savagegerbil1607306442

I liked this woman a lot (possibly loved) but she kept hurting me. we would be together, then she would push away, then together then push etc etc. I kept hurting so bad I ended up moving halfway accross the country just to get over her. I figure out of sight, out of mind, nope... 6 months after I moved we started talking in email. She expressed (yet again) a desire to be with me and like always I thought she meant it this time. I believed her so much I spent over $2k flying up for the weekend just to spend with her. When I got back she was being distant with me. After a week and a half I asked her why and she said she was reconsidering me and she didnt know how she fealt about me. I have done a lot to keep my mind off her. I started my own business, I have gone on dates, worked out and do everything I can to better myself and I still every morning wake up thinking about here,wondering why she treats me the way she does and why I still want to be with her. I dont know if this is that "want what you cannot have" but does that last for so long and that extreme? My feelings are the same as they were so long ago. It's like I know I deserve better, but I still want her.

I know how ya feel buddy. Over the past year I've dropped from 190 to about 150 now and I am 6'1 so it makes for a scrawny body. First thing ya gotta do is get rid of your insecurity. Second, whether you want to or not I would recommend hitting the gym. Think about it, everyone who goes there didnt start off with a great body and when they see you they will know exactly why your there, and would be willing to help you, not criticise you. I've found that no matter what I eat and what I do I still stay skinney, so instead of hiding what I dont have under baggy clothes I show off what I do have. Skin hugging clothes is in, flaunt how your skinney. Someone doesnt like ya for how skinney you are, their the one with the problem, not you.

Reliving the past always hurts, but you have a lot to look forward too. I would let it go. It sounds to me like your ex is a vendictive person who only cares about herself. You know that saying, misery loves company? well I am willing to bet she is miserable, always has been and the only way she feels better is when she brings people down to her level.

Dont try to stop the wedding but let her know how you feel and what you want. Cause if you dont, you will kick yourself later. and if she did get married and then you let your feeling be known, and she did want to be with you, then it's too late and a marrage is not something easy to get out of. Tell her how you feel, thats all you can do and it is in her hands to decide.

Last week, I thought I wa threw with this girl. I realized how selfish and full of it she was and how our entire relationship was based on lies and her greed. I was angry, I hated her. well now my anger is gone and it's only been 5 days and I miss her already. I hate this feeling, I know I cant trust anything she says to me, I know our past was BS, and I know I really dont know who she is, only what I thought she was. It hurts really bad, but what hurts more is I cant even cry about it anymore, I just walk around like a zombie with no purpose and have no real clue about anything anymore. I just wanty this pain to go away

I learned something after I wrote that about her. Right now I feel so lucky it has ended, I want nothing more to do with this psycho. I used to think she was just confused, that cause of her family and husbands manipulation, thats all she knew. I was wrong, she needs some serious help! If I wasnt so mad at her, maybe one day I would feel sorry for her. I think about her and I now and feel disguisted knowing people like her exist. I have heard of guys like her, but never thought women could be like that.

is it so wrong to need to communicate a problem? I have been having problems with someone and for awhile I have been coming to this board and posting our problems for advice. Well the other day, I wanted to show her what I felt like and she had seen what I had said when I was venting. Now she hates me, says I shared with the whole world her problems. It's always been about her, never us but her! It angers me so much! we havent been talking because I told her I didnt trust her, basically cause she has broken my heart two times before and she expected me to trust her again after just 1 week. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, I believed in her this time even though I was a bit skepticle but I took a leap of faith in her. Now she hates me and wont even acknowledge me. It's like, I have spent the whole year trying to prove to her my feelings and how much I want it to work, and she has never offered me any kind of commitment, just says things which make me think she wants to be with me, but it never happens. There has been so many times she has been out of line and wrong, and I always forgive her and never once asked her to prove herself. But the moment I ask for forgiveness, and want to work it out she just ignores me and says she cant cope. I cant tell her how I cope with the pain, I cant tell her how I drink myself to death, or how I commit mutilation on myself, just so I have some other pain to occupy my mind! There is no communication whatsoever, it's a one way relationship and I am along for the ride. The moment I express my feelings she gets angry, thats all she ever does is get angry and thinks of just herself! IT ANGERS ME SO MUCH!!!

