Genesis

I read on many break up sites that it is healthy to Write "Thw break up " letters, but most site do not recomend SENDING the letter. You have to do what is best for you. For me I know that I would stress about his reactions to the letter, and him never wanting to talk to me again. I would hate for the relationship to end that way. People loose touch sometimes, that is how I want it to be. I just want to loose touch with my ex and that be it. I do not want to have to say, hey do ever call me again. that is just me. I feel like I can achieve the same goal by just not picking up my phone. He will get the idea, and thereforeeeee you giving him the break up you wanted. If he does not know you hurt him then he is very dumb. My step mother tells me, never give someone the satifaction of letting them know that you are not over them.

You had issues with your BF and his "female friends" I think it is the same thing. I guess it is a double standard for you. You do not like your BF's female friends, but you question why someones elses GF would not like your friendship with her man? People do not want to hurt their relationship by bringing an outsider into the picture. Way ruin a good relationship for someone that you meet online and have only know for like 3 months , NOT ME!!!

DO NOT SEND IT!! If you can life , without ever hearing form him ,again then go ahead and send it, but I think it is not they way to go about it even if not hearing from him is what happens anyway. Will it make you feel any better? I do not think so. You have to make peace with him in your heart that is enough. Why boost his ego by letting him know that you are not over him, and you can not be an adult . I never gave my ex a long letter b/c, this is a personal issue that you have to deal with not him. I once saw a sermon that said even if the woman or man who betrayed you said they were sorry , you still may feel the same way. Forgiveness is something you have to do to move on. If he does not realize that he also made bad choices for the two of you to break up, then that is his problem. I talk to my ex and we both know that living in the past is not going to help us if we are together or apart. A part of being a chirstian is to know when to speak and when not to speak. You can not take back words, they always linger. I do not think you will feel better for giving him this letter. You do not have to write him a letter to tell him to not contact you. Just do not respond to his calls or e-mails, let him know that you need space and that is it. Do not ever tell someone that you are never going to talk to them , or that you do not want them to talk to you. Life is too short to worry about petty things. I had an ex from high school who cheated on me. I called him 2 years later after we broke up, not b/c I wanted him back, but his father showed up at my door step one day. His father never knew where I lived. I thought maybe my ex had died or something ,but he just the had wrong house and was visiting the people next door, and went to the wrong house by mistake. If you tell him to not contact you, you may get what you wished for and you may never hear from him again for the rest of your life. No you may never get him back, but that does not compare to living at odds with someone. You do not want to go to your death bed with regrets of never making peace with someone. My ex from high school we may never see each other again, but I will not have a heavy burden over my head that I created. We still write and e-mail, we are friends , no longer lovers, it takes time to heal, you will get over your ex. If your ex God forbid would die in two weeks, you would not have wanted your letter to be the last memory of you. It is better to at least have the door open for communication, then to not have it open at all due to death or an over emotional letter that you wrote in a sad momment. Just let him go, do not give him the letter, you will regret it. I think the only way you will be happy is if he wants you back. What if you send him the letter and he says ok, I will not call you. Then you will be wondering why he would want to give up on being friends and you never hear from him again. The letter will not make you feel better.Sometimes you have to be confidant in yourself to know that you are stronger and not the only one at fault. If you have to give the letter to him, then you really have not grown. A christian virtue "meekness" is to stand up tall and not feel you have to explain yourself, when others do you wrong. Jesus knew he was the son of God, people did not believe him. He could have , unnailed himself from the cross, to prove his point to unbelievers, but he did not. Jesus knew that saving us from are sins was a bigger duty than to prove himself to people who did not deserve to be bothered with. You have to be the same way, you do not need to prove anything to him! What good is the letter going to be, but to prove you are not over him, and you can not be an adult about it. You can be friends with your ex maybe years from now. My ex and I only write about 2 times a year( Christmas, Birthdays), I would not call us the best of friends, but at least we are civil. We both know that we were important parts of each others lifes and friendship should outweight any relationship. You only have one shoot at life and how you treat other, you do not want to ruin things by saying something that is unnecessary. Moving on is a personal process, not something that he is going to "grant you". What if he says yes I see that you are much stronger person. Yes, you were not the only one at fault for the break up, but I still do not want to date you. You will still feel like crap, in the long run.

