peanut15

Maybe you are looking too hard.

Warning...this is a harsh statement....all for the affect of letting you know what you are about to do.... Hate to say this but you're giving the same excuses as my husband. He came up with everything in the book like you just to justify looking and having an affair. Now that is said, let me say a couple of things to give you some idea of what she is going through and what you may be going through because this entire post reminds me so much of my marriage. I don't think you were ready to share your wife with your son. Yes you love him so much and he is the reason why you are staying in the relationship however, you have problems sharing him with her. You are realizing that she has to devote her time with your son and on some level she has moved on to a different level with her life. Her priorities are changing and now its about what is good for your son, for her and then you. As for the affection, have you ever tried to pull out a baby out of yourself? You have no idea what it feels like, what is feels like to recover, what it feels like to have to change your life and now be responsible for a person that cannot take care of himself. Yes you are a father but the relationship between a mother and a child is something that a father will not realize or even comprehend. After the birth of my first child, I had the hardest time trying take care of myself, my child, my home, and then my marriage. It seemed as though my husband had all these complaints but was unwilling to listen to me. I asked him for help but apparently he had problems with me and our new life and it seemed to him that I wasn't listening to him. Of course conversations are lifeless. What do you expect? Maybe you just want to talk about what interests you? Have you looked into your past with her and see if you did the same thing to her? I mean really look into your past with your wife before the birth of your son? Did you ever think that maybe she was lonely before because of your actions and now with your son, she's filled some of that lonliness aside with him? Maybe she does talk to you now but its more about your son and about all the things she has to do. Maybe she doesn't have time because she's thinking about everything and everyone else. As for her reluctance to therapy at this point, maybe she just doesn't feel that your problems are worth a therapist at this point. Doesn't sound right, but to her that may be how she feels. Also, since you said her parents divorced, maybe she is embarrassed she has gotten herself to that point in her marriage and she's disappointed at the fact that she does feel her marriage is in ruins. And another reason she feels that she may not like therapy is the fact that I sense that you have done nothing but blame her for the problems you are feeling. Maybe you didn't intend to come off that way but that is how she feels and going to therapy may seem like you are getting someone else involved to tell her how much she is ruining the marriage and not satisfying you. I dont' think that there's someone else better out there for you. I think there's someone out there better for her. I mean, you are the one telling everyone here that you would not hesitate if an offer came around to have an affair. This is a fact, you have an affair, she will find out because women have this sixth sense about these things. You have your affair without hesitation, she will take your son and you will have to live with the fact that your son will know that you were unwilling to respect his mother when times got tough just to satisfy your need for cheap sexual desire. So yes, you are wrong to think the way you are. Do yourself a favor, sit her down, tell her how you feel, give her the date and time for the first marriage counseling appointment (yes set it up w/o her consent and find someone to babysit your son). Jumping into bed with someon else will unleash a woman you never wanted to ever confront and believe me, you will lose.

Yes. If he doesn't respond, forget about him.

Age and level of maturity does go hand in hand usually. Our priorities and feeling about life change at a certain age and I'm beginning to see it now when I hit my 30s. I know a lot of people in their teens and 20s would argue with me on and on about it and tell me "I'm a mature 19 or 20-some year old"...whatever, the point is to all of this....there are things that you have experienced that she is years and years from. The "clingy" comments she has made to you have also really shown her level of maturity when it comes to relationships. You have never met but she said she's in love with you and she can see herself grow old with you. Maybe she's just in love with the idea of you but not really you. I think that it would really hit home for her if she were to ever meet your daughter and realize, "OMG she's like the people I hang out with". I dont think it would really work for you as I think you need someone a bit older. For me, if I were single (I'm not but if I were) I think an 8 year gap would be the limit for me. Think about it this way...when your daughter was born, she was 3-4 years old.

He's got some serious problems. If he treats you like that imagine what else he would do. He's too aggressive and that is not good of course. Get out!!!!

