adb72

It's been a little over a month since my ex broke up with me. It was so hard at first. I was used to seeing or talking to her every day. I've known that No Contact is the way to go, but that just hasn't happened yet for any extended period and some days are good, others aren't. I've got some of her things and vice versa. The longest we've gone without talking is 4 days. Today will be day 5. Some periods of space feel good - that I can move on and I'll be ok. Other days I feel like there's an infinite pit in my chest and I can't get her out of my head. But overall I'm doing better and the reality of "this is how it is now" is sinking in. Went on a date with a girl I've been attracted to, but it felt awkward and I'm not sure if I'm ready to date again right now or not. I guess this is just to vent. Taking it one day at a time, putting all her things away, not talking to or seeing her - it all adds up to healing. It's incredibly hard forcing yourself to fall out of love. At least for me it is.

Well, today is a little better. I really appreciate all the help. It's tough to think I'm just being strung along and that her attention isn't affection. We both want to be friends still, but I know that I am still too emotionally invested to continue to see her. Last night was one of the first nights I actually slept ALL NIGHT. I usually have horrible dreams and wake up for an hour or so with thoughts of her racing through my mind. But I re-read everyones postings, thought positively and tried to be strong. My emotions are torn; part of me can't wait to see her this weekend, and part of me KNOWS it's just going to set me back. Should I be cool and calm when dealing with her again? Don't be emotional and tell her I missed her? I don't want to play games, but I don't want to feed this rollercoaster. After Tuesday, i can close it all down, but I kind of dread the next few days. Being around her is going to be a HUGE test, and probably pretty painful after she's gone home.

I know I have to be firm and tell her I need time and space to get over her, but unfortunately there are a few loose ends we have to tie up and we won't be done with that till next Tuesday. Also, and I know I shouldn't let this bother me, but she left on her business trip yesterday and I can't stop thinking about her. She's in Vegas for a convention, and she's incredibly attractive and gets hit on CONSTANTLY. In our relationship, I was secure and never felt threatened, but I can't shake the feeling or vision of her surrounded by all those guys. And I know I should just let it go and say to myself that she can do whatever she wants, but it's hard. We have to see each other this weekend. Then on Tuesday. I know it's better for me to act calm and collected, but inside I'm hurt and saddened and I know I shouldn't harbor thoughts of getting back together, either, but until I can get her out of my head, I still want her. This is painful, and I think it'll get worse till Friday or Saturday, when she gets back.

Here's the run down: Split up with my girlfriend of 2 years in February. We've been On again/Off again till about a month ago, when she startted calling less, coming around less, etc. She told me that it's really, really important to her to remain friends - she "see's me as someone who will be in her life forever." So do I. Now, we didn't really communicate too well in these last few months. But we DID sit down last Thursday and hash out everything that's been happening since the "break-up". She said that soon after the break, she thought she wanted to try to make things work again (she never told ME) and that's why we were on/off so much. Well, I told her that I feel strongly for her still and can't imagine her with someone else (even though she went on a date 2 weeks ago), so until I can get there, I will need time away from her. She said she understood. That I was the best boyfriend she's ever had, and that she didn't really want to plot out how much space we'd have. Hmmmm. We've got a few mutual things in each others apartments that we need to get to each other, so we know that we have to deal with that still. But here's the thing Thursday we talked till midnight. That's when I told her that if we aren't together, I need space to heal. She CALLS ME on Friday, just to say 'hi 'and to let me know what she's doing on Saturday. No contact Saturday, Sunday or Monday. But she apologises for NOT calling on Sunday. (???) Then she calls me today to tell me she's going out of town on a business trip and doesn't know if her cell will work, and that she'll call me when she gets back into town. I though I made myself clear. I love her and want her back, but if SHE is following through with the split, I need some space. So here's my main question What is illiciting this behavior? I mean, I love to hear her voice, but she KNOWS I'm still in pain and miss her. She claimed to understand what i was saying on Thursday. I just don't understand what she's doing. Any insight would be nice!! THANKS!!

