Brneyegirll

If it feels right to both of you..go for it!! I recently lost my husband of 12 years and when we met we were just like you two. We were so in love like love at first site and we married in 2-1/2 months. Yes it lasted forever, or i will say it would have if i had not lost him suddenly. That is how sure i feel about that. We had a wonderful 12 yrs together. So i say go with your heart, it never lies. Good luck

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and give any advice to possibly help me. I posted posted this again to get more advice... I have posted in the past about a relationship which now i have been in for 9 months. I am 37, he is 44. I am widowed and have 2 girls 18 & 20 yrs old. He has never been married and has No children. He lived at home all his life except 4 yrs one time that he lived with a woman. Well any way, he had a house for 5 yrs that he kept up but never lived in it until now. We both moved in it together 3 months ago. He knew from the beginning of this relationship what i wanted (and my morals) in my future which was marriage and family again. He also knew my morals and the fact that i do not believe in shacking up, so to speak..living together. At least not without an engagement which to me is then leading to marriage. Well, i was supossed to move in his house by myself but when i got here, he never left and slowly moved his things in. Everything here is mine. He only has some clothes here. Most of his things are still at his parents. So really i dont feel he fully moved in with me. So we had been talking about getting engaged because i had told him im not gonna keep living together without that commitment from him. So last weekend he took me out looking at rings, trying them on. He said while we were there he wasnt gonna buy one that day that he would go back and pick one and surprise me. Well, you know how you just get a gut feeling about things sometime? Well this is how i have felt with him on the subject of engagement/marriage all along that maybe i was just being stringed along, lied to just to bide time, i guess. Guess i was right because yesterday he told me he doesnt want to get engaged for 7 more months and married up to a year after that. I was crushed and i feel so betrayed by him..once again. I cant even look at him at this point. He has hurt me so bad. We both have loved each other so much but oviously its not as much on his part. Am i wrong?? Why did he make me think diff by taking me looking at rings. He knew exactly how i felt. I just know i am wasting my time on this guy but at the same time..i have settled into this house and am just devastated at the thought of moving again soo soon. Should i have him move back 2 his parents and i date other guys?? I am sleeping on the couch now. I feel very used and its not only this one thing, theres been alot more issues. I have been extremely good to this guy( he tells everyone this). I have been just like a wife to him. I do love him dearly but just cant bear to get hurt anymore by him. He is very selfish/self centered and i dont think i can change any of this. Last night when he got home from work, we didnt say a word to each other. I went to bed, he went to the couch! Thanks everyone... Depressed/Hurt/Lost _________________

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and give any advice to possibly help me. I have posted in the past about a relationship which now i have been in for 9 months. I am 37, he is 44. I am widowed and have 2 girls 18 & 20 yrs old. He has never been married and has No children. He lived at home all his life except 4 yrs one time that he lived with a woman. Well any way, he had a house for 5 yrs that he kept up but never lived in it until now. We both moved in it together 3 months ago. He knew from the beginning of this relationship what i wanted (and my morals) in my future which was marriage and family again. He also knew my morals and the fact that i do not believe in shacking up, so to speak..living together. At least not without an engagement which to me is then leading to marriage. Well, i was supossed to move in his house by myself but when i got here, he never left and slowly moved his things in. Everything here is mine. He only has some clothes here. Most of his things are still at his parents. So really i dont feel he fully moved in with me. So we had been talking about getting engaged because i had told him im not gonna keep living together without that commitment from him. So last weekend he took me out looking at rings, trying them on. He said while we were there he wasnt gonna buy one that day that he would go back and pick one and surprise me. Well, you know how you just get a gut feeling about things sometime? Well this is how i have felt with him on the subject of engagement/marriage all along that maybe i was just being stringed along, lied to just to bide time, i guess. Guess i was right because yesterday he told me he doesnt want to get engaged for 7 more months and married up to a year after that. I was crushed and i feel so betrayed by him..once again. I cant even look at him at this point. He has hurt me so bad. We both have loved each other so much but oviously its not as much on his part. Am i wrong?? Why did he make me think diff by taking me looking at rings. He knew exactly how i felt. I just know i am wasting my time on this guy but at the same time..i have settled into this house and am just devastated at the thought of moving again soo soon. Should i have him move back 2 his parents and i date other guys?? I am sleeping on the couch now. I feel very used and its not only this one thing, theres been alot more issues. I have been extremely good to this guy( he tells everyone this). I have been just like a wife to him. I do love him dearly but just cant bear to get hurt anymore by him. He is very selfish/self centered and i dont think i can change any of this. Thanks everyone... Depressed/Hurt/Lost

