TrueHeart

I agree with sisterlynch. She is NOT your responsibility, the baby isn't yours either. She got herself in that mess, and just be thankful that she didn't 'trap' YOU that way. I have 3 brothers that got trapped the same way with their girlfriends (now wives) turned up pregnant-- just be very thankful its not YOU!!! Having left-over feelings is normal... but you are in love with who she WAS, not who she is-- which is a manipulative, pathological liar. That doesn't make you morbid to feel those things, because I believe you honestly DID give you and her a try and everything you had... Keep it friends only, but I think at this point, perhaps thats even being a little too generous-- you don't want to take the lime-light away from this guy whose the father of her child.. HE's the one who should be doting on her now. Perhaps its just smarter to part your separate ways, and just move on....

Play it cool. You don't want her thinking that you are a desperate fool because thats only an ego boost. I really hope that these things will work out for the better for you. You seem like such a great person.. Its a shame that someone has to take such advantage of that. There is a lot of self-therapy on this forum.. Lots of it, and lots of faceless friends that are in the same boat in the huge, stormy sea of trials and errors in love and war... You're welcome here anytime you need a friend.. there is ALWAYS someone listening...

She really needs to distinguish to her ex that she is a married woman now. I can understand if she wants to be friends, but getting excited by just talking to him? I do admire her honesty in telling you straight away, but I would question more or less HIS motives and not your wife's... Why is he calling her, and has access to that? That is not to say that you need to confront him, because you obviously have trust for your wife, and she needs to handle the situation. I would seriously sit down with her and let her know, openly and honestly about your discomfort with the situation. Let her know you do not understand why he is contacting you... since you're married, this kind of behavior from this guy is unappropriate.. Establishing and keeping trust in her will help keep you confident that she will handle it correctly, especially after the type of past they've had... COMMUNICATION will be your best ally.

I think its the loss that really gets to them. I am dealing with an ex that won't leave me alone either.. Even though we're friends, he still rages and gets upset when my phone rings when I'm hanging out with him. I think he honestly cannot handle that I have a life outside of him, or friends out side of him... In either case, he's acting like a spoiled child, and I'm about done with his drama. He claims to have moved on and left his 'baggage' behind, but is continually obsessed with my personal life and my past.... Some things never change...

Well I probably did a really stupid thing, but what the hell... I sent him a text message and haven't heard a response yet.. Here's what I sent... " I miss you" -- early this morning " So much for loving me... Thanks.. This is my last straw.. I want you.. Will you be with me, be my boyfriend." -- Apprx. 2 hours later " I'm beggin you Adam. Please let me show you the right way.. All you need to do is say yes, and I'll be there.. Just a simple yes." -- 10 minutes after the last text. I haven't heard a response... and I really don't know what to think. I am definitely NOT going to do it again. Its only been Day 2 of the NC-- and I'm going nuts.... I have no money to go out and keep busy, so I'm stuck at home... I need some help guys... Did I blow it??

Yes, you're right.. that does make sense.. I guess I will rely on fate, prayer and hope to really have this one turn out... It hasn't even been a day and already I want to send him a text message saying I miss him. How can I re-fall in love with someone so quickly again? Love... Its a crazy thing.. I hope this works... and our love is strong enough to lead him back to me...

You know what guys, you're right.. That was pretty much the message I left for him the last time I talked to his voicemail last night. In fact, you summerized it pretty good. If he wants to love me, miss me whatever... he can call me. I just need to know if that space will be any good? If not, will he think because I'm not calling/seeing him that I truly don't care??

Sounds to me, like she still doesn't know what to do.. and that the thought of losing you, ultimately. But you're right, if SHE is the one that wants to stay away-- and follow through, she does need to.. I think honestly though, she really doesn't-- and I see you two both getting back together soon... Make sure, after her trip, that you both sit down and talk your intentions out....

Depending on your relationship and what broke you up, beng friends with an X is good, but has its moments. Of course, if you were sexually active with that person, and the thought or sight of him/her openly pursuing another in front of you-- if that still bothers you, it might not be a good idea to work for the friendship until your feelings are solid that you are just friends and can accept that his behavior will change since you are not together anymore. Its a good thing to salvage a friendship from a failed relationship, for it IS true that some people are better as friends than lovers. Things are less complicated, and you'd find you get along better, fight less and have a better time.

I agree... this will negatively effect your rekindled relationship instead of what you hope it would do, and thats get the rebound to leave you alone. Your friend needs to really put her foot down and tell her to mind her own business. What she's doing is truly a shame, and is done out of irrationality and anger, but YOU CANNOT GET INVOLVED. This indefinitely will only complicate things with you and your old beau. If things start to complicate things in her job, your friend needs to really take things up with her supervisor and advice management that this person will not leave her alone, and is slandering her.. thats the important thing. At a job, that is a form of harassment- and as management, to keep harmony in the company, it is their job to monitor the behavior at work, but not to correct it entirely... Again, your friend needs to put her foot down.. Confront this person herself. But what you dont need to do is email her... No no no NO! Then you are leaving youself open to take on the cannon fire...