Here's the concise version of what's going on... and I need advice today!! My girlfriend and I "broke up" in February. We stayed together basically as if nothing had changed. I took this as a sign that maybe we could work things out. But a month ago, suddenly, she started really pulling away. Now, we talk maybe twice a week and I've only seen her once in 3 weeks. Obviously something has changed again. I still love her, but realize that I have to let go. She doesn't feel the same way anymore. After work today, I'm talking to her to finalize everything... ask the questions that have been bothering me and vent some of my sadness and frustrations before a period of No Contact. Here's my dilemma: Of course I'd love to be back with her. What, if any, are some basic guidelines as to what to say and what NOT to say? I know... no begging and whatnot. I'm not going there. We're just saying goodbye for now. I'm meeting her after work today and I'm using this time to prepare myself mentally for what I know is going to be a painful and emotional experience. Any advice on what to say or how to phrase things is greatly appreciated!!

Yeah, I've been told that it looks like she wants the best of both worlds. I know she honestly is VERY busy right now. And I know that she obviously needs space now. until we talk, I feel like everything is up in the air - we've split up before for 3 months and came back stronger, but I also promised myself that I will never wait around and pine away for someone. I learned that the hard way years ago. I just want to see and talk to her again (of course), but I know it will send me back to square one as far as healing is concerned. Right now, I think "ok, well its been 4 days without talking to her. That's the longest we've ever gone. She'll call tonight... or tomorrow." I realize that's not good. But we never even talked about No Contact. She just calls every few days. We haven't even talked about what's happening between us these 3 weeks! I just feel that I still need some closure!!!

Sorry this is so long, but I want to give you the whole story!! I was best friends with a girl for 2 years. We got to know each other on a very personal level, and we were made aware of each others personality traits and quirks. After 2 years, we started dating. We had a good relationship - few arguments and we were very compatible. We dated for another 2 years. In February, I asked her how she saw us in the future, expecting to hear that she felt the same way I did - long term committment. Instead, she started crying and said she loves me but can't see us as long term! I was devastated. She said there were some trust issues from my past that she could not get over. Since we were best friends AND lovers, we decided to break up to preserve our friendship. We didn't want to see the relationship atrophy and for each of us to resent the other. It was important for both of us to remain best friends. We tried to get some space for about a week, but then we seemed to be sliding back into our old comfort zones. We acted like we did when we were still dating. Nothing changed. Nothing. I saw this as a good sign. Maybe we can work things out. About mid April, she started distancing herself again. She had a lot going on in her life and I thought she was just trying to catch up - again, I've known her for 4 years and I know how she copes when she stresses. But we never really talked about it and the distance got further and further. We still told each other that we were each others favorite person, and she'd give me big hugs or snuggle next to me while we watched a movie. But sometimes she wouldn't call me for 3 days, where we usually talked many times a day. I saw all this as mixed signals giving me false hope. We stopped kissing about a month and a half ago, I saw her less and less, and two weeks ago, she said she had been very emotional the past few days and that she wanted me to know that it is very, very important to her that we remain best friends, even though she knows I'll be with someone else one day. I agreed, but told her I felt we were still kind of together, and she said she realized that. She cried, I consoled her and that was that. Two days later, I hadn't heard from her since then, so I called her up that night. No answer, but she returned my call an hour later. She said she was grocery shopping, and then was going to hang out with some guy I have NEVER heard of before. I was very upset, finally realizing what she was telling me the past few weeks. She could tell I was shocked and I thought she was seeing someone now, but she told me "It's not like that, but when it IS, I hope you'll be cool with it, since we talked about this!" and she said she'd call me later that weekend. Never heard from her for 4 days. So it's been 2 weeks now, and she's called me a few times. I told her I need some closure and wanted to talk, but she says she needs to give me all her attention for that discussion and after she moves into her new apartment at the beginning of this month, she'll talk. We saw each other last Friday and I had some pictures I'd just developed - she wanted all the ones of me. Didn't hear from her till Monday when we talked briefly. Anyway, I'm upset, I feel very much alone even though i try to keep busy. I WANT to remain friends, but I think of her with other people and it kills me. It's been 3 days since we talked and every day seems like an eternity. WHAT DO I DO TO SAVE OUR FRIENDSHIP AND STILL HEAL? Any thoughts and advice would be VERY welcome!!