JSHRN

Hi. In February 2021, I met an absolutely amazing woman. I was working in another state when she contacted me via Facebook because we shared a mutual friend. We had a texting conversation that evening which lasted 13 hours. It was as if we had known each other all of our lives. So many things in common. Same values. Same outlook on life in the future. We met the following weekend and have been together ever since. unfortunately, things are sometimes rocky between us and my depression, anxiety, and bipolar come out. I still have trust issues after being burned by previous exes. And, I really don’t feel like I deserve to be loved. Especially from her. i’m on the verge of losing my house. So, she offered to help me move in with her a few months ago. Since then, I have moved tons of boxes into her place, but have barely unpacked any of them. Just struggling with my depression, anxiety, bipolar, job, health issues. She has her own stuff going on and she doesn’t need my “crap. I’ve struggled for decades with my demons. When we met, neither one of us was looking. In fact, we had both given up on even dating or meeting someone anymore. The past few days, we haven’t gotten along at all. So, I’ve been sleeping in my car. When I texted her about what the answers are to fix things between us she said “I don’t know what the answers are.” I feel like a huge burden to her. I’ve tried to get as much stuff out of my house as possible. But, a lot remains there and she has been little help helping me get stuff out. I really don’t feel things can be saved between us. Just when I think I seem to have met the “right one,” it turns into just another failed relationship. i’m tired of struggling. Depression. Physical health. Job. Finances. I’m probably the last guy in the world she should be with. Any feedback would be sincerely appreciated. Thank you.Any feedback would be sincerely appreciated. Thank you.