I don't blame you for worrying because I would too. If you found those websites, then maybe your gut feeling is correct. I dont' know what else to say to you as there is really nothing you can do to stop him. Even if he were at home where you could keep an eye on him, or if here were away on business, he will still do what he has set in his mind. People say "you marry the person and not the family" and generally, I would agree to that however in many cases it really does matter if the family accepts you. In law problems does create a rift in the marriage and unfortunately many times it does kill the marriage. Have you tried marriage counseling or anything? You should confront him about this and what you found and then make a decision about your marriage on the direction you want to take it. To me, you shouldn't have to go through all this...first his family doesn't accept you and makes you feel it and then second, he betrays you and pretty much abandons you emotionally and physically.

From my own personal experience, I know how you feel and unfortunately, the answer wasn't good for me. Is there any other reason you feel paranoid besides the fact that you are having some serious marital problems. Not all couples that have problems will have a spouse that strays. Now, if it were me, I'd confront him about it but then again, I wouldn't recommend it because either way, he'll still do it regardless if he knows it would hurt you tremendously.

Well you shouldn't blame yourself for that because in the end, she did make the final decision. That is unless you did tell her things maybe that weren't exactly true about her relationship with her ex that may have influenced her in a negative way. Maybe you shouldn't visit her but maybe you can call her. Its really tough to say because you've got a guilty conscious and if she finds out that you like her, she may take it out on you.

Her family really might be protective. It doesn't matter if you make a good impression or not because they may think differently of you as a friend rather than a boyfriend. I had a friend in college who's family originated from India who didn't want to tell her parents that she was dating someone from her mosque. Their families knew each other very well BUT as they explained to me that it was forbidden in both families for them to date anyone. Well they kept it a secret for many years until it was time for them to think about marriage and they eventually married each other. I would respect her wishes because it really might be a cutural thing or family thing with her. I'm sure friends could fill you in on her family and see if that is the truth.

She's confused and she' battling something within. Its almost like the line I was given by a guy I used to date a long time ago "I need to find myself". There was one word from the emails and the IMs that you have traded that bothers me and that's the word "comfort". To me that's not good...you are just there to make her feel better but she's not making you feel better...well when you take a broader look at the entire situation. She doesn't accept herself and in reality, how can you be in a relationship when you can't take care of yourself or accept yourself. Be careful because I do think you are setting yourself up for heartbreak.

Ok, I dont' agree with MetallicAguy either. Miliarty life doesn't make you that way unless you are already like that. But regardless, I guess it all depends what you feel. Maybe you should try the LDR for a while and see how it goes. If your feelings for him are strong enough, you may want to try it but maybe tell him that you cannot promise anything. Things happen when you are far from each other and adapting to a military relationship does take a lot of work.

Hate to tell you this but it really doesn't work. Your body is messed up now that you have taken the new set of pills and have to reset your timing, so to speak. When you start new pills or even if you miss your pills, you can start your period early and it can get heavier.

Call her. Emails are so impersonal.

I don't think its a sign of desperation. There is something about that person that you are intrigued about and thereforeeee like about them even if its not what you usually go for. There may be somehing about "your type" that may be missing that this person may have. Maybe you just haven't admitted to it or have actually figured it out.

Well when I used to belong to the dating world, I don't recall going out on a traditional date except for my very first date in high school. In my opinion, you having to call them is a game. They are interested but they want to see if you are more interested in them. I guess they want to feel like they are the ones being chased. But as women we play these stupid games too and dont end up calling these men so often because we don't want to come off as needy or pathetic. But that's just my opinion.

I do know how children change your life, I've got two under the age of three at home. And I also had a miscarriage. Also you said that before the trouble in the end, you were a solid couple. Let me ask you this...then why in the world break up with her? I just dont' get it. You are posting her trying to get people to side with you and tell you she's a bad person for aborting your baby. She has every right to do that. On the flip side, I've heard of men that wished their ex's aborted their pregnancies so they wouldn't still be paying horrendous child support. If you were a solid couple as you stated, no problems that arised in the end would have made you leave her and dump her. She was scared and why not, after a rough end with you, you left her and to her you didn't even seem like you tried to even remain in the relationship. And after you found out about her abortion, you just proved to her that SHE wasn't worth even remaining friends. Yeah its sad that she aborted your child but then again, it was her child as well. I know you are probably hurting from this but she was the one that actually had the abortion and from what I heard, its not picnic as well. She's going through emotional and physical scars as well...more than you can ever imagine.

So a baby would have made you stay with her? That's just wrong. I hate to say this but its within her right to have an abortion. The relationship would have ended anyway baby or no baby. I mean you didn't even know about her pregnancy and you broke it off with her.

