peanut15

I am not being out of line! I was cheated on by my husband with someone like you and she DID threaten me! I dont' appreciate you trying to be the martyr because you are NOT! What's important is that the child be taken care of and honestly, you are NO FIT to be his mother ever! You better be careful with your words. YOU have NO right to threaten his ex!

I'm sorry but I have a SERIOUS problem with your statement! The woman obviously hurts terribly because your fiance left her with a newborn. How would you feel if that were you? The same way probably. Of course you have a serious problem with this statement , what do you know. You havent been through what i have been through. You dont even know the whole story. I really couldnt care less what she feels, she should not have taken out her hurt and anger towards me. She plotted and schemed enough to have that child now she has to deal with the consequences. And for the record i dont take that statement back. I still wish she would curl up in a corner and die. She is a time consuming, useless, waste of space in both our lives. Young lady you need to grow up and stop making death threats to her. What do I know? I know that women like you plague this earth by stealing men that are taken. Yeah, he should have known better but YOU on the otherhand should have walked away. YOU expect to be this baby's other mother...please. YOU have no morals! I know what SHE is going through and I can see from your lack of maturity that YOU don't know what is right or wrong. A mature person does not wish death upon someone else and you my dear need to get a clue really fast!

I'm sorry but I have a SERIOUS problem with your statement! The woman obviously hurts terribly because your fiance left her with a newborn. How would you feel if that were you? The same way probably.

DancingD...I only read your story and not the remarks by everyone else. It seems to me that you really hurt your fiance the first time around and it has haunted her to this day. I think it really was a mistake for both of you to get back together honestly. There's a lack of trust that started when you hooked up with your ex just for sex because she was not putting out. I have been cheated on by my H and let me tell you that the trust is still not there and I don't think it ever will be...its just not the same. I think that you need to reevaluate your situation and think about what you really want and ask her what she really wants as well.

Sorry about my topic being quite vague. Its has been well over one year since my husband's affair. It has been really hard for me to deal with but I am not as depressed as I was beforehand. He has been trying to show he is trustworthy except for a couple of things. I understand that at some point I need to let his affair be a part of the past and move on however if it does affect me in some way, he tells me to get over it or else he'll leave. Another thing is that he has only female friends and hangs out with NO males. He made a snide comment to me the other night after we had a fight about him having female friends and being invited places by them. He said "You get mad if I wants to hang out with my female friends. What next, you'll get mad if I start having males friends and hang out with them? Will you think I'm having a gay relationship with them the guys too?" I snapped back and told him that he never has hung out with any guys so that actually would be a treat for me. I am at a loss. He's making me feel guilty about feeling this way. I felt like I was walked all over when he had his affair and now I'm beginning to feel the same thing again. Words of advice?

I suggest after you finish with your bachelor's that you take time off from school and work on a career in the field you are interested in. If all goes well, I would pick a post baccalaureate degree that would help you excel in that field. Also, the company you work for may offer tuition reimbursement if you decide to further your education. I majored in Political Science and ended up working in a county agency. I specifically picked Public Administration because it offered just the right type of courses for me to continue my career in government. An MPA is similar to an MBA but more geared towards the public sector. Anyway, the agency I worked for offered tuition reimbursement as well (it paid for about 70% of my costs). Also, I found that some companies and agencies have graduate schools come and teach at the office so you don't have to drive all the way to the main campus. As far as surprises, I found graduate school much easier than working on my bachelor's. I guess its because you grow up a bit and have more experience. You share your experiences with your classmates and apply it to what you are studying. In my program, we had a few students who started immediately after they received their BA. They didn't do so well however because they could not apply what they learned to real work experiences. Lastly, this is just my opinion if you are going to work on a professional degree as opposed to an academic one. MPA, MBA, and JDs are professional degrees. I suggest that if you work on an MA or MS that maybe you should go directly from your BA/BS to a program like that, maybe wait a year or so. With those programs you learn more theories. Anyway, that is my opinion based on my experience and my best friend who is currently working on her MBA (she waited 10 years).

I've never been in your situation but have known many people that have been. To get down to what you are wanting to hear or know...they all moved back home w/in the first year. Leaving someplace for someone else is a big step especially if there is NO ONE there for you. You have made it so far to finish your degree and even though you said that you'll figure it out, that is a big risk on your part. I mean, is she really the one you want to leave everythig behind?

I've been there. I got laid off, found out my husband had an affair and then my son has seizures (still no diagnosis) all within 10 days. The woman my husband had an affair with starts threatening me and then posting our phone number and his work number on the internet. Well, you could figure out what happens next. But its been 7 months and I'm better, it took a while but what I did was do things that made me happy. I started going out more with my friends, I started taking photography classes, and I started to redecorate my home.

Unless he really really looks that young, then they already know he is probably more than 3 years older than you. I think you shouldn't have lied to your parents because what if it ends up getting more serious? By the way, how old are you?

