TrueHeart

With uncircumsized men it can be difficult only because they foreskin that is cut off on circumsized men is still there.. You might have to apply a little bit of pressure when giving your HJ. Also, every man I'm sure has masterbated in his life-- so the important part here is communication. It might seem a bit awkward, but have him tell you what he likes, particular areas to pay attention to, like the head... or perhaps a certain way to do something, like a combo of your mouth and your hand.. Explore a little, be creative, but make sure its OK with him first. No 2 men are the same when it come to what they like specifically to get them off.... Generally, there is the same idea.. but for example, I had one BF who liked me to use my hand more, one BF who liked a combo of the two and my first BF who really didn't like hand-jobs OR blow-jobs at all.... You just never know... Perhaps there is a hidden button in your BF that he hasn't found yet, or is too uncomfortable to share...

Honestly, my first boyfriend/fiancee, and coincidentally the same man I lost my virginity to was uncircumsized. I've been with 3 other men after him (several years later) who were all circumsized. Honestly, I felt no difference really in the sex part, but its more or less about the man and his security of sex. If you're not circumsized, don't worry about it.. Its really not that big of a deal as you think it is.

I personally recommend Midol. While I was just growing through that stage, and had mild pains, even as much as being uncomfortable, I would take it. (Boy, if that doesnt sound like a commercial)- Hot baths are nice too, or if things aren't too bad perhaps you both rent a chick-flick and have a girls night!

Well now, hang on a second. You actually got what you wanted, right? You wanted to break contact, or didn't you? Perhaps she is just doing what you asked of her, and thats to stop talking all together. This quote intrigued me a bit, and I'll share with you why: Put yourself in her shoes for a bit, don't you think she was saying the same thing to herself about you in the same context? Just a bit of perspective for you to consider. What I just don't understand is that though your intent was to not think of her as much when she's gone (the reason you told her not to contact you)-- you were intending on marrying this girl-- have you ever told her that? I agree with all the previous posts that these were on HER terms, and it was almost like you didn't have a say in it.. For that, I feel really terrible for you-- and I sincerely hope that she does contact you, one way or another-- whether it be for rekindling something, or perhaps closure.

Ok, your post is a little vague, love.. Could you clarify things a little bit for us? Here are the things that confuse me, but I will help you with what I can: Here you say that you did tell him that you still loved him, but-- Here you say that you DID try to get back together with him.. So the rumor is about you BEGGING him to want to date you again? Very different from just telling someone you loved him. My first impression is that he misunderstood what you were trying to tell him the last time you spoke, which triggered the rumor. He probably took you telling him that you loved him still as a poor attempt to guilt trip him into dating you again. Yet, you refer to 'a mistake"-- but it sounds like a mutual one? In other words, did you BOTH do something to one another to cause the break-up? What happened? Did you both cheat on eachother? Spreading rumors about someone is a very childish thing to do as well, and if it were that he doesn't want anything to do with you-- I'd say take the out. But again, your post is rather vague.. if you could share a little bit more detail, perhaps I'd be more confortable in sharing my opinion instead of assuming...

Showing confidence in yourself, and being happy has always been what I always go by when giving advice about how people should act around their ex's. Being confident, happy and ever-smiling is very attractive, and brings back the 'spark' that some people lose in the transfer. I must agree that its always good to not come off 'too proud' or anything like that, you might be conveyed as arrogant instead of confident. Showing your happy with yourself and are optomistic shows those folks of the opposite sex how attractive you are as a person. People gravitate towards positive attitudes. I know that after not seeing my X for a while a long time ago, it was nice seeing him again. He was happy, energetic and excited about just life in general-- it was a true treat to be around him... and it attracted me to him to want to be around him more and more... So the theory works.. but you just need the confidence to do it!

I do agree. It depends on the person whose drunk.

I agree. Perhaps you might try contacting her in person. Emails and IM's can be soo masked and emotionless.. If she's or you are going to say goodbye, I always prefer to do it in person.. that way, alteast you both will have the closure you need to move on... I respect her for telling you she's not ready and to not wait for her.. Thats admirable by any means... She's telling you something, trying to say goodbye.. But wouldn't you rather hear it from her personally? Look her in the face? Atleast when you do it in person, there isn't a chance to read between the lines, persay.

Well-- I would plainly just come out and ask her. Sounds like she values your friendship, but she really doesn't know how to classify it... meaning, she's absolutely confused.. Id say you need to sit her down and come out with how you're feeling...

