TrueHeart

Hey thanks guys... I spoke to him tonight about it.. He said he wasn't entirely sure what he was doing was 100% right with this girl, that he doesn't know what he wants. He does know that he loves me, and cares about me deeply. We made an arrangement that we would not sleep with one another until we were sure 100% we wanted to reconcile... and that means, her being out of the picture... There are a lot of choices that have to be made here very soon. Hopefully, I'll make the right ones! I'll keep you all posted! thanks so much for looking and helping me out! \

My XBF and I have been friends since we split up. We dated for 3 years, and then we grew apart. He was young, 18-- and I was barely 21. Its been 2 years since we've dated, and we rarely even spoke. I had a BF and he went thru several women. We've been talking a lot lately, but he's just got a new GF... She's kind of flaky, and she has to hide her relationship with him from everyone because he is not a devout Christian. She is a virgin, and he refuses to sleep with her despite her pressure to lose her virginity to him... She also goes to school and lives 2.5 hours away up state. Thing is, he still tells me he loves me, and she knows that he does too... However, when we're together, he acts like it is he and I that are BF/GF. Just the other night, we slept with eachother-- one thing led to another. He hasn't told her that we slept together, despite their "honest" relationship-- and I'm starting to have those "old feelings" rekindle. I know its not my place, but I feel its wrong for him to "cheat" on his GF with me-- even though I don't mind the attention. Thing is, I'm still in love with him too... What should I do?

Sounds like your lady friend is confused with what she wants, and what she doesn't want. Perhaps the break was her idea of just needing to be with her friends/family more-- since you spent everyday with eachother. But now, after your separation, she is starting to act like she's "by appointment only"-- then perhaps one can only suspect the worst... that she doesn't want to be with you, atleast right now. This isn't an excuse to "string you along" persay-- and I would suggest a nice talk with her... Try asking her again if she would like to join you for coffee or you would like to make her dinner at your house/apartment. You need to discuss your relationship, but try to avoid the blame game. Express to her that you feel the time you've spent away has been healthy for the both of you (always include yourself) -- but you were really curious to know how she feels about you. I'm not ssaying this is the easiest way, or perhaps even the smartest way to approach that-- but use your best judgement. If you've only dated for a year, 9 months of which you've lived together-- can be pretty stressful, even if things were going great. Let her know that you agree with spending time away from eachother, especially with other friends and family-- its healthy.... I hope this helps a little bit, good luck!

It sounds like to me that you both just need to sit down and talk things out one-on-one without distraction. Perhaps getting off on the hot-and-heavy foot was a little too fast for her. She got upset, and then said she didn't want to be with you-- then when you casually go to her job, and you are with your friends-- she thinks you're ignoring her. Definitely need to sit down with her, maybe over a quiet dinner at home or whatever and discuss how you'd like to continue the relationship/friendship.... Atleast establish what both of you want from your relationship, set a pace and take the path thats most comfortable.

Great advice from these folks, I completely agree with them-- I'd also like to elaborate on the whole space factor. Sometimes men who've been in a lot of relationships bad and good, are scared of love. Some see it as the most vulnerable point they can be in-- You don't want to try to force it down his throat.. Time and plenty of space will show him you respect his feelings, and that you understand--

Yes, the space issues were almost branched from it. Before we'd need space, but it was as easy as taking a walk or going into the other room. He makes it blatently obvious when she's coming over, or when he's going to see her because he cleans the house, shaves, blah blah blah... Yes, he has been honest from day 1, but he hasn't always respected my feelings. He is living out his past bitterness through me. Just the other night, we were all drunk (except him) and 'Jessica' and I went to lay down... well, he laid between us... and then rolled over and held HER all night.... I must have laid there for an hour before I just got up and left--- went to my parents house... His excuse for holding her was that "she was cold"--- About 2 hours before we all passed out, I asked her if he knew that she didn't like him like that... and she looked surprised at me and said , "He doesn't know?"--- His determination over it drives me crazy.. I'm not sure what to do with it, but yeah-- space--err absense makes the heart grow fonder.... Well see.. I'm hoping for some good results by the beginning of summer.

My friend, Believe me when I say-- RUN! Someone so manipulative will only destroy you in the end. Especially if her friends or acquaintances are threatening you...! What place is it of theirs? You are at a stage right now that isn't too committed.. You're not attached enough.. She sounds like she isn't ready for a relationship... Especially one who doesn't respect you in the least when it comes to how you feel. This is called emotional and mental abuse. I know, because I'm involved in a relationship that is emotionally/mentally abusive-- I have since ended it despite the threats of me being the worst person on the planet... IT hurt at first, but then I realized that I was better off because I deserve someone who respects me and who will love me for the way I am.... give unconditional love. In breaking it to her, you want to avoid the blame-game. Simply approach it with that you would like to "share something with her"-- if she gets upset, it will be your perfect window to express that you feel like you cannot connect with her on her level, that you simply do not understand what she needs--- remove yourself from the situation ever so subtly. It will cause friction, I guarentee that... but you cannot avoid it.. Just make sure that you understand (and more importantly) accept that you are better off without her... Don't let her "goons" GUILT TRIP you into staying with her.. Remember, your first instinct on things, is usually the right one.... And simply don't pass it off like a shortcoming.... There is NO excuse for someone who doesn't respect you-- it means they truly don't know what they have, or don't love you at all....

