blackcat21

I had to click on this thread because I too had an emotionally abusive boyfriend once.. Ok and I too was acting similar to how you are acting now! You seem like a really caring person, and no one can blame you for loving and caring for someone. But don't let your emotions get the best of you, the way I see it is "love is a verb" if he really cared about you, excuses aside, he'd be showing it.. and.. the fact that he said he "hates people" isn't really a good sign either. You're really young and its easy to be hurt in situations like this, all I'm saying is be careful and I'd think twice about what you are doing.. Never settle for anything less than what you deserve, even if as you said your goal isn't marriage or the one, I'd still think about how do you really want to be treated by someone that you strongly care about. Even if he is going through a lot of problems and things in his life right now (as my ex was as well) its absolutely no excuse for him to treat you poorly, and no reason as to why you should suffer for what hes going through. I know that once I finally cut ties with my ex in my situation which was similar to yours (even though he still IM's me every once in a while for some reason) even though it hurt for a while and took some time getting over, it was so much better for me in the long run. You always have to look out for yourself first, even if you love someone, cause sometimes you don't know who it is you are loving until later on when a lot of damage to yourself emotionally may be caused. If the guy really, really loved you, you'd know it because they'd be treating you like gold and how you should be treated. This is just my opinion and advice, as someone whose been in your shoes I don't like to see other people going through it..

Yeah I've heard of this before too but I think it is absolutely ridiculous.. I wish people can stop looking at men/women relationships as "tests" and "games." What if the girl was just nervous or something distracted her? I mean, come on. Just a tad immature methinks. You can't judge a person's whole character based on one tiny little thing she did.. thats ridiculous.

Its a weird situation. I'm pretty old, in my senior year of college. He took to ignoring me so I started doing it to him as well, plus I found it easier to cope with than trying to be friends because at the time, it was too difficult to try and be friendly with someone who was hurting me at the same time. I told him this the last time we talked. I took note of it because this is the first time hes ever even tried to talk to me or anything for like.. a long time.. and we see each other, a lot. I guess its not all that important. I am pretty well over him, I'm just curious. I wouldnt necessarily be against talking to him, I just wish I knew what was going on inside his head. I find it funny that he went so far out of his way to block me.. when I didnt do anything to warrant that (like i said he added me in the first place, not me..). To me it just shows he cares far more than I do, cause I am just sitting back and watching/letting things happen. To me it takes extra effort to sortof go out of your way and block someone, or in this case talk to them too..

Hey everyone! Ok, I have not posted in a while. But.. anyway, here's the story.. okay, my ex and I have not really spoken in a year and a half, I'd say. Though we do go to school together, we both pretend the other isn't there. So naturally I was surprised to find out earlier this week when I got a friend request from him on link removed. I was kinda confused. Then, the next day in class he seemed to sortof be trying to talk to me. Not directly, but he kept coming up to where I was and talking to the people around me, and he commented on my cell phone ring (I know he normally would not have done that..), then when he left he said bye everyone and looked directly at me. Ok, I didn't respond because, 1) I was on the phone when he was saying goodbye, 2) When you don't speak to someone in so long, you don't even know for certain if they are trying to talk to you or not. So, I added him back on myspace, and I sent him a messege asking who it was? (I knew who it was, but I kinda just wanted to see what he'd say). Get this, not only does he defriend me after I added him back, he also BLOCKED me! I have no idea why. Its so odd. I kindof want to know what that was all about. My friends say I should just ask him, but its kindof hard, given that hes always around his friends when I see him and I don't feel comfortable coming up to him like that... in a way I feel he isn't even worth that much of my effort.. I'm totally over him anyway and have been dating, I'm more curious than anything really, is all it is. Eh, maybe I should just go on ignoring him LOL. Any thoughts?

I started getting terrible acne about a year and a half ago.. nothing would clear it up.. I tried proactiv and it worked for me (I sound like a commercial but its true). IMHO its worth the 40 bucks a month.. all the other stuff just doesn't really work, it might help a little, but it doesn't clear it up for me.

I have a question. What is the best way to transition from breaking up with someone to being their friend again? We both said we'd want to remain friends.. We haven't talked in a little over a month now and I am wondering if I should write him a friendly email or wait for him to approach me..

Benevolent- Ok, this guy was not a jerk. I am not saying he is a jerk. Just that I want to be with him again. He was like my best friend, and even if we never get back together as b/f and g/f, I want to be his friend again in the future once things have cooled off a bit. He has always been considerate of me and my feelings. He just has had very little experience with being close to a person romantically.. I have been with someone who has treated me badly before, and I know what that feels like, this wasn't it. Its true that hes not perfect, but I always felt like I could trust him and I'm really not the most trusting person out there.. I really believe he just got cold feet. Maybe I put too much too soon into this relationship, but then so did he too. And I've even told him this, I think thats where everything started going wrong.. we went too fast with things, and he being really inexperienced with things got scared off.. he even told me this in so many words. It did annoy me that he backed off so soon after all the infatuation phase.. but I think he got scared.. The worst part of this relationship was the breakup. I'm notsittinghere with my life on hold for him, but I can't lie that hes been on my mind and yes I would like another chance with him. If someone else came along, and I liked them, sure, I'd go out with them.. but as it stands, no one has. .. I get what you are saying though. I will make a list of the pros and cons. But I really don't think I am putting myself in that position that you describe, bcI've been in that spot before, and I don't recognize this as it.. thanks for the advice though and I will make a list.