Yes you will be missing out!!!! Home school is great, but it also lacks in many areas. You need to go back to public school. Home school sucks from what I hear. Do you not want to go to football games and the prom? I was involved in the many clubs at my school. I was the captain of my Dance Team. I played the alto saxophone in the band. I was the president of my Spanish club and chemistry club. I had a ball! You are missing out on sooooo much it is a shame. I hope you are still not planning on moving to be with that guy. Do not move to be with some guy just to ruin your childhood. My senior year in high school was the best year of my teenage life! Do not move to be with this guy! If he is putting up personal adds online he does not have much respect for you. You will regret it if you go to be with him. When I was your age I had a boyfriend from the age of 15-19. I went off to college and we broke up two months later( he cheated). Many years later I look back, and I am so glad I did not put my life on hold for him. If you guys are not engaged to be married and have not set a wedding date, then you should not move. Look at J.LO she can not keep a man, weddings do get canceled!!! If he is the right one for you he will wait trust me. If he is not willing, he does not really love you. My friend dated a guy for almost 6 years with out ever living in the same state they just got married last summer. True Love can wait, and can survive distance. This "guy" of yours does not sound like he is worth the wait sorry. He sounds like he is on the verge of cheating.

Hey guys, My lazy behind ex, smoked pot all the time! Morning, Day and Night. I really do not recall pot helping him in any way, but making him a lazy lard butt. I am not sure what pot will do to your body after many years of smoking ex: Lung Cancer. I do not want to take the risk. Well different strokes for different FoLkS!

I thought you had learned your lesson, but I guess not. You need to gain more self esteem, and know that if a man is willing to cheat on his GF, he will cheat on you also. Sorry to say this but it sounds like he is in it just for the sex. You may just be a booty call for him. Honey do not fall for the "game", or you will end up in every mans bed, who half ways pays attention to you! You slept with him and now he has no respect for you. I do not know what to tell you, it seems like you only like men who are unavailable. You can not stay in a relationship b/c you never had one in the first place. All you relationships start in deception, cheating, and lack of character on both parties. You have to love yourself enough to know that I desvere my own man, not some other womans man. Like I said to you before you have boundary issues and until you solve that, do not expect to find a productive relationship. Have you ever watched "Waiting to Exhale". You should rent that movie b/c you seem like every single character in that movie, You look for love in all the WRONG places!! Try to date men who do not have GF's or wifes sweetheart you deserve better( even though you act as if you don't). This guy is a wolf in sheeps clothing. Do not try to keep a man by having sex , with them it never works, he will just move on to the next. One male friend of mine told me that you will never get a guy to love you if you only use what you have in between your legs. I think this thing is history, he has already sampled the goods and you are not putting out so he is moving on. You can take it as slow as you want, he already had what he wanted. Now I think he is ready to move on to the next booty call. Who knows maybe not , but would you really want to date a guy who likes to manipulate people. READ MY QUOTE : Stealing BF or husbands is not producing what you want so you need to change!!!! Good Luck

The same thing happened to me. He was in "lust" with someone else or the idea of being with someone else, he came crawling back. Maybe she will to.

My poor dear, The best thing you can do is to show your love and support to your GF. I am also going to school to get my masters, and it is really stressful for me right now. I think you should give your GF some space, in addition to showing her that you are there for her. At this age many people do not know which path to take. Give her time to realize what she wants in her life. Many people at the age of 19-26 do not know if settling down is the right thing for them to do. In my masters program there are many pressures that do not apply in the undergrad. program. You have to have a 3.0 at all times, anything less than that they put you on probation. She may just need some breathing air. She is just worried about her career and her future with you maybe, let her know that you will be there for her during thick and thin. Good Luck.