I did show her and appearently I am selfish, well if letting someone know how I feel makes me selfish then I guess I am the worlds most selfish person.

This is how you make me feel, hopefully by writing this down I may be able to see were my own faults are in all of this. You put me in places where I feel like I have no way of expressing my feelings, and I hate you for that. It always seems to be what's best for you, your always having the problem or an issue or something, and damn me for even needing some reassurance once in awhile. I feel like when you need some attention, you need some affection to make you feel somewhat normal again, you will tell me whatever I need to hear so I will open my arms up to you, but then the moment I need some from you, you push me away and say you cant do that right now. And when I feel used and want answers, you lie and tell me things like you don't need to explain yourself. Tell me how many guys would go through this again and again for you? Who would sacrifice it all just for a chance at a normal relationship? Over one year I have gone through hell, while you went back and forth with your feelings for me, always finding a reason to push your feelings away from me, honor, god, space, being alone. What are you scared of? Do you think I am going to be like him? Do you think I am going to hurt you like him? Haven't I proven to you that my love is genuine? Or are you still letting those little doubts and fears tell you to back away, that I will eventually hurt you? You say you accept me for all my flaws, yet when I feel insecure and need your reassurance, you get angry and dont talk to me and say I am not the person who you thought I was, or that I really dont know you. I do whatever I can to reassure you when you have doubts, why cant you do the same for me? do you not know how? cant you even try? I see a lot of double standards in our relationship, and again I feel like I cant express them cause I fear losing you. I hate it! You say I have no faith, you expect it but you don't give it. My faith gets dimmed when you tell me you are looking for a slutty outfit to wear going clubbing, or when you say you, your friend, and this guy you had a thing with are going out for drinks. How would you feel if I said the same things? You wonder why I sometimes say the awful things I do, but what I say is the truth and you don't like getting caught in your lies, and your deceit. And still I have not cursed you, and I have not insulted you because I do care about your feelings, I do care about your self esteem and damn if I would ever cause you to feel any lower. But you do not feel the same about me, you lie, you betray my trust, you take away just as quickly as you give your feelings and in the end you leave me with all the pain. A year, a year of being grinded down to nothing and still you expect me to be strong. If you cant decide what you want by now, and if you don't know in your heart if you love me, then you will never know and you will always doubt those feelings. I deserve better then that, I deserve someone who will treat me with respect and dignity and trusts me. Your letting something slip from your fingers which could be wonderful, all because you feel guilty, doubt yourself, and everything else you tell yourself to make you feel comfortable. You have had so many chances and every time you pushed me away, well now I am pushing you away!

unfortunately cause of her divorce, we cant really communicate other then that. I've never liked it either, I feel the same way, we could say whatever we wanted but without being able to look each other in the eye, it doesnt do it justice. I know she could leave me, but she has been going back and forth for the past year about her feelings for me, and it seems like she has tried everything under the sun to try and push her feelings back, but they always get the better of her and she comes back to me, and like a fool I always take her back. I feel she should know by now if she wants to be with me or not. I get the feeling she has this freedom coming to her and she wants to do whatever she wants, but she should just say that ya know? I am realizing I should stay, and just for myself. I cant stand it here, but I figure if I can overcome my fear of being alone here, I can do it anywhere. I just wish there was a way to tell her this, and to tell her it was my fear that pushed her away and not because I am impatiant or dont have faith in her.