Thank you so much WoobieGirl.. When this all first started, i did agree that he could wait 6 months of the date of my husband passing away to tell his parents because he felt so strongly about it. But now the 6 months has came i haven't been saying anything about it, and i did say something about a week ago and he says.. And i confronted him to let him know pretty much he was lieing. Needless to say, he said maybe he did say that. But he never did say if or when he would ever tell them. Well this crushed me bad because that was not what was said at all. He directly told me 6 months he was telling them we were in Love and he was dating me. He did tell them we are friends about 2 months ago. And now he does walk over about 2-3x a week. But they only think were friends and he still cant spend the night out and makes no effort to. In 5 months, we have probably spent the night together 4-5x. A couple of weeks ago i made reservations at a hotel and told him to figure out what he would tell them because i wanted us to be together for the night. He did go but he had to lie and get his dad to drop him off somewhere to make it look like he was leaving due to his past job. And then i had to pick him up. I feel like a teenager all the time..and he's older than me! He says its gonna take time to tell his parents and he has to do it very slowww. I just feel if he really wanted a future with me/us, then he wouldn't be playing all these games. He never talks about our future 2gether, and this really bothers me. If i didnt Love him, i wouldn't do all the crazy stuff i feel i have to. And i do give alot to the relationship and dont get what im giving back at all. It hurts..but yet its soo difficult for me to let go of him. I know you are right in the fact that this is what needs to be done. I just dont know how?? And if i do, do you think it would be good for me to date someone else right away so i can get over him? Thanks for any help

I have posted in the past about this confusing, difficult relationship ive been in. Its now been 5 months and i just dont know if this is going anywhere or nowhere. My question is, when do you feel the guy im dating should tell his parents so we can start a normal, healthy relationship? Its been very hard. I didnt plan this relationship what so-ever and certainly did not plan falling in love with this guy, but it happened and happened for both of us..now what?? Below are my previous posts- Thanks for any help/suggestions everyone.. link removed link removed

You need to get out of this relationship! You do not deserve to be treated this way. Do you have family you can turn to??

My goodness...I personally think its awful she doesnt want sex at all. How old is she?? I know im 36 and I Love having sex. And i feel a woman should take care of her man when he wants/needs it. If she apsolutely doesnt want intercourse then she should do other things to satisfie you. And only being together 3 months and shes doing this?? I think thats awful soon in a relationship. Maybe she needs to seek some counseling or see her GYN doctor. Is she even trying to find out if she can get in the mood? I think she at least put an effort towards trying! Somethings just not right here. There are some women who just hates sex or anything to do with it..i have a sister in law who is just like this. The only time she has ever wanted to give my brother sex was when she wanted to get pregnant..SAD!! Good luck with her..

I think your probably right. Im still not dealing with my lose of my husband well at all. I go threw crying spells everyday. He ment the world to me and NO ONE can ever take his place in my heart. I have felt that im with this guy due to the loneliness. But i do think i love him now. Why..i have no clue, because he is no where near the man my husband was. This really bothers me about myself. I have treated this guy like gold and not got the same in return and probably never will. I do not see myself with him in the future. He is to self absorbed and selfish.

Beec~ I want to thank you for all your information..i definitely needed help I do think he may be a mommas boy..cause he told me b4 that he wanted a woman that he marries to be like his mom. And she's the reason he cant spend nights out and has to go home early. Really it's a joke when you think of him being 44yrs old! I guess im some what of a joke for even messing with him..Stupid is the best word for it..LOL Thanks..your an

I have been very affectionate with him. Hugging, touching, kissing, calling him little names ALL the time like honey, baby, sweetie. And it seems like he like all this but i get very LITTLE in return except when he seems to want sex (once a week)LOL. So maybe if i stop being so affectionate with him, he will realize what he is losing?? Also ive always wanted him to stay later than what he does and i have now stopped that and i tell him to go home at earlier hours. And when i do, he asks me..am i trying to get rid of him, and why am i wanting him to leave early.When in the past, he's the one wanting to go and made it seem like i kept him here. I have showed this guy alot of attention and love all along and maybe i made a mistake doing this but i do what i feel for him. Its the way i am. But i dont feel loved in return from him..very little anyway. It seems so confusing as to what the hell is wrong with him.

