Jump to content

annie24

Platinum Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    46,889

  • Joined

  • Days Won

    37

 Content Type 

Everything posted by annie24

  1. annie24
    NC = No Contact
  2. annie24
    Yes, definitely, give him some time and space. He will either realize he misses you, or he won't, and you don't need that in your life, now do you?
  3. annie24
    Honestly, I wouldn't say it. I would wait for him to say it. What would you do if you said it, and he said, "Uh... thanks" or, "Oh yeah, I like you too." You'd be crushed. How are his actions towards you? Is he reliable, respectful towards you? Does he make plans in advance, does he offer to do nice things for you? How does he make you feel? Happy and loved, or insecure?
  4. annie24
    Hi honey - I am so sorry for your loss. I understand, as my own dad died when I was 11 from leukemia. Honestly, it really took several years for his death to sink in, and it's even still sinking in. It's a profound loss, and truthfully, I don't think you ever get over it. I actually started to feel better once I accepted it. I actually felt like his death was my fault for many years - I felt like if I was a better daughter, he would have lived. It took me about 7 years to realize it wasn't my fault. I don't know what to tell you... you really just have to mourn. But, also celebrate his life, and try to grow up to be the kind of woman he would have wanted you to be. Anyways, you can PM me anytime you feel like talking.
  5. annie24
    But, you're not afraid of riding in a car, even though thousands of people die each year in car accidents? And I bet you're not afraid to cross the street, even though lots of people each year get hit by cars. You have to get your fear under control. I remember reading some statistics like, 50% of married people cheat. (Ok, you're not married, but you're in a LTR.) Anyways, that means that 50% of people DON'T cheat! Remember, here on eNotalone, the "cheating" population is over-represented, as people wouldn't post here unless they had some sort of relationship problem. You may want to stay away from the infidelity forum in that case, and maybe look at other posts in other forums...
  6. annie24
    You're going to have to come to terms with yourself. I definitely think you should figure out why you feel this way. I mean, 5 years he's been by your side, and he isn't acting shady, so where do these suscpicions come from? I know that even when I've had wwaaayyy too much to drink, that doesn't mean that I'll go and cheat.
  7. annie24
    I hope it lasts too. I mean, you can't live your entire life worried if he's going to mess around on you behind your back. A life of fear is no way to live. He seems quite trustworthy, and he seems to care about you deeply, so I doubt he'd want to throw it all away for one drunken night. But, if he did do something like that, would you really want him back?
  8. annie24
    Luciana - I am so happy to hear this. You haven't sounded happy with him ever since I started reading your posts. If you are the tall, fit, sexy, energetic woman you say you are, I'm sure you will have no problems at all finding a man who will appreciate you and want to share his life with him. Yes, if I ever get married one day, I will make sure to sit down and talk with him about the finances far before we book the church, or order the flowers. You've got a great job - that's wonderful. I'm sure that now you are single again, you have many opportunities to date some good men. good luck
  9. annie24
    Oh honey - I really wish I were there to give you a hug! Seriously, if I lived in your city, I would take you out on a fun night on the town. I know, it's so hard, because you two have a history and were close at one point. But.... it's one of the things that goes along with being an ex. You drop down on the list of priorities. You have to accept that. When he broke up with you, he was basically saying, "I don't want to work on us anymore." So, if you want him back, you have to play by his rules, and that includes chilling out. Right now, J's mind is focused on the move, and he's looking forward to the things he will do and the people he will meet in CA. Right now is a BAD BAD BAD time to bring up "working on the relationship." Remember Avman's cat analogy? If you hold the cat tight, it will get angry, and will take 5x longer to come back to you, than if you just let him go when he asked for it in the first place. You are looking at everything in a short-term manner. What is your long-term goal? To get J back forever, not for 1 or 2 weeks! It's hard, but you have to give him his space now, so that he will miss you and perhaps will want to get back with you at one point. If you keep at him now, he will just need to get away. I'm sure that you two will see each other again. It may not be until christmas break, or until he moves back from CA, but if you're interested in long-term results, you have to not push him right now.
