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american dream

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  1. american dream
    Hi bud, Well this girl has done a horrible thing to you and I do think she will realize it someday. She has been unfair, but hey that is life, right? I just wanted to write and let you know that I feel for you, and I wish for your sake it could have gone down differently. You seem like a good guy (one of the great people from this site who PM'ed me when I was feeling REALLY down), so try and get past her. I really do think she will miss you if you keep up the no contact thing so stay strong. Keep your eyes peeled for other females, even if you don't feel up to it. Find another girl who will be good to you and make you feel cared for. Keep going to the gym. Write in the journal. See your friends. Do whatever you can to stay busy and the days will fly by. PM anytime you need to talk.
  2. american dream
    Listen to Chai, he is a smart guy and he helped me out Noggy. Do the NC thing.
  3. american dream
    Yes I will give you great advice if you just PM me your credit card number and your SSN. LOL! Joke of course. If you want to be less gullible, just slow things down in your mind and think, "Why would this person NEED to know this." Also, try reading self help books that deal with business and you will get some great tips. Cheers!
  4. american dream
    Check out online roommate matching services like "link removed", or "link removed". They have both found me some good leads and they let you see who you are getting hooked up with. Rent can be expensive, but not nearly as expensive as not getting dates because your folks treat you like a 8 year old. Yeah, they aren't even treating you like a 13 year old. When I was 13 I had more freedom than you have now. It is a cultural thing I think. I speak to a lot of Asian families in my line of work and I find that they do tend to stay together as a family unit much longer than American or European families. It is not unusual for Asians to live in the family unit well into their 30's (I base this on the fact that in my line of work I am required to ask about any family members living in a persons house; I work in insurance). I live in a big city (Phoenix) so the rent here may be higher or lower than where you are, but you didn't specify. I spend about $300 to $400 a month for rent. That is the average range for renting a room I have had for the last 7 years (I moved out when I was 17). Utilities will be like $50, then phone/cell phone, maybe $40, and if you have cable it is generally $50, with all the utilities being split between however many roommates you have. Hope those figures help a bit.
  5. american dream
    Hi man, Well I know it is hard sometimes to want to go out, but you need to break the cycle you are in. From your writing style, and one of your messages on that Trapped forum it seems like you are from England. I don't know how big your town or city is, but if it is big enough it should not be hard to find something to do that is nonthreatening. My first thought is, join a gym. There are people there, but it is pretty individual, so you can go be around people without having to associate closely with anyone (kind of like at the office). That would be one easy place to be around others but still keep your space. From your posts it sounds like you are a good guy but you do very probably have some sort of depression. I would go to a doctor and see what they think. Better living through chemistry, eh? LOL. It sounds also like the girls like talking to you so you shouldn't be having the confidence problem that you are. If you are from GB then not liking to drink would be a major hangup. I went to London for a holiday recently and there was like 7 pubs per city block for gods sake! But if you like DVD's why not go to the movies or get into video games. Play online games, like Battlefield Vietnam or Everquest. That is how a lot of people meet others who don't like to go out. A hobby like that could also make you feel like you have a "personality" because you would be interested in something. It sounds like you simply aren't interested in much right now. Look for the thing that makes you happy and you will find tons of others who are into it as well. PM me anytime.
  6. american dream
    Hi bud, sorry to hear about your situation. Not knowing is always the hardest thing. You are left up in the air and that SUCKS. Well, as for her, it sounds like she just doesn't know what she wants right now. Sounds like you aren't too sure either. She is testing the waters and trying to "live" her life, but she wants to keep a nice safe person around just in case. This is really not fair to you. Either you need to cut her loose and let her do her thing and see if she comes back (and if you want her back at that point), or you need to tell her that you two need to become official again and stop this nonsense. It is something like watching a swimmer go out into the ocean. She wants to ride the waves and have the fun, but she likes the security of the buoy (you). See what happens when you remove yourself from the situation and she sees that her buoy is gone.
