edgecrusher96

I'm 21 and I've only had 2 relationships of duration 3 months max. I don't feel like a loser at all. In fact I feel more like a loser having gotten into said relationships, I'm quite content with my single status. You see, the problem is that we live in a society that celebrates coupledom everywhere you go: in advertising, movies, fairytales, music and even in our holidays. Like we have Valentine's Day but what about a day commemorating single people? I personally think this pressure from society to pair up with someone is lame, and it's a shame that everyone thinks that their calling in life is to be in a relationship and live happily ever after (how often does this actually happen?!). Coupledom is revered while singledom is associated with being unwanted, undesirable, unhappy etc. I don't buy into this pressure one bit, as I think romance is superficial and overrated and too many people fail to realize the positives of being single. You have much more freedom while single than at any other stage of your life, among many other things.

I am a girl studying in a very male dominated field, and expect to work in a career full of males (like 90% male) once I graduate. As a result of this, I constantly have to deal with guys in the course of both study and work. Now, a bit about me. I am an ambitious, independent person who doesn't find the prospect of being in a relationship appealing at all, because I like my sense of freedom and privacy, and don't see the point in putting myself in a position to get hurt, and also I'm young and have plenty of time ahead of me. I'm not prepared to make major sacrifices and compromises for someone else in the name of a relationship which in all probability won't even last, so I'm like 'It's my way or the highway'. I also like my sense of personal space so I don't like people touching me, I don't need physical affection. I see letting people touch me as a loss of control, intrusive and an invasion of my space. In short, I'd like to enjoy the single life for as long as I can. Because I am constantly surrounded by guys due to my educational and career path, I want to know how to keep my interactions with them friendly and platonic. The last thing I want is for all the guys to hit on me. From past experience, when I have started dating guy friends, the friendship is adversely affected when we break up. I probably have it better than many people who hate their exes with a passion, but the friendships are strained and we can never be as close as we used to be before we went out because of our history together. So from here on in I just want to be friends with guys, I don't want to screw my friendships up again by going out with my male friends. I want to concentrate on study, work and friendships at the moment and don't want any major emotional commitments. From past experience, here are some conclusions I've arrived at with respect to keeping things within the boundaries of friendship: -Don't spend too much alone time together -Don't let guys shout me meals, drinks or entertainment, in other words go Dutch and pay my own way -Don't let guys give me lifts too often or over long distances -Don't flirt -Don't be afraid to burp, fart, swear, drink etc and be one of the guys - as most guys obviously want a real, feminine woman for a girlfriend -Don't glam up and wear revealing clothes as guys are very visually stimulated -Don't talk about emotional stuff or personal problems with guys So can anyone please give me advice for keeping my socializing with guys out of the romantic zone? If a guy has feelings for me and I don't reciprocate them, is the friendship doomed forever? I'm very serious about wanting to stay single and fending off romantic/sexual attention. For example, I don't wear open-toed shoes anymore because I've heard that many guys have a foot fetish. I've even stopped wearing sleeveless tops around guys because I read somewhere that the armpits are a major source of pheromones. So any guidelines on how to maintain a platonic opposite sex friendship?

I am an undergrad and I dated someone who already did a postgrad degree and now works in a semi-management position, the relationship didn't work out. We come from completely different worlds and the relationship was way too awkward, so I broke it off. If I could turn back time I wouldn't go out with someone whose life situation is so drastically different from mine in the first place. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

It's WAY better being male... for some reason nature didn't intend a fair world order. Being a woman has MANY disadvantages!! -Women get periods and all the painful complications that come with it -Women tend to be physically weaker than men -Women are not as athletic -Women have to go through the pain of childbirth, men don't -Women have to get up at 3am to breastfeed the baby while the guy just sleeps uninterrupted -Women tend to be the ones who get pressured into sex by guys -Women are more likely to be raped and become victims of crime -Women have more issues with workplace discrimination -Women have lower tolerance to alcohol -Women get emotionally hurt more easily -Women constantly have to worry about the possibility of getting pregnant when in a sexual relationship -Women have to be careful that their handbags don't get snatched or stolen -Women tend to earn less than men -Women can't share toilets -Women's clothing tends to be impractical -Hair cuts for women cost more than men's haircuts -There is a greater expectation that women care about their appearance -In most cultures women get less freedom than men -In many parts of the world, women have no access to education or the right to vote ...and many others reasons that I won't list here. Basically I'm just trying to say that guys have a much better lot in life!!

