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inastate

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  1. inastate
    hi veryshyguy, i am been in the same situation as you so i know how hard it can be, especially when you see her. but you have try and ask her out if you are going to get anywhere. maybe she will only want to be friends and nothing more than that, but you will never know unless you talk to her and ask her out. remember that sometimes we can make things in our own minds to be a much bigger deal than they really are... good luck!
  2. inastate
    I don't believe that you deserve to be unhappy at all. From the situation and feelings you described you should break up with him. The relationship sound like it is not fulfilling you at all. Its cute that you don't want to break up with him near his birthday, but I think you should move on your life and find a happy and fulfilling relationship with a mature non-boring person. I wish you luck!
  3. inastate
    First of all don't worry about whether they are 'normal' or not. Some relationships are harder, and thereforeeee take longer to get over than others. It sounds like your last relationship is still hurting you and you not completely over her. The healing process can be a very difficult one. Are you doing thing to keep your mind busy and not focus on her? Do you still see her or even hear of her? Try your best not to think about her at all. After three years it is obvious that she is no longer part of your life, except in your head. If you believe that this is a problem you cannot resolve by yourself, it may be an idea to seek profession help.
  4. inastate
    I'm so sorry to hear about what has happened, this guy has totally strung you along you most definitely have every right to feel so used, hurt and empty. Make sense of this? There is nothing to make sense of. This guy has lied to you, used you, lead you on, and then left you feeling like you do now. How to get over it? First of all, if you have to stay at work (ie. getting a different job/location is not an option) maintain a strict work relationship with him, that means no more personal relationship with him at all. It is obvious he couldn't not care less about you or your feelings. Very important: if you had strong feelings for him, this will be a hard process. You cannot apply the 'no contact' rule if he is your boss and you must deal with him on a day-to-day basis at work. Believe that you can get over it, and go back to normal and you will. It will take time but you can do it. Again, I'm so sorry to hear what he did to you. Take care of yourself and good luck.
  5. inastate
    There might be some hope for you if you would turn off caps lock. All the questions and issues you raised can only be resolved by you and your guy communicating and sharing your thoughts, feelings and concerns with each other. If you have concerns that he will never commit, what could make you resolve this? Have you actually told him that you this is an issue in the relationship? Why do you think that he won't commit? Simply because of his track record in relationships? There are many things you should discuss with him and resolve so that you can progress and make the relationship and strong and happy one. Of course there is hope! Talk to him!
  6. inastate
    Its unfortunate you had to find out accidently by reading the messages on her phone, but really how much of a friend could she have possibly been if she has decided to end the friendship over something as trivial as this?! But I think that you were in the wrong a little bit as well - she said you could make an important call because your phone did not work (as a friend should), but she did not say you can use my phone to make an important call and then play around with and read my private text messages to/from Febin - which is what you actually did. I can only guess that she really, really values her privacy and by you reading private messages without her permission, whether by accident or not, you have gone further than the limits of the friendship can handle. If you still want to be friends with her, then as Beec suggested, I think you should wait a while (after she has calmed down) and try again.
  7. inastate
    I know it can be hard you have just got to ignore these insecurities about the relationship! Not everything is 100% perfect. Perhaps it is unfortunate from your point of view that we weren't this woman's first lover, but its something you have got to get over, otherwise she may become too annoyed with the questions (she has already asked you to stop) and may decide that you won't be her last either. Everyone has negative or doubtful thoughts and feelings at some point in their lives. I don't know really know much about OCD, but is it possible that you obsessively compulsively ask her these questions and think these things because of this disorder? If so, perhaps it is something you should talk to your doctor/psychairist (or whoever treats you for this disorder) and ask them if it could be the cause. Try to focus on the positive and happy things in the relationship and in your life, rather than dwell on the negative and unhappy all the time. It is NORMAL to have doubts and feel unhappy about things (such as your relationship) but when this begins to consume your thoughts and feelings, and in turn your relationship it obviously becomes a big problem. Talk to her about this and how you believe it could be your OCD and explain how you are feeling, she will understand and be tolerant of you while you get these negative feelings under control. Stay POSITIVE and good luck!
  8. inastate
    Hey Sari84 I know exactly how you feel - failed relationships and that "lonely" almost lost feeling. I think that what you are asking for is possible. You just have believe in it and be patient...Good things come to those who wait Btw, check your PM.
  9. inastate
    Unless there is another post that I haven't read as yet how could you possibly know that from the current thread? WomackC706, you said that you think the fighting is about things that you wouldn't normally fight about if you were together, and you going to close together soon, then hopefully the fighting should at least be minimised soon. As to making the fighting stop at the moment...Try to examine the situations in which you are fighting, WHY are you fighting about the "stupidest things in the world"? Is there something else bothering him (or you for that matter)? Talk to him, ask him why are we fighting about and try to figure it out together. If you both see the stupidity of situation you both might be able to laugh at the absurdity of the situation and thereforeeee clam down a bit, and ease off the arguments! I hope that you are able to sort things out!