  7. american dream
    Hi bud, sorry to hear about your situation. I have three things for you to think about. 1.) If you have spent every minute of every day together for a year, you may want to take a break, even if you don't feel like it right now. It puts a big stress on a relationship to do that (believe me I HAVE BEEN THERE). Take some time and get yourself together. Do the No Contact thing for a week or two before you even think of calling her or emailing her. She needs to know what it means if she wants her "space". She may find that she does not like it. 2.) Think about her and what she did. Does it not make you angry that she went on vacation and she found another guy? What does this say about her? Is this why she was with you "every minute of every day", because you couldn't trust her to let her out of your site? 3.) DO NOT, under any circumstances, let her see you cry, be upset, or be an emotional wreck. Women do NOT respect this (though they may tell you otherwise) so avoid this behavior like the plauge. Do not beg her to come back again, do not write her any poems, or sing her songs. It makes you seem pathetic and gives her WAY too much control. Hope that helps. Don't give up on her, just give her a bit of space and see if she comes back. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do, but if you want her back, you have to do it right. Keep your chin up man!
  8. american dream
    Well, it isn't a relationship movie per se but it does have a lot of the elements. I think any movie that shows you how hard things are for some people can only make you appreciate the stupidness of your "love life" situation and really put things in perspective. Everybody should check out Antoine Fisher. It is sad, but gets good at the end.
  9. american dream
    Well, if she likes you, and it seems like she really does, she would hate to see you with another girl. Don't dog her or anything, just let her know that you may not be able to hang out as much, and clue her in to the fact that you are getting other dates (even if you may not be) and see if she changes her tune. Hopefully she will. With you it is like she is getting the benifit of having a boyfriend, but she doesnt have to acknowledge it. This situation is unfair to you. Don't let it be. If you see her every day (literally?) then cut it down to 4 or 5 times a week. Tell her you are busy or whatever, and let her sweat it out. No girl would want to lose 2 guys she really likes. Maybe this will make her get over the ex. Cheers!
  10. american dream
    Oh man, you don't know what you are getting yourself into. This happened to me, but I was the other guy, i.e. the boyfriend. First of all, what you have done is wrong and you should be ashamed of doing it. Second, I know that if and when I see the guy my ex was "hanging out with" somewhere, he is going to be VERY sorry. Call me a crazy American, but if we ever run into each other things will get very ugly and very out of control. Messing with another guys girl is one of the oldest reasons out there for a whooping. Not that you don't deserve it. Finally, do you want to be with a girl who would do this to her boyfriend. Doesn't this just tell you she is a sk@nk? You want to be next? If she would do it to him (who she is living with) what makes you think she won't do it to you? Wake up.
  11. american dream
    Hey Francis, you are right about some girls coming from a bad home. That is where my ex came from. I did everything to show her she could trust me though, and she did not react well to a stable environment. In fact when things got good and normalized she got crazy. But from personal experience, no matter how good you are to someone, if they want to be a crazy f..k it is their choice.
  12. american dream
    Hey guys. I have been using this site for a while and I have posted a bit (sadly, in the infidelity and breaking up sections). But I am trying to move on and get things together. It feels so weird because I am 24 years old, and I feel like I don't want the normal stuff a person in their mid 20's wants. I want a family and a wife and a kid or two. It seems like the girls I know, including my ex, all think this is too early. The only women I know with babies are those who got knocked up by accident. What is going on in America??? It seems like people want to be single and crazy until they are like 30, at which point they are so used up by sex drugs and alcohol to really even grab a mate. I come from a place where all my friends were jocks and cheerleaders, or the stoner crowd (funny how often the two intermingled) so most of them love living VERY superficial lives. I live in a big city (PHX just took 5th biggest city away from Philly! hahaha) and everybody wants to live big lives. It is all about the bars and the clubs, and getting messed up and fighting, and on and on and on. I feel like an outcast among my own friends. I like to drink and all, but just socially, and I want a girl who is the same. Why does it have to be so hard to just find a regular god d@mn person? The really sad thing is that I stopped hanging out with a lot of my friends for about a year thinking this would change. I hoped either they would grow up, or I would yearn for the crazy life again. That didn't happen in either respect. Now after my break up I am forced back into the life and all I want is a lifeline from a cute (doesn't have to be gorgeous), honest (god I hate liars), good person who is ready to settle down. Is that so much? Ahhhh screw it!
