TrueHeart

Well, after 2.5 months-- the hurt can still be there.. However, him flaunting it in front of you might just is rude, perhaps even if he's been really cordial to you otherwise-- then again, he might not think that it bothers you anymore. Personally, I would just really blow it off the best you can. You know there will be others out there for you to enjoy as well, the last thing you want to do is look like a jealous XGF who can't get over her XBF after 2.5 months.. Just isn't fair to you ultimately....

Well in response to Hockeyboy-- yes women are evil, but not all of them-- Try not to be so one-sided sometimes... There's a lid for every pot. Evan, just letting you know, I think that you are doing a hell of a job really maintaining your firmness on NOT calling her back. I know that it is hard and I'm sure that there were times you wanted to really call-- but just remember what you told me once before-- she's a cold-hearted person who doesn't think of anyone but herself... and she's one-sided... I'm sure her calling was in good-intent, but the damage is done. I would not return the phone call. You called to wish her well for her birthday, not get reaquainted, right? Leave it at that...

Well, my first impression says that he's getting a taste of his own medicine and doesn't like it. He was the one being childish by being so rude to you when you were trying to be friendly a while back.. I honestly think you're on the right track in thinking that you don't want to be his friend.. He's nothing but drama.. and if his definition of childish is how YOUR acting? I wouldn't want to be what HE defines of as an 'adult'--- don't you? His message sounds catty and brass-- and he's meaning to be sarcastic and wants you to feel bad--- your first impression of it, was correct

What did you do?? If you cheated or were unfaithful in anyway, gaining that kind of trust back is extremely difficult and is certainly NOT over night. She might have already moved on, or still (most likely) feels the hurt of what you did to betray her. Breaking trust in someone is like breaking a china plate, you can glue it back together again, but its not as pristine and strong as it was before...

I also agree that once in a while is permissable, even just to say hi every now and then-- but quite honestly, if its for health reasons, HE really needs to get a grip that his ex-wife has moved onto another relationship. Even though the love she has for him is a doting one, like mother and child-- she needs to really understand that she is NOT his mother and HE is NOT her child. I do not blame you for not committing until all communications cease, for that would be complicated on both of your sides. Perhaps you might need to sit down and help her understand that you love her, you're NOT jealous of the time, but you feel that if you take your relatioship into a committed marriage, you do not want anything to really take away from YOUR time with her as her NEW husband. If she is committed to the relationship, and sees how much this might bother you-- atleast I hope she would come to a compromise if not completely understand where you are coming from. This seems a little more complicated than you are letting on, so I don't know how much help this can be..

It does make you sick to your stomach. Even though it seems impossible, those visions will eventually fade out. Its hard not to think about something like that. In this particular situation, I would use the time to really rediscover yourself and grow to accept that you both arent an item anymore. If you still work together, this might be increasingly hard. If she doesn't want to see you for a few weeks, take the time and use it to YOUR advantage. Get your mind on every-day things, instead of wondering what or who she's with ... Only when you start focusing on yourself will your horrific illusions go away.

Make that 3 concurrances.. You really should just ignore the call... Curiosity killed the cat... Satisfaction brought him back.. Just don't be the one who the curiosity kills and make the phone call... Be strong... He'll call back.

OOoook-- wait wait wait... Hold the phone... You mean to tell me that you broke up with your XGF-- 2 weeks after breaking up with her-- so you only really gave your XGF 2 weeks to really get over things and move on? Or more or less, give yourself time to move on?? You are really walking on eggshells, to be completely 100% honest with you. If your XGF has a personality disorder, don't you think that the way she's acting now might be a dramatic representation of that? You said you didn't break up with her because of her disorder, but the medications?-- so ergo, you DID break up with her because of the medications making her personality worse. Ahh hon, things might be only the tip of the iceburg. I hate being the devil's advocate, but you really need to tell your XGF that you cannot talk to her anymore. If you've only been dating this new GF for 2 weeks, I personally think you're moving a bit too fast for everyone's pace, including your own. Your XGF isn't quite detached herself from you, and she has lingering feelings that she's trying to understand.. Even though I'm sure you're much happier without her and with your current girlfriend (now)-- you need to end even talking to your XGF.. Bottom line: You're not being fair to yourself.... or your new GF by not giving yourself time to heal from this last break.. Right now, she is miscontruing all of your gestures of attempting to be a caring friend, and she's trying to guilt you into taking her back (i.e. knowing that you still love her, and throwing it in your face) She's obviously hurt, and needs to be left alone, ESPECIALLY if you're already involved with another person----- does she know that? I'm sure you probably haven't told her as you might not know where it goes or you don't want to hurt her. Yikes, kind of in a sticky situation, but I'm sure everyone can partially agree that you need to really stop talking to your XGF, especially if you've already moved on (very quickly) to someone else.....