I agree with not letting her string you along. Also, I too came from an emotional and mentally abusive relationship where my XBF didn't trust me, so he'd ransack my things, sabotage my computer, and go through my phone's call list. It was extremely annoying and I felt like I had to look over my shoulder all the time.. he sounds very possessive (her bf) and she needs to really leave while she has a chance. Sounds like things just aren't healthy there, and she needs to leave him first. It takes 2 to tango. If you meant kissing her, don't feel bad for it... she kissed you back, right? If she chose to let you do that, that should also say what her devotion to her BF is. Its a skewed view, but it makes sense. You both love eachother, but she has a few loose ends to tie up if she truly wants to pursue you both as an item, actively. She needs to ditch the loser, because I can tell you from experience, she's definitely NOT happy.. but SHE needs to make that call, not you.

The confrontation of the whole thing truly is all that mattered to me this weekend. He was sorry, he apologized, but that doesn't change anything. He tried kissing me, but it wasn't the same... All I kept thinking of what her in my place, and it made the knot in my stomach just turn round and round. I even told him that things are not the same. I will no longer call him, and if he calls me, then he calls-- there is no pursuit there for me anymore. And I know any attempts to want to do something for me are done in vain or because he feels me slipping away. I didn't care that he still cared for her at that point, all that mattered were my feelings.. and even IF I hadn't walked by the window that night, the choice was already made that he ended up in bed with her.. Even though she's a known virgin, even the thought of them laying naked or him doing something to her makes me never want him to touch me again. That, is my driving force... If its salvagable or repairable, time will only tell.

For those folks who've followed along. I rekindled a friendship/relationship with my XXBF, Adam. He was just out of a relationship that lasted 2 months with Jenna, and I was just out of a 2 year failed relationship with my ex. The past 3 months were going swell. We spent time together everyday, spoke everyday, planned trips, dates and everything. I knew he still conversed with Jenna, and that didn't bother me a whole lot because he was honest with me. I since let my XBF go because I didn't want to complicate things I was trying to do with Adam, let alone destroy it. Making that choice was simple. We shared the 4th of July together. Taking a weekend long excursion to Mexico and Tombstone, AZ. It was a weekend that I didn't want to end. Adam and I expressed to eachother our love and feelings, and on our way home, we discussed it. He said he was indeed still afraid of being hurt again by me, and that because of that hurt, couldn't be with me-- but that all he ever wanted was to be with me... I sadly accepted such a rejection, but things never changed. He was more affectionate than ever. Recently, I flew to San Jose, CA to visit a friend for the weekend. The trip was fun, but I missed Adam since the time I got on the plane. I wanted to come home so badly even though I was having a great time, my thoughts of him were non-stop. My friend, who flew me out, even started putting moves on me-- I declined with pride that I was 'with someone else'-- my friend quickly apologized, and nothing was ever said/done after that... I came home guilt-free and extremely happy to see him. We spent, again, everyday together. On Monday, we had lunch. He told me that he went to hang out with Jenna and her friends over the weekend. He said that she was trying to pretend that everything was as it was before they broke up, but that it was weird for him. I appreciated that he told me, but I was a little un-nerved. It was quickly forgotten as my confidence in him was more. Wednesday came, and we were hanging out. He told me that he wanted to spend Thursday "to himself, to play some video games, relax and go to bed early". I never gave it a second thought, but asked him anyways if he did plan on company... his answer was always no.. I made plans then to shop for his birthday present with a friend since I hadn't had time before. He noticed I was a little un-easy about it, but I dismissed it as me being 'silly'. Thursday: I had gone all day in not talking to him. He called me just to "say I love you, and I was thinking of you"--- Very sweet indeed. It was all evening and I was shopping away.. I knew he was takign a day to himself, but I needed to ask him something, preference-wise, while still at the store... I called at 10pm, no answer---no answer on his cell, at home. So I called again... left a message. In leaving the store, I thought it was odd that he'd not be home when he said, but quickly remembered that when he's with me, and Jenna calls, often times he doesn't answer.. This prompted me to call again.. and he asnwered... I asked if I woke him up... he said yes.. I started telling him why I called, and he cut me off saying "I'll talk to you tomorrow"-- I thought it strange.. I asked him point-blank "Are you with someone?"-- and he gave me the same answer "I'll just talk to you tomorrow, ok?" After I hung up... I drove maybe a mile, before I detoured to his apartment. I had to see for myself. I walked by the patio door, and didn't see him.... but saw a bra laying on the floor and a handwritten poem. My heart fell to my feet, my stomach turned and my eyes fixed on what I saw. I was speechless, motionless, action-less, emotion-less.. What was I seeing? This wasn't right... I began making excuses for it, thinking it might be mine, or belonged to a girl his room-mate brought home... but instinct just kept telling me different. I cried the whole way home, not knowing what to do after I quietly returned to my car. I called his cell, and left a message with just a 'You lied to me." in the calmest voice I could muster. At 5am the next morning, I receive a text-message telling me he was sorry and didn't want to upset me (in telling me he'd talk to me tomorrow)-- I proceeded to ask him about why he was up so early-- Couldn't sleep, playing MegaMan... My reply was: "Yeah, thats why Jenna's clothes were on the floor next to a poem professing her undying love for you.. Its amazing what looking thru a patio door can change.." I received no reply.. only that he'd call me later once he woke up. Lunchtime, he called.. And I let him have it.. He betrayed me, despite that we weren't official BF/GF, he betrayed my heart and feelings. At the end of the day at work, he met me outside and said he wanted to talk.. Handed me a dozen long-stemmed fire'n'ice roses, because he was sorry he hurt me. I went to his house, around 9:30pm last night. We talked. He explained and explained, and it did nothing. Apparently, we went to take a shower, and when he came out-- she was naked. They ended up in his room, doing whatever, I don't know. I don't care. He wanted to get mad at me for coming by and 'spying'-- but all I wanted was a yes or no to my question, and thats all. It didn't matter if I came by his window that night or not, the fact is.. it was already done.. he made his decision to do that.. and that was that. I let all my aggression out. I told him to stop loving me, stop everything. That I don't want him to choose, because he clearly doesn't care enough to think about me. He took the risk in doing it at my expense. KNOWING how I'd feel, he took everything I had, and flushed it down the drain. He wasn't sorry he did it, he was sorry he hurt me and got caught... and thats the damnable misery. When I left, I conveyed my hatred for him, but that love prompted me to hear it from his own mouth and see him say it to my face. The hardest thing I will have to do, is not love him anymore-- and to kill that. He clearly hasn't made his mind up with who he wants... well, the choice either got easier or harder for him.... and that is for him to decide. As for me, fellow readers, I've taken a step towards self-respect. I have chosen that my love means more than just spreading it thin between 2 people... All or nothing. I've learned that you can't miss anyone, unless their truly gone. Some part of me hopes he does make his mind up... I told him that I don't want to be apart of his triangle, that I value the way I love--which is whole-- more than that. I choose not to be apart of that, which will make him make up his mind. He didn't want to hurt me, but he did... Now, I am left alone-- with the image branded in my head, an empty heart and a wasted dream... Hoping that the seed we once planted a few months back, is strong enough to endure and make him realize what he had, when he doesn't have it anymore...