  13. american dream
    Good you are on the right track. If she says you were being clingy then give her that space. Hard as hell, I know, but you have to. Keep it up, and any contact you do have keep it informal, try to be fun, and DON'T bring up relationship stuff. Hope that helps brother.
  14. american dream
    DUMP HER NOW. All the signs are there that she is taking advantage of you. She is not working and leeching off of you. She blows up when you ask her to get a job to help out. She doesn't want to have sex (big warning sign). She had a completely rediculous request when you she caught you doing your thing (you are a 19 year old guy for gods sake, what does she expect, a monk??). She is lucky I wasn't there to hear that kind of request. Her next request would have been for an ambulance. LOL. Anyway, this chick seems like waaaaayyyyy more trouble than she is worth. I know you think she is all you have, but hey buddy, you are paying for her in every respect. GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU CAN!
  15. american dream
    Please realize what you are doing is inappropriate. Period. You should not be carrying on with a married woman. If she needs to leave her husband, she should leave him. Then hook up all you want. Her crisis point maybe that she likes the fun and adventure of being in an affair but doesnt want to get out of her marriage yet. You have to be the better person and stop seeing her until her marriage issues are resolved.
  16. american dream
    Hey bud, Well, to start, step up and say "Hi I'm _______, whats your name." Doesn't get any easier than that. Do it with a smile, head up, and lots of confidence. Even if you haven't got a lot of confidence, just pretend. If you are at a party, ask her who she is here with and see if you have a mutual friend. Then talk about the friend (hopefully it is another girl... dont want to talk up other guys TOO much... lol). That should get the ball rolling. Hope that helps. 8)
  17. american dream
    Easiest way huh... There is no easy way, because in the end YOU still have to do it. I don't know you or your story, but I noticed a few things just from seeing your post. #1. You are 14. Life will get better, then worse, then better again. This thing is a roller coaster. Read some of my posts if you have a minute. I am in the breaking up forum. I was suicidal after a horrible breakup... which brings me to my next point #2. I see in your tag you put "Alan, I love you". Seriously, if this is about a guy it is sooooo not worth it. Believe me, I was going crazy when my ex left me. CRAZY. But I got through and so will you. I know this wasn't what you wanted to hear, but I hope it helps somewhat. I am at work right now and bored as hell, so if you want to chat, PM me and we can talk about whatever.
  18. american dream
    Well, I have made it one week with no contact. I am still very confused and hurt, but it is SLOWLY getting better (then worse, then back to better... lol). No contact is hard, but if anyone in the same situation is reading this, IT IS THE BEST WAY. I tried to stay friends, I was holding hope, but that is not happening any more. Sometimes I miss her terribly, but then I think of what she did to me. Sometimes I want to pick up the phone and call her but then I think of her and him together and I get physically ill. I have to keep thinking, she is a bad broken person, and I am a good person and I will get through this. I thank everyone who has responded, and especially those who took time to send me PM's. It is so appriciated I can't hardly express it. I would still like a few new responses or PM's just because they are one other thing I can use to fill my time. Thanks again American Dream
  19. american dream
    Hi Rangoo, Well it is cool that you have stayed around for your kids. My dad didn't and I didn't get to know him for about 8 years. If you are going to leave, they should be old enough now to understand, and I am sure they have noticed the situation already. The only advice I would give you is to maybe not sell the house right away. Try a trial seperation for a while. It sounds like you have stuck it out a lot for your kids and selling the house would force them to move and throw their lives into upheaval. If you are going to go (and I am not saying its a bad idea) make things as stable as you can for them. If you need to sell the house later for financial reasons, thats cool, but give the kids a little time to adjust if possible. Hope everything turns the corner for you Rangoo!