I was raised Roman Catholic and still very much believe in my faith. I have had a lot of people attack me based on my faith and here I went to Catholic school for 12 years and was told to respect all other faiths. I believe that most people who attack other religions have no idea what they stand for and take no time to understand that people and their faiths are different. I was once approached by a couple at Barnes and Noble and they asked me if I was Christian and I responded "yes I am, I am Catholic". They went on to attack me and say that Catholics aren't Christian. My response was, if you believe in Christ then you are Christian and it is NOT your place to tell me that I am not. I also went to tell the manager of the incident and he threw that couple out...he found out that they were out to convert whomever would listen to them. I don't consider that person a friend if they continue to attack you and your religious beliefs. One thing about friendship is that they do respect everything about you and WILL NOT personally attack you. Your friend was not worth the time of day to defend your beliefs and religion, someone like that is set in their narrow thoughts and will not listen. I suggest you distance yourself as that may get the word out to him that you did not like how he attacked you. My husband is agnostic and still respects my faith and has not ever attacked me.

I think it is the cheater. They see something they dont' like about a relationship, possibly something they didnt' get and are upset about and they immediately blame the other person or the relationship in general and go out and find someone else. The cheater has more than enough opportunities to correct what is wrong but what do they do instead? They jump into bed with someone else and thereforeeee making a small problem much much worse. Then this nasty cycle begins because when the betrayed finds out, in their mind, they feel violated and taken for granted and they try to go out and find what they have been missing or have lost.

When you meant your parents generation, what age are we talking about. I think that finding a suitable partner/spouse is prevalent in all generations but its more publicly known nowadays. I'm in my 30s and have a bunch of friends the same age or older that are not married or seeing anyone. I think that there are many factors that lead of a lot of single available people. I think that many of us place our career in front of a relationship, I think we have higher expectations because we've seen how are parents marriages have been, and I think that the media (all types) have a lot to do with what we see as perfect and try to base our expectations on that.

I've been in situations and have friends that have been in situations where they do like the other person but not just that way. Sometimes I really think the person is nice but a relationship just won't work.

I can't believe the nerve of him. Men who are caught cheating just don't want to admit they've been caught. It just makes me so mad. Also, I gave my husband rules as well and it just doesn't work. After a while they just end up resenting you because you are hurt and tell you that you need to just get over it. If you don't, they're out the door. Its just beyond me since they are the ones that did everything to betray us and just break all the trust we had in them. I dont' know if this works with cell phones as I never really had to do it but with my land line phone you can block certain numbers from calling you and it also prevents you from calling them. That would just throw your husband a shock when he can't get to her. Also, sometimes you can do a reverse phone look up and she where this woman lives. Even though he kissed her or whatever he said, I dont' believe that he's not giving you more information that you deserve. Something just tells me that he did more.

Just because makeup says noncomedogenic, it doesn't get rid of the problem and could actually make it worse. I'm 32 years old and still have the same problem and the best thing my dr. told me was to minimize the amount of make up I use, which I did. I found the best product out there now is Origins. It has completely cleared up my skin and the makeup is light enough where it doesn't cause a problem but I don't use any make up base..just powder. You could also try Clinique but honestly for a 14 year old, it seems a little pricey to buy either product in my opinion.

Hey I went to an all girls high school as well. When I went to a co-ed college, I was in absolute shock. There were men all over the place!!!! After 4 years of just communicating with women and of course the men from the nearby all boys schools, it was strange adjusting to them in the classroom. Anyway, I had no idea how to converse with them and if I tried they saw me as intimidating as going to an all girls school, I gained a lot of confidence arguing my point in class w/o the men around. Anyway, I would worry about it because one thing a guy does not like because personally I have seen it, they don't like a girl who is deperate to find someone. I suggest be yourself and patient. You've got other semesters on the way and I'm sure that they are not full of gay men. Have you also thought about joining a club or something?

I see you are 14 years old and boy do I remember having that problem at that age. When I was that age, I used neutrogena soap as that worked for me but everyone is different. You might want to ask your parents and have an appointment set up with a dermatologist to see what product may be good for you. Also, do you use makeup? The type of makeup you use may have something to do with it as well.