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TrueHeart

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  1. TrueHeart
    Thanks guys, I do appreciate the feedback... Like I said, its not like we're looking for a relationship or anyting like that-- I merely was asking if the flirting part was normal. I don't have a history of picking bad men, more or less just the wrong ones-- what I mean by that is they play games. I am very VERY careful enough to not overstep my bounds with him. I do see him as more of a buddy, and not a father figure because I have siblings his age, and my parents are in their 60's... So I can closely relate to that. About the baggage thing, I agree. The oldest man I ever dated was 10 years my senior and he had more cargo than Fedex plane. It was rather a hinderance in our relationship because of the hang-ups he had about women. We're better friends though, instead of lovers. So I am aware of that fact... I just wanted to know if flirting was dangerous with a man twice my age...
  2. TrueHeart
    I've been in and out of bad relationships within the past 3 years.. Lately, I've finally gotten rid of the men in my life that have caused me tremendous heartache. I have been spending time with my "second family"- with whom I am very close to. And noticed that I catch myself flirting with my friend's father!! He was in the middle of a divorce which his wife of 23 years came out of the closet, and left him for another woman.-- and I 7 months into being completely single. We have been a close "family" for almost 8 years, so his wife's coming-out was a shock to many. Lately, we have been flirting on and on with eachother. I am finding that I think about him all the time, wonder what he's doing... and feel like I'm falling in love!!! I'm really not sure what all this means though. We are mutually attracted to each other, and spend a lot of time together-- going out drinking, and just chatting. He's on a very intellectual level, and appreciates ME for ME.. He doesn't play games that I've noticed younger men do, and thats what I love about him... We are completely careful on our display of our attraction and flirtation around mutual friends and family only because of the closeness of our friendship. And his divorce is not yet set in stone, but still we're using the best discretion. Thing is, I forsee us letting our attraction towards eachother take hold. Once again, we're using best of discretion and trying to control our feelings. However, I can't help but to think that this surge of emotion and affection we have towards eachother might end up in the bedroom-- and though a relationship would be totally out of the question at this point in time, I can't help but to think how attracted we are toward eachother.. Should I proceed? Is this type of flirting dangerous, or perhaps healthy? Help!
  3. TrueHeart
    Last night was really different. We spent hours just text messaging eachother back and forth-- talking about anything and everything. I feel like I'm the muse, but I don't mind.. Anything that would gather inspiration to help him in any way!
  4. TrueHeart
    And thats exactly what I want to try to avoid. I know that anything that does happen would have to stay between us. I don't want to be secretive, and neither does he-- but I can't help but think about him... outside being one of my best friend's father, being as old as my brother, and a long-time family friend for 7 years-- outside all that.. he is a man. It would devistate me to destroy any friendships in the middle of it, just by letting my head get carried away.. Do you think I should still remain open with him? Or perhaps am I leading him on? Like I said, the only think I worry about is that we might end up sleeping together---- and as inconceivable as it might sound, it feels like it would be a strong possibility that I'm not ruling out, or pretending won't come up...
  5. TrueHeart
    Well, I know that a relationship would be out of the question, and I certainly don't want to complicate things for him. He knows that. I would never want anything like that to come between them if they're trying to reconcile-- I am determined to not let him incriminate himself--- in otherwords, have him cheat on his wife with me... I love them all too much to see them hurt. I just feel like through all my troubles I've finally connected with someone... I just didn't know exactly it would be so... dramatic. Question now is, do I proceed to let things take its course, or do I pull back a bit??
  6. TrueHeart
    Hi folks- Need a little help here, because I don't know how to feel about something like this. I have a friend of mine who I've known for close to 7 years, so I've always been close to their family. We did everything together. Recently, they've been having problems in their marriage, in which his wife had an affair with another woman, moved out, the whole thing. They've been married for 23 years. Right now, they're separated-- but not legally. We all still hang out together, but more and more him and I have been talking. I know he's going through a hard time right now, and his wife is really trying to get him to 'understand' why she did what she did. He just doesn't get it. I have chosen to not get involved in their disputes or whatever, because I love them both dearly and I care for them as my friends... I respect their own business. He told me just the other night when we all were hanging out that he feels he just needs to move on... Its a healthy decision that he's come to by himself. I do care about him, and don't want to see him get hurt. I am only 23, and he is 43. I realize that a relationship is out of the question, as we have way too much to lose to do that. We've only just breifly mentioned it on Sunday... I am finding that I'm thinking about him all the time, even dreaming and fantasizing about him. I'm not certain these feelings that I have, in 7 years never had them before... Is there something wrong with me? Am I just feeling a chemical imbalance--? Or could this be something? Like I said, a relationship would probably never happen, but at this rate, I'm feeling there is a strong possibility that we might sleep together...? Help!?!? How do I control these feelings? My friends have told me its perfectly normal to feel that way, regardless of age-- but I still need some extra assurance on what these feelings mean....?!!