Hi Everyone. Hope everyone is doing well. I haven't been on in several months (various issues in life) but it's good to be back. After breaking up last fall, my ex and I went our separate ways. Inevitably, after a few weeks, she would call to "say hello." and we would hang out. Although I never got a reason from her as to why she dumped me, I always felt that I deserved an explanation. It wouldn't change things, I know, but it would have given me some peace of mind. To make a long story short, she called me at work last week and said we "needed to talk." I was surprised! She had been telling friends of ours that she was looking on getting back together and wanted to see how receptive I was. For anyone who remembers my situation last fall this was a toxic relationship. We went for coffee and talked for a few hours. She graduates May 14 and said the whole "single life/doing her own thing" is getting old. She doesn't always say what's on her mind and I was always puzzled by the way she felt towards me. After I received an e-mail from her today, everything is clear! I would appreciate any and all feedback. Thank you. FYI - Regarding your letter.... **All you said was that "no matter what happens between you and I, I'll always have you friendship." Is that what this whole thing means to you? A friendship? I don't know how you perceive this....** Well, I meant what I said. Yes, I only want a friendship. How do I perceive this? I want to be your friend and nothing more. **I wish you could express yourself verbally but understand the need to put your words on paper. I still don't understand what you want from me.** Express myself?? I HAVE! Here are my feelings in black and white for you as well. You still don't understand what I want from you? I have told you many times...I wish YOU could learn to HEAR what I am saying to you. You just don't hear what you don't like. I DON'T want a relationship, I want a FRIENDSHIP. **A recurring word from you during our talk last week at the donut shop was "friend". Is that what you want from me?** Again. I've said it many times...and it was a recurring word during our talk. Do you see a theme here? Why do you keep asking me the same question but then ignore my answer to you? Accept it, hear it, believe it......I wanted a FRIENDSHIP from you. **School is the most important thing in your life right now. Focus on school, graduation and passing boards. But, you need to also focus on what you want from me. I'm not here to be "just your friend." I've made it very clear that I want more than that.** You are a very selfish person Jim. Do you understand what you are saying to me? You know that school is the most important thing in my life and that I have 42 days left. BUT focus on you. That is not my focus right now...although you are forcing it my focus because you are relentlessly looking for the answer YOU WANT from me. Not the answer I am GIVING you. You've made it very clear that you want more, but I have made it very clear (if not before, I'm doing it now) that I DO NOT. I cannot focus on school, etc... if you continue to hound me for the right answer. Besides you are not going to get it no matter how hard you try. It's a moot point. **I want to make love to you. I want to do travel nursing with you. But, you have given me no sign that what you wanted with me back in the fall of 2003 is what you want now.** Listen, I have said that I just want a friendship with you. WHY are you looking for signs that I want more than that. You won't find them and you are just torturing YOURSELF. **I would be very surprised(and extremely disappointed) if you decided not to pursue a relationship with me. I am not here to be "just your friend". That's not what I want.** Again you are very selfish. I have said SEVERAL times that I don't want a relationship-what's to be surprised about????? As I said before, you don't seem to hear me. I honeslty don't care that you are not here to be my friend...and the fact that it's not what you want. I can't make myself be with you when that is not what I want!! If you don't want to be my friend then we have NOTHING. I really didn't want to loose you as a FRIEND but if you cannot except what I am TELLING you then we can't continue to talk to each other. **If I'm so different as you say, why do you continue to avoid spending time with me?** Um, because you can't just be my FRIEND. Everytime we have contact with each other you continue to haunt me with the letters, emails, questions. It's not very fun to have to deal with that, especially now with all the shit going on with school. That is why I avoid spending time with you Jim. **I understand the need for you to do your own thing but I keep going back to last fall** I am truly sorry that things happened the way they did, but it just wasn't the right thing for me and forcing something that isn't the right thing ends up sour in the end anyway. Besides the past is the past for a reason, it's not healthy to live in the past because the future will pass you by (including the chance to have a great FRIENDSHIP together) **I wish you would re-read all of the emails and letters I have sent you** First of all, I HAVE read them. Reading them TWICE isn't going to make a difference. The emails and letters need to STOP. I hate to be mean, but all of them are all the same selfish repetitive stuff. All the emails/letters have been more of a hinderance rather than a help. It's aggrivating when you tell someone something and they blantantly IGNORE it and continue to try to change your mind. You aren't going to change my mind... **This is simply not productive to either one of us** I TOTALLY agree with you here. It's not!! So either you accept the situation and remain my friend or not accept the situation and leave me alone. Don't you see that I have made it clear to you what I want, and you won't accept it nor will you even hear me...you continue to drag this on and you are killing yourself by doing it and aggrivating me. **I am trying to be calm and collected and you are not helping my stress and anxiety level** I cannot believe how selfish you are. Do you think that you pushing the issue here is doing anything for MY stress/anxiety having to constantly deal with this? I am so sorry to put you out here, but as I see it, the only way to "calm" you down is to say what you want to hear, and that is not going to happen. **counseling as a couple** You have mentioned this twice now. This is just plain unreasonable. First, we aren't a couple, second...you say it will help us better relate to one another...there is no relation problems here!! There is only a one way communication barrier, you don't accept what I say to you so you act as if I haven't told you how I feel. **All I know is that his is making us both crazy and miserable.** You are so right. But "this" is being created by you. It's making you crazy and miserable because you won't accept things the way they are. It's making me crazy and miserable because you continue harp on it. **Once again, I am not trying to jeopardize the last few weeks of school for you.** Ahhhh, but you are Jim. You say you understand, but I really don't think you do. If you did and you really didn't want to jeopardize the last few weeks, you wouldn't continue to push the issue. **I really have no idea what your plans are for getting involved again** Please...understand me. I don't want to get involved. I don't know how many times I have to say it. You just don't want to HEAR it. It is really frustrating when I have CLEARLY said that I only want a FRIENDSHIP and you keep saying that you have NO IDEA what I want, what my plans are, etc...It's ridiculous. Here is what my plans are in black and white.....I ONLY WANT A FRIENDSHIP. If that is not what you want and you can't do that, then we can't talk anymore. I am sorry that I have to say it so point blank, but you need to understand it, and maybe if I say it this way you will. **Once again, Allie, that's not what I want from you** Once again, Jim, what YOU want is not all there is in life. I completely understand what you want, there is no question there. But my question to you is do you get what I want???????? **You haven't given me any indication that you're stil interested in me, other than as a friend** Once again. NO I did NOT give you any indication, because there is NOTHING to indicate to you...why don't you get it????????? **Stay focused with school. But, also think about what you're doing with you and I. With all of this uncertainty from you I am ready to walk away from everything.** UNCERTAINTY???? where??? I TOLD you EXACTLY how I felt and what I wanted. Think about this, is there UNCERTAINTY?? Focus on school? You won't let me!! Walk away....well, Jim, maybe it's for the best. You are not going to accept a friendship, and that is ALL I want. I also don't want the type of friendship where I have to constantly remind you that it's ALL I want. Please do not send me any more letters concerning this. It will not change anything and you will make things very stressful for the both of us. Take care. Quite the novel, isn't it? But, after reading it it's obvious she didn't write it. It's not the way she speaks or the way she writes. In any event, it really is a moot point between the two of us. I was played by her last fall and now the door is finally closed on this part of my life. I moved on a few months but had some hope that maybe we could rekindle what we had last summer and fall. Unfortunatel, that's not going to happen. Any thought?