Its never easy for either party. The best way to really cope is keeping busy, quite honestly. Anyone that says that its easy to dump someone is absolutely wrong... unless particular circumstances allow... Even so, the pain begins... Keep busy... thats my own personal addition to this...

Hey guys-- Here's an update on my recent drama.. Adam left Jenna.. about a week ago.. I pretty much was treading softly at that point as I didn't know if anything would upset him or set him off.. Things seemed to go on as normal between us-- We went out a few times, to a local hangout that we frequent. On Saturday, he showed up unexpectedly there, but we still managed to have a good time playing volleyball and drinking. There were a few guys that I was just talking to, and being friendly to. Apparently, he really didn't like this, and blew it out of the water saying "All this does is just confirms to me you haven't changed!" Huh? All I was doing was talking to them, I didn't even give them a number or anything... in fact, we were talking about age-gaps. Apparently, a few minutes before, Adam heard the guy I was talking to say "Watch, I'm going to tap that ass!"-- which usually means the intention to sleep with that particular person... Called me over, and started talking again.. Well, I had no idea-- but I made light of a 2 minute conversation about age-gaps again, and walked away.. I never spoke to him again... Adam got really drunk, and drove home. Indeed a stupid idea, but he made it home safely. He was telling me that "I don't act like I love him" and all that crap.. I defended that I was only talking to him, and wasn't engaging in anything that would mislead this guy as I was in the middle of a volleyball game. Adam said that I don't make him feel good, and blah blah blah... I defended that he was being silly... and on top of that, I didn't want to mislead his friends into thinking that he dumped his EX for me... We were affectionate, but not over affectionate. I didn't want to crowd him or anything, or rush things too quickly. Now, I went to a premiere last night to see Dodgeball. Adam called me previously to see what I was doing, at which I told him. The premiere was over around 9:30 and I said I would stop by. By the time I got out of the movie, it was 10:15, and I started heading to his house. He had called a dozen times, sent text messages... When I showed up at his door, he had my necklace and earrings I left there, and gave them to me.. He told me to leave him alone and not talk to me again, and that he was sick of my excuses. Is he taking his XGF problems out on me? Should I leave him alone? I truly don't understand what is upsetting him, and I've asked him to explain it, and he said he doesn't want to.. He said I don't make him feel good at all. I asked him then WHAT has the passed 2 months been? I told him I felt like he was using me for an emotional tampon for his X, and I felt used. What should I do?? I couldn't sleep last night really, and I want to rectify this..

You're absolutely correct. Its the hardest part is trying to act like friends.. You are absolutely correct though, it needs to be 50/50-- mutually... Keep us posted!

Sometimes couples get soo involved with one another, they start taking things for granted. A 'break' usually implies time to themselves (you and him) to sort things out, regroup and come back fresh. In arguing, was it about past issues or little trivial things, like did he take the garbage out? I'm thinking that with a little patience, you might see him coming around again. ASK him what his break means.... does he want to see other people? Does he just need some time to himself? Remember the addage makes the heart grow fonder?" Also, take some time on this forum and READ other peoples stories about separation from one another... 8 out of 10 usually have good results depending on their situation. If he needs the break, what you don't want to do is start pressuring anything.. Ask HIM out on a casual date, coffee or something fun like mini-golf or whatever.... Keep things fun and stress-free... This is a toss up.... I hope that this helps you a little bit though... I'll stay tuned for more of your progress!