I personally wouldn't recommend a big age gap relationship to anyone, it's not practical because chances are you'll be at different stages in life and any attempt to intertwine your lives together would be very strained and convoluted. I dated a guy 12 years my senior for 3 months and because our life circumstances are so different, it didn't work out. The most important thing to have in any relationship is a sense of commonality, and age gap relationships seem to lack this because chances are you'll be at different stages of life, have different experiences and ideas. Then there is also the power issue. Even though my ex-boyfriend is a nice person, I subconsciously felt incompetent around him because the fact that he is older meant that he has achieved a lot more than I have. I'm an ambitious and determined sort of person and I found myself constantly comparing him to me, and feeling inferior. He works in a semi-management position and gets close to a 6 figure salary while I'm barely halfway through my degree and am living on the poverty line, so I didn't feel like an equal. Having him around was a constant reminder of what I don't have and what I haven't been able to achieve in life and may never will, and I felt very self-conscious. I believe in power equality in a relationship, dating someone considerably older than me makes me feel like a inexperienced child and I wouldn't want to go through that again. But to each their own, it's just that personally I'm not a fan of the age gap relationship, I've learned from recent experience.

A lot of girls seem to think the taller the guy the better, because they like to feel 'protected', but I'm different. I find it intimidating to date guys who are taller than me. I'm the sort of person who believes in equality all the way, I don't like guys paying for my dates or opening doors for me. Likewise, I don't want to date someone whom I perceive to be a lot more powerful than myself, and since height is perceived to be a measure of power, I don't go for the tall guys. I don't want to feel like I'm someone's daughter when I'm going out with them. Big height differences also make it awkward to kiss or look in each other's eyes. I would prefer a guy who is around my height, but I wouldn't mind dating a guy shorter than me. Not many girls go for the short guys and I like to support the underdog.

In the case where you've been dating over a year I'd imagine it'll be much harder to stay friends... but not impossible. I think that the longer you've been going out with the person, the less likely you'll be friends after the relationship ends. I've always been friends before a relationship, so to me it's worth restoring a friendship. But if you and your partner have never been anything other than a relationship then there is probably little point in building a friendship after a relationship. I like to be friends with exes provided that circumstances permit it, but I suppose it's not for everyone's personality. I'm a quite forgiving and laid back sort of person, and I don't really dwell in the past, so maybe that kind of mentality helps in staying on good terms, along with the fact that my relationships have been fairly short, so there wasn't enough time to build up too much resentment. But everyone's relationship and circumstances are different, so there is no one size fits all answer to the staying friends issue.

Ok, I might get flamed for this but everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I try to remain at least on good terms with all my exes. There was something I found in them that made me want to date them in the first place, and just because we weren't meant to be lifelong partners, doesn't mean that we have to hate each other. If the relationship was abusive, then understandably you wouldn't want to be friends with the person though. I have some semblance of friendship with my exes, though more distantly than before we went out. I know that I can never be as close to them as we used to but to me it's better than nothing. I never end a relationship because I have another person lined up, so I don't make friends with exes as a form of backup. In fact, I would be supportive of new partners and be happy for my exes if they found someone who makes a more compatible partner than me. This is the way I see it... I know that once you break up then you need to spend a significant amount of time away from each other, to let the person get on with their life, then I like to start building a friendship later. To me, their willingness to stay friends or at least on good terms indicates whether or not they liked me as a person in the first place, or if they were just physically addicted to me (lust). If they claim to care about me so much during the relationship, then after the relationship, couldn't care less if they accidentally ran me over with their car (to use an example), then I think it's quite spiteful of them and it proves that they didn't really like me as a person, but just used me to get their emotional and/or physical needs met, only to refuse having anything to do with me when I no longer meet their needs. But then again, I've only had 2 short relationships of no more than 3-4 months, so maybe it's easier for me to stay friends.