After a brief 4 month relationship with Allison she decided to "disappear". No phone calls. No sex. Nothing. We "got back together" in mid December, then she disappeared again. I had no contact with her for almost 6 weeks (I know, not long enough), but she called me. She was worried about "losing me." We started talking (casually) again, but my walls were up. She said she realized how much she hurt and that that was never her intention. She said that I was a "very important part of her life" but that she was trying to "find herself." ???? What the heck does that mean? If you want to be with someone -- fine. If not, that's fine too. But, you're trying to find yourself???? I don't get that! If you've been following my story the past several months, you know that I was in love with this woman. When we talked on January 30th and she said she was "trying to find herself" I was blown away! I mean, why is our relationship that complicated anyway. She said I was "more than a friend" to her yet we have no relationship and no sex in 5 months! I'm no rocket scientist here but I don't know what "couple" she's looking at. How does someone go from being "in love" with someone to "no contact" to "I don't want things to end up this way" yet doesn't want a relationship? She's calling everyday and I usually don't answer the phone or return her calls because she's playing "the game" again. She said she thought when we first started dating that she wanted a relationship. Then realized, after a recent breakup last summer, that she "wasn't ready"! Huh? I told her you don't just date someone, tell them you love them, want to be with them, etc, then "walk away." For anyone who knows the whole details of my story, I'm not "hanging on" to her. I have no desire to have a relationship with anyone. If someone comes along, fine. I'll casually date. But, I'm emotionally unavailable (again)! She knows how I feel about her and this whole situation. But, she still doesn't get it. She thinks I should be okay while she "finds herself." I never said that I was going to go out and find someone else -- that's not me. I had hoped (and still hope) for another chance with her. I don't feel like "more than friends" with her and don't know where she came off with that comment! Well, I'm rambling now because I feel my blood beginning to boil!! Any thoughts? JSHRN

I have to add my 2 cents here. Although you thought what you were doing was "okay" it really wasn't - okay? Seriously, you violated your girlfriend and her trust by doing this. I do appreciate the fact that you realize that what you did was wrong, but the fact remains that you shattered a very important part of your relationship with her. Why did you tell her a "minimal version of the truth"? How "devastated" have you been by your actions? I don't know how horrible you really feel and am surprised that your girlfriend forgave you! Do you really know that you'll never do this again? Does your girlfriend really believe that? I won't say that you're a deranged individual. Obviously, you had a reason for doing what you did. But, if you really wanted to masturbate to pictures of a stranger, why not just buy a Playboy and have at it. Or, buy a trial membership to the millions of porn sites on the Net. Is it really worth risking a relationship with someone that you supposedly love? I'm sorry to be brutally honest with you. JSHRN

