TrueHeart

Inspired by Beec: I've discovered that the whole scenerio behind trying to rekindle a relationship with an Ex is quite simple. First you establish the friendship, after the NC rule-- making casual contact. You get the general feeling, which goes something like this: The wave of emotion rushes through you. You're both smitten and confused at the same time, but you don't want to really come off too strongly, you're independent now-- and a different person... but you'd like nothing more than to just reach out and grab him/her and hold them again. Things are going good, but something is just missing.. You scour the planet and your mind trying to find out what that is. After not talking to them for a while, you feel yourself wanting to talk to them more and more. Now that you have their attention, how do you keep it? Its a stragedy, rather. Lets say you have rekindled, and you want to seem like things are just alive and anew. Thusly, preserving the mystery that is you. You want to chase, but also to be chased. You don't want to lose your luster soo early in the game, so here are tips: 1. In going on a date, perhaps surprise him/her by picking up the check, offering a tip, perhaps even offering to go somewhere else for dessert, or make one at home. 2. Open the door for him/her if you're used to the door being opened for you. Its a nice surprise and an even more pleasant gesture.. 3. Send a little note, rather concise and a few lines, thanking them for a good time you had, or just because you thought you'd tell them they were beautiful today, or that someone is thinking of them. These are small examples, to be used with great discretion... depending on your particular situation. All these things and more help you preserve the mystery that you are that will keep them wondering what else is new.. The importance of being genuine is also the message here. You certainly don't want to put on a fasaude or smoke-screen that you cannot back up or keep up normally. Don't do things that are inconceivable to the degree that you cannot back it up with anything... For example, if you don't like going horseback riding or whatever, but now portray that you do just because you want to impress them, is NOT the answer.. The point is to preserve the mystery, keep them wanting YOU as much as YOU want THEM. You want them to fall in love with you all over again, but not only with the old you-- the new you. People change only if they want to, remember that. If you were ready for the change, this should beam from your soul. You want them to see that you have changed for the better, so back up your words. Disclaimer: Not all relationships in attempts to be rekindled work out. Depending on the scenerio and the way you broke up and how long ago plays a lot in this situation. Sometimes, friendships are all you will get-- so go into it light hearted and willing to accept even that.. AFterall, that might be all that person has to offer anymore is their friendship. This is not meant to be a ploy to mislead anyone in anyway by saying at all that its ok to mislead people.. Absolutely not! Simply do not be someone you are not! Again, people change because they WANT to... I'd love to hear any stories or additions you might have to those who are attempting to rekindle or have rekindled their relationships.. Perhaps you can inspire some hope in a few people just like I was inspired.

I think you sincerely need closure if anything. If you love her, and want to be with her-- tell her. It does make it quite a hinderance now that she is going overseas to work in another country. you're only human, and have emotions too.

My first thought is that why is this guy getting in the way? Is he just not secure enough to understand that you two are just friends-- or does she portray it to him as that you are more? If she was meant to 'find herself'-- I don't think its in the arms of another man, so she might still be concealing the true reason why. Perhaps her sickness helped in her making the decision that she could not give the life to you that you deserve, thus the whole 'being emotionally supportive by herself' deal... Thats a shot in the dark, but who knows...

=D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> Congratulations! I see that you've made it! Good for you... And have faith in yourself! I knew you could do it... It just took a few more days to really get some rational thought in, eh? keep us posted!

If I had a dollar everytime I heard that excuse of " I was too drunk to remember " from my X, I think I'd have put PowerBall out of business...

By calling him or accepting his calls, you are only opening yourself up to be disappointed and hurt again. He's 21, and is most likely playing games with her and you... but don't be the ignorant one. YES, you will be hurt and NO you shouldn't call. Besides, he can go places without you, and truly might not be ready for a relationship, but that doesn't mean that he's 100% credible. You're 18, love. You have soo much ahead of you... believe me. I'm only 23, and I STILL have a lot a head of me.... between the ages of 18-25 is when women truly define who they are and who they want to be. Don't let this player drag you down to his level... Let him play his games, but just not with you.. You will look like the fool... when you aren't....

Don't ever think that you cannot do better. Never settle for 2nd. Though his call is a little late, and admirable at that (took a lot og guts)-- you're 100, no, 150% correct that you don't want him thinking that its ok to just do that to him. He walked away from you, remember? NOT the other way around. Don't return the phone call, or anything like that.. Why give him the satisfaction, when all you know he's going to just pine and pail over how sorry he is... Good, let him be-- what he did was aweful, and he deserves what he gets. It was rude, uncouth and completely uncalled for. Why wouldn't he tell you right off that he just got back together his his X, instead of avoiding you like the plague? Says a lot for his character, and should say a lot to you on how he thought of YOU'RE character.... How insulting. About being bitter, DON'T.. You got the better deal, love. You're away from someone who obviously wasn't confident enough in thinking you were adult enough in handling a situation, so he took the option away from you and just "forgot" about you... like you were yesterday's newspaper. I would, however, still feel a little insulted but by all means, not bitter. Take some time and do something for yourself... Accept he made his choice, and you've made yours LOOONG before his phone call ever came... You never know, he could have been calling from the men's bathroom while out on a date with her.... Never know.. but seems feasible, doesn't it? Go bowling, hang out with friends... and go about your life as you did before that phone call ever did... but be happy about it.. You finally got the closure you needed.... now move on!

My XBF and I just got back together again after his GF had the same issue with her parents... It just go too frustrating with both of them, and he was frustrated with her lack of independance. If she's easily influenced by them, sadly, I don't think it would be wise coming between them, because you'll only look like the bad guy... Have you spoke about this problem with her before?

Firstly, sounds like she's really starting to realize what she's let go-- but why you guys argue as much for only dating for 2 months should really tell you something. I know you care about her, and I admire your honesty about wanting not to talk to her to let her go and just chuck it down to friends, but I don't really see that happening too easily at this point. You both argue each time you talk/email/text whatever.. I think you perhaps just need to take the next step in saying all or nothing. Change your email, block hers, change your number... SHE let YOU go remember?? Not the other way around...

Thats good that you have the support of your friends. Thats important. Its just a phrase I heard once when I was longing for my fiancee many years ago when we broke it off mutually. Being in love with how someone WAS vs. how they ARE throws things into a BIG perspective... Helps you mentally see what your heart will not let you feel. I look forward to hearing any new updates on your situation... Feel free to drop a line anytime.. Hang in there, you're doing GREAT!

I admire your boldness and will. You just have to get to the point where you don't want to 'wait'f for something wrong to happen for her to take you back.. You deserve a lot better... Love her you always will, but ask youself..: Are you in love with the 'new' her, or basically, are you in love with the memory of what you had? Deciphering that will help clear your mind and mentally help you move on. I sincerely hope the best for you...

Excellent! Sounds like a great gameplan! Its interesting that she could have gotten the address from someone else-- but DIDN'T! And her salutation of "..don't want to bother you.." leaves me thinking that she's trying to break NC for little reasons... that she REALLY does want to talk to you.. Why else out of a few other people would she ask YOU of all of them for the address? Think about it I would use the opportunity to tell her in the email what you feel, perhaps... and then include the address at the bottom... Use your discretion though... yes?

I would say also to leave her alone as well.. If she completely blew off your feelings and only told you she needed time to 'think' and then runs out and gets this other guy? That truly is a mark of someone's character. Don't talk to her, I wouldn't really even have your friend make a big mention of it.. This new guy won't last, but if she's anything like she was to you-- this guy will probably get the same treatment when she kicks him to the curb.. Go out, have fun... If she doesn't want your friendship/relationship/commitment, than don't waste your time on her.

Thats absolutely great you both have chemistry going between you. I agree though that you really should get rid of the guy you're with, because you truly don't seem happy with him, and furthermore, your heart is in a different place. About the guy dating his girl on and off for 5 years?!?! Wow, thats a long time. Depending on the level of commitment between them would determine how appropriate it would be for you to express your feelings to your 'handsome mechanic'. I would atleast approach him and tell him your feelings, but to be discreet and use your best judgement. Even though things aren't going really well for him and the 'yo-yo' girl, theres a reason (possibly) why they've stuck around for 5 years. Just make sure you're using your best judgement. First though, if you are unhappy with your current guy, you need to just cut the ties and let him go. I sincerely hope things work out for the best for you. Afterall, the worst way to love someone, is from a distance.

Don't for one minute think that her insecurities about her self-image/confidence/esteem had anything to do with something YOU failed at. You honestly did everything you could to make her feel very loved, beautiful and special. Sometimes, people just cannot take compliments. About this new guy, I think perhaps she needs something that will help her contrast you vs. someone else. Beings it was your first relationship, this is kind of hard to really grasp. I don't blame you for not wanting to be friends, for the main reason that you don't want to feel 'replaced'. Things are so precious and difficult to really diagnose what to do because only you truly know the situation better than any of us here. My best suggestion is perhaps to sit her down, but not to pour your heart out to her, but simply to just let her know that you support her in whatever she does-- that you love her enough to see her happy and to see her beautiful. It is so hard becoming friends with someone who you've loved with your whole heart. My guess also, is that this guy probably won't last that long. If she truly is not emotionally ready for a relationship, it will show in that one too... Classically known as a "rebound"-- I'll keep hoping for you! Keep us posted!

Awe, but that would make the world TOO perfect to live in..

Absolutely a BIG No-no! Dating friends of your X just complicates the friendships they have with those people, even if you really don't care what your X thinks. If you don't like the attention, or it makes you uncomfortable, I'd say stop hanging out with the guy. Especially if he is best friends with your former man. Not at all a good thing! I would be VERY upset if my X started seeing my best friend, but I think I'd be even MORE upset at my best friend for letting it happen.... Even though your not together anymore, the betrayal is still there.... Tread softly.

Well-- first of all, girls who are really only 13 don't really have or haven't really developed a sexual apetite yet. Its not that they aren't interested, its just that chemically, most girls around that age are barely starting their periods, which means the level of estrogen is increasing... as it does with age.. at 13, I would say maybe a nice date would 'turn a girl on' but more or less to attraction, not really to sexual attitude... Of course, it does depend on how quickly someone grows... I know at 13, the last thing on my mind was sex.. I was more interested in going out to a movie with a cute guy... thats what got my heartrate going...

I agree with Sadie... Men are easily more aroused than women.. Women are like a diesel engine.. they take a long time to warm up.. but once their ready.. they can go and go and go!

At 15, you shouldn't worry about how long you being to 'not be enough'-- although I was 16 when I lost my virginity, I do not still regret who I lost it to because I loved him, and he respected such a precious gift to be lost to.. Just make sure, like Beec said, to take necessary precautions...

Donefor-- Couldn't agree more.. You put it so perfectly... I absolutely agree! =D>

My applause to you all... Sparrow... You've got allies here..

Remember that humans are creatures of habit. He's probably very comfortable with you, so rather him spending a lot of time attempting to still 'break the ice' with a new lover or whatever, he'll stick to whats comfortable for the moment. Don't let him mislead you, at this stage, some guys like their cake and eat it too..

I completely understand. I am attempting to be 'best friends' with my XBF, and I gotta tell you, its sooo hard. Hes already talkin about other girls he's met, and though I appreciate his honesty and forthcoming with the info, it makes me just sick to my stomach and still I keep a smile on my face. They'll never really do it to just be malicious, but thats what friends talk about, right? It sucks, and I am seriously considering just really ending it all because I can't move on from it. There will always be a lingering "what if" that will drive you MAD! Even though I care for him, and you for her, remaining friends is more of an effort than it was trying to make the relationship work, You want to be there for them, keep the friendship, but the thought of them replacing you will absolutely just kill you... especially if you have feelings still. I normally don't like to tell people to move on, but I think you do.. just like I have to. It will also only complicate things for you when you decide to start dating another.... Save yourself the hardship..

I agree with Kitten. But you're right.. there is a 75% chance that things will NOT work out.. It depends on so many factors... What broke you up, how long you dated, etc.. I support your theory in the situation, because your absolutely correct. It doesnt work out for most people, but in defense of those hopeless romantics (namely myself)-- we all want to atleast give hope and fate a shot too.. Its just part of our nature. Eventually, people do move on, find that one true person-- whether its their rekindled love, or another... Great topic though..