Jake212

I have a question about on-line and relationships, Here is an excerpt of a letter I wrote that explains it.. He said he noticed it three times this weekend and he is right. I did get upset when he got on-line a couple of times this weekend. Once when we were playing cards after an hour he popped open his lap top to check his emails and other stuff. Sunday morning we were in bed, woke up, he reached over and picked up the laptop and started surfing, I turned cold, got up and did other things.We went for a Sunday drive and spent hours together, we hot home and we both worked on our computer for a couple of hours. We made dinner together, had dinner, played scrabble and started to watch some TV. Very nice. during a commerical he want me to bring his hand held computer to him to check on-line. I brought to him and went into the bedroom and put laundry away and made up the bed until he was off the computer. I then went in the living room and we watched a little TV then went to bed. I think those were the times I feel he was talking about. I don't know if he is on-line chatting or not but this is bothering me and I feel really guilty about it. He leaves the computer running all the time and leaves his chat lines open all day so he can answer them when he goes in a room. We have a computer in the living room, study, our bedroom, and two floating laptops. I don't mind him being on the computer but when we are doing something the he breaks the moment to check on-line to me its like he puts us on hold for a moment. Now he wants to talk about it and I feel sick to my stomach, he says I'm jealous of the computer and of his chat buddies. I say I'm not and he wont believe me, I feel more neglected than jealous, I feel that sometimes he is not in the relationship when he is constantly on-line.

Hey, I have a question about getting back together. I recently got back together with my bf after we broke up for about 3 weeks. After the break up I did the No Contact because he wanted space to be who he was, thereforeeee I gave him space, lots of space. Well, he contacted me and wanted to talk and to say the least we are back together. Apparently he got to "find" himself while we were apart and has told me some of the things he has done, and has questioned me about my activities while we were apart. I have told him I dont want to know what or who he has done while we were apart and wont tell him what I did while we were apart. I want to start fresh and let the past be the past and frankly I dont think its any of my business what he did while we were apart. The problem, (always a problem) is that he keeps dropping hints or flat out telling who he was with and what he did while we were apart to the point last night he told he was with 3 different people, previously he said he wasnt with anyone. I immediately told him that I dont want to know what he did and wanted to leave it at that. Well, today I'm obsessing about this comment and want to know what happened and if he was actually with these people (I think he is just trying to get a rise out me). My heart tells me to let it go, my head wants to know what he did. Should I just let this go and tell him to quit bring up the things he did while we were apart?

He has only expressed that he likes having people want him and then denying them. He does want to do the artistic photos and I dont have an issue with that, I'm artist and have nude models pose for me, so it would be hypicritcal of me not to let him pose for others. But the whole stripping thing, I guess you could look at it as an artform. I mean when we started dating we were out at a club and he "showed someone the goods", after that the person asked me if we had group sex and want to know if he could join. It all seemed so tacky and sleezy. There is no comprimise on this issue he says he is going to do it.

I have been dating a guy for 6 months now. We are in a commited relationship and I have no fear of him cheating on me. Here is the issue: He is an exhibitionist, he wants to start stripping for people over the internet (via cam) and display nude photos of himself (not artistic) for people upon request. He did this occansionally before we started dating and quit after we were in a relationship. He wants to start doing it again, he even suggested to personal shows for people at their home, he has done this before and says its not about sex its about him showing off his body. I dont like this and dont want him to start doing these shows. I dont mind him posing for artistic photos and if fact if he wants to thats fine, but I dont like the fact he wants to internet sites with him in explict scenes and doing strip shows. I believe that it takes the intimacy from a relationship and I scared how far it will go. He says he has no problem showing someone anything if the want to see it. He says I'm a prude and reaffrims it wont lead to affairs of sexual contact.

I think its insecurity. Will he get over it? That is entirely up to him. Can it be overcome. YES! I overcame a lot of my jealous nature but it wasnt easy, an it seems like it is tested everyday. But know matter how much your reassure him this is something he must due for himself. He has to have faith in himself before he can have faith in you. Walking on eggshells all the time is not helping. You have to be yourself and hope he accepts it, if he doesnt then that is his problem and maybe its time to move on.

All of the above! Just ask her why she didnt ask you to go. I would tell her your jealous, probably a good reason why she is going alone. Then let her go and have fun.