Wow. Sounds like my situation, except I'm the woman and in YOUR shoes. It does sound like that she is confused. You said she hasn't been single in 10 years?? She's probably going through some kind of separation-anxiety. People like that are afraid of being alone, even in her singledom, she was never totally alone because she had you. Why she is confusing you is very simple. She IS confused, still.. Regardless of how she wants to put it, that she wasn't happy, couldn't find herself, she STILL doesn't know what she wants. The time away from you, might have helped her-- but if she is doing all these things with you, my first instinct is to say that she really does still care for you.. She's comfortable with you, so its easy for her to just practically "jump" right in to some of the things you used to do-- date-wise. She misses this guy, but doesn't mind that he gets all pissed off that she's hanging with you?? Somethings wrong there. I feel you are being taken ADVANTAGE OF, not really for-granted. She is juggling you and this other guy, just like my XXBF was juggling me and his GF... Thing is, she will realize that though this guy is totally different from you-- he is NOT you. I truly believe this guy she's with is a major rebound.... why else would she then tell you that "maybe" you'd get together next year when she moves back....? I'm not sure if your intimate with her or not, but theres a BIG indication that she isn't as happy with his guy as she makes it sound. And your sudden grasp of attention and want to be committed to her has probably confused her and scared her a little too. How does she know that your not just saying that just to get her back? This is her thought-process. She doesn't want to be hurt again.. The best way to handle this situation, unfortunately, is to give it time... Do EXACTLY what you said you were going to do--- stop contact, and then after a while, re-establish it, and wait for HER initiative. This part will literally drive you crazy, but a little bit of patience may prove to be your greatest ally here. Either way, the time apart (without the phone calls 2-3 times a week) will help you gather your thoughts/emotions and hopefully get her to really see what life is like WITHOUT you alwasy being just a phone call away. Don't be so accessible, if she's jealous that your dating other people-- theres another indication that she still cares for you. Unfortunately, by hanging out with her, and pressuring her all the time, all your doing is pushing her more towards her new boyfriend, which I'm sure is pressure-free... Its stress she doesn't need.. If you are going to hang out with her, a suggestion might be to remain CASUAL-- not really affectionate.. Remember how you acted when you first met, THAT exact friendly-type of attitude, happy and ever-smiling. THATS the impression you want to portray, not a little-beacon of a man whose pouring his heart out for his ex... Believe me, she hears your pleas, but isn't listening to them. If she insists on being affectionate, YOU'LL have to be the one to deem that inappropriate.. and if she argues that, simply say very calmly that you don't want a part of her, you'd want the whole thing, and you don't want her to be unfaithful because her happiness matters to you.... Its little things like that; actions like that which will prove to be beneficial. Remember, a little patience in your corner, and you might realize that you truly don't belong together--- or, she might see that she did make the mistake... eitherway.. the ball is DEFINITELY in her court.....

Thanks guys-- Its hard sometimes, but I think I will address it like this if I'm ever put in a position to have to confront it: " I'm getting involved in a relationship, and I just wanted you to know that I'm not playing any games with you. I don't want this to complicate our friendship, so if you can't handle this, you need to tell me now. He knows your my friend, and my ex-- so theres no games there either. You're none of his business, and he is none of yours-- so I don't want you asking questions about anything that doesn't have to do with our friendship.." Pretty much like that... and if he can't handle it... Then I guess I have my answer... and if he can.. I don't have to worry.. Thing is, he IS going to care-- so I know that part is inevitable.. But you guys are right, if he can't hack it, its his problem... I have a feeling that this will be happening soon-- so I hope you guys won't mind if I follow up with this... (big swallow)-- oh boy...

Well now, lets not all just jump to conclusions, I'm sure there are details that Jony's aware of that he's not posting as well... Jony, you're right in thinking you need to play it cool. Its hard not to seem pushy, especially when you care and want nothing more than to just engulf yourself in it. But, the caution is still there. Giving her the time she needs to sort her feelings out with guarentee that you're not just a rebound and let her figure out that she DOES want you for sure. So you said you had a communication problem in your relationship-- just make sure that you don't make the same mistake twice. If her XBF and her rarely talked, and broke up because of it-- isn't that not the same reason you two broke up? Just recognize the situation first-- you've already identified the problem, communication. Make sure that you discuss how you feel, don't be afraid to tell her your feelings, otherwise you're making the same mistake that tore you apart, understand? In not wanting to seem too pushy, just casually ask her how she's feeling... You have to work from the friendship first, not the relationship mentality. Basically, keeping it cool, giving her time to sort things out to make sure that you don't get hurt again... Feel free to PM me anytime... Hope this helps

Basically, I am friends with my XBF (Earl) who doesn't know I am talking/hanging out/ possibly dating my XXBF (Adam)...I have told Adam that I am still friends with Earl , and he doesn't seem to mind as long as I'm honest with it. In my opinion I don't believe its anyone's business, but I don't want to lie to Adam since I'm trying to rekindle a relationship. Fact is, I know that if Adam and I become exclusive and start dating officially again, I will have to end my friendship with Earl indefinitely. I do not want the temptation or complication that will come with it.. Earl wouldn't tolerate Adam in my life when he was my BF, and still doesn't even as only my friend. I do care about Earl , and like his friendship-- but he's not THAT good of a friend, to be honest-- and one reason I broke up with him was that I couldn't picture myself in his life long-term. I do not want this to impose a problem on my potential relationship with Adam. Earl said he'd never speak to me again if he knew I was even associating with Adam-- but once again, I feel its not his business anymore what I do in my private life without him... I'm his friend... thats it, and he shouldn't dictate that. My problem is that I really don't know how to deal with the issue that if Adam and I get together, I have no idea how to really break it to Earl ...to just tell him "Uhh, I have to stop seeing you --just because"-- Any suggestions?? How do I address this when it becomes an issue?! Thanks guys! This will be a tough call...

