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annie24

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Everything posted by annie24

  1. annie24
    Yes - definitely tell your grandfather. This behavior from "pete" is totally inappropriate!!! Your grandfather trusts pete not to make moves on you, but he did anyways. By the way, that was very good, fast thinking! I'm glad you slapped him and got out of there ASAP! You totally did the right thing.
  2. annie24
    Ditto to everthing RayKay said. You mean, he's never taken you out to dinner once? That doesn't sound like a good bf to me. And, I guess like you said, you two were never bf/gf so I guess that explains it.... Like RayKay said, everyone has their type, and you can't always rationalize it. Diana was beautiful and royal, but Camilla's the one who won Charles' heart. I would permanently get this man out of your life. You are settling for so much less than you deserve.
  3. annie24
    Just because someone has poor sense of navigation doesn't mean that they don't know how to be cruel and manipulative.... I think over time, you will see that there are so many other men who will love you and not try to hurt and control you like this man has. Love doesn't have to be hurtful like this....
  4. annie24
    Well, if she is on the pill regularly and you are wearing a condom correctly, then worrying about getting pregnant is like worrying that a meteor will hit you as you are walking accross the street. (Sure, she can get pregnant, but it's such a slim chance, it's not worthwhile to worry about.) Sometimes there is bad luck that is unavoidable, and that's life. You can't spend your entire life hiding in the bedroom closet because you are afraid of something happening.
  5. annie24
    Hi all - here is a link to an article by Dan Savage, author of the sex advice column, "Savage Love." He asked his gay and bi adult readers to write in asking what advice they had for gay and bi teens. I think it has a lot of great advice. Enjoy! link removed
  6. annie24

    update

    annie24 replied to shorty20's topic in Dating Advice

    Ok, so you are being social with your co-workers, so you are smoking everyday. So, this isn't just like you have one or two cigarettes on a weekend. I would quit ASAP anyways. I know it's going to be hard, especially since you are surrounded by temptation, but you can tell your co-workers to please not try to tempt you, and you can try to find other ways to relieve stress. And, like you said, you'll free up a lot of money.
  7. annie24
    I have to agree with everything the last several posters have said. I know you have stated that he wants to marry you, why else would he be going through with the wedding, but I see a different picture. Yes, this prenup is incredibly harsh towards you. I understand your point of view - if you're going to be his wife, and things go downhill one day and you get divorced, you should get some credit for at least standing by his side while helping him get his business back on track. After all, a husband and wife should be partners and work as a team. But that's the thing... him saying that he would owe you nothing in the case of a divorce, no matter how long you two were together, indicates that he doesn't think of you two as a team. It seems to me that a person who wants to get married would really think of the marriage in terms of a life-long partnership, not this, "you are entitled to nothing!" attitude. That seems more to me like a man who really doesn't want to get married at all. Like Shes2smart said, the presentation of this document is really disturbing. I haven't been engaged, but it seems to me that most couples get the prenup stuff taken care of far before the wedding, or at least at the same time that they are choosing the location, finding a florist, etc. With this whole "1 day to sign it," it seems like he doesn't want you to accept the terms and he wants you to call off the wedding. For lack of a better term, he seems too "chicken poop" to call off the wedding himself in clear terms, so he's decided to slap you with such a bad document that you will have no choice but to postpone things. Isn't this all clicking yet? The way he never gave you a romantic proposal, even though he had many chances on vacations? That it took him so many years to "propose." That you said he's been romantic towards other women, but not towards you. That he rarely tells you he loves you. Does this really sound like a man that truly wants to marry you? And from all your posts, it doesn't seem that you are deeply in love with him and want to be with him. It seems more that you feel you've invested a lot of time in this relationship, and you feel entitled to something.
  8. annie24