Mononucleosis or "the kissing disease," is an infection that is usually caused by the Epstein-Barr virus (EBV). EBV is very common - most people become infected with it at some point during their lives, but not everyone develops mono when they get infected. EBV is classified as one of several herpes viruses, but it is not one of the viruses that cause cold sores or genital herpes. Like other herpes viruses, once you've been infected with EBV, it stays in your body for the rest of your life. It may reappear in your saliva from time to time, but you usually won't get the symptoms of mono again from this virus. One common way to "catch" mono is by kissing someone who has been infected, which is how the illness got its nickname. Although a quick smooch between friends probably won't do any harm, intimate kissing with someone who's infected can put you at greater risk for getting the disease if you have never been infected with EBV. But you may wonder, "How did I get this kissing disease when I haven't kissed anyone?" You can also get mononucleosis through other types of direct contact with saliva from someone infected with the virus, such as by sharing a straw or an eating utensil. Some people who have the virus in their bodies never have any symptoms, but you may still pick up the virus from them. In fact, experts believe that EBV often spreads from people who have it but don't have mono. Someone who does have mono is most contagious while he or she has a fever. Symptoms usually begin to appear 4 to 7 weeks after you've been infected with the virus. Signs that you may have mono include: - being tired all the time - fever - sore throat - loss of appetite - swollen lymph nodes (also commonly known as glands, located in your neck, underarms, and groin) - headaches sore muscles - larger-than-normal liver and spleen - skin rash - abdominal pain People who have mono may have different combinations of these symptoms, and some people may have symptoms so mild that they hardly notice them. Other people may have no symptoms at all. Because these symptoms are so general and can be symptoms of other illnesses, a doctor may mistake mononucleosis for the flu or even strep throat. In fact, occasionally some teens may have mono and strep throat at the same time. To help make a diagnosis, the doctor may want to take some blood tests to determine if mono is causing your symptoms. But even if the blood tests indicate that you have mono, there isn't much the doctor can do other than advise you to drink lots of fluids and get lots of rest. There is no cure for mononucleosis, but the good news is that even if you do nothing, the illness will go away by itself, usually in 3 to 4 weeks. Because mono is caused by a virus, antibiotics such as penicillin won't help unless you have a secondary infection such as strep throat. The best treatment is to get plenty of rest, especially during the beginning stages of the illness. As your boyfriend recovers, make sure he doesn't share the virus with you, his friends or family. Chances are they will not get the disease from casual contact with him, but you can take a few steps to help them stay germfree. Good Luck. JSHRN

Unfortunately, not everyone in your life is going to like you. Some may not even respect you (through no fault of your own -- it's just human nature). The fact of the matter is they should at least be civil to you, whether it be at work or play. Don't try to get the respect of "everyone" you come in contact with because it just doesn't exist. There are too many character traits and flaws in personality for this to be a reality. Some things you CAN focus on to give you better results: - Share new and exciting experiences with close friends. - Set a good example for others (especially younger siblings) by doing things such as volunteering in your community. - Have a strong sense of self-worth and self-respect. - Increase control over your life and its direction. - Achieve personal growth and progress toward one's goals. Good Luck. JSHRN

I don't understand why you have to get on his case over this. Obviously one of two things is happening here: 1. You're brother is content to be casually dating and living the single life or 2. He is happy where he is in life, but is still searching for Mrs. Right. Either way, it's HIS life. He's 36, successful, attractive, but hasn't married yet. Marriage isn't for everyone. Maybe it's not for him -- maybe it is. But, that's for him to determine. What is "getting on his case" going to prove? Just be supportive of him -- whatever dating choices he makes in life. Getting on his case to get him to be with someone is not fair to him or his prospective partner.

Well, the rebound is a term for the way people behave in the early period after they get dumped. Some don't have a rebound period, some have a lengthy one. During that time all sorts of things can happen. They can either be desperately looking for someone else to go out with, because they feel that there is such a gap in their life they just have to fill it. Or they can go completely off relationships altogether, and reject anyone that comes near them, because they are hurting, and dont want to feel that hurt again, or put themselves in a position where they can be hurt again. It depends on the individual. You really never know unless you are around the person and speak to them. They are likely to be vulnerable if they were having a really serious relationship, and you have to be careful. How is she coping with her new relationship? The relationship doesn't seem right to you? How does it feel to her? What is she feeling? Hopefully, her new found love won't be reckless with her heart, she is in a vulnerable position at the moment, and someone playing with her emotions is not what she needs. She may need your support.

