TrueHeart

Personally, I'd just leave it be. Seems to me that he mistakes your actions no matter how you cut the pie... The lingering feelings inside are what keeps you thinking about those feelings.. They will soon convert to memories, and you won't have them anymore. (I like your new avatar by the way, very pretty ) So what my advice to you is just to leave it be. Those people who truly take us for granted don't deserve to be around us or know how we truly feel... Especially this guy. In fact, my X is doing a good job at attempting to rub his GF in my face-- well, its not working.. I'll admit to the anger I feel because its so petty, but whatever makes him feel better about himself. I'm not wasting any more energy on him, and neither should you with this guy. You know this. People are vendictive... its a shame that there ARE those people who get off seeing other people be miserable...

Ill agree with you there KBelles... As far as her situation is going, I think that perhaps this doctor is just looking for someone to do something with. To be honest with you, I don't trust a whole lot of men, because as a whole to me (based on my experiences and all my guy friends) though they tend to be more honest about things than most women, they leave part of the truth out so conveniently. I am thinking that this doctor friend is perhaps someone who she can just buddy up with. However, I'm not completely ruling out the possibility that a relationship will spark, and I can see some skepticism with some opinions here--- but I believe that you judge someone on their own merit. I hate to see good people get taken advantage of and for granted....

I am so sorry for the heartache you're enduring now. Especially when something felt so right. I will agree with what the other posts have said, for truly-- you did nothing wrong If he wasn't ready for that, maybe he has issues with commitment, or possibly has a problem with the age-gap, or doesn't want to lose you as a friend... In either case, he owns the problem, not you-- do not ever think that by you sharing your feelings that you were in the wrong. It is possible that some people just cannot handle things like that... so they remain alone by their own choice... I hope things get better, just remember you have friends here!!!

I agree with Amethyst.. Depending on *which* stage in life you are in. I dated someone who was 31 and I was 21-- there was a WORLD of difference.. I always had BF that were slightly younger than I was.. When I dated my XXBF, I was 19 and he was barely 16... so it works both ways. Now I am in a relationship with a 44 year old man, and I am 24-- and I've never been happier. 4-5 years isn't a big deal... as you get older you'll see that more and more. Nowadays, with advances in medicine and obviously the famous surgeries that go on, people in their 50s and 60s look like they're in their late 30's early 40's... Never underestimate that a certain age means everyone will be the same... If you take care of yourself and keep a YOUNG mind, I believe you will live to be quite happy no matter what age your at.

I didn't take any time to read the other responses to your story because I wanted to just express my feelings. My first impression is that you haven't truly let your "soulmate" go yet, whether you like you admit it or not, your heart tells you a different story. Having said that, you truly aren't even given your newly found girlfriend a chance to prove herself as possibly just as worthy. Addressing her as your "soulmate" also places a hinderance on your heart and head because thats quite a title to bestow on someone you "don't want to be with because it wouldnt work out". Truly, you aren't being fair to YOURSELF. What you need to do is really decide what you really want. Basically, where your heart feels most at home. If its with your current GF, you need to really give yourself some time to convert those feelings into "memories" and leave the past alone... If you heart belongs to your "soulmate"-- you REALLY need to let your current GF go. It is not being fair to her that you think the world of her, but are still in love with another woman. Ultimately, I think you just need some time. Perhaps when you started dating again it was prematur, especially if you still had feelings for your other GF. It begins by stop addressing her as your "soulmate", to be frank. You claim to let all the "emotional ties" go-- but the title of "soulmate" has HUGE emotional tie... and thats your issue, I believe. You just need to find out where your heart is most at peace. I wish you luck..

I am happy for all those who are open-minded enough to give the older, or younger, person a try. Again, as Rilas put it.. Love is boundless. I have almost been with my new BF for almost 3 months now, officially, and I have to tell you they've been the best 3 months in my entire life! Its nice having someone who appreciates you and loves you the way you've always dreamed. I don't regret my past relationships however, I just used them to really find out what I did and didn't want... Just the other day, a coworker of mine was telling me that there is a 37 year age gap between her and her husband, and they're perfectly happy. Just goes to show you that anything can happen at the most unexpected times! We're already talking about marriage!!! Things are being taken slow, but I know that once everything comes-- it will all be natural. I cannot picture my future without him.... He's the only man I want to be with, and the only man I can't live without....

Yikes.. Yeah. I guess now he's (my XBF) trying to say I'm harassing HIM!?! Going to email my company and tell them that I've been harassing him from my work internet.. This is getting out of hand.. I haven't spoke to him since Sunday. I'd be content at leaving this alone for a while... I have no interest in contacting him at all.. he's a loser

Thanks guys, I completely agree. After I've had a day to really let it sink in, he claimed he wasn't the one who slashed my tires, swears he was out with a friend... but I find it awefully convenient that he'd even mention the fact of damaging my car and "letting me know I'd regret it" if he was completely innocent. I did hit a nerve, because he knew the cops came to the house and talked to his family. If THAT gets him to stay away, I'd be content with it. Even though I didn't see him, my INSTINCT knows it was him.. He's a sly dog, and I'm sure will try to weasel out of it. I will leave it at the officer just verbally warning him, and the police report standing filing the vandelism.. If it has to go further, atleast EVERYTHING that happened that night, including the phone calls and the officer visit has already been documented.