    update

    annie24 replied to shorty20's topic in Dating Advice

    Normally, I'd say that ultimatums are bad, but he has a point. Smoking is really really bad for your health. On top of it for a non-smoker, it's not pleasant to kiss a smoker. I wouldn't want to get involved with someone who is doing something so incredibly bad to their body. It tells me that they don't really love and respect their body. It's a huge red flag for me.... I think, yes, you should stop smoking ASAP. But don't necessarily do it for him, as much as you should do it for yourself. But, you can use him as your short-term motivation.
  9. annie24
    She sounds paranoid, especially if you aren't having sex. I assume you both are fooling around without your clothes on, and she's just super paranoid. Well, tell her to get on birth control pills, so she can feel calmer.
  10. annie24
    Erm... that looks like a really serious wound. I'm a microbiologist, and I have to say, there are TONS of crazy bacteria living in hot tubs, despite the chlorine! Go get yourself to the student health center on campus. Because even if you didn't pick up any bacteria in the tub, you could be picking something else up right now. It looks deep you may want to get stiches. At least get it checked out. HIV - you're not going to get it from a gash in a hot tub, but trust me, there are plenty of other nasty things you can get! And if you start getting a fever, go to the emergency room ASAP!!!
  11. annie24
    If I were you, I would cancel the car-fixing thing, and just not see her ever again...
  12. annie24
    erm.... well... it's not clear cut like that. You have a very very low possibility of getting pregnant 5 days before your period as most women ovulate on day 14 of their menses. Once the egg is gone, you would have a hard time getting pregnant. Each women's hormones are different. If for some reason, a woman didn't ovulate until day 23 of her menses, I suppose you could get pregnant, but the period seems like it would be messed up anyways, if you have a 35 day cycle.... BTW, I prefer crosswords when I am bored
  13. annie24
    Surely there must be other women that he can cheat on his gf with other than his cousin!
  14. annie24
    Well, the other thing is you said you had 1 year of NC. You don't know - she may have changed during this year! Or she may not have. I think you would be being presumptious to tell her what her problem is if you haven't talked to her in a long time.
  15. annie24
    I dunno.... You're the ex, it's done and over with. I doubt she would take what you say to heart, especially if she is a compulsive liar. Ultimately, it's your call, but I think it may be best for you if you just leave her alone. Didn't you call her crazy in a post a few days back?
  16. annie24
    Ah yes, it is true, people change their minds all the time. However, the second time that he has said, "It is over, you're not the one," you should take that seriously and continue your life as such. That is a very serious thing to say. He knows where you live and he can always come crying, running after you with 2 dozen roses if he changes his mind.
  17. annie24
    Honestly, it seems that you two are entering this marriage as adversaries, not as life partners.
  18. annie24
    Well, luciana, you've known this man for 7 years, this can't come as any surprise. My dad also asked my mom to sign a prenup after they had gotten engaged. They dated only 6 weeks before getting married. Same thing, if they got divorced, she gets what she contributed and he gets what he contributed. Nothing more, nothing less. My mom was amused and hurt. Amused because she made more money than he did at the time. Hurt because she had no ulterior motives to marry him. So, she signed it and they were married happily for 13 years until his death in 1991 (leukemia). Throughout his illness, my mom was there for him and cared for him every second of his illness, to the point where she ignored me, her daughter (which I totally understand and am not angry about - my dad was very sick).
  19. annie24
    Yes, intrigue has a good point. If you walk away, he may realize that he's made the biggest mistake of his life and come crawling back to you. Or, that may never happen. Your only job at this point is to move on, enjoy your life, go out, have fun. There is nothing that you can actively do to win him back. It's something that he has to come up with on his own.
  20. annie24
    Hi - unfortunately, no. He is not yours forever. Especially if he's broken up with you again. I understand what you're going through. It is hard. Don't take it personally, but once someone says "you're not the one" it's over. Trust me, "fear of committment" does not exist. They get over that fear when they meet the right person. It seems like you persued this relationship, especially the second time when you suggested he meet your parents. I think given your culture, this would be a more appropriate thing for the man to say first, because as you said meeting the parents is a big deal, you have basically proposed marriage to him! Even with American men, they are the ones who like to propose. Especially with non-American men, you have to let them lead the relationship. Take his word. He's saying that you're a cool girl, but he doesn't want to marry you. It's hard to stomach, but ultimately, he is releasing you to a man who really will be crazy about you and will want to marry you. Unfortunately, this man doesn't feel that way for you. There is a great book you should read, I think you will find it very insightful. "Mars and Venus on a Date" by John Gray, PhD. You said you felt early on that he was perfect for you. In the book, he addresses that when women pin a man as being "the one for them" they can tend to scare away the potential man because he feels that you are so sure, and he is not sure, thereforeeee, he will disappoint you, and he won't be interested anymore if he thinks he will disappoint you. That is why you should have had him trying to "convince you" that he is the right man for you. Focus on yourself and your healing. You will meet your Mr. Right one day.
  21. annie24
    Hi Beautiful - I'm glad to hear that you're doing better. That is great! To be quite honest with you, the issues that he has, I doubt that they can be gotten rid of in one or two weeks. It sounds like he has a lot of anger and control issues, it seems like it would take several years to work through them. Honestly, I have some pimples that have taken more than a week or two to get rid of, so I don't know how he did all his therapy so quickly! I am skeptical. I really wouldn't meet him. Especially alone. I think he's still a ticking time bomb. Maybe in 6 months or 12 months, after a lot of therapy, but now.... I wouldn't advise it. Have you called the abuse hotline about it? I wonder what they would have to say. I bet they may say that this is something that many men say shortly after the woman leaves them. I bet that most of them say that they have changed and want to try again. But I doubt that most have changed. Take care! Annie
  22. annie24
    Exactly. Yeah. Ditto. And I think what compounds it even more is that the bf seems to think this behavior is appropriate....
  23. annie24
    Yes, you are right. Growing up in the US, I have grown to think that dating your cousin is creepy. I think it's more acceptable today in other cultures, such as Japan (but I think they may be moving away from it, I don't know). I think that recent studies have indicated that there aren't as many birth defects with intermarriage between cousins as first thought. Nevertheless, children of cousins have a higher rate of genetic problems. (Sorry, I can't think of the reference for this study.) I'm not a human population biologist or whatever, so I may not have my facts straight. Nevertheless, I don't think he should be flirting with his cousin, or any other woman in front of his gf.
  24. annie24
    Yeah!!! I'm excited about my birthday! Yes, send me wishes - that makes me happy!
  25. annie24
    Yes, I agree with muneca. I'm afraid that Gradle, you may win the battle but lose the war. You know, as in, he'll call you and sometimes you'll hang out and he'll stay in your life as a friend, but he'll never want to be your bf again because he'll feel smothered. Please don't call him on my birthday!!! You already did the card thing. On another note, I just got invited to a BBQ, which is actually in honor of this other girl's bday on the 23rd - we're both turning 25 on the 23rd!!! Crazy.....
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