Well he got off work about 30 minutes ago, and hasn't called to tell me to come over. I will give him another hour just in case he decided to go to the gym.. but I will wait no longer after that... I will wait until 9:30--- then thats it. When I left work today, he had a dozen long-stem fire'n'ice roses (my favorite) and he said he was sorry... It really confused me, but all I kept thinking was "has he done that to Jenna when he apologized to her about me?"--- it struck a nerve, but all I keep in mind is how badly I hurt last night and everything... I will wait another hour, and then I will turn my phone off.. His chance will come and go-- and it won't matter because all he'll do with that is put the last nail in his coffin.

He called on my lunch hour, and I lost it.. He claims that he was going to tell me today.. and I said it didn't matter because I already knew and I would have respected it more that him be upfront with me instead of pushing off the question for 3 days... He wants to 'talk tonight'-- but I have no interest in his excuses, or anything. Part of me wants to really hear him out and see what he comes up with, but my mind was made up.. I told him on the phone I was hurt, and what he did to me hurt me beyond everything, has done irrepairable damage. Tonight, I will give him the common courtesy to talk to me... but I am not budging. I need the closure.. thats it.. I'll post whats happened once everything is said and done...

I agree that not all men are jerks. Not all women are jerks. I have met men and women alike who use the same excuses over and over again on why they did or didn't do anything.. From my experience, I've noticed that people whenever intoxified or inhebriated, have a tendency to, yes, show their true colors, but closely mix it with irrationality, over-exaggeration and drama. To decipher between the true colors and those other moods and replies is like finding a needle in a hackstack. I've NEVER taken my drunken friends seriously when they're plowed out of their minds... unless they're having pain or are going to get sick--- THATS the only time they really tell the truth outside their drunken stupor. Otherwise, the whole thing is a big game to them, and using the excuse "because I was drunk" wears itselt very thin. I'm suddenly reminded of Ghostbusters 2 with Dan Ackroyd and him saying he loves everyone when he got 'gooed'--- just add a slur and you'll have a pretty good example of how much people just act like idiots when they're drunk..