I'm curious on what ended the relationship? Did you end it, did she, was it mutual? THAT has a key factor in a lot of it. Most of the time, reconciled XBF/GF relationships almost never work out because there is too much water under the bridge or the past will continue to haunt either party too much. If you love her, and believe that she's worth another chance, go for it.. Either way, I would discuss it with her.. Find out her intentions, and plot your plan from there.

I do appreciate it! His XGF lives 3 hours north in school, and quite frankly is the opposite of him. I do not believe it was her, or even my BF's ex. It does sound like something he'd do though. A temporary Order of Protection lasts for 12 months... Perhaps that will be enough..

There are a lot of valid points here. Honesty is the key! Personally, I would tell your new GF about your X calling because what happens when you are with her and the phone rings... and you HAVEN'T told her-- thats going to make it look like your hiding it, regardless... depends on your new GF. Dealing with an X can be very annoying; but you need to handle it in the most effective way. If you are certain that getting back with your XGF is inconceivable, than you need to truly confront her and say that you are involved w/ someone else and you want her to stop calling. As far as your GF, reassuring her that you know you will not reconcile the relationship, and that you find it rather annoying will keep you looking squeeky clean! Open lines of communication, honestly and trust are #1 in a realtionship-- everything else is 2nd. Confront your XGF, one on one or by phone. Use your best judgement on what method would be more effective.

My XBF and I have been on and off over the course of the entire summer and part of the fall. We had a falling out when he told me I was taking his "friendship with him too seriously"- It broke my heart. After that, I started dating other men, and we remained casual friends. One day, he found out I had a new BF and claimed I 'wasn't doing the right thing' because he didn't approve of the relationship... I fell in love with a mutual friends father. A few weeks ago, he pretty much said he threw in the towel... I didn't hear from him for almost 3 weeks, then he called. STILL felt like he could make me do the right thing and end the relationship/friendship with our friend's father. I adamently said no, and it was none of his business. He went back with his XGF, and had been w/her ever since the 3 week NC started. Just last night, I got a phone call from him around 10pm. We had been talking on and off for 3 weeks straight, and I wouldn't budge to his request. He'd check by my BF's house, check my house-- things like that. Kept telling me the last time he'd talk to me would be 'the end' and he'd walk away. After the phone call which consisted of him saying "I'll live to regret it, and he'll be there to see it. Good luck" I went out to my car, and my tire was slashed!!!! I immediately called the police, and when the officer came over I filed a report for vandelism. The cop went over to his house, which literally is a block down the street to talk to him.... He wasn't home. After several attempts to try to find him, the officer gave me information on how to file a temporary order of protection against him. I'm uncertain about it at this point... I am scared of him, but mostly I just want him to stop harassing me and stalking me per say. Think this order might help???? #-o

Mmm, I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum. I am 23, and my BF is 44-- Unfortunately the whole "maturity" thing with men, especially younger men. There is a tendency to REALLY be, for lack of a better phrase, childish on certain things. It leaves me curious about your "social" dispute that you had... what was the issue? Did he want to go out and party or did something more happen to the story? Love is worth many things, but getting hurt over and over again isn't one of them. I would say give him some time. Especially at my age. Time will truly tell if it really will pan out... if not, you should try to listen to what your mind is trying to tell you... The heart CAN be misleading. In either case, I wish you the best of luck, and hopes that you will once find happiness again...

Generally that statement is true, yes. However I dated someone when I was 22 he was 32, and it was a world of difference. Problem was, not only was I more mature than he was, I was more relatioships savvy... It didnt work out... Which only proves that EXPERIENCE in relationships as a whole truly does come into play. I am 24 almost and I am dating someone who is 44-- and I can't tell you how wonderful it is. There just aren't words. We've been friends for years, and one day our love just bloomed and revealed itself. Never in all my years of dating men have I met someone who I felt I could be so open with, compatible with, and to truly be MYSELF around... That is why we'll work...... and why your sister and her new hubby will be happy also. Love's a crazy thing, come in so many faces, forms and times..

I agree with you John. I'd like to elaborate: my BF and I were friends WAY before we slept together... We were dating for about 2 months before anything happened. (not that it wasn't a major obstacle, human nature to feel sexually attractive) But no matter how badly I wanted to sleep with him, I knew that he was showing restraint to because he wanted me to know that he was after the companionship and friendship... that sex was just a perk of it... Made me feel very special to know that someone respected me enough to recognize lust from love.....