Quite honestly, she is upset right now.. and you're right... what she means by not seeing you again, atleast for now, should be taken quite seriously. However, since you did admit to badgering her with text messages/emails or whatever, did you honestly expect her reaction to be accepting? Just a thought. Also, in conclusion of this-- yes, she will think about the good times, but she will distance herself from this-- All you have done is remind her of the bad you.. and the negative things she doesn't like.. This makes it easier for her to just walk away. You need to just really distance yourself now. Stop worrying about what she thinks, what she's doing-- focus on yourself, rediscover your identity. If she comes around (that is an IF, so no false-hopes here)-- just remember to be friendly, casual and ever-smiling.. If you happen to bump into her, keep it light, casual, concise.. and DO NOT engage in arguing or in any attempt to try to convince her to take you back.. Hang out with friends, go see movies, take a vacation.. Just keep yourself busy.. you'd be surprised how the days will fly and each day, it will hurt less and less...

Once you love someone, they will always be apart of your heart. Especially one that you gave your virginity to. The important part is to really sit down and think to yourself if you're truly happy. You don't want to be unfair to this new girl you are seeing by leading her to believe your love for her is all hers.. Be honest. Perhaps let her know things are moving a little fast/slow/whatever, and you just need some time to really get your X out of your system.... Of course, that depends on when you two broke up?? How long ago after the breakup did you start seeing this new girl?

Well, I have a slightly different perspective. I've recently been out of trying to rekindle with my XBF, and we had trust issues too. If your heart is more in place with your X, go for it.. but TELL THE OTHER MAN that you don't think things will work because of the distance, and truly, it wouldn't. Its also not fair to you in anyway to really be tied down to someone you cannot even see or hold anytime your heart desires... Thats not to say it wouldn't work, but your XBF coming back has confused you into choosing. You must choose. If you work things out with your XBF, you need to rebuild the trust again, so you don't want to go head-first into this rekindled relationship with a skeleton in your closet. The choice will be hard and painful (depending on how attached to this long-distance lover)-- but for the sake of your own sanity... You must choose.... Don't make the same mistake my XXBF made with me-- he WOULDN'T choose between me or his XGF, and we both ended up getting hurt... and me walking away.... You want to get off on the right foot.... Follow your heart, but let your head do the thinking.

Well, I can sympathize. I never truly got over my XXBF, even after and during me dating my XBF for 2 years... Its more or less the closure you need, even saying hi-- Just take into consideration though (and expect) that he has moved on, and may or may not accept your gesture of friendship. If calling to say hi after all these years, it might be a welcome surprise.. Try it... worse possible scenerio: atleast if it doesn't work, you will have the closure you need...

Sadly Rich-- thats exactly how it usually goes. You remain friends until one of you gets attached to another and then the relationship changes from friendship to a mild aquaintance--- and the transition is NOT fun at all..

You're exactly right.. I know first hand. Its difficult, but as much of a jerk as my XBF was (Earl)- I am better friends with him now than I was when we were going out. Adam (my XXBF) has lost the sense of friendship, and I cannot trust him with anything. I know that he tries to test me sometimes by throwing a tantrum because he knew I was a very nurturing person-- so he'd take advantage of that... As far as Earl.. we're just good friends.. But it did take a while for us to get this way... There are still lingering feelings, but they're more subtle now that we've been apart for so long.

Well, it is a cute picture... Surprisingly, I actually resemble this cartoon of Supergirl very much.. heheh... You remind me of the older Anakin Skywalker... which isn't bad because he's a fox!