You are just letting the booty cloud your mind, you do not love this girl, it was just sex. I am sure that is all she though it was. I mean if she is the type of girl who just sleeps with random guys, who knows who else she has had one-nighters with. A guy and girl plus alcohol does not equal love. Like all my guy friends say do not fall in love with the first(or maybe second) piece of ass you get. Maybe she will write you back, but I am sure a LDR is not going to happen. Find a girl who is closer to where you live. She may be going down on some guy in Germany for all you know. Good Luck. I hope that things will work out for you.

Do not call her, she was not woman enough to tell you to your face that things were over! She has a new man now, I am sure. Thats what the all the lies she told you indicate. Try to move on, do not call her. She wants you on the side, so she can date others and get knocked up by other men, to fall back on you when she has no one. Move on.

Hey, I am right where you are but in my case, I never trust anyone 100%. I hate it b/c I know as many say you should. That is one reason why we broke up in the first place, I just did not trust him at all. I think he has to earn your trust. You do not have to tell him that, you do not trust him. I would wait and see how things work out! Things will take time. Good luck.

Yes there most defiantly is a God. If anyone tells you other wise they are wrong. Trust me - this is a blessing. If you ever choose to study the bible and learn more about the wonderful wisdom of his words , you will learn the following things. 1. All things good and bad work together for the good. That means that there is a reason for every things that happens in life. Even the things that we think are bad, will come transform for the better. You do not know this right now b/c you are hurt , and sad but things will get better. Death and even divorce , all happen for a reason. If this woman did not have the same type of morals or standards as you , then why be with her. Love is the strongest feelings to overcome and it does often times cloud our judgement. You may not be a Christian, but God still loves you. He knows that you are a good man, and he wants you to be with someone who is better!! The bible says do not be linked with those who are unbelievers, what does good and evil have in common, nothing. Your ex wife, did not want to honor her vows to you, she had no respect for her marriage covenant. If she was a good christian woman, she would have tried to work on her marriage longer. This woman only wanted a fairy tale wedding, but did not want to stay with you. Let her go. Why spend the rest of your life with someone who does not want to be married. 6 years of sadness- does not compare to a lifetime of sadness with a woman who can not love you the way you want her to.

Maybe you should call her. Up front she may not want to get back with you, but you need closure of some kind, so you can move on. It has been almost a year now. Give her a call on a calling card, so she can not screen your call. If you left her she may not want to see you anymore. The best thing you can do is try to work on moving on with things. Call her, and if she does not want to talk then, at least you gave it a try.

Hi, It will take longer than a month, maybe about 4 months-1 year. It all depends on certain factors. The same thing happened to my cousin, he married his College sweetheart and then she had an affair, and left him for another man. He felt like she was the best woman for him, but God gave him a new wife who was 10 times greater than the old one. He now says that if he had stayed married to that woman, his life would be an living hell. Do not argue with that woman she is just trying to justify what she is doing. If you act calm and collected, she will only be making a fool out of herself. The best thing you can do is to try to find peace with yourself. Go to church, pray , maybe God will send you a better wife. As they say, when one door shuts another one opens. God will send you woman who is ten times better than you ex wife. That is a promise given to you in the bible. You have been a faithful , loving husband, and I know that God will bless you, and reward you. He has already blessed you with a new job, and a new/fresh start in another city( maybe even a new wife).I know that God loves you and he will reward you one day with all that you have been asking for. Just have faith in God, Love yourself, and give all your worries and troubles to him , to help you gain understanding and clarity. God Bless you.