I used to have the same problem as you but I was never in the spotlight. On dates I became this completely different person because I was trying too hard to impress the guy or just was flat out nervous. But I have had a handful of relationship though and that's because most of the guys were able to see beyond that first date. I guess they did see that I was truly nervous. My suggestion is to just relax and not try to hard. Maybe think of them as a friend you are just going out with w/o expectations. I think that since you have not had a relationship you are expecting too much during the first date and maybe that is why it ends up not so good.

Sex is important in a marriage. As sexual chemistry is important it is not the basis of who you ask to marry you. I mean, a person can have a great body and a good personality and not be sexually compatible with you. Then the other person who is ok looking and has an awesome personality may truly rock your world in bed. I guess it is what is important to you and what you may find pleasing for you. I've been married for 6 years and my husband has gained alot of weight since we got married. If I were not married to him, I probably wouldnt' be physically attracted to someone like that initially but that all changes when I get to know their personality. Once I get to know their personality, that is what I am completely attracted to. Does this all make sense? If you are just dating people and are far from marriage then date whoever you want but when you start to get the marriage itch just remember that a great body will disappear with time but the personality remains. So which one would you rather live with day in and day out?

Oh geez, this story is old. I'm in my 30s and I remember reading about this when Jimmy Carter was president. Most of these state laws date way back when to when our grandparents were young. As far as I know, most law enforcers won't enforce these laws or arrest you especially if you are w/in the confines of your own home but just remember to keep the curtains closed because that becomes a whole different story. Oh yeah, besides these sex laws, there's another set of laws that are so outdated but not enforced anymore. I used to have a book once of real stupid laws and I remember in one state that a woman could only drive if her husband is running along side the car waving a red flag warning people of a woman driver. I forgot what state it was and apparently its still in the books and it originally was created in the early 1900s.

I don't like facial hair but that's my preference. I do like the one day unshaven look but that's about it. Some men are able to pull it off though but it just depends.

Yes, some women are more sensitive during that time. If both agree to it then what's the problem? Turn off the lights and have fun BUT it is not a guaranteed form of birth control!!!! Women can get pregnant during that time ...low percentage but still you may never know if you fall within that number.

My guess is that she wants to explore other relationships. She's only 21 and she had a 4 year relationship prior to the one with you. At your age, there are so many things happening around you that it is really hard to do it with someone else. Maybe she has aspirations or ideas about what she wants in life and needs to explore it herself. Sometimes men and women just don't feel that the relationship is working out and needs a time out to think about things. Honestly, dont' spend too much of your time waiting for her or trying to win her back. You'd be smothering her even though you dont think you are.

Well I think I can give you some words of advice since I've had babies. The fact that she is testing negative right now could be of several reasons. You say she's on the pill and has missed her period by 2 weeks. Did she completely miss it or did she have light spotting? Stress and being on the pill can have an affect on periods aside from pregnancy. Also, doctors recommend that a woman come in for a test 10 days after the expected date of the period because the test will not show up positive. But its been more than 10 days and she is testing negative. I suggest that she make an appointment with a doctor to get tested. There may be other reasons why she may not have a period such as stress or the pill or whatever. To me, if she's tested twice and they still end up negative, I dont think she's pregnant but something else may be wrong so she should definitely see a doctor. Oh, almost forgot, a negative test with no period may also indicate an ectopic pregnancy where the egg has planted itself in the tubes rather than in the womb and that is bad.

I tried to get back with two of my ex's after a breakup but they didn't last. But my best friend did after several years and apparently it is working for her. I guess it just depends on the situation of the initial breakup.

Turn it around on him...tell him if he got fat and bald that you'd think twice about being with him Now seriously, if someone were with me just for looks, I'd dumped his sorry ..you know. When you love someone, you love them for everything they are outside and inside. And like you said, you have this fear that he'd leave your for someone prettier because of what he's said. I'd stick to that feeling and rather would be with someone who treated you for everything good that you are and not leave you with this lingering fear that they'd leave just because you physically are not "all that" anymore.

There are ways to hint to a girl that you like her more than just a friend. Most of my relationships started out as friends and just developed into something more. Now, when I was in my early 20s it usually involved the guy getting drunk because that was the only way he was able to confess his true feelings for me. (I still laugh at that) but most of the time, the guy would throw out these comments and it usually started getting me thinking. He would usually start complementing me more on how I looked, he'd open doors for me or when walking accross the street, I would feel that he was protecting me from traffic. Also, as friends of course, hugging was involved but at times, the hugs would get a little stronger or tighter. Some of my guy friends and I would also talk about places we'd like to visit ( a restaurant, city or whatever). It usually involved a restaurant since we all loved to eat. I specifically remembered one time a friend of mine was going on a trip and he raved about this restaurant and he was happy to be going back because the food was good there. When he returned, I asked him if he went but he said "no, I didn't because its someplace that I would rather bring someone special to, if you know what I mean". After that conversations, I definitely knew he was interested in being more than a friend. So I know these specific things won't help you but it just gives you an idea. I mean, in my opinion, guys are pretty obvious when they are interested in a girl. They think they are hiding it but we're a little more perceptive than you think. Go out with her like you usually do but maybe do something a little different to catch her off guard..maybe something fun that she's always wanted to do but hasn't.