I agree with kadillac on this. Getting "revenge" on her doesn't make you any more of a person than she is. I'm sorry you're hurting and I'm sorry she broke your heart BUT revenge is not the answer. [-X What I suggest is far more noble and far more difficult. Some might even call it passive aggression, and I suppose I would not argue with them. I would prefer to call it by another name; forgiveness. All of us have faults. Your ex has has clouded judgment, especially where your feelings are concerned. Chances are, your emotions and/or feelings are not even being considered by her. You may feel better for a brief moment. But there is no benefit to you by being vengeful and hateful towards her. Let it go. Should you choose to get revenge her friends and yours will probably be embarrassed for you. You must find other ways to release your emotions. Find a field and scream. Run until you sweat. Talk with a friend, or counselor. Get a punching bag. ](*,) Rip paper to shreds. Pray. [-o But above all else, forgive. Turn the other cheek, be the better person, learn from your experiences. You will heal, and then you truly will feel better. And isn't that what you really want anyway? Peace. JSHRN

Hi. I noticed you too. I'm also ready and willing to listen to you. Please feel free to PM me. JSHRN

Spending Valentine's Day away from your boyfriend must be difficult. But, there are ways to add some "sizzle" to your relationship. 1. Make a surprise box for him. Inside the box, put little boxes that each contain a token of your love to him, such as cards, poems, pictures. 2. Write him a poem. Or words to your favorite song. 3. Get some Hershey kisses. Take the strip of paper from the kisses and write little notes or fortunes, such as "I can't wait to be with you." Re-wrap the Hershey Kisses with the papers and send them to your boyfriend with a little note saying something like, "Whenever you feel lonely, have one of these." He doesn't like sweets but I'm sure he'd really enjoy the sayings you write. JSHRN

Hi jester. Whoah! Hold on! No one in this world is a freak. I think the issue is a negative self image and how you see yourself, as opposed to how others see you. You mention 4 points that people around you see in you... Those are admirable qualities that should not be taken lightly. Often folks label themselves as failures or rejects because they didn't perform so well on some task or got rejected by someone or something in life. It doesn't make us a bad person. It's just a lesson to be laernaed. A stepping stone in life. Each of us has many, many positive, neutral, and some negative qualities. Each of us possess millions of traits and behaviors. By looking at ourselves in a negative way we act in accordance with how we perceive ourselves. If we see ourselves as failures, we will tend to act that way. All attacks on us and our personality are based on distortion. It's human nature to be less than pleased with our personality, our appearance, our hairstyle, our complexion, our job, our financial status, etc. There are so many variable and traits that make us unique to the world.When we label ourselves a fool or worthless we are seeing only one of our qualities and traits. You are a good person with a lot to offer someone. I will not point and laugh. I will point and say Welcome to eNotalone! Enjoy your stay. Please feel free to share your stories and post often. I hope you gain a lot of wonderful insight from this forum. JSHRN

Hi Lydia. I think you're putting too much pressure on your boyfriend. The reality is that a man can never come on too slow with a girl, only too fast. Personally, I think a sure fire way to sabotage a potentially great relationship is to come on heavy verbally; reveal too much about yourself too soon; and let a woman know that you are really interested in her. I think most women prefer a man of mystery. Slow down. You are probably creating a problem here by being so insistent on his giving you the answers that you want to hear. (I don't think threatening to end the relationship will get him to say those 3 words). This sounds a little too much like "love me or I'll kill you." Talk to him about your feelings for him and your views on the relationship. Since you already have future plans you have a very open communication with each other. But please - don't force him to say I love you. There are other ways to say 'I love you' without actually speaking the words. JSHRN