What a great way to put things! I will indefinitely practice this routine and spread the word. As my Mom always said, your first instinct is usually the most correct one... in reference to the gut feeling... Thats what prompted me to go to his house where I caught him cheating... and what prompted me to assume that Jenna and him weren't over entirely-- BOTH times I just listened to that little voice, and it turned out to be right.... Thank you once again.... from the bottom of my heart

I agree. I still have things from my ex-fiancee almost 8 years ago... now that the burn is gone, it just brings back a lot of great memories instead of remembering the pain right now.. It just reminds me of a happy part of my life when things were so innocent and fun.. I spent a good portion of my teenage youth with him... He was my first, my highschool sweetheart-- all in one.. Now that I've completely moved on from him, I can look at those things and think "Hey, I had a really great time.." But the pain has to be gone.... otherwise, destroying them might hurt you later because they will be gone forever without any memberances of a good time....

It seems like it is a bit too soon. I'm in the middle of trying to cleanse myself from my X, and seeing him too soon has proven to me nothing but disaster... Not to say that will happen with you... but perhaps waiting a little bit until he comes to you would be ideal.

Folks, and especially Beec, Jake and CP-- I thank you very much.. You all have been my driving force in confirming gut feelings I've had for a while. I sincerely do not want to go to Sedona with him, even though it would be fun-- YOU'RE ALL RIGHT The lingering doubt or curiosity, rather, of Rocky Point, Jenna and even last night will just kill me from the inside out. There is nothing he could say or do that would ever satisfy my curiosity, ever completely convince me that anything's truly changed-- which is why i have had this epiphany: I have taken a different light.. He is NOT the man I fell in love with all those years ago. He's different, more selfish and is completely content with being in the middle of this soap-opera he's made. His meek attempts at affection towards me since that dreadful Thursday night, I cannot see or even feel as genuine. I must accept that those things are lost, and the only thing I've gained at this point is another heartache-- but I've learned to never step on my shadow again. I insisted that he take someone else to Sedona, despite his desperate attempts to tell me that he still really really wants me to go with him. I thought about that whole "I'll go to Sedona with you, but only if things are mutually exclusive between you and I"-- But then, I started thinking about that..... If I take him back, will he insist on remaining 'just friends' with Jenna--- his track record indicates YES... and I cannot handle that, nor will I accept it. I made the sacrifice with a friendship to my XBF for his comfort and at-ease, with just as much to 'lose'-- but he couldn't even return the favor.... In conclusion.. I cannot commit to someone who won't even meet me halfway as a friend-- and especially not a lover... Even though he claims to have not chosen her for a relationship-- actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words.... I just don't logically understand why someone could do something like that to another person... thats my dilemma. Puts a new meaning to the phrase "Is that your final answer?" Should anything new transpire, I will let you all know.. Thank you so much everyone... Thanks for returning the favor

I'd like to first start by going through the last post one-by-one because it has a lot of great points in it-- and maybe I can help defend my position a little better... Please don't ever think that. If I didn't want to accept advice from all sides of the spectrum, I surely wouldn't be on a forum... I value everyone's opinion here MORE than I do people in my everyday life-- its a great way to get an outside opinion without bias. Somehow I also believe that I am really NOT being cold-shouldered enough.. I've ignored 2 of his calls that came in last night really late (probably after the date)-- because I really didn't care what he had to say. The XBOX was a long-time planned gift I had been saving for for a better part of a month. Non-refundable, not returnable, and I won't ever use it personally... Yes, its a large present, but thats how 'mislead' I was into believing how serious things seemed.... I don't care who plays it, or anything like that.. As far as I'm concerned, its a piece of metal and plastic to help him stay in his juvenile state....(no offense to those other game console players) There is in no way anything pleasureable about this experience. The sickness in my stomach, the confusion- I do want it all to end, and for me to have a relatively logical understanding of it. His behavior is NOT acceptable-- I'm not happy with him at all. I've asked him to leave me alone, but he won't-- he's always "concerned about me" or "feels guilty because he hurt me"-- I am rather NOT interested in his excuses. Thats why I really truly don't want to go to the Casino with him and my other friends, because just listening to his tone, it would only be out of pity or guilt that he'd be taking a vacation with her, and then not with me-- I think perhaps she got jealous I was taking a vacation with him, which prompted (perhaps) her invitation to Mexico. Admit it? Never. And he might think he's a ladies man, but I'm not going to be in the middle anymore. I feel about as special as a 3 foot tall pile of used toilet-paper....