Depending on the intensity of the orgasm, there are a few signs. Mostly, you'll know when a girl climaxes, her body almost locks up... muscles (including the ones inside her) get very tight and taut. Sometimes, depending on the orgasm, it may cause her body to contract or vibrate a bit.. Usually also before a woman orgasms, her breathing pattern gets slower and deeper. Just remember that the zen of fingering a woman-- you need to FORGET everything you know that makes YOU get off... Women are very sensitive down there, and going in like a jack-hammer causing friction will almost always get you kicked right on the floor.. Try a new method, just a suggestion, but--- make sure your fingers are very wet, and try doing it a bit slower-- more or less just massaging the outside of her-- slow and steady will win you the race to a great orgasm that will have her clawing at your back! Good luck, young grasshopper..

First of all.. I congratulate you. IT took a lot just walking out on that, especially since you most likely have feeligns for your X. Trust your instincts.. You're most likely always going to be right. Your X is trying to take advantage of you in saying that he still loves you, and all the emotional rigamaroe that men like to do.... He's manipulative, and sounds like he doesnt like to lose. My best suggestion, is not to ever see him again. Your current BF as you said is a complete opposite of your X, give your new BF a chance. Think of it as youre not being fair to him.... Men do not like competition like that, and youve already tried to be friends with your X and it won't work.... just don't let it go to the point where it jeapordizes your relationship with your current man. Men don't push women away by being too smothery.... there are those who push them away (like me) by NOT being affectionate at all--- and being affectionate to another woman when I'm his woman... You're strong minded, I admire that. Instead of chocking it up as a loss..... think of "what did I learn from this past relationship?" Use that knowledge and apply it. It only makes you a stronger person and a better judge of character. Your X isn;t worth the cost of your current happiness... Be fair to yourself.....

Mar- How right you are.. Indeed thats what my gut has been telling me too. There is a saying that after 3 months, a person truly reveals how their personality is-- just the other week (about 2 weeks ago) he and her were hanging out, and they got on the topic of why men can physically fit to be in a job that women can't-- vice versa... As in security and heavy construction.. Her, being a total feminist, completely disagreed with him and portrayed the whole "I am woman, hear me roar" kind of attitude... which stiff-nosed him a bit. All I was hearing about him was him complaining that she was being a total b**tch about it, and it pissed him off. My gut also tells me that this friendship, whether by truth or prediction, would be short lived. She is completely a socialite, stuck on looks, a complete utter fashion guru and 110% concerned about what people think of her.. 8-[ She's also a neat-freak, and refuses to do anyting that could make her dirty. This is completely opposite of him as he is more "relaxed" and comfortable just letting things loose. His fashion drives her crazy, so she says. I have and will not confide in her about my relationship, friendship or not with my "boyfriend" [-( -- already, me being "not so available" to him has made him miss me a bit-- but subtly. He does lust after me too, but its a tough call when it comes to saying, should I openly mention that guys are cute too?? Taste of his own medicine... Sorry -- tried to jazz things up with the emoticons... I really hope that I can get some more feedback on this... SOmething just tells me to let this ride its course.....

Two words my friend: Money Grubber

You are a mirror image of my current boyfriend... Scorned by an ex over 10 years ago... I have learned to perservere with him and I believe he's beginning to trust again.. I've slipped up a few times, but I SHOW him I love him... He's never had that... Time only tells..... and I'm living proof that it can happen.. and did with me! As far as the girl you liked... she's moved on, my friend... I agree with Rainy... Just make sure that you hide your cell phone when you get drunk again... just so you don't get yourself in trouble in your inebriated state...

Sera- First of all, shame on everyone for viewing this over 25x and not replying to a girl in need.. Fear not, I perhaps have a remedy... For I have been involved in the same situation, and understand it better. Ian most likely feels this way because #1, he's a man... Men, by nature, are naturally competitive and possessive. I'm sure that Ian knows (before you told him Jeremy was moving) that you and Jeremy had a close relationship, dated and shared the "high-school sweetheart" phase of your life. NO man likes to compete with another... Sadly, I wish I had better news for you.. Ian will not ever like Jeremy because he was part of your past. Even though you swear until you're purple in the face that Jeremy and you are the bestest of friends, he has already expressed his discontentment with the relationship and labeled Jeremy "untrustworthy"-- You can't make anyone like anyone, unfortunately. I will agree that Ian is being a bit rash by telling you not to hang out with your friends.... or perhaps.. just THAT friend. The important thing to stress with Ian is that YOU love HIM... and that YOU are CHOOSING to MARRY HIM, not Jeremy. Men need CONSTANT reaffirmation that they are the dominant one of the males in your life. Again, naturally competitive. I would say, try not to bring it up to Ian-- all he sees it as (the more you defend it) the more he feels his jealousy is justified... I wish you the best of luck!