Well, just to breifly recap- he is jealous of my new relationship-- plain and simple. He reconciled with his XGF, and has acted like a jealous XBF, but he HAS A GF now!!!??? Seems to think that my new relationship with my 43-year old BF is wrong and is hurting people... I'm not convinced. Why?? After he's pushed me away---? Why now??? ](*,)

I agree with DayWalker... Could just be that she is recognizing that you are attractive. "Woman language"-- how you put it really isn't that complex as a lot of people think-- just requires more listening than reading between the lines. Amethyst had a great reply as far as the different scenerios it could be taken. Sometimes, in recognizing that someone is attractive-- or that you like them, to come off very subtle or coy is usually a tell tale sign that they do have the beginnings of potentially going on a date with you--- BUT-- In the "realm of friendship/aquaintance"-- that part is up to you. Pursue it lightly, perhaps flirt a little bit, but don't be overbearing. Body language plays a HUGE role at this stage of the game...

Much agreed, Amethyst.. Much agreed.

Amanda- To be quite frank, thats a rather closed-minded way of thinking about the scenerio.

Thanks guys. I'm a bit nervous, but I am remaining ever confident. I shall post first thing tomorrow on the progress.. If not, tonight. 8) Wish me luck.. I'm checking out your post Mr.Lonely.. Be on the look out for a reply!

Thanks, I do know that I've got to keep my cool. One thing I should add is that we've been broken up for a while now. We broke up 2 years ago, and were dating on and off, not officially or exclusively for a few months this summer. He was too busy juggling me and HIS XGF around and around enough NOT to make a choice in having his cake and eating it too. I'm completely confident that I will remain unstained by what he has to say. There is nothing that he could possibly say that could worsen or even make better the friendship he burned. As far as I'm concerned, his bridge has long since fell into a pile of smoldering ashes. I'll accept his hand in friendship, but nothing more...... What if I'm wrong....

My XXBF called me after 3 weeks of No Contact, changed his cell#, email address and everything-- it was pretty much he never wanted to see/hear from me again. I honestly never expected to hear from him again.. He disowned all our mutual friends because honestly he couldn't handle that I had moved on with another man; another mutual aquaintance. Now, 3 weeks later, he calls last night around midnight, wanting to know if we could meet tonight at 10pm somewhere to talk. I was really reluctant at first, but he was polite, cordial and sounded sincere.. Little did I know, he ALSO gave the same invite to a few of our mutual friends that he "shut out"-- I truly don't know what to expect! Judging by his character, I know that this was a big step for him to break NC and now wants to "talk, have things to tell me"- I've made up my mind, and ruled out ANY possibility of ever getting back together again as I am already dating someone else exclusively. I know that the details of my life are none of his business, HE has something to say to ME, so I'll be all ears. One things for sure, if he starts breaking out the "blame game" , I'm out.... What should I expect? I'm rather confused... Why now? Why like this? Can anyone help me understand why if he's made such a "clean break" after all this, what could he possibly have to say??????? Its not like he could make things any worse...... ](*,)

Wow, I truly appreciate your insight and input!! It puts it into a different light, and atleast knowing that there are SOME guys who really know what the meaning of "mature" are Having said that, I agree that most women will date older men because of preference-- whether it be mentally, emotionally or physcially-- those "older gents" have a far better chance of staying "attractive" to those younger ladies because, we (the ladies) know that men mature slower than us.. He he, thats not a dig, but usually true. There are SOME women aren't there that don't see it that way, and thats fine. I heard a saying by one of my forum friends online here. He said something that has stuck with me, in reference to age-gap relationships ranging from 10-20 years..."You could search for years and years, though hundreds of people your own age and never find the mental compatability that you'd find in a person who would be older" Makes sense... I think it just about wraps it up..!

Coming from a female perspective, she's 18 years old, and really hasn't had a chance to experience the "adult world" quite yet.. This has possibly almost nothing to do with you, but everything to do with that she is just "coming out" into the world, and you have already lived it... per say. I agree with really confronting her with her feelings on it, but however, you don't want to force anything or pressure her into or out of something. Age gaps can be very difficult depending on the age you are speaking from... As I mean, I was 18 too once--- engaged even... Thought I had it all figured out... As it seems, I hadn't even truly hit the tip of the iceburg, and now-- almost 24, I'm NOT married, dated men since my engagement, and am STILL learning that life has more to offer. My point is, with her being 18 and you being 23, perhaps its truly not the age difference as it is the mental readiness...?

I have a favorite saying " Work like you don't need the money; Dance like you do when no one's watching; Love like you've never been hurt." Don't let him completely sour you from anyone, even shutting someone out completely, or not giving your heart out... Just learn from it... and now be more selective and CAREFUL on how much you let someone in. Atleast NOW you know what you DON'T want in a man, gives you a perspective and a bit of choice there. I think of everything that you might have learned from that relationship, that would be your greatest lesson. Just be more careful. It ALWAYS takes ONE TIME to get completely scorched by someone to really mold your heart and shape your thinking... Everyone has been hurt atleast ONCE in their lives to a great extreme.. But the difference between the ones who still hurt and the ones who have found a true happiness-- is that the ones that still hurt, still blame and use that heartbreak as an excuse, and they end up staying miserable.... Whereas the ones who LEARNED from it, end up finding true happiness and worthwhile for the rest of their lives.... To those people, the heartbreak wasn't an excuse, it was a reason they gained the knowledge.. Now THAT's what defines a strong person from a weak one...