I think it is a bad idea. I am 23 and I was going to move just 2 hours to be with my BF. I am so happy I did not move. You have to do what is best for you. If I would have moved, I would not have had as many career choices in that city. I would be stuck working a crappy job with no chances for advancement. I know that true love can with stand distance, if he can not be with you( due to distance), he is not really in love. My aunt and her husband had to live in two different countries for a year, their love lasted. My mother alway said to me the only reason you should move is if a wedding date has already been made. Ask yourself two questions: 1. If I were to move and things did not work out , would I regret my decision later. 2. Is this move going to affect my school work or career. You need to go to college or at least get some more skills to find a good job. Do not depend on a man to take care of you. I think it is a bad idea. Who knows maybe it is not one, but if the end result is you wanting to move back home why leave in the first place. If he really loves you, which I have my doubts due to what you said in some of your other post, he will make a way to compromise to stay together.

Hey girl, I am so happy that you have peace! Look on the bright side weekends should be FUN! I love my weekends now! At one time I use to hate when SAT & SUN rolled around ,but now they are my favorite days of the week. Go out with your friends, or stay at home! When I am not out with my friends, I like to get a glass of wine, watch a movie , and turn on my bubbling foot spa , do my nails, and eat some pizza! Take a nice bubble bath, and give yourself a facial; It is like heaven! Have fun with your girls or by yourself, you do not need your ex to have a good time!! The Bubbling Foot SPA rocks honey, you can get them at any department store!!!

I do not think so unless they ask. You will sound like you are still not over him. Which I do not think you are, or you would not be asking that question. When you put your past in the past, that is where it should stay. If he asks you , then you can tell him, but do not give him to many details. My mother did not tell my father that she was engaged in college to her high school sweet heart. Almost 33 years later, it really does not matter b/c my father was the man she wanted to marry and spend the rest of her life with. What differance does it make, if you where ever in love before. I have been hurt by my ex's (two relationships that lasted 4 years each) but, they are my past now. I already hurt one relationship b/c of the ghosts of my past. I do not plan on hurting any new relationships b/c of my baggage. You should not want to ruin any relationship b/c your ex dumped you.

This girl is a baby and you are a grown man(I think). She wants to be young and live her life, you are taking that away from her. For GODS sakes she is only 17!! 17!!! At seventeen I was chewing gum, naive, and trying to figure out what college to go to. At that age she does not need to be tied down to some guy! If she wants to work things out I say go for it. I think you robbed this girl of her childhood. I do not know, what to tell you. She is just a baby. She will want to date others, you are not giving her any other options right now. Let her go, and if she comes back to you it was meant to be. When she goes off the school she will have so many guys to date, it will be like a buffet. 4 of school years can really change a person. The woman I was at 17 is alot less mature , and wise as I am today. I think this relationship was a bad idea to begin with. It began with deception and lies. MEN YOU HAVE TO CHECK A GIRLS AGE BEFORE YOU DATE THEM!! LOOK AT THEIR DIVERS L. , Just be glade her parents did not put you in jail!!! MOVE ON, SHE CHEATED> Good Luck, maybe when she grows up in about 2-5 more years you can get back together.

I have a account at link removed but I never use it. I signed up and just have not gotten around to logging on yet. I have a friends who's BF, had a full page with pictures on link removed saying that he was single. He is very handsome, and in his picture he had his shirt off with all his mucles to show to the world!!! She was really mad, he had to delete the page! Well she forgave him. I donot know what to tell you. I know once someone cheats it is hard to trust them. You begin to question every little action. Maybe you should reconsider the relationship, or be more forgiving. If he is talking to girls on online, you should tell him that it makes you feel uneasy and ask him to stop.

GO TO BED RIGHT NOW! makes me go to sleep. I think all your problems are just from not sleeping and maybe not drinking enough water. Yes, it does sound simple , but without sleep people start to have all kinds of problems. Maybe Zoloft is not the right drug for you. I have a family member who has been on several medications , due to the fact that they all had negative side affects on him. Medications do so many strang things to your body. When I was on birth control pills they made me feel so BAD!!! I had muscle cramps, sharp pains for no reason, my hormones were raging. I would talk to your doctor, he may have to give you something else.