1) 3 months 2) Substantial age difference (12 years) Different long-term goals and life circumstances Interracial relationship/culture clashes Very different socioecomic backgrounds Feeling inferior due to my younger age and less life experience Pressure to 'grow up' too fast Wanted freedom to grow at my own pace and explore what's out there (I'm referring to life opportunities, not other guys!) without being tied down by a serious exclusive relationship 3) No, I think it was an amicable and fair decision based on incompatibility 4) I wouldn't mind staying friends but I don't see us getting back together. I think there are plenty of women out there who can have a much more compatible relationship with him.

I'm actually wondering what the answer is to your question, as I also want to be friends with my ex. When we first broke up 2 months ago (ended by me) we both said we could remain friends, but about 3 weeks ago I received an email from my ex telling me not to contact him anymore. I haven't contacted him since then, but I'm willing to give the friend thing another try. He obviously doesn't want to have anything to do with me right now, but only time will tell if this is just a phase he's going through, or he said that he wants to remain friends during the breakup just to make things easier for both of us, without any intention to stay friends. But I suppose how successfully you can make the relationship to friendship transition, and how long it takes assuming that it eventually happens, depends on a lot of things: Were you the dumper or the dumpee? How long were you in a relationship together? Why did said relationship end? Were you friends before the relationship? I've been advised that the dumper should leave the dumpee alone, and if the dumpee wants to be friends, then they'll get in touch when they're ready. But the dumpee probably wouldn't know what to say, also wouldn't it be somewhat humiliating to approach the person who gave you the flick and say that you want to be friends with them? thereforeeee, perhaps the dumper is the one who should hand out the olive branch after enough time has passed? I don't know... If I were you I'd start off by writing a friendly email saying hi, with no personal questions and definitely don't mention any new relationships you might be in at the moment (this will be interpreted as a deliberate attempt to hurt the person or make them jealous). Start off with emails as it's more emotionally neutral than calling, which should make it easier, then see how things go. A month of no contact may or may not be enough time off to start communicating again, depending on how long the relationship was. That's just an idea which I haven't tested myself yet. Since I'm trying to do the same thing as you are, if you would like to discuss anything, feel free to PM me.

We never had sexual relations in the short time we seriously dated, so there's no way I'm letting him initiate it after the breakup. I suppose once you do get intimate with someone, you see them in a whole new perspective so it's probably quite hard to stay objective and remain friends because the physical attraction gets in the way. But since we never had sex, perhaps I have more of a chance? Also, I still have some possessions of his, when he gave them to me he said they were 'on loan' and after we broke up I asked about how he wanted me to return them, and he told me to keep them for now. Since he's still letting me hold onto some stuff he 'lended' me, then maybe there's still hope?

Hi, I'd just like to hear about your experiences with ex-bf/gf's post-relationship. Were you friends after the breakup, acquaintances, enemies or simply did not contact each other again. I know that 'I'd like to stay friends' is usually a throwaway line used by the dumper to make themselves feel less guilty during the breakup, while they have no intention of contacting the dumpee afterwards. Or they may stay in contact until they find a new partner, then cut them off. However, when I broke up with my last boyfriend, I said I wanted to stay friends with the intention to fully honour the concept. I have reached a state of acceptance where I realize that there are too many obstacles for me to surmount to have a relationship with this person without jeopardizing my emotional well-being and my future (large age difference, interracial relationship, different stages in life) and have made a mature, level-headed decision that we can't meet each other's needs in a relationship. I have told him that I have no problem with him dating other people and will rejoice if he finds someone new, and do anything I can to support him in the new relationship. I have tried to extend the olive branch a few times but at the moment I think he's too hurt to accept my offer of friendship. So is it possible to be friends eventually? We were close friends before we started dating, the relationship wasn't serious for very long (2-3 months) but it was quite intense, where my boyfriend fell too much in love with me way too fast in my opinion.

I'm a short girl (5'2') and I make it a rule of thumb to only date short guys in future. My last boyfriend was 5'5 which I thought was perfect in the looks department and it was a much better couple looking thing as well. The one before him was over 6' and I thought he was quite cocky and arrogant. I know I'm generalizing but from my observations I've noticed that many taller guys are up themselves because they are aware of their physical dominance and try to make the most of it. Shorter guys tend to be more compassionate and sensitive. I reckon tall guys like dating short girls so they feel powerful and in control. And girls go for tall guys cause they're insecure and need to feel protected. But I respect myself more than that, so I'd rather go out with someone closer to my own height. There's more equality in the interaction between the couple.