  7. TrueHeart
    I have a little different perspective.. There is nothing wrong with telling him how you feel, but make it short. Don't draw out the email because it will only make you sound like a co-dependant, desperate fool. Just keep it short, say you're going away for a few days, wanted to just drop a note to say hello, how you were doing.. You can breifly mention that you are missing him, and maybe when your return from your trip, you could get together for an evening to catch up. The message you want to leave him is that you are thinking of him, love him-- but are concerned with how he's doing in a light-hearted way.. Remember-- keep it short, concise--- and to the point. You want to peak his interest so the ball is in his court-- not give away your entire play.
  8. TrueHeart
    If the love is there, I would say go for it. I would definitely say that you two should talk about how open your relationship would be if you got back together again. I wouldn't go over to that house with the husband-wife as often... just seems like its drama waiting to explode. If she never cheated on you during your previous relationship, thats a good thing. However, since you both weren't exclusive to eachother recently (given the current events) its unfair to really throw eachothers mistakes in your faces.... So move on from today on... Yesterday shouldn't matter... Forgiven, but not forgotten. I wish you the best of luck... But don't take things too fast.
  9. TrueHeart
    Proceed with caution. You don't want to fall into the same routine. If you truly want him back, you must be honest with him- His distrust for you wasn't completely wiped clean, remember. Right now you're in what I like to call 'the honeymoon stage'-- where everything seems so perfect and blissful because you love eachother still, and are extremely comfortable. If he agrees its too fast, it probably is. Right now he's thinking with his emotions, and so are you. You both missed eachother immensely, and after only a month.... The little white lies need to stop, NOW! If you've already come clean with him, think of that as your clean slate.. But don't assume he's stupid and forgot the past. I truly hope things do work out for you both-- so the key here is communication.
  10. TrueHeart
    Absolutely, Phoenix-- You hit it right on the head! Thats the psycological damage that they will model that after... Even you being her mother you will teach your daughter subconsciously that its ok to have the father of your children abandon you-- and treat with no respect.. Thats great that the girls stand up for one another--- that is the most powerful force there is, is a sister's bond.... I know, I'm an idential twin... so I can definitely attest to that...
  11. TrueHeart
    I completely understand what you are feeling... it really is no fun when that happens. Unfortunately, there is nothing that can take the pain away but time and space. If she can't love you anymore, I atleast admire her for coming forward with that-- afterall, I'm sure it wasn't easy. Its hard at first, trying to concentrate, eat and even sleep-- but only time will really heal it.. Perhaps after some time, you both can regain a friendship again.. My heart goes out to you, friend.. I hope that sticking to this website as your rock and support, you will find that friends-alike share the same feelings... Just keep us posted.
  12. TrueHeart
    Well, personally.. I applaud you for attempting to keep a relationship with the other woman's daughter-- thats good therapy for your daughter to know that she has a playmate and someone to grow up with. Personally, I really think the father is a deadbeat-- but that my opinion. His half-involvement in either of the girls' lives is completely unhealthy. Even though he 'favoritizes' one over the other-- I truly believe that his involvement at all in their lives will only lead them to resent him in the end-- Your daughter is old enough to know who he is, and if she feels (at 6 years old) that her father doesn't love her like her half-sister-- again, will do some permanent damage to her psycologically. Perhaps a heart-to-heart talk to your daughter about why Daddy doesn't come around would help her understand that its not her fault. I know she's young, but they're very impressionable at that age. I wish you the best... but you both (the other mother and you) being involved in your daughter's lives the way you are is 100% healthy-- what a great relationship bond you've created... and SHAME on him for being so selfish, SHAME on his GF for sticking her nose in something that's NOT her business, and SHAME on the grandmother for not demonstating the true meaning of unconditional love... You're both doing a great job as being supportive, loving mothers.. You can do it on your own...
  13. TrueHeart
    Oh yes, my friends.. that was pre-determined. I'm in the post-Adam stage right now, just having a hard time understanding and really putting logic to such a stupid scenerio. I am just the type of person who really needs a logical explanation-- when sometimes its just not possible. I can't believe that I let myself get so far as I did--- I feel like the fool. Thing is, I know he will miss me after a while, but I am content with myself in saying that I would not take HIM back... hehe-- He had his chance, and I don't like sloppy seconds... I just wonder why men (and women-alike) do such a thing... to people they 'supposedly' love...