OK, tonight we were texting all before he went on his little dinner with Jenna. I bought him an XBOX for his birthday (non-refundable or returnable) so I have to give it to him... we were discussing it. He wanted to give me money for it, and I said not to bother. Then he started talking about our trip to Sedona: Sent a message: "Will you go with me still to the casino (Sedona)" and I replied with: " We'll see.. It depends on you. Don't go out of pity for me, you can take whomever you want, no matter the original plans.. I'd like to go, but its not up to me." His reply was: ""Yes, I want to and will STILL want to go with you." He hasn't replied since (assuming hes on his cozy date, which I'm sure hes forgotten all about me)-- and I don't intend on calling him or making ANY moves from today on... Our Sedona trip is Labor Day weekend... who knows what will transpire. BUT!! Why would he say such a thing.. I told him he could take ANYONE, even Jenna-- I didn't care.. Shes 19 today, so maybe she'd like that... But he wants to go with me... Am I wrong in being so cold-shouldered?

I don't know in that department. He just called me to make sure I was ok ( I left last night in pretty bad shape, but said I needed to be alone )-- he said that he "feels responsible for hurting me in everyway"-- I said that I didn't know what to say, but I wished him the best on his dinner tonight with Jenna saying "Well, have a good time tonight."-- I think acting like it doesn't bother me, bothers him more persay.. I can't figure that out. He feels really bad though, but I said that I didn't know what to say to that. His birthday is coming up soon, and after that, in 2 weeks, he's planning on going to Rocky Point, Mexico with her and some of her friends... and then 2 weeks later, we were suppose to go to Sedona for the weekend at a casino-- I don't know.. I really want to stay away from him.. but the thought of her and him together --- out of sight, out of mind. He'll forget all about me...... and at this point, he needs to be without me to see what its truly like... What confuses me is that he said today "he feels responsible for my pain"-- but during our conversation last night, he said everything but that... does that mean he's thinking about it???

Thanks folks... It is very difficult.. And believe me, I've said that to him about Jenna too-- and he said he doesn't want her either, but its just the things he does for me... bought ME flowers when he screwed up with me, but didn't do that to Jenna... Spent and entire weekend with me over July 4th, spends most of his time with ME... I just don't get it... He said he is afraid to lose me, and he doesn't want me to go away.. But he won't chase me, he will let me do what I want to do... If I walk away, how do I know I'm even leaving an impression?

I'm just so sad, and I can't get rid of this hurt.. and the sick thing is, that if I walk away--- I know he's lost nothing (even though he claims he has lost me)-- he has another to run to. He's playing games... but I guess if I walk away-- what should I expect?? I know he'll call, I know he'll want to comfort me.. but what now?

After all we've been through in the past 3 months, and when I've finally told him how I feel, finally said to him that I love him enough, and want to try again-- he said that he's not ready. Though I admire his honestly that he's not ready to share a relationship and commitment because he doesn't trust himself, and he again, doesn't want to be hurt again. He still talks to Jenna, still wants to just hang out with her-- but insists that he in no way wants to rekindle a relationship with her. He carries on just how he has. He knows he has to make a choice between everyone, but he doesn't want to hurt anyone. Today is her birthday, and he's taking her out to dinner, at her request. Everytime the phone rings, my stomach turns.. I have been uneasy for the past 2 weeks. And in 3 weeks, he's going to Rocky Point with her and some friends... Last night I finally told him that I couldn't handle what was going to happen.. I just can't take it... but I love him. I just feel like he really doesn't understand me. He knows I love him, and knows I desire to be with him-- but he's not ready.. He did say he only has a quarter of his life figured out, and he's still unsure about a lot of things. My question is, what now??? Where do I go from here? I can't handle him hanging out with her and carrying on the way he does.. and he knows this. I want him so badly, and I told him I desire no one else but him-- that I've made a sacrifice of a friendship with MY XBF, just to ensure that there wouldn't be temptation or distraction---- Why is he doing this? He doesn't like seeing me cry, and I know that the next 3 weeks of events are just going to gut me! Help, guys... I'm really at a loss here.