I agree with Katie- You want to come accross very friendly, ever-smiling. Think about the person you were when you first started dating, or first met. If you really want to get her back, you have to work from a friendship first. Your instincts serve you correctly in not making it all mushy.. Perhaps, just perhaps she's using this as an excuse to see you, perhaps she isn't. You're the best judge of that, is she that impulsive? She most likely misses you too, but again, doesn't want to come on too strongly. The best thing to do is hope for the best and expect the worst-- that way you're not disappointed. She's made a commitment to go to her mother's afterwards, so you know that its on a time-contraint. I think this might be a good thing for you-- but you treading softly is a brilliant idea... I think you'll do well, whatever the outcome is.

I agree, and I'd like to elaborate. Anyone returning to their ex, says they truly never left them in their minds in the first place. Especially if he carried so much contempt for her at first. You were being the bigger person, saying he needs to face the music, resolve it-- bury it.. When it backfired. I do empathize with you. That must have been a hard decision. Sounded like you were a glorified-rebound to me... and that you, for lack of a better term, bought him time long enough to realize obviously that he still loved her. Shame on him for putting YOU through that when he should have done that alone. You have every right to still feel sad and sickened by that when you've been hurt. But don't let that sucker you back into letting him manipulate you. Get it in your mind that he's back with his X, and you're out of the picture.. HIS loss, not yours. If he wants to remain friendly, fine.. Just make sure that you're not so predictable or accessible. If he calls wanting to hang out, even though you're dying inside, just say 'no thanks, I've made plans, but can we catch up another time..?'- if he gets mad at that, clearly he's being selfish and still thinking YOUR life needs to revolve around his... thats not respecting your individuality, identity, personal choice--- especially after what he put you through. I know it hurts, I know you long for him... but if ever you get sad about the way things were... just remember the same instant he told you or you found out about him and his X-- remember that pain... and it will help you better understand why you're better off without a player like him. Most importantly, keep posted on here for more advice and help-- this is exactly the therapy you need....

I agree 100%- I am friends with my Ex-- so when I get in a relationship with someone, they'll know he and I are just friends, but that means that I have to follow a certain etiquette when you're in a relationship. Some behavior is no longer appropriate when you're already involved... Apparently this girl doesn't seem to think so-- and she's misleading you into thinking its harmless when I guarentee its not. Run away, friend.... Run like the wind...

Nicely put. Still, I dislike JLO and agree she should keep her legs closed and perhaps her mind on singledom.. She's just a spoiled brat in my opinion... She KNOWS shes gorgeous, thats her problem. Ahh me, it only proves that love after a looooooong time of wrong attempted relationships still prevails! =D>

Indeed, gentlemen. She's the one whose confused him. I can see that too! Even though its a matter of time, I'm am remaining everlastingly patient. I want to make sure that if he does want me back, its for good-- and I'm not the rebound this time... He seems pretty determined, and because I know him-- I know he is determined. The situation changes everyday. I know things might get worse before they get better. Mmm.. Oh, and about the SuperGirl thing: Heh heh, yes I do love Superman, the avatar and references do show.. I wanted a user name that was more appropriate I guess for the forum... TrueHeart, since I believe in a true heart and true feelings, seemed to fit. Thanks again xxatti-- I've been wondering things myself with the whole scenerio. She's hurt him by hiding their relationship when she doesn't need to. He doesn't understand it because when you love someone, you should be proud to claim them as your own, no matter what.... He loves like I do, with his WHOLE heart-- so for this reason, above all, she annoys him.. because her actions are not a true representation of how someone is suppose to love unconditionally.

Well don't be a stranger! Perhaps you can logon everynow and then and help others out too! I'm glad you are growing and seeing things for the truth... Good luck! And you're welcome

You know my view... J LO discovered that Ben just didn't want to be Mr. Lopez instead of Mr. Affleck. Yes, I geinuinely feel bad for him. He's a fox, I'd love to have the opportunity to even SEE him let alone date him. I think the most successful relationships (perhaps) that celebs have is with some no-name or with a fan.... Thats practically what John Travolta did-- Kelly Preston and him have been married for almost 20 years. Same thing with Mel Gibson and his wife... The lime-light tends to really destroy relationships very quickly.. But relationships like Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt's are very unique.. and they have the right mentality. Poor Ben... I really don't like J Lo.. I think she's a man-eater and even though she's talented and gorgeous, I think she needs to be exiled to an island with no mirror and no men!!! :splat: