SeSpray

Hi Kate! You're not being negative in anyway! And I appreciate the advice that you are giving. I know he hasn't been honest and has lied to me, that's another situation that I'm trying to deal with. This is the first time he's lied to me and so I feel I should give him another chance. He's always been honest before. It's that whole cliche of 1st time shame on you, second time shame on me. So, if he was to lie to me again, I of course wouldn't stay with him, I'd end it. She was so hurt because she thought that their relationship was a lot deeper than it actually was. Yes, that's his fault for allowing her to believe that, but I also know, from my friend who talked to her, that she did read a lot more into things. She's a very naive person and has only had 1 other relationship in her lifetime. I've thought about what she may end up saying to me and that she may tell me a lot of what I don't know, but I'm not wanting to know any of that, and wouldn't ask her to reveal any of it. Just thought I would try and offer her the information so that she would know. Thanks again for your help!

Thank you to each of you for your advice. I completely understand where you are coming from. I myself have been a "rebound girl" and I do in fact feel for her. I know that nothing that happened was her fault. He wasn't honest with her (just like he wasn't honest with me) and I know that she was a victim in the whole situation. He used her to try and get past us, unfortunately for her, our relationship wasn't over and he didn't indicate that to her at all. The only reason I thought about contacting her was to tell her that I understood what she had been going through and to give her the story of what happened on my end so that if there were any unanswered questions on her end, then maybe I could help her to answer them. I'm not wanting to be her friend, but I know that when I was the rebound girl, I had a million and one questions and never got the honest truth. Some part of me believes that had I heard the whole truth I could have let go a little easier. Plus, she thinks that my friend is the one spreading all the rumors around about the situation when in reality, my friend did everything she could to try and protect her. She doesn't know this of course, because she doesn't know how it all came out. So, in essense, I'm not wanting to hurt although I know it would hurt to hear from me, I'm just trying to offer her some closure so that she will know the answers to any questions she may have. Maybe that's wrong of me and maybe I should wait because I know eventually I will meet her. My best friend is the office manager and I visit her at work about once every three-four months. So one day, she will have to face me and I too will have to face her. I was hoping that maybe this could make that eventual meeting somewhat easier for both of us.

Hi all! Here's my situation, yet again! You can read my first post here: link removed Well, apparently the rebound girl hasn't let it go because she's verbally attacking a friend of mine. She's saying nasty things about her at the office and getting other people to not trust her. My friend is going home every day crying because the rebound girl won't let it go. It's been 2 months since my b/f and I got back together and things couldn't be better! Except for this issue. So, I've had the rebound girl's email address for a while now and just haven't contacted her because I figured there was no need to. However, she's now disparaging my friend over this and I feel I should protect my friend. Let me know what you think. Should I contact her? Should I tell her how everything unfolded and that my friend had no clue until we put the pieces together and that it was actually another friend of mine that blew it all out of the water??? I desperately need help with this one. I'm so sick of it coming back up every couple of weeks and can't seem to move forward when it is brought back up. If you need more detail, just let me know. Thank you!

JT-- From a female perspective: I don't see anything wrong with it. I've done it before. Sometimes it helps, but most times, it won't. Just make sure you are using protection and that you make it clear that there isn't a relationship in the future. That it's just sex and nothing more. If you're not honest, then you can end up hurting someone badly. Good luck to you!

Edge-- I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. It's pretty obvious that you love this woman with all of your heart and soul. However, (and I hate to bring more pain, but it's just something for you to think about) in your first post, you said that she was engaged to someone else and ended up breaking the engagement after she had met you and then after hanging out and being friends, you began your relationship. Do you think maybe she doesn't want to let you go because she's too scared to be alone and is hanging on until she meets someone new? I'm sorry if that hurts you, but I wanted to make sure that you are looking at this from every perspective. In my opinion (which may not mean much), she strikes me as someone that does love you but doesn't know what she wants. I've felt that way before and I ended up taking a break in a previous relationship and when he didn't contact me, it made me realize that I did truly care for him. Ultimately we didn't end up together, but that's a different story. So maybe if you told her that you are just too confused and that you need time for yourself to figure out if being friends is something you can handle and neither of you speak for a certain time frame maybe that will help. Don't just say, give me time, I'll let you know, but set an actual date and say okay, NC for the next week or two weeks and say that on the following Monday you'll talk again and see where each other stands. Who knows maybe it will help her make up her mind as well. Maybe she needs to miss you in order to realize how much you do mean to her. Good Luck honey and keep us posted!!

Thank you so much for your reply. Here's another question for you though . . . . should I say something to him again this morning? I guess I'm just shocked that I would tell him how I feel and then he goes and does it yet again. He knows how hard it is for me to tell him what I am thinking and to make that step and then he just disregarded everything I told him. It makes me feel like I do everything to make things work and he doesn't do a d*** thing. He's called this morning, but I didn't answer the phone and he left me a message here at work and he was all chipper like there was nothing wrong. I know he has to know that I am upset. Anyway, do I let it go or say anything??? Thanks again!

Hi All! I've posted here before on another forum, but now I've run into a new situation and I need help again. Here's the deal: My ex and I got back together about 2 months ago. Things have been going wonderfully! We've never been so happy. Well this week has been a little rough for me. See, he just bought a new house and now has a roommate. That's fine, however his roommate and I do not like one another. Now, for the last three weeks or so, my bf will call me in the evenings and if I am busy and he ends up leaving a message, his message will say something to the effect of "My roommate and I are going to do this, so I'll call you later." Then he doesn't call till 11:00 or later once I'm already in bed. Now, I know that he has a lot to do with getting unpacked and this didn't really start bothering me until the last couple of days because it continually keeps happening. I also know that I am extremely jealous and that I need to get past it and I'm trying. However, I don't want to play backseat to his roommate. We've been together for 3 years and recently split and got back together and made a vow to each other that we would do what it takes to make things work between us. I've changed, and am really trying to make things work. I used to not talk about my feelings before and keep them bottled in and then I would blow later about it. Well now I don't keep my feelings in any longer and I have been telling him how I feel. So yesterday I let him know how I felt about him not having time to talk w/me and he said he understood and that we would talk about it this weekend. Well, last night, he did it AGAIN. After I had told him how I was feeling. He called last night about 8:30 and left me a message (I was putting my youngest son to bed and couldn't answer the phone) he said he was going to be doing things with his roommate and that he would call me later. He just so happened to call about an hour later and said that him and his roommate were gonna finish doing things around the house and for me to call him before I went to bed. Well, I was mad and didn't say anything during our conversation and just basically gave him the one worded answer treatment. I KNOW he knew I was mad but because his roommate was in the room (I could hear him in the background) he didn't ask why I was upset (which he usually does). At the end of the one-sided conversation, I told him I wouldn't be calling him before I went to bed that he just needed to spend his time with his roommate and that I would talk to him tomorrow. He responded with okay, like it was no big deal and I didn't talk to him the rest of the night. Here it is morning and I'm still fuming and don't know how to handle it this morning when he calls, which I'm sure he will do. I told him how I felt and he turned around and did the same thing in the same day. And, after telling him how I felt, he told me he understood and that he wouldn't do it anymore. So now how do I handle this? Any help would be appreciated!!!! Sorry this turned out to be soooooo long!!!!!!!

Confused-- It all depends on whether you want her back or not????? If there has been contact between the two of you and if so, how has that gone??? I would say send it if you want to try and get her back and you believe that there may be a slight chance. But not anything lovey dovey. Just something to make her smile! If there hasn't been any indication from her end about whether she wants to get back together or how she feels about the situation, then no, don't send it. Good Luck!

Hi there-- My situation is almost identical to yours. However, he didn't break it off with her until after he and I had decided to get back together. To top it all off, he lied to me about the whole thing, telling me that he had seen someone but only for a week, who she was (turned out she was his secretary) and that it had ended a couple of weeks before we decided to get back together. He slept with me and then the next day ended it with her, and he had been seeing her for a month and half. This has by far been the most difficult thing for me to accept. It all broke at the beginning of April and I still continue to think about it daily. He had NEVER lied to me before and I had NEVER questioned whether he ever would. I trusted him completely. I have to say that I agree with CandleIntheWind that all we can do is allow enough time to pass in order to get beyond it. If you are truly committed to making your relationship work, in time you will be able to forgive. At least that's what I am hoping for!! If you need to talk further, feel free to PM me! Good luck to you!!!!!!

At this point, I agree that you have done what you could. It's still early yet. If you truly want to get back together, you need to give it some more time. Go with NC for now. It's only been a couple of days since you heard from her. That was the way it was in my situation as well. We didn't talk for 4-5 days at a time. Remember this . . . . . if it was meant to be, it will be. If she is checking that often to see if you have written, then I'm sure eventually you will hear from her.

When we split it was kind of a mutual thing. We had been fighting for soooooo long that it was getting to the point where there weren't any good times anymore. Alot of that had to do with me being such a b****. Once he was gone, I learned that a lot of the issues were me and decided that I needed to make a change. We stayed in contact (about once every 4-5 days) and I apologized profusely over and over again and told him how much I missed him and how much I loved him and wanted him back. He ignored all of those messages and never responded to any of them. He would email me but only to say hi and only in response to emails that I would send that didn't say anything about how I felt about him. We were apart for 2 months and he was seeing someone during that time (his secretary as a matter of fact). In fact, he was still seeing her when we got back together. He lied about the whole thing and I found out about it (that's another story!). However, he ended things with her the day after him and I talked and decided to try and work on things. I'm having SERIOUS trust issues especially since he had never lied to me before and I'm not sure that I can forgive him. Anyway, enough about me!!!!!! How long has it been since you've actually talked to her, emailed her or had any type of contact???? You say that you don't want to spend time with or talk to her unless she tells the other guy to beat it. That I can completely understand, however, have you told her this?????? Cause if not, she doesn't know to get rid of him so that the two of you can talk. If you haven't told her this, then you may need to make contact to let her know.