Thanks guys. There is nothing I want more than to just really slap him in the face, and just walk away. I want to know his excuse for it too, but only for my pure amusement at the thought that he got caught, thinking he was soo smooth. I hate him, and I don't want to love him anymore. No one that deserves my love, would do what he did to me. I opened myself up when I was already wounded, and now I feel like I'm laying on my death-bed. I hate him, and I want him to know what its like without me forever-- not even as a friend which we strived to be so many times. He's shown his true colors...

Its common to want someone when they don't want you... or more generally, to want something you simply cannot have anymore... No one likes to feel replaced... or rejected..

I've actually thought about that.. in all sincerity, but that would make me feel childish. Besides, windows and everything can be replaced... my heart cannot. Last night, after crying so hard I couldn't anymore, I left a message on his machine with just "You lied to me."-- he sent me a message early this morning saying "I sorry, I didn't want to upset you"-- I then replied "what were you doing up this early.." and he said "Couldn't sleep"--- at this point, he doesn't know that I saw her clothes on the floor and a poem from her on the ground. I replied with "I bet. What were you doing"-- (this is the 3rd time I've given him to tell me) He replied with "Mega Man" and then "I'll call you later when I wake up.." So my reply was "Yeah, that explains Jenna's clothes on the floor and a poem professing her undying love for you in the front room, RIGHT IN FRONT of your Playstation (mega man game). Its amazing how looking through a patio door can change everything.." He never replied to it... but I have nothing to say to him. I don't ever want to speak to him again, have him touch me or anything. I felt like a pawn, asked him several days ago if he was planning on company... he said no. Atleast when she asked him about me, he came right out with it... I don't know why he never said anything... and I had to find out the way I did. He couldn've even give me the common courtesy of telling me.. He had to sneak it.---- because he thought I'd be upset. Well he can kiss my rosey red keester, and so can she. This pain inside is nothing like I've ever felt before. All I know is that I'll make it easy on him and just disappear and not come running back like Jenna did.... Screw that, to be quite frank. So when he calls, I'll hang up on him-- tell him face to face I don't want to ever see him again, I don't ever want him to touch me again, I just want the love I had for him to die in me because he's no longer the man I fell in love with anymore.... and I was a fool to believe otherwise.

Disaster has struck-- Tonight after he told me that he was going to spend the night alone playing video games, and going to bed early.. I caught the man I want to rekindle my love with, Adam.. in bed with his XGF. Her clothing was outside the door, bra and all... and a poem in the living room outside his room... which was shut.. A poem with her professing her undying love for him. I guess I was wrong.. I guess I was wrong.. Everything I ever believed in just came crashing down, and I am back at square one... He lied to me.... and I was a fool to believe otherwise...

I agree. Try to make things as public and casual as possible!! I would just cut the ties ASAP.. It is hard, I can vouch for that though...

Quite interesting. Its amazing the type of things people go through. If anyone else would like to add/comment, please feel free...

.. and you're absolutely correct. You cannot compete with that kind of ...well.. competition. She comes from a super-acheiving, high-expectation family, and unfortunately, some people who come from those type of households, have a tendency to be so dependant on what they think and feel, that they forget about their OWN feelings and wants... You're best just keeping your distance for now...

I completely agree. It is hard to turn a person away like that, but it just boils down to if it comes to stressing YOU out too much, is it worth it? I would think not....

I agree with lady. You do need to cut it off completely. There are times where we have good friends and bad friends.. Cutting the bad out increases your chances of furthering yourself mentally and phyically. If you still love him, perhaps you just need to tell him that you need time to think about things and you don't think its a good idea to be friends right now because of the confusion. If he is a true friend, he'll respect your feelings, if not... you'll know its not as great a loss as you think...

I guess it just boils down to what is it that your really want? Is Shane the type of man who you want to end up with? Personally, I am not saying that people who go through jail are all bad people, most of them come out ok and better people... most do not.. But again, do you really want to wait for that and sell yourself short? You do have deep feelings for Jason, its obvious. I think your friendship together now is healthy for the both of you. Its more or less companionship. If you want to be with Jason, or have even thought about that idea- you truly shouldn't be waiting for Shane. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but you can't waste your life waiting for someone who gets locked up for 'stupid things'-- I'm sure if Shane loved you, he'd understand that too. As far as Jason goes, I think you both need to have a talk. Ask him how he feels-- he could have been saying 'I love you' out of habit, or that he truly means it.. fact is, you are questioning his reason behind it, which should prompt a discussion with him.. especially if you are feeling like you are falling in love with him. Talk to Jason, find out whats going on. If you truly do want to be with Shane and want to wait for him, good for you--- but I in no way think your friendship with Jason is an dangerous one.... unless you feel yourself falling in love with him, then you really need to make a decision between Jason or Shane....