers in our lifetime. Just make sure you keep it in perspective.
  25. ezila
    It sounds like you've already got it figured out, and I think that waiting it out is the best plan of action for you. I commend you for your thoughtfulness, though.
×
×
  • Create New...