Thanks for the help, I guess it comes down to personal belief and self-estem. I guess I knew that answer, but it also about faithfulness and decency (decency in my point of view). Partners are not suppose to behave that way in my view. When you make a commitment to someone you adbide by those ground rules set by each other. If one breaks those rules or throws off your feelings as inconsequencal, its time to move on. Thanks again...

hey, I wanted to ask everyone about envy and jealousy. I've read article upon article about jealousy and still cant get a handle on this subject or my jealous emotions. What is it and can it control your life and destroy relationships? If you see your partner kissing someone else on the dance floor admist a flirtation does that constiute a jealous reaction, even if they say it was nothing? Is jealousy nothing more than someone reacting to the past? Is a greater self-estem the only way to beat the jealous emotions or should you place boundries on your partner? How do you stop all the "stories" one makes up about thier lover cheating or thinking they will cheat? Any reaction to this article would be appriecated.

Hey Alex, Sounds like your making some good decisions toward your friend. Take it slow and dont force anything. As far as your not telling anyone about your sexuality thats a good decision also, no rush on that, but I think you may be surpised how much of a non-issue that is for other people. Dont hide who you are you'll miss out on tons of living. Jake

Does he know your bi leaning gay? What is his views on gay people? Is he gay? Talk to him about being gay or bi but hold off on telling him how you feel about him for right now, it could push him away. Try covering the gay issues first. I'm gay and have been with both guys and girls (the girls were before I admitted the fact I was gay), you can share the same intimacy with both sexes. And as far as sex always, always, always wear condoms.

Alex, My advice is to give him space and let him confront you, if thats his choice. Things will probably never be the same, but thats not a bad thing. You two could come out of this better friends than ever once you both have a better understanding of what has happened, and the only way thats going to happen if you two talk about it. That said, because you made a move on him without discussing it you have to let him come to you when he's ready. If nothing happens for awhile just ask him if he wants to talk about it. If he dosent then dont force the issue and dont corner him, give him all the space he wants. When you see him say hi, ask him how things are going but give him space. Lets face it he's confused about what happened, but you guys sound close and he'll probably want to talk about what happened. Did you ever talk to him about being gay or bi? Jake

Sounds like you got the motivation, just not the know how. Try taking things one step at a time, and dont stop until its done. If your "inner voice" keeps bringing you down tell yourself no matter what your going to finish what your doing, no matter how bad it "feels". Notice how I said "feels", your feelings my be different than what your actually accomplishing. After your done, look it over and go back to it if you want. But the big thing is its done! Then move to the next task, maybe brushing your teeth or something, but dont stop till its done. The more you finish then perhaps you will start to take care of the quality aspect of things, you'll start to reach your standards. Motivation is easy, its doing the grunt work thats hard.

Kantore, I really enjoyed your post. Its so true and I hope you never forget it, people come into our lives and people go out of our lives, they stay for a short time or they stay for a long time but we should cherish every moment they are with us, and let them go when they leave. The only one you have to answer to is yourself, and you dont want to have regerts about missing out on things when its time to look back on your life. Im also a little jelous, sounds like that was a heck of ski trip and a heck of a view. And besides you need to back a team like the Patriots not the Raiders. "You were born an original. Don't die a copy."

Its time to let her go and dont look back. You probably should start taking care of yourself; take up a new hobbie, explore an old one, start exercising. You should put yourself on a higher level than her. By that I mean care about yourself more than her, this is a time to take advantage of being alone and taking care of YOU! Try very hard not to think about her, she needs to become a non person right now. I got dumped in the middle of june and its been 6 months now. The pain is still there but its ok. It lets me know I'm human. As far as my ex, I did everything I could to have n/c and suceeded for a while. After bumping into him around halloween all I could think was "his loss". He emails me now and then but I just delete them, I really dont want anything to do with him because i have done things that I would'nt have done if we were together and I like my life now. Let me stress I like my life "WITHOUT HIM". It does get better but it takes hard work and not allowing yourself to think about the one who gave up on you. Take care time does heal all wounds.

Please dont think I'm getting all over you about this, I do respect the way you addressed things with your break-up. I'm the dumpee, and still filled with hurt, resentment and anger after 3 months. My ex dumped me for the same reasons you dumped your boyfriend and all I can say is I will never forget the hurt he did to me because he wanted to be "single", it wasnt about being alone and single, (that was a cop out) it comes down to you dont want that person around! I understand his reasons, but he made it clear that I wasnt good enough to be in a realationship with him, he said he still loved me and cared for me, but what it comes down to is you dumped a guy because you dont want them around. You want to find someone else and when that dosent happen you got a fail safe, go back to the ex. I think you have done well in dealing with your feelings and respecting his, and maybe he understands. I dont think its fair to him to expect him to be around when and if you want him back, actually you probably should let him go, your either with him or not. What if you meet someone else, then you dont want to be alone? When your ready to not be alone do you want him back or someone different? By breaking up with him basically said to him he is not right for you in a relationship so breaking up with him to be single dosent make that much sense. You broke up with him because you dont want him. This is my veiw from the other end. I just dont buy the "single" thing.