Yes, I agree... Online personalities differ greatly... There is no emotion in text, just words... Even now. About the Anger Management, this concerns me. The reason he probably didn't tell you was either A.) He's embarrassed about it.. or B.) He doesn't want to share that with you yet. Dating someone a week is hardly what I would call (yet) a committed relationship... You're barely memorizing eachother's phone numbers let alone find out what their personality is in full. My advice: Give your new beau some time to readjust to being someone's significant other. A simple little comment to him may come off like a "nag" to him.. Just sit back and think-- Why does ANYONE go to an Anger Management class? Seriously... think about it... right now... Ask yourself that------ Because they have anger issues... Classes like that are meant to control/remedy violent behavior in people. Just be careful.. Give him LOTS of understanding... and the most important thing you want to develop in him is a FRIEND FIRST... The best couples are friends first... Just be an ear to him, be patient and listen a lot... This will make him feel like your his confidant, and that will build a wall of trust between you... I wish you the best of luck!

Wow, someone that was like me back then when I was 16. Listen, kiddo.. Guys at that age ARE confusing... Gotta tell ya, the older they get... doesn't go away. I agree with just_smile... Maybe his bestfriend can help... BUT BUT BUT... you don't want to come on too strong. Guys that age get scared away EASILY.. Trust me. Play a little hard to get, maybe coyly shoot a little smile at him, but don't be obvious. You don't want to come off like you are obsessed about it-- but I know your heart just flutters when he looks at you! Don't let people lead you astray--- make yourself a little scarce, but not like you're trying to avoid him. Being confused does suck, honestly. Even at 23, I have a 33 year old boyfriend-- still confuses me. Play it cool.. Remember, PEOPLE LOVE RUMORS too.... just make sure that your sources are reliable ones and their not trying to string you up for disappointment or to be the brunt of a joke. I would hate to think all this was because their out to make a fool of you just because you're not as popular as the damned cheerleaders... I'll stay tuned for any progress you might have... Good luck, kiddo.

My boyfriend of 2 years isn't what you would call a popular guy. He doesn't have hardly any friends, and the ones he does are all guys. He's simple, practically poor-- but perfect. I care for him deeply.. Recently, we've both met an aquaintance that we've known out at one of the Renaissance festivals we all participate in. There were problems in our relationship, and yet he's never truly expressed the desire to want to date other people.... When he found out that this "aquaintance" (referred to as 'Jessica') liked him or was interested in becoming friends, he changed his tune... At Faire, we decided to be "just friends"-- and make things very casual, but still be together outside of the Faire scene. Upon discovering his new found "crush" on this 'Jessica'-- they've become quite the chums. Each weekend, he would make a point to hang out with her while we're at Faire, and even making it evident to me that he thinks shes hot, nice to talk to, etc. I decided not to be the 1-sided jealous girlfriend, and get to know her. Soon, "Jessica" and I became better friends and I was learning about her more and more. She is a nice girl, very friendly, extremely feminist. She is COMPLETELY out of my boyfriends league.... Physically and mentally. He is convinced that he is her confidant because she has had so many "bad" experiences both in relationships and sexually. He is 33 and she is 20-- I being 23. He believe that his "experience" will help remedy some of her phobias and bad experiences with life and sex. Meanwhile, she thinks we're "just friends" like everyone else does... Thsi goes against everything I ever believed and loved-- and it hurt me toknow that he was openly lusting over another woman. I tried confronting him on it, but all it turned into were cruel accusations that he thought I was cheating on him, and that I was just being jealous.... now its turned into "its none of your business"--- We all 3 tried hanging out together, but he becomes the 3rd wheel as us gals just "girl talk"-- I have made an evaluation of the situation, and confronted my boyfriend about the matter..... He told me before Faire that no matter what happened, he wasn't out to replace me or get another girlfriend or break up with me.... Long story short, I recently moved out of our apartment temporarily in admittance that we need space... However, have been told that scorning the friendship between them will only push him away from me. Lately, she's been MIA since she has finals-- and now he's all of a sudden interested in massages. She has confronted me on the issue as she "suspected" that there were feelings between he and I. She told me that she wouldnt do anything with him for fear that she'd lose my friendship over it.... and that she doesn't find him AT ALL physically or sexually attractive. She has told me that he is NOT her type and will never go there.... She has even told him that the only reason she was really affectionate with him one night was because she was drunk. A total slam to him... but still his determination persists... I've been told my a very good friend of mine who is a psychic that the friendship between them is short-lived... and that I shouldn't discourage their friendship, but join it. What should I do about my boyfriend's new chum? Its not exactly like he has a million friends or is by any means, sociable. HELP! ((sorry, the story is a little vague, but I tried to sum it up))