According to the Durex condom company, the average circumference (girth) is 5 inches. I suspect some black guys weighted that average to the high side. I think it is closer to 4.25 inches for white men. You should measure the circumference at mid shaft. However, for practical concerns, and bragging rights, it is best to take the widest point, without including parts that would never be used in penetration. To all the men who question their penis size: While it is true that women find well hung penises to be visually pleasing, size really matters less when it comes to sex. Many women would rather make love a man with a 4-inch penis than a man with an 11-inch penis if the 4-inch man knows how to use it. From women I've talked to in my years in the health care profession, it seems that extremely well hung men just want to "jam it in" for their own pleasure. Four to 6 inches is just fine, as long as you take time to make love to your woman.

During the first week you could become pregnant You must use non-hormonal back-up contraception (such as a condom, spermicide or diaphragm) for the first seven days of patch use. If followed, the birth control patch will be as effective during the first cycle as it will be in subsequent cycles of use. JSHRN

Hi DestructoBoy. Man, that's awesome! I'm so glad to hear of your new found happiness. Good luck with everything -- things are definitely looking up for you! Woo Hoo! =D>

Ask your boyfriend what he likes and what feels good to him. Be playful and experiment with different techniques. Don't worry that you haven't done this before - there's no proper or best way to do it. use your imagination. Alternate sucking with licking the head and shaft. Flick your tongue rapidly around the head. Lick or nibble the scrotum. Stroke the shaft with one or both hands while sucking or licking the head. Cup and fondle the scrotum while sucking. Alternate sucking with gently squeezing the head or shaft between your thumb and forefinger. Gently slap his penis against your lips or outstretched tongue. Speak up: If you think his penis is beautiful, by all means, say so. Everyone likes compliments. If you enjoy giving head, mention that as well. Most men get turned on knowing that a lover enjoys giving them pleasure. Everyone is different. What one man loves, another man hates. Talk to your boyfriend about his likes and dislikes, and you too can be a blowjob queen!

Hi magdalen. It sounds like this man really has you where he wants you. He's convinced you to "hang on" just in case his other relationships don't work out! What kind of respect must he have for you? Sometimes we spend so much time listening to other's words that we can't see their actions. magdalen, believe me, his actions are so much more important than what he says. You've heard his realtionship with this other woman was short-lived. Do you know that for a fact? First, become scarce - very scarce. Don't return his phone calls and don't call him. Find everything and anything else to do. When you do finally talk with him make it short and to the point. Tell him that, unless he has gotten over this other woman and make good on his claims of loving you, you won't see him anymore. He will probably go back to telling you how much he loves you. Don't take this - be firm. If he isn't willing to break off with this other woman, he's just saying that he really loves her more than you. Do you risk losing him permanently over this? Yes you do. But remember there really are hundreds if not thousands of men that will love you for who and what you are. By investing heavily in one that you don't yet own, you are missing the possibility of finding love with someone even better. Don't be afraid! I wish you luck. JSHRN

There is a lot of pressure to lose your virginity. Having sex with someone because you want to lose your virginity or because "everyone is doing it", is something you may not feel so good about later. You may feel a lot of anxiety especially the first time you 'go all the way'. You may feel embarrassed about how you look without your clothes on, or worried about your privacy being disturbed. It's natural to feel some worries but good communication is the key. Relax. You're partner is probably nervous too! What is important is that you feel good about yourself and what you are doing, and that you keep yourself safe. Think about physical risks such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. But also think about the emotional risk such as the regret you may feel afterwards. There is no absolute right age to start having sex. What matters is whether it is the right time for you. It's very important not to feel pressurised into having sex when you don't really want to. Just because your friends say they are 'doing it' doesn't mean they are. There are lots of reasons why people don't want to have sex. Some people have strong moral or religious beliefs. Others just want to wait. It's important for you to decide what's right for you.