  10. annie24
    I hope this means that the wedding is off. Yes, it's seemed for quite a while that you and this man are completely incompatible. You are right, you deserve to be a full wife, not ... whatever it is this prenup says you would be. It seems like you would have the legal rights of a flower vase. I do hope you move out and break things off with that man. I'm sure that there are many other men who would be interested in sharing their life with you as their equal. Good luck
  11. annie24
    Hmm... my last ex and I share a mutual friend. Shortly after the breakup, the mutual friend started to tell me "a funny story" about a girl that my ex met shortly after our breakup. I stopped him right then and there and told him I didn't want to hear a word about him!!! So, I will never know what the funny story is, and that's fine with me. In the future, if you do hang out with her, tell her you'd like to keep your relationship with her separate with her friendship with J. I don't like hearing these kinds of stories about exes..... And with mutual friends, you ALWAYS have to be cheerful and fun.
  12. annie24
    Ok, well, let's look at things from J's point of view. He broke up with you, but he still cares for you. However, since he has a pretty good idea about how distraught you are over him, he may start thinking, "Gosh - I am causing her so much pain! I think as long as I am around, it will just hurt her because she will keep trying to get back with me. I can't handle that kind of pressure. I care about her, I don't want to see her hurt. Ok, if I never speak to her again, she will be forced to get over me, and then she can move on." That's why we keep advocating the limited contact and being light and friendly, not only towards him, but anyone who knows him! That way he will think, "Oh - gradle, hmm... I wonder what she is up to? She sounds really happy - I wonder why she is so happy? Is she seeing someone new....? Now I'm jealous! I miss her! Gradle's a great girl."
  13. annie24
    Remember Gradle - when you feel bad, go back and read the post. If you really really want to get back with J, you have to listen to what he is saying. I know we're all saying this, but J is basically giving you the directions on what to do. It's super hard, but you have to follow them! That's your shot at getting him back. I can't tell you for sure that you will ever win him back, but if you are going to, this is the way to do it.
  14. annie24
    Gradle - Time to delete his number out of your phone. Or, you know what, I've heard that some phones have a service where you can't call certain numbers (like your bosses' or exes') after a certain time. If he calls tomorrow, to ask why you called, just say you pushed the wrong number on speed dial or something, and that's why you didn't leave a message.
  15. annie24
    How did you get ahold of his phone in the first place? Like Iceman said, he is your ex. It could be a wedding photo, maybe not. I dunno... you could always ask him, "So, have you done anything interesting in the past few months, like gone hiking, or uh... gotten married?" You could always say you heard it through the grapevine.... I'm sorry - it's hard, but if they really did get married, at least you have closure and can move on. Good luck.
  16. annie24
    That's the spirit! Yes, if he wants to talk about his sad face, he can call you. Like you said, it was his own decision to be without you, so let him deal with the consequences.
  17. annie24
    Yes, xmrth, that's what I think. If he's not the cheating type, he won't cheat, drunk or sober. Like lady said, a lot of people blame stupid stuff they did on booze (myself included), but really, it's just stuff they would have done sober, and their inhibitions were lowered (myself included). definitely, I think saying things like, "I don't want you going to pool parties or bars" or anything like that will just backfire. He will feel like he's being controlled, and he's going to rebel. You're a lot better off saying, "Great! Have a good time!" when he goes out. Remember - you're his gf, not his mother. He will feel resentful towards you if he feels like you are giving him a curfew again or whatever. Part of 21 is going out and drinking with your friends, and if he feels like he's being treated like he's 12 again, he's going to resent you. I think you should really get to the bottom of why you feel so insecure in this relationship. There are counselors on most university campuses, you may consider talking with one about insecurity issues. Maybe they can help you out.
  18. annie24