BTrayed-- My heart has been breaking as I have read your posts. I too have a situation, but we are currently trying to see if we can make things work. Doesn't mean that it will, but we shall see. Anyway, I have to say that I agree that NC would continue to be the best thing. I know it is not easy. In fact, it's probably the hardest thing you have to do. However, I know personally that it killed me when I wouldn't hear from him when we were split up. It was one of the things that made me want to be with him more. Hang in there, it will get better. One day, you will heal and it won't hurt as much. You need to get out and do things. How old is your son??? Take him to the movies, go to the park, go to the zoo, call some friends and have a cookout inviting other children. Try and keep yourself busy and it will make things easier. Also, know that there are others out here that are here for you! All you gotta do is type!

Thank you to each of you for your assistance! We spent Saturday night together and had a long conversation. He swears to me that he will never lie to me again, but is that saying true that once a liar always a liar????? As far as I know, he never lied to me before, so on some level I want to forgive him just because I feel as though we should give it another a chance. But I have a hard time forgiving and forgetting and I tend to read more into things then I should. For example, we were talking on the phone last week one night and he kept being bleeped out. I asked him what was wrong with his phone and he told me nothing that he knew of. Well, the next night, the same thing was happening and he told me that it was his other line ringing and put me on hold to answer it. Of course my mind started wandering and I figured that the same thing happened the night before, but he didn't want to tell me that someone was calling him . . . . . We split because all we ever did anymore was fight. We couldn't see eye to eye on anything. Not because of trust issues. Another issue I have now is he just bought a house and is having a friend of his move in with him at the end of May. Well, the guy that's moving in has been a friend of his for about the same length of time that we had been together. This guy isn't really a "bad" person, he's just not very responsible. And, he doesn't like my b/f and I being together because he wants my b/f single so that they can go to all the bars together and hook up. He's the type of person that will hook up with anyone he can and it doesn't matter whether he's known them 5 minutes or 5 years. He also doesn't like the fact that my b/f is dating someone with children (of which I have 3) and thinks that my b/f should be seeing someone closer to his own age (we are 9 years apart, me being older). Well, my b/f lives about an hour away and once he moves, he will only be about 20 minutes away. All through our relationship he always came to my house because it was easier for him to come to me rather than me going to him. Well now that he's moving closer, he wants me to come to his house. His roommate's not going to like that very much especially when I drag all three of my kids with me to go stay there for the weekend. Guess I'll just have to let my b/f handle that one, huh???? But, I know how my b/f's friend is and I worry that he may influence my b/f to have a bunch of women over and I'm scared something may happen. Should I be? Sorry to have rambled on and on again!

Hi everyone. Here is my delimma: My b/f and I broke up about 2 months ago. We continued talking and emailing during the break up but never actually saw each other. Well, we decided to get together a couple of weeks ago and had dinner one night and things went good. Then, the next weekend (Sat) we decided to get together again, well, we ended up being together, having sex and deciding that we would try and work things out. I had told him that I had discussed dating with a guy but that I never went through with it because I was still in love w/my ex. My b/f told me that the same thing had happened with him and that he had actually seen someone for a week, but told her he didn't want to be with her because he still loved me. Fast forward to a couple of days later . . . . turns out he really dated this girl for a little over a month (started seeing her 3 wks after we broke up), that it was his secretary (he no longer works there) and that he didn't end it with her until the Sunday after him and I had been together on Sat nite. ALSO, we didn't use a condom because we'd been together for 3 years and had been checked and given a clean bill of health. Turns out he slept with her too and didn't use a condom. My issue is, he says it's over with her and he has no feelings for her, but he told me after I found out that he was going to continue talking to her. Now . . . . a week later he says no, he's not talking to her. Should I believe him? Should I trust him? Should I stay with him and give him a chance? I'm not upset that he saw someone else, I'm upset that he lied to me about it and I can't stop thinking about it. HELP, please!

Thank you so much for your help. Both of you! I guess I forgot to mention that he did end it with her. Last weekend. He called her on Sunday after leaving my house to go to his family's for dinner and told her that him and his exgirlfriend had decided to get back together (this has been confirmed by people that have talked to her personally). So, she is now out of the picture. I guess my biggest concern is that I feel as though I've been spinning all week because of everything that has happened and I'm not sure whether this will continue and I should just give up on all of it or if he is truly sorry and will start considering my feelings. This is a new thing for him and I. We've never fought about him or I lying to each other and it's making me very insecure. I'm not seeing him this weekend so maybe that will help some! Keep your fingers crossed for me! It's nice to know that there are people out there to support you. Especially the way things are now in our world. Much love!