Hi, i recently posted a question and I got mixed answers, both of which made since. but since then new events have transpired and new confusion. Let me start from the beginning. I have recently been fired from a job, the reason I was fired was because I emailed this woman too much (not unwanted by her) well, we have strong feelings for each other, we have had them for about a year. we had been on and off for awhile, and she was/is going through a difficult part of her life. Well, her and I got into a huge email fight, and because of it, I was fired. My old coworkers told me it was because of her, I didnt care. when I left she came to me, crying. The next day she emailed me at home and told me she loved the way I treated her and wanted that for her life and wanted me to take her and her daughter away. Well, I was hesitant to start talking with her again, but I love her and decided to give her another chance. Since I was fired, I have had the difficult decision of staying here, or moving away with my family. The stress has been unbareable, it's causing me to loose sleep and eat right, and I dont feel comfortable, no matter what. I dont want to move with them, but my mother, she is getting old, and I fear I may never see her again if I stay. But I want to stay, for this woman. well, for her birthday we met up and we talked some more, i wanted to hear it from her if she meant it, she did. I told her that if I left I feel I would be making a mistake, and that I will stay for her. We spent time together, even went as far as talking about what kind of house we wanted. She is going through a divorce right now, very hard time for her. She has gone from last week telling me how wonderful I am and how great I am to her to telling me that she needs to part herself with me and how god showed her she needs to be alone for awhile. It just came out all of a sudden... she told me she did not want me to stay here cause she would put pressure on herself to speed up the mourning process. I told her I would wait no matter how long it took because she was that important to me. she said I have to make the decision on my own. I have a little voice in the back of my head saying she does not want me, and this is just an easy way for her to get rid of me. I thought and thought about what I should do, then I asked her if she meant what she said and wanted what I wanted, she said yes she wants that. Then I asked her if she wanted that with me, and if she loved me. She didnt answer, instead she sent an email to me saying she felt she didnt need to explain anything to me. I was angry about this, and along with my stress, pressure, and all the anxiety of making the wrong choice, I wrote her and said how she always got my hopes up, and then changes her mind and leaves me with the pain. I asked her why she got back into my life and if she was playing this sick game. She replied saying I was too impatiant and didnt have any faith in her and was sorry I felt that way about her. She asked me not to talk to her again. After thinking about it, I realized I put too much pressure on her, because I wanted assurances that if I stayed we would be together. I know we have something special between us, we keep coming back to one another, but how am I supposed to compete with god? It's like if she feels hurt or sad for the littlest thing it's god telling her it's not right. I tried calling her cell, but she disconnected it. I have so little time to decide, and all I wanted was for her to tell me how she felt about me, I dont want it to end like this... I know I am supposed to give her time, and I know I need to get over some issues of my own. I feel I should stay and be on my own, and get over my fear of being alone because that is the cause of most of our problems. How can I make it up to her? I know she feels very hurt by this

I have a really tough choice I need to make, and I need some opinions about it. I recently got fired from my job, and a woman I worked with found out. Her and I have had an off and on relationship. I am deeply in love with this woman and it's possible she loves me, but she is going through a divorce and having a really tough time and goes back and forth about her feelings for me. My family is moving to florida within the next month. I dont want to go, and I could survive on my savings for the next six months, which may give her time to work on her problems. I told her I would stay for her, and would wait as long as it took but today she told me she wanted me to reconsider moving, that me staying will put pressure on her and doesnt know how long it'll take for her to get over it. and that she doesnt want me putting my life on hold. I dont mind waiting for the girl, I think she is more then worth it. I think she wants me to stay, but wont say cause she doesnt want the responsibility or the guilt if she decided not to be with me. I want to stay and see where her and I end up, but I dont want to pressure her and inhibit her healing process, but I also want to move so she will have one less thing to worry about, but if she changed her mind and wanted to be with me, it would be too late then =/ I had thought about staying here, and telling her I was leaving. That way she wouldnt feel pressured and if she decided to be with me I would still be here, but I really dont want to lie to her. I want to do whats best for her, but feel i am getting mixed messages. very confusing any thoughts, ideas, or opinions?

Did you ever think that you may be keeping your wife from finding her true love by staying in the marriage? You say you stay in it because you are afraid she would do something horrible, i think you are afraid to feel so guilty, you are selfish.

it's my opinion that when you get married, there is no doubts! you have doubt, i'm not saying cancel everything, just be engaged for a longer period of time until the answer comes to you.

can anyone tell me why women go back to their abusive husbands? heres the story in a nutshell, the guys does something to piss her off, she comes to me and we have this thing, then she says she needs her space and ends up going back to the guy after giving a bunch of BS. I try asking her what the hell happened but she ends up changing the subject, says i am bringing her down, or changes her story saying he didnt do anything wrong. I dont know if she is afraid of something, like he threatened to kill her or something, and she is only doing it because she has to or.......

well, dont wait on him, he may be having the same thoughts you are like "she may like me, but i dont know..." Just talk about it. Ask him out on a date, it is the 21st centry afterall.

why dont you just ask her out, or ask her why she never calls. She needs to show some initiative also. but then again some girls just wait for the guy to make the move, so ask her on a date, and if she says no then tell her your getting mixed signals and need em straightened out.