I have two stories. First one...my husband cheated on me with someone his age, although only a year older than me. When I found out about it (my birthday), I searched and searched for information about her on the internet and surprisingly found her picture. My husband confirmed it was her. I couldn't get her face out of my head. My husband and I were (are) trying to make our marriage work so when he'd try to kiss me, I'd think of her, when he tried to have sex with me, I'd picture him having sex with her instead, when he would just be next to me, I'd picture him with her. It got so bad that when we went out, I glared at these other women who had any likeness no matter how small. It has been 8 months since I have found out and a year since his affair and I'm much better but of course not 100%. It just takes time but I can tell you what helped me was that I pictured throwing throwing darts at her picture I didn't do it but thinking about it helped. Second story.... I was engaged to the guy I dated in college. It was almost perfect, he proposed on the Christmas before we graduated from school. He gave me a ring and we had our engagement party and we made some plans for the wedding. Six months later, he dumped me on my birthday (geez, I'm not having luck with my birthday am I?) I found out that she was this girl who just graduated from high school that he met a week prior. Me, the ex and the new girl all worked at the same place ...unfortunately the Happiest Place on Earth but proudly enough, I had a desk job and they didn't. Anyway, he was set up with her by his coworkers whom he neglected to tell that he was engaged. I didn't know that he left me for him until I attempted to get my stuff at his apartment and found love letter she would give to him. She was 5 years younger and was going off to college in another state...nevermind we just graduated and were moving on with our lives. Now the age difference isn't a big deal but back then she wasn't even of legal age to drink. I had the most difficult time with the break up because he seemed embarrassed by me as he didn't tell anyone that we were engaged yet my coworkers all knew. When I would run into him at work, I'd see he was happy but as soon as I tried to go up to him and say hello, he would turn cold. Later I realized that she was standing next to him. I thought the same thing you did...did she have a better body, was she prettier, blah blah blah. Actually, I began to think that since I did know how she looked but this is what helped me through it...now I know this is wrong but it helped. I went to his apartment to get my things and I still had a key and he knew I was coming over. As I was getting my things, I found this paper on the table..well it was an essay she was writing about herself as an assignment before she went to college. In it she wrote about how much cheerleading has changed her life and how much life is like cheerleading. Now I have nothing against it BUT remember he and I just graduated from college and were finally out in the real world and had to get real jobs since mommy and daddy were no longer supporting us. I just thought..OMG he's going backwards and trying to relive his youth and in all honesty he's not mature. I was still angry with him and her because she did know that he was engaged. And well truthfully, I did call her parents and let them know that she was a homewrecker and that she knew that she broke an engagement. LOL...very soon after that I found out that they broke up!!!!! Guess her daddy wasn't too thrilled to find out the truth.

I think she's mentally screwed up. It seems as though she's trying to make herself feel better by attacking you and I think she also does it to others. I think you need to find a way to change your number or whatever which way she tries to get in contact with you. I think if she continues to do this that you need to bring her back to reality and tell her straight out..."look, stop insulting me as a way to make your pathetic life look better..I'm not your punching bag."

I agree with the others as it sounds like he has a crush on you. Next time he seems to disregard your husband during a conversation, you may want to ask him bluntly what he has against him.

Well I contribute your sleep schedule to your work schedule and the anti-depressants. Can you take your pills another time of the day to balance the sleep? Maybe you should talk to your doctor about changing it if your sleep schedule is not good. Part of the problem too is that you are depressed and probably haven't coped with what is troubling you. Talk to your therapist and psychiatrist about it. I wish you all the best of luck.

Just because she said she'd like to be friends it doesn't mean that you guys can't go out. She's just letting you know not to expect anything now. I dont' think she'll reject you to going out just as long as she knows there are no other ulterior motives.

First of all, if you read my post correctly...he's still my husband and the whole point of this website is to give advice and that's my advice. Another thing, there was a warning about the harsh statement. This man has not given any specific reasons but just generalizations about why he should have an affair...not why he should leave her...but rather why he should have an affair. He's saying the same thing and doing the same thing and I'm letting him know and everyone else know that there are TWO sides to marital problems. I think you still love her and want to be with her for the one fact that you are on this website and trying to find support for something that you really don't want to do. Fact is, if you have an affair, she can take sole custody and believe me, she will find a way to prove it. She will have the upper hand not you. You want to work it out with your wife dont' make the same mistake my husband made. I found many different programs for marriages like mine and like yours. I've gone to my medical provider and set up marriage counseling and have even inquired about a program called Retrouvaille. Jumping straight to divorce just because she wont' talk right now and you want to sleep with someone else won't work. Also, many divorce lawyers will also recommend that you go to counseling before you move forward with it. And another fact, divorces aren't handed easily especially if you aren't rich. The problem I had with your post was pointed out by the other poster DN...don't make it a blame game and that is what you are doing to your wife. If you want to make it obvious to your wife things aren't great between you two, an affair is not the answer.