Thanks muneca I suppose you're right.. I have been relaxing and trying to keep him off of my mind but still miss him from time to time.. I guess it is too soon for me to even drop a simple hello how are you doing email... I guess I should just wait..

Danimal- The relationship was 3 months 3 weeks long.. short, but there was a lot of love and respect. We had known each other longer as friends (okay so I've known him as a friend since last September..), so we knew each other for longer than that, and I thought we had a nice foundation for a relationship.. we had a lot in common and could joke around together, and both respected each other as people. The longest I've gone is now which is a little over a month...

He ended it in very late March but we continued to see each other on a daily basis as it was unavoidable because of the fact that we go to the same school. Anyway I didn't think it'd be appropriate for me to visit him because.. well he lives far anyway and I've never been to his house even when we went out so it doesn't seem right to do something like that. It just doesn't seem right to try and see him right now, I don't think it would be well-received. I guess the best thing to do is just keep with the not talking.. but I just miss him.. in weaker moments I consider writing a "hey hows the summer going?" email but later on regain my senses and think "good thing I didn't do that.." Its certain we will talk in the future just not right now.. we will see each other again once the semester begins. So I know I will at least talk to him again.. but I just was wondering .. what to do. BTW he was very distant in the relationship towards the end, I really didn't do anything wrong, he just has issues with commitment and handling any relationship.. I'm hoping he'll come to his senses.. he has said he needs time to sort things out (not in a way that implies we'd definitely be together again, once he had) so I should respect that, right? I just wasn't sure if a friendly hello is in order or if waiting would be better... hes really a sensitive person who does listen, but I think I wore out his grace period (too much talking and trying to convince him back with me for two straight months!).. so I think the only option is to continue with the no contact that started a month ago.. I guess he needs to think and reconsider on his own.. so confused.

I just wanna say thanks to everybody who offered their advice to me on this thread Danimal, I know for a fact that he feels that way, or else he wouldnt've ended the relationship. The other ex is a long, long story I really don't want to get into it. But I was young and foolish then. Its not even so much that I wanted to be with him in that realtionship when it ended.. as I was just sad over losing a 3+ year long boyfriend, not to mention my first one. My current ex was good for me in everyway.. I know he is someone I would like to be with. I don't want to just go and see him or call him up.. I mean I had been trying too much to do those things between the months of April-May and it got me absolutely nowhere except bring him more distant with me, it really didn't go very well, I assure you! I love him but what good is me continuously trying at doing something that isn't going to work? I just don't know if I should drop a friendly line or so just to let him know I want to say hi.. or just wait for him to come talk to me at some point.. its harder because he was such a good friend to me that now I feel I lost that as well.... but for the past 2 months hes done nothing but show me he didn't care about me.. all attempts at being friendly or anything were received with indifference, which is why I think that I need to wait and hope.. maybe he'll be the one to talk. I have been going out and doing things of course.. but just been wondering if an email would be okay.. I don't know, I guess I was just worried about it or not, I dunno why I expect some kind of magic answer for this.. I just don't know what to do. I really do care about him and love him but whats the best thing to do.. I will see him again in Sept for school.. he said we'd talk then but he said a lot of things.

I'm just saying that often when a man ends a relationship, they no longer want to work it out. At least not unless they change for whatever reason. Once again, I'm 21. How old are you?

Sorry also forget to add that a lot of times space is a big thing with men.. thereforeeee coming to them and talking about it, really doesn't do anything, because what they want is space and freedom, not to work things out. Thats just my opinion from my experiences..

I guess I could be stereotyping but its just what I've learned through my own life and stories of my friends; etc. Its just I keep seeing friends of mine (female) who dump a guy for whatever reason.. they end up getting back with him after he talks it out with them promises to change; etc. whereas men don't really seem to care to listen to talk once the decision has been made.. or maybe I've just been dating stubborn guys.

Danimal- Yes that was a different ex. Yes I DO know what I want. The ex (the one I am speaking about, my second ex) is a great person.. I loved him when we were friends and when we were going out.. the other guy was a horrible person, but thats another story. Not sure why you're asking.. but I'm 21. My friend's single now.. only b/c she just broke off with a year long relationship.. I trust her advice, because at least she is smart enough not to wind up in bad or deadend relationships like I have in the past. I know love isn't about games but sadly guess what I have realized? When it comes to dealing with men, sometimes it has to come to that. I have tried so many times to be direct and he just won't hear of it.. besides the reason why he broke it off, I think, is because he got scared off of the relationship and things of that nature.. well he did the whole "its not mean to be" thing and.. he just couldn't get close to me in the relationship.. he was scared for some reason. I was pushing and it only pushed him further away. This is why I was saying in my other post it is harder to win back a guy than it is a girl- because guys seem to usually want space.. don't want to feel like they're pushed into things, etc. The problem I'm thinking of is how can I give someone I love space without completely giving up any chances of being with him again? Or someone else coming along and going out with him? So what can I do? He himself has told me he wanted space, so I had no choice but to stop and give it to him. Believe me I was trying very hard to talk and show him I cared and all it did was annoy him, crowd him, and probably make him lose respect for me. We haven't talked since May 21.. when school ended.. now school is out for the summer and neither of us have talked to the other.. I was just wondering if a friendly little email would be well received or would it hurt what I want.. to be with him.. to get close to him even if it is just as friends for now (that is how we started out..) although ideally I want to be with him romantically again.. I mean he has said he likes me very much as a person and wants to be friends.. but that he doesn't have feelings like that for me anymore. Anyway I was just wondering if a quick messege saying hi whats up hows the summer going.. would be good or bad.. things like that..