    Well... I do have to agree with Frenchie, it does kind of sound like you are trying to control him.... I dunno - this sounds kind of like an irrational fear. The same thing can happen in a bar, or anywhere else with drunk people. If he's a good bf, he'll move her hand away and say, "Hey - I have a gf!" You can't control your boyfriend's actions, much less, the actions of the random drunk people around him. From your other posts, it sounds like your bf is devoted to you. I don't know you guys personally, but 5 years is a long time, and it seems like you two should trust each other. As long as he hasn't given you a reason not to trust you, trust that he won't mess around with other girls. And besides, if he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat no matter if he's at bars or pool parties - cheaters find a way. Telling him he can't go to the bars with his friends will only make him resent you. After all, like you said, he doesn't like drinking, and he's only going to be with his buddies. Why are you not invited to these pool parties?
  19. annie24
    I wouldn't classify this as abuse. There are people here whose partners are hitting them, or threatening to rape them and such. This is just extremely annoying. Try to move out of that place as soon as you can. Until then, sleep in a room where you can lock the door.
  20. annie24
    Well, Gradle reminds me of myself a few years ago in a former relationship. When I tell her to put that phone down, what I'd really like to do is yell back in time at the 20 year old me to do so. I think because muneca, hope, and I have been there (obsessive behaviors towards the ex), and we saw that ultimately, it didn't get him back, we're just trying to help out. I would call and talk to my ex all the time, sending him e-mails and even housewarming gifts when he got a new place! I'm sure that he felt flattered, but it didn't win him back....
  21. annie24
    hmm... sounds like he is going through a phase or something. I wouldn't be surprised if he got tired of this new girl after a while. I think you should lower your expectations of him. Since you two aren't bf/gf anymore, you can't expect him to stay on the phone with you for hours and to prioritize you. However, he is your best friend, but he isn't acting like it these days. I would just back away from him (which is exactly what you did). Maybe not even totally strictly, just know that he can't give you what you need right now, and you should look for that friendship with others. I think he will come around eventually. I think by that time, you may have cooled down a bit and gotten used to not hearing from him as much. Keep your heart open to hearing what he has to say if/when he comes back. Maybe after a few months of less contact, he will miss your friendship and he will prioritize you again. good luck!
  22. annie24
    Hi Mis, I know - it's so easy for us to sit here and say, "go talk to her!" but things are always harder when you are in the situation yourself. Ultimately, you won't find the answer to your question here. You have to go straight to the source - not her friends, not us, but her. She's the only one who knows how she feels about you... I mean, I dunno.... from everything you've written, I'd say you have a 50-50 shot at getting her back, but you have to make a move. If for no other reason than your sanity. Sometimes not knowing is harder. I've been in situations where I've been crazy about a guy, but didn't know what was up. Then, they break up with me, or I find out they're already seeing someone, or whatever. Initially, it's hard, but trust me, you get over it, and you meet someone that totally makes you feel happier, and then you are glad you moved on. Good luck.
  23. annie24
    Oh yes, plenty of other health problems! In the past 2 years, I've gone through a lot with my teeth. I didn't want to get my wisdom teeth pulled, but my dentist said if I didn't, I ran a huge chance of them getting infected (because they were impacted), and if I got an infection there, it could spread to my jaw, mouth, and throat, possibly even my brain, and it would be very serious. The teeth came out shortly after that speech, and you know what, it didn't hurt at all, they knocked me out, and I was eating solid food the same night!
  24. annie24
    just let him be the one to initiate calls. But, don't keep him on the phone forever. Be the first one to end the phone call, like, don't talk for more than 10-15 minutes, even if you have a lot to say. I think if you back off and let him, he will contact you.
  25. annie24
    Yes, i do have an idea - I've had many problems with my teeth in the past and I've paid $$$ to get them fixed. You'd better believe it that I brush 3x a day now and floss everyday too! Well, it's ultimately your problem, not ours.... if you want to get these hot women, or even any women, to kiss you, you should take care of it....
×
×
  • Create New...