Yes, I was in your shoes at once. It is a hard battle to fight sometimes, and the answer for one person may not be the right one for another. I think your ex wants to date others right now, and she is in what many call the "Infatuation" stage with this other man. The one thing I do not like about relationships that begin during the ages of 19-26 or even older, is that one or both parties have not grown up yet. When you get into a long term relationship at such a young age, many question if this is the right person for them. They ask is this the perosn I wan to be with for the rest of my life. The biggest mistake I made was being in long term relationships at such a young age. After dating someone for 4 years, you would think that marriage is on her mind but, no she thinks she found someone new. At the age of 23 (which I am too) I can not think of marriage right now, maybe in 2-3 years. The reason a lot of relationships break up is b/c that "exciting" feeling is gone from the old relationships. That is why you see some men and women jumping from one relationship to the next. They do not realize that feelings change over time and the "exciting" feeling will not last forever. I think your ex does not want to miss out on dating, being young, and free. It has nothing to do with you. Look at all the beautiful stars who get cheated on J.LO for example. It is her problem not yours. You are a great guy, and other women may be happy that you are now single! I think that you may get back together but you are going about it in the wrong way. You have to let her go, If you have asked her many times to come back to you, and she has not , then she will not come back until you have given her the space she wants. In my case, I did not try to get him back, but tried to move on. Then he came back. These relationships may or may not work out, so you have to have a backup plan ( not a new woman, but ways to cope from the break up). Many people cope with different ways, my peace came from my faith and worship in God, you may have a different way in coping. You come accross as being too pushy or what some call "needy". You have tried the flowers and poems so, know you must leave her alone now. We can not make people love us, or come up with a type of plan that will make the come back. The only thing I can tell you is to try to move on, Try to heal. See where you can be a great mate to a future girlfriend. I would not call her anymore, or write her. YOu need space too. You have to do what is in your heart. For me the best thing for me to do was to try to heal and get over him. My ex did come back to me, but who knows for how long. Game playing can work , but you would want her to come back because she wants to, not because she wants an ego boost. If you want to hear the "formula" for getting a ex back here it is: Move on, be happy, enjoy life, and be positive even in your sad moments. They always want what they cannot have, and every one loves someone who is happy and in control of themselves. Do not call at all. The exs' likes to get back in contact in about 3-10 months when their "crush" is over. No contact, makes many ex's call or try to get back together. That is not always the case, and if your ex does not call you in 10 months or so, at least you know how she reallys feels.Use your time apart to get over her. The first thing you should is to try to start your healing process, that is #1 in getting over a breakup. You have to stay strong and do not let her control you. You should do what you feel is right. If you want to call her, just do not do it very often. She may or may not come back , just do what you feel id right. Good Luck.

It looks like she still calls the shots. You can call but do not talk about what you said, or just wait for her to call. She will never respect youif you do not respect youself. Just continue to be her friend just only see her 2-3 times a week. Do not call her alot. If this is not going to work out then you need to ween yourself off of her.

If he really wanted her to stop, why does he not tell her that it makes his new girlfriend uncomfortable? Maybe he likes all the attention. Why can they not still be friends with each other she has known him longer mayber even better than his new love. You cannot just avoid friends b/c of some new GF. SHe should respect him by not calling so much or sending so mant text mgs. I still talk with my ex's and nothing is going on. SHe just needs to cut back. Who knows maybe when this relationships ends he and the ex may get back together it happens!

Good for you I am so proud of you. I looks like your ex does not know what she wants right now. Like you said the best thing you can do is to move on. It must be really hard since she lives down the street from you. Give her space and see what happens. You sound like a wonderful man so do not worry about her, you will find someone better than her! One day you can put your house up for sale and move on. Who knows once she has time to think about what she wants, she may come back to you. It really is not a good idea to be friends with her right now, I say give it about 3-6 months before that. I can not believe she showed no emotion when you poured your heart out to her. Good Luck and God Bless!!

SmokeyCat, I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.