  14. TrueHeart
    A lot has changed, so I'll try to sum it up for you the best I can. Well, long story short-- Adam had a birthday party, but beforehand had spoke with me saying he had an 'epiphany'-- and he was going to take a break from everyone and everything. I agreed, told him I supported his decision. He had a party that night, which Jenna was invited to. He told her previously not to be all huggy-kissy in front of me because he didn't want to upset me or make me leave. I told him, the drama wouldn't come from me. I promised to be polite, cordial and social for the sake of him. Well, she got dramatic ALL NIGHT LONG-- crying, trying to grope him, kiss him and sleep with him.. All while I was maintaining my sanity.. I would just shrug and smirk--- she was making my job easy by being such a Drama Queen. After we all passed out, he asked me to stay after she left the next day-- and I agreed. He would also tell her that he needed space, but knew she wouldn't understand and would lose it... So-- the week went by, and he finally called me 6 days later, on our would-be 6-year anniversary... We spent the night together, laughing, rekindling old memories, playing games-- just being ourselves. He still would talk to her, but she moved back to Flagstaff to go back to school just recently-- so she's out of the picture there. Which brings me to today-- The week to myself, helped be get a grip on things. I do love him, I want to be with him, but there is too much in the way. He is planning on moving to Mexico and starting a new business franchise with his father-- so thats in the very near future. He always gets upset when he talks to her, she puts him on constant guilt trips. I walked away once, I think I can do it again----- but why is the decision SOOO hard for him??? I don't understand that?? It would seem pretty simple where your happiness is.. Why is this so hard for him to just let one or all of us go??
  15. TrueHeart
    Steph- Wow.. Sounds like to me that he's the one making the moves.. But I agree with the previous posters comments. Even though you want to come of as an independent woman, and a confident one ( for that I applaud you) you truly aren't conveying your feelings correctly to him. And him delivering a kind of "ultimatum" to you is probably him being a little frustrated with you blowing hot and cold. I agree that you need to be 110% honest with him. Telling you have been scared about everything is a good thing, lets him know that you are human and have feelings. You also need to be honest with him and tell him that you love him-- because if you do-- telling him you don't will only get a reaction from him that you will not like--- You have to ask yourself: Do you want to push him away? Or would you like to try things again, only be smarter about it... and have more patience. Don't make the same mistakes you did the first time. If it doesn't work.... whats the worst thing that could happen??? It doesn't work, thats it. If you are already confident in yourself, you shouldn't have much to worry about.. My advice is take the leap. As far as this other girl is concerned and his desire to 'test' her, I would tread softly there.. If you trust him, than trust him. There shouldn't be any doubts, especially since you say you trust him more now than you did a while ago. Let him know first that you do love him, and care about him-- but you have been a little afraid and confused how to act--- I wish you the best of luck in true hopes that this works out for you....
  16. TrueHeart
    It is extremely difficult, especially since you are already feeling lonely, some of your hang-out buddies aren't there and she's the only one left. Honestly hon, if she broke it off-- and hasn't initiated contact or anything then, its really a toss up how she'd react to your friendly gesture. I have a feeling that you might be disappointed which will only kick you back to square one. Online conversation is so bland. You cannot see the person's reactions or anything... You're right in saying you should keep your association with her and her friends to a minimum. If you've had other friends to hang out with, other interests-- THOSE are the people you should drop a line to to see how they're doing... You associate so much pain with her, is it honestly worth the risk of reopening your wound just to find out how she's doing? You will probably not like her answer.... Sorry to be the devil's advocate, but I tried doing it once with an XBF of mine, and it just ended up with him telling me about all the women he'd been with and how much happier he was without me-- it wasn't pleasant..
  17. TrueHeart
    Thats really great that you've been able to rise above all that you've been through. I'm sure you didn't take it lightly, but you dealt with it in a mature attitude. I've always believed in the code of never to date a friend of an ex... Too messy. I am sorry that you've lost a lot of friendships because of 1 or 2 people, but doesn't that make you somewhat happy to also lose those people?? I mean, atleast NOW you know what value they put on your friendship.. You don't need people so wishy-washy in your life, its a good thing your rid of them. I just hope that you stay on this course of self-healing. In the end, you'll be the only one left standing and laughing..
  18. TrueHeart
    Well, as far as seeing her and the pain coming back-- I'm firmly convinced that if she wasn't leading you to believe that things were ok in the beginning, you wouldn't have taken it so hard. What she did was manipulative and vendictive. As far as your friend goes, I'm not sure if he was a good friend or an aquaintance, but something leads me to believe that she hasn't been entirely honest with him either when it came to the relationship with you and her. Her first reaction to seeing you at the hang-out should have been a red flag. The best thing you can do is get out an enjoy things. I'm not used to going out on my own either, but last Saturday, I went out to a bar alone and enjoyed the night singing karaoke--- but I was content being by myself with no one bothering me. Reclaiming your independance is #1 at this point. Once you start to convince your mind again that your independently happy-- the pain will hurt less and less each day... Seems inconceivable, but it does happen.