Beec- Do you mean..No Sex?? I guess i just dont understand what your saying. I have noticed with him that when i act like i dont care about him or dont want to talk like i normally do, he gets worried and will treat me better. And when we dont have sex for 5-7 days, he treats me like gold until we do and then its like he gets quiet again, distant. I really dont think he's using me for that because i have more drive than him. He seems to be fine with having sex one or two times a week.. He bought me a gold necklace with a diamond heart pendant and a dozen roses for Valentines Day. He came over that night. But to be honest..it didnt even make me feel good getting these things because im feeling so hurt by him. I think it was done out of guilt!

He could be one of those guys scared of committment..and the closer they feel your getting to them..the more they will back off. I do believe (or at least in my situation) they really do want to get married deep down but CAN NOT take that step. Did he call you for Valentines Day or come and see you?? a g/f of mine is going threw the same thing like you. Her b/f broke up with her after a year of dating the day b4 Valentines day and never called her that day or gave her anything. He did this 2 her with NO Reason what so-ever. And this guy is 54 yrs old..Sad!! You are doing so good with your job and all. Keep up the good work 4 Yourself!! BrnEyeGirll* --------------------- Experience is the worst teacher, it gives the test before the lesson.

I feel soo bad for you Guys can be awful (im going threw stuff now with one). I hate to tell you this but it sure sounds like this guy has found someone else. Unless he's getting scared to make a committment. Because knowing you have a good job now and a house may be making him back off because he knows what the next move is. He probably wont tell you that but i bet if you do some checking you will find out. BTW- how old is he?? Has he ever been married, kids?? Did you ever live together?? You are to good for him. Your doing great with your job, home and heading down a great path on your own. Don't let him destroy what you've worked so hard for. You do have a good future and a good guy will come along and treat you better than this. I know your hurting but time will heal the pain. I would NOT contact him at all. If he truly loves you, he will come back and with an explanation as to why he is doing this to you. Honestly, I cant think of one good enough to put you threw this. As far as how good he was when you were 2gether...they say it takes approx. one year to see the true colors of a person in a relationship. Love blinds us severly. I bet if you really look back at the year with him, you will see that there were warning signs. I seen them immediately with my b/f but choose to ignore them.. I wish you all the luck. And please take care of yourself so you can heal from this and meet you a GOOD man!

You are very right. And i do aprieate your responding to me I do want to get married again someday and i do want someone who cares about ME and not all their self. This guy has hurt me more than this time and i noticed alot of negitives about him from the beginning. I ask myself..why am i with him, why have i fallen for him? I just dont know. My husband of 12 yrs died and this guy doesnt hold a candle to him. So i dont know why i have been so stupit other than the lonliness i have felt losing my first love and best friend. The thing is the 4 months with this guy never filled my emptiness..just a tiny bit when i did get to be with him. Which was always on his time. I opened up all my feelings for him all the time and i noticed when i did that, he treated me worse and really backed off.?? God..ive made some stupid mistakes opening myself up this

I have been dating this guy who's 44 yrs old, never married, no kids. I ve posted before about some of this. He has a home but lives with his parents (all his life except 4yrs). Anyways, here it is Valentines Day and im very hurt because yesterday he called me at 4pm to tell me about an interview he had been on and so on. By the way, most conversations with him stem around HIM not me or US. Anyway i asked him if he was coming over lat night which we were supossed to be together last night cause we had said this a week ago. He said to me yes but he was going home and might take a nap and that he would call me later. Well he lives accross the street and i seen him leave at 6pm. He didnt call so i called him around 7pm and a few times after that and he never answered his phone. I had even left a couple messages. See i had went out the night before with a friend and i think he was pretty mad about me going out but he hardly comes over to be with me and i had told him i was tired of sitting at home and not being together. So by 9pm last night, i was pretty mad and figured he was doing a pay back to me. So i called his cell phone for the last time to leave him a message..i told him i felt he was trying to pay me back and that i had seen him leave at 6pm and that i was no longer playing his games and that i will never bother him again! And im not going to call him again. But im very hurt over this guy and its very hard. Deep down i know i need to let this go. What should i do if he ever calls me again? I am 36yrs old and i cant take these childish games anymore with an immature 44yr old. I am very much in love with him but on the other hand, i feel like he has played with my feelings and heart so much in the 4 months ive been seeing him..i just want to hurt him back.