  20. american dream
    He seems very casual about how he discusses things with you. He is not being careful of your feelings. Are you sure he is actually sorry. Didn't want to give you bad things to think about, but, geez this guy seems pretty much like a bas-tard.
  21. american dream
    Your soul mate would not do that to you, so he was not "it". Be clear on that. He may have been a good guy (up to that point) and you may have really enjoyed your time with him, but someone who is your soulmate does not have the capacity to cheat on you. If you were always true to him, and you loved him with all your heart, I find it is best to just think of it like this: "I am a good person, and he is a bad person." That, or you can try hate. It sounds funny, but the angrier you are with someone, you will find they can no longer make your days full of longing. You will move on, get a guy who is true and honest and loving and who deserves you. Or try internet dating services just for a chance to meet someone else *and dont make mental comparisons between a new guy and the old jerk*. Just keep yourself busy and find a new guy, even if just for one or two dates. (I keep myself sooo busy that I go to the gym until 2am sometimes so that when I get home, I take a shower and fall right asleep.) If you need someone to talk to, Private Message me anytime.
  22. american dream
    I know how it is to be with someone who is bad to you. Read my post and you will see I went through the same thing. I have gotten some great help and advice on this site, and one of the best things to do is to keep a journal. I write mine on my computer, and it helps me realize how angry I am at my ex. You can't miss something you are angry at. I dont know if this will help you, but I hope so, and keep your chin up. Private message me anytime and we will talk if you would like.
  23. american dream
    Hey there. Well depending on the guy, do it nicely, but be upfront. I dont think you need to be really blunt. Be a good person about it, and say something like, "I like some things about you, but there are some I really don't, so I dont want to see each other anymore." It is to the point and not unnessecarily harsh. If you are seeing the guy there must be one or two good points. If he asks what, just say what they are, then move on to what you dont like. Hope that helps.
  24. american dream
    Hi there, so sorry to hear your story. It is heartbreaking, and I know how you miss a companion. I miss mine terribly. My ex did not cheat on me before we broke up, but had someone else lined up and moved on after 3.5 years together within a week (see my story on the breakups tab). It is sooooo hard to lose the person you were with, and I know it is really lonely, but you CAN NOT trust THIS guy. Do not contact him either. If he cheats he cheats, it is who he is. I say this not only from my own experience, but I have many friends (sadly) who have strayed in their relationships and that is just who they are. My friends who have done it feel bad about it later, but they would very likely do it again. In fact my best friend cheated on his girlfriend with another girl I knew WHILE his girlfriend was pregnant. We did not speak for a year and a half. Until his girlfriend forgave him, I would not. She kind of had to because of the baby though. You do not have to forgive this. If you need someone to talk to Private Message myself or other members of this forum and we will get back to you as soon as we can. I found this site and it has helped me a lot. I have gotten a few PM's from people and it really does help to talk with someone who understands your pain and can help you weather the storm.
  25. american dream
    Hey bud, I have been there. Dated my ex for a number of years, then we hit the ages you are listing now and she changed. Dont know what to tell you except she is 21, she can go to bars and clubs now, she can drink and be crazy, and this seems to be the state of American girls. Fun fun fun all the time. If she was in NYC and wanted a break and she was 21... do you think she was with anyone else? Hate to bring that up, but hey, gotta look at things realistically. If she is so career oriented you have to examine that too. Is she going to be a good wife/mother/woman? Is she going to be there for you? I just got out of a relationship with the same type of girl, and after examining it A LOT, I don't think it would have worked out. I wanted a wife, and she wanted a career. But think of it as, "what is important to me?" "what do I want out of this in the end". I was so hung up on what my ex wanted I forgot about myself. She is giving you a raw deal, and she shouldn't leave you on a "break" for 4 months. That just isnt right. She is being selfish. She is being childish.
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