  19. TrueHeart
    Well, honestly I'd say that he's probably realized that he made a mistake, and wants to remain friends. Before you determine where you want that to go, you need to ask yourself if its worth being friends, and you can control your feelings-- or is it purely not worth it to pursue. Don't feel bad that you have a life without him-- that you have more important things to attend to. Chances are, if he left you for another woman, he'll do it again when another one comes down the pike. Hon, you will always have lingering feelings for someone you shared a long specialness for-- don't let him off the hook so easy... and you don't want him to think you are at his every beck and call... You have a life, you've moved on -- and so be it. If he wants to remain friends (and you too) than you both need to realize that the world doesn't revolve around one another anymore. If you chose to reconcile the relationship, make sure you always keep in the back of your mind the reason you broke up the FIRST time... I didn't read your other post, nor am I really familiar with your entire story, but from what I gather--this is the best advice I can share...
  20. TrueHeart
    I agree with Muneca. You will have to just buy your own book. Unfortunately, things have really moved on, and you really need to accept that. Perhaps now isn't the time that you need to contact him, if not at all-- even though you are really attempting to make things friendly and cordial, he clearly has either a) no interest or b) doesnt want to contact you for his own reasons. I know there are a lot of online college book discount bookstores you can purchase some from... Might want to go that route, instead?
  21. TrueHeart
    Well to be completely honest here, which I think would help you more than trying to blow sunshine--- I think you really need to stop worrying about what and why he chooses anything. Especially, if the 'small' little 'white lies' he tells or has told to you involve being unfaithful, cheating and being completely untrustworthy. I'll admit that the first guy you're always with will always carry a special piece of your heart, forever. I still in ways love my first boyfriend/fiancee, but I remember the good times we had instead of focusing on why he married a control-freak and knocked her up too-- someone who was COMPLETELY opposite of ME, and did everything that would annoy him normally... Could NEVER understand it... but goes to show you that people change all the time... I'm thankful I got to know him in the time I had-- Chances are, he picked someone who is weak-minded so he can manipulate her (or them) more... and you should feel smarter for not wanting to be in that situation... If you've already moved on, I'd stay on your path. Leave this guy in your past-- you're already working on your master's degree in Europe, good for you! Stay on that path and don't look back. The reason he was getting so upset and even not answering your questions is because he probably felt like you were unjustly cornering him because you are no longer an item. Frankly, even though you were curious as to who, what, why he chose whomever, it is simply not your business-- and his silence in your question should have said that loud and clear. I've learned NEVER to step on your shadow once its passed you.... You can't change or control anything he does, and thats simply because he doesn't want to change. Move on, meet new people and saturate your life with positiveness and with good people who can be true to their word and respect your feelings...
  22. TrueHeart
    What sounds like to me that he's attracted to you, thinks you are his best friend, but doesn't want to have that impede on his current relationship. You should applaud him for atleast attempting to stay faithful to the woman he's dating, in fact, that comment there is quite flattering. I wouldn't say its a question of whose more attractive or not-- as it is he's saying that you are important to him by giving you the title of best friend, but also not wanting the temptation to cheat on his current GF. If you're not attracted to him anymore, then your actions should be pretty straight forward... However, I respect him for atleast telling you he cannot see you (even as his best friend) because of the physical attraction. He's comfortable with you, and shares a special connection that he doesn't (atleast yet) with his current GF.. Just take it as a compliment that he finds you as his 'attractive best friend'-- Don't read too much into it...
  23. TrueHeart
    I'd say go with it.. Sounds very romantic, but in a fun exotic kind of way. He isn't your BF, remember... Men love a woman with a chasable sense of mystery-- its in their primal instincts to want something that is very desirable or seems almost out of reach... Play the night by ear, with no expectations! This way, atleast whatever happens... you won't get disappointed.
  24. TrueHeart
    Wow, I'm really surprised things got off on the better foot with the LD relationship.. Good for you in that department. Unfortunately, the curse of LD relationships not really working out haunts you. I do really feel for you, my friend. That is aweful. Best thing you can do is really just keep your chin up, and start looking in the local areas for friends to get to know... You never know, maybe one day she will drop you a line-- point is not to get your hopes up-- because ultimately, its not fair to you to wait for someone who has moved on 100s of miles away....
  25. TrueHeart
    Well, firstly, with her walking by over and over... she WAS trying to get your attention (because even though you were pretending you didn't see her-- she wanted you to) Girls (usually not a lot of women though) and especially in highschool do this as a tactic to really get you to notice them.... who they're hanging out with, seeing them smiling, having fun and looking great. She wanted you to see that-- but also was playing coy and not approaching you directly. When you called, and she said it was the best day of the year-- that should really convince you that she wanted you to notice her and eventually call her. About the guy that was hanging out with her, he most likely was someone (as I predict) she was using to again, gain your attention... unless he really IS her new BF, and if thats the case-- she really shouldn't be carrying on with you the way she is....
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