Hi hollypocket. It seems likely that the current pattern of infrequent intercourse would extend into your married life unless some changes are made. You are wise to consider whether such a sex life would be satisfying to you in the long run. But your choices aren't necessarily just to accept the situation as is or to break up with him. What about telling him your concerns and asking him -- or, actually, the both of you -- to work on your sex life? As avman said you could also ask him to see a physician to rule out any possible medical reason for his lower desire. Couples counseling could also be helpful. Most couples, married or not, have a difference in sex drive between partners. Sometimes, however, even a compromise doesn't cut the mustard. If you want to have a sexually satisfying relationship with him, sit down with him, talk to him directly about your concerns. Let him know how important this is to you.

There are many erogenous zones on a person's body, and they differ on every person. Some people like their ears to be kissed, others the inside of the wrists, back of her neck or toes. Ask your partner what he or she likes and dislikes. Put emphasis on getting to know your partner and not on sex. There are many nerves and erogenous zones in the body, but the most erogenous or sensual zone is the brain.

Whatever you call it, "fellatio," a "blow job," or "giving head," peforming oral sex on a man is a skill that's well worth refining. Having one's genitals lovingly ministered to by a delicate mouth feels wonderful and is an expression of intimacy and trust. Plus, it's just downright hot! Here's How: 1. Consider bathing. If you're new to oral sex, you might be worried about taste and smell. You can just dive in and enjoy your boyfriend's natural fragrances, or you can suggest a sexy bath or shower together if you'd rather start with a clean slate. You can also add a bit of flavored lubricant to his penis or put on a flavored condom, which is great for safe oral sex. 2. Get comfortable. Your comfort is key to your enjoyment, and fellatio puts a particular strain on your neck and jaw. Kneeling before him on a pillow, while he's standing or sitting, gives you good range of motion and plenty of access. Or he can lie on his back and you can crouch in between his legs, a position that gives you lots of control. 3. Touch. Using your hands first, gently caress his inner thighs, penis, testicles, and perineum, paying attention to his reactions (verbal and facial) as you touch certain spots. The most sensitive spot on a guy's penis is the head (known as the glans), especially the frenulum, an indentation between the glans and the shaft on the underside of the penis. 4. Give him a lick. Follow up with your tongue, exploring the same terrain using slow wide strokes with your tongue. Don't be afraid to use lots of saliva, as this natural lube feels great and helps create friction and suction. If you're practicing safer sex, or you're not crazy about your boyfriend's taste, put on a condom and/or some flavored lubricant. 5. Take him in your mouth. When he's semi-erect, slowly guide your lips over the tip of his penis, making sure your lips cover your teeth as you slide gently down his shaft as far as you're comfortable. Keep your mouth taut, as the pressure from your lips will feel great as they glide down his penis. 6. Watch the gag reflex. If you're not adept at deep throat (taking the whole penis in your mouth), don't try it or you'll trigger the gag reflex. It's not necessary and a similar effect can be achieved with the hand and mouth technique described below. With practice, you can learn to relax your gag reflex and take in more of the penis. 7. Mouth and tongue. As your head travels up the underside of his penis, flatten your tongue so it gives his frenulum a nice wide, wet stroke. Don't be afraid to try different types of licks or kisses—the lips feel good when popped over the ridge of the penis—but perform each stroke repeatedly before changing to give consistent pleasure. A great blow job incorporates both hands and mouth. Place one hand around the shaft of his penis while you move up and down on the top half of his penis. Try coordinating your movements so your hand and mouth are going up and down in unison. If you're boyfriend is thrusting, your hand will prevent his penis from being pushed too far into your mouth. If he likes this combination, bring your hand all the way up the shaft (following your mouth), remove your mouth briefly, use your palm to slide and twist over the head (as if you were juicing an orange), and then glide your hand back down followed by your mouth again. Repeat. Let him come. When he's ready to orgasm, keep your movements consistent and firm—don't slack off. Once he starts ejaculating, see him through with a few strokes and then stop, as most men don't want continued stimulation once they've come. To swallow or not? This decision is entirely up to you. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't want to, but it's nice to let your partner know it's nothing personal. If you don't want to swallow, remove your mouth as he's about to ejaculate, and continue hand stroking through his orgasm. Tips 1. Try lightly licking or touching his testicles during oral sex. He might also like them to be cradled gently in one of your hands. 2. You can also apply pressure to his perineum (the spot between his anus and his penis) with one or two fingers, as this also can feel good. 3. He might like wearing a butt plug during oral sex for added prostate stimulation. Or you can apply pressure to his anus with one of your fingers. 4. A penis ring wrapped around the base of his penis will help to keep him erect, and can elevate his sensitivity during oral sex. Hope this helps. Have fun! JSHRN