  10. inastate
    I think that you answered your question in the final sentance. If it has reached the point where you can no longer stand her indecisiveness you should tell her this, let her know how you feel about the relationship and that you are tired of being treated by her the way you are being treated at the moment. Good luck!
  11. inastate
    It sound like the no contact was a good idea for you and as the previous posters have stated its time, time and more time. You will get over her eventually. Keep yourself busy, meet new people, do new things - things that don't remind you of her in any way. Enjoy your "new" life without her in it.
  12. inastate
    I agree with neva_black_n_white that it is different for different people. I share the same outlook as you that I am positive person, but relationships seem to be different. I think this is because they are so hard to control. When you first break up it feels like it will never end, but as time goes on and circumstances and feelings change (and they will) you will gradually forget and move on. I know its hard, but you must give it time. Good luck.
  13. inastate
    Personally I can't remain friends or even maintain contact with someone that I loved. Keep doing things to keep yourself busy (thing that don't remind you of him of course). Spend time with friends, meet new people. Over time these intense feelings will pass and you will not think about him so often and eventually not at all, but please keep in mind this will take time...Depending on how much you loved him it may take a long time to get completely "over" him. Take care, good luck!
  14. inastate
    Sorry to hear that he did not want to be with you. I totally understand what SwingFox and Ebowski are saying about thick skin burning into a shield though. After a dumping/break up its so very hard to put yourself in the right frame of mind to meet and be with other people. I've also been in the situation where a relationship with a friend was undefined, until the topic came up and she defined it for me...Perhaps not the way I wanted it to be though
  15. inastate
    What a strange situation! Maybe she only likes to talk to you on her terms? Perhaps the times when you've approached her she has been pre-occupied with other things and/or not in the mood to talk. It's a bad situation for you because if you distance yourself she might think that you're interested (when you obviously are) but when you do distance yourself she approaches you more. And of course that makes perfect logical sense As you become more comfortable around her you could eventually ask her, "Hey why is it that when...".
  16. inastate
    I agree with bdub. Give her some space and try to live your own life while you can't be with her. When she is ready you will be together. At the moment it doesn't really look like there is anything else you can do.
  17. inastate
    You did the right thing. Just always remember that it is going to take some time to get over her and that you do need to move on with your life. It looks like she is starting to move on with hers, even if it is just by working more hours to keep busy.
  18. inastate
    I know this isn't really advice but... It seems to be the case that you know the situation and you know the uncertainty for the future. He might never get a high-paying professional career in music. As much as people want something it doesn't always happen. From what you said in your post I can't see what will be different this time around, so really it depends on whether you want to be in that situation again.
  19. inastate
    You are right you could be confusing friendly nature for the way she acts at work. If the opportunity arises you should ask her if she is busy after work or if she would like to go out sometime. Otherwise your relationship is restricted to work environment and you will never to be able to tell!
  20. inastate
    I think that brainwashing is possible to a certain extent...But I have to be honest I don't really understand your question. Why is it exactly you feel that you are being brainwashed?
  21. inastate
    This seems like an extremely unfair situation for you. It is always difficult telling people close to you that they are wrong! Tell your mother she needs to respect your maturity and work commitments and have more consideration for what you want to do in your life.
  22. inastate
    As much as you might not like it, if she says she only wants/likes you as a friend you're going to have to accept it. I have been in this situation and I know how hard it is to be accepting and rational when you are so emotionally attached to someone. But having said that you can't really make her feel the same way about you (as you do about her) and after she had some time to be more comfortable and reaches a decision you will have to respect it.
  23. inastate
    I think you should her out and get to know her better to see if she really does like you. Like a previous poster said, there is no point in waiting!
  24. inastate
    I agree with the previous posters - tell him how you feel about how he treats you. He doesn't sound like he has very much respect for you or has very much consideration for your feelings. If he ignores you or doesn't take you seriously when you tell him what you feel about his behaviour and actions then I would leave him - you don't have to put up with that.
  25. inastate
    In an ideal world I wish that we could just be honest with everyone and say exactly what we think and thereforeeee express how we honestly feel. Unfortunately however the world is not ideal. I think that people should be honest and have consideration for others at the same time. I personally try to be as honest as I can as often as I can, but try to limit such honest with objective, rational thought. I guess what I'm saying is that although I might think my honest opinion first, I won't always say it because I will try and put myself in the other person's shoe before I do. When I'm with closer friends though I tend to be more and more honest and open because I know the person better and I'm to have a better idea of how they would feel if I said what I said. Honesty is a very interesting topic I think...
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