Some people believe abortion is wrong, and may even want abortion to be made illegal. Others are pro-choice - believing that a woman should be allowed to make her own decision,that it's her baby, and she's the one who will have to carry the baby in her body for nine months, then go through labour - and then have to care of the child. Poersonally, I am pro-life and am against abortion. Abortion is murder. Eventhough the fetus is not capable of independent life it is still a life. Everyone has a different view. The Roman Catholic Church teaches that abortion is completely unacceptable, since it believes that a soul enters a body at conception. Abortion isn't a black and white subject - there are a lot of grey areas, depending on personal religion and opinion. However, a very sticky situation is in the case of rape. Already traumatized, without an abortion she'll have a reminder of the event inside her for nine months. It's understandable why a raped woman would want an abortion. Since it's the woman's body she should be the only one to decide. On the other hand, if a child is unwanted, it might suffer either by being resented by its mother, or, in the very worst case, abused. But the most important question to think about is not, 'Is abortion right?', but instead, 'Should a woman be denied the choice of having an abortion?.' I do understand those people who are pro-choice.

What you need to realize here is that he also may get hurt and that is what he is trying to prevent from happening. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you or that he wants to see other people (you've mentioned that's not what he wants. However, after 8 months of being together it appears that the two of you are not on the same page in this relationship. You talk about things but have you gotten to the core of the "problem" here? Both of you seem like strong-willed people but relationships need to have some sort of compromise. I don't mean giving in to the other person. I mean accepting the person for who they are and what their beliefs are - and not trying to change them into someone you want them to be. There is no middle ground here. Either you continue the relationship or you break it off and remain friends. Hanging on the fence is not going to resolve this situation. If you can't give each other what you want then I think you have your answer about what to do. Maybe being away together for a year will be a good thing and will strengthen your relationship, helping to open up communication between you. I don' think the "wall" is personally against you. I think he doesn't want to get hurt again by anyone and this is his way of protecting his heart. Right now, he is not able (or willing) to give you more. You mention that he wants his freedom to be able to do what he wants and go where he wants - you can't change that. If you pressure him now you will just push him away. I realize how difficult this must be for you but he is not ready to fully commit to you. I know how much you want to be with him but right now all you can do is support him and give him time. Good Luck. JSHRN

Hello everyone. Well, what a week this has been for me. With the stress of the holidays and my break up still fresh, I finally went to my doctor today after suffering through numerous headaches recently. My blood pressure was sky high (186/108) and my cholesterol and triglycerides are through the roof. I'd been having having mild chest discomfort/paliptations and spasms, but just thought it was anxiety from everything I'm going through. My doc did an EKG and said it was "unchanged from 1994 and still shows your old heart attack". My old heart attack? I never knew I had one! He said according to my EKG from February, 1994 it showed a mild infarction (aka heart attack). I was incredulous! I vaguely remember the circumstances surrounding the EKG. (I was having anxiety attacks and chest pain -- once again because of a break up)! Now, here I am in the same situation as 10 years ago! I need to go for blood work tomorrow and a stress test next week to see where to go from here. Physically, I feel ok but mentally I'm floundering. I went to do laundry tonight -- when I cam out I found a window on my car had been shot out! What the heck is going on? I'd been doing pretty well the past few weeks, trying to heal from my break up. Now, all of this is happening and I'm seriously afraid of my mortality. I work as a Registered Nurse so, unfortunately, I know too much about my condition and what to expect. I feel like I'm rambling here. My mind is all jumbled and I can't think clear. When is it going to end already?