I have just come to the conclusion me and my ex will never get back together. I have never felt anything the way I have felt for her and it pains me. I feel like no one will ever compare to her, I have no interest in dating/meeting women, sex doesnt seem appealing. I close my eyes and only want her laying beside me in bed, then reality sets in and I remember it's never going to happen. I have a hard time sleeping, I either cant get to sleep without help (excedrin pm/alcahol/nyguil) or when I can cause I am too exhausted, I always wake up early and cant get back to sleep. I cant sleep cause I keep thinking of her, and grow angry over what she has done to me. I dont eat much, so I am growing thin, weak, and having dirhea every day. I know this isnt depression, cause I am not sad, I just dont know if this is normal. I am hoping it is and it'll go away. anyhow, thanks for listening.

Ok, me and this girl supposedly were getting along good. she was separated form her abusive husband and found comfort I guess in me. It was going great but little BS was here and there, like we would have sex but she wouldnt show me her breats (or let me touch em). I could care less about this kind of stuff, but she seemed to not let me in. Well, she told me she needed some time, some time for her self. well I pushed to find out where this was coming from and next thing you know she is telling me she is moving away and devoting her life to god. I would be ok with this except for the following reasons 1. she has numerously said she would never move away from her family 2. she said she wouldnt keep her daughtor from the father 3. no church is going to help out with a divorce 4. she is so materialistic, she wouldnt give up her car or a source of moeny to do community work 5. this is all of a sudden 6. she would go on and on about how she wanted the party life and wanted to be able to drink she had told me I made her feel so wonderful and no one has ever made her feel the way I do, yet she is gonna leave me? she wasnt even planning on telling me until a week before it happened. and coinicidently her feelings started changing right after we started having sex. I feel like she used me for rebound/sex and is going back to her f***ed up husband.

I recently posted this article if anyone needs a background on my situation. Can anyone enlighten me on what this means? She is now saying she needs time for herself, which took me forever to get out of her. I asked her where these feelings came from and all I got was resistance. I am trying to understand but I think this is all of a sudden

and one more thing i should mention, she got distant with me the last time after I expressed my love to her, coincidentally last week I told her I loved her, and now it starts again =(

I need some advice, or opinions, or any kind of input. I dont know where to begin. Over the past year I have gotten to know someone very special in my life. Started as friends, grew into more, unfortunately she was married. We became very close at one time, too close. she had to end it, because she had to give her new marriage a chance. This guy is a scumbag, the worst I could ever imagine. He abuses alcahol and drugs, he physically and mentaly abuses her, tries to get with other women right in front of his wife, and has even entertained the idea of letting one of his friends sleep with her. anyhow, when we became close and she had to cut it off, we became distant and eventually stoped talking for a month. I became so depressed and hurt without her in my life, and I decided that I needed her in my life, even if it was just friendship, so we talked again and started rebuilding our trust and friendship. She wasnt happy, and she finally decided to leave him after he had lied to her. coincidentally this is during the same time she wanted to go out with me. we had kissed for the first time, it was the most increadible feeling in the world. we spent the night together, the following day he was waiting for her, and hit her, and did something worse... she wont tell me what it was. It's been about a month or so since then, things were really going great. she moved out, and we were spending a lot of our free time together, since she has a child, and they are at the beginning of their seperation/divorce we cannot go to normal couple places because he would use us to hurt her for custody. and since she is underage, we cannot go to the bars and clubs together. so we usually end up at my place, and makes me look like I am no fun. She has hurt me in the past, and I am not quick in trusting that she wont do it again. We have gotten close, closer then we used to be but I sometimes have doubts and fears... and she see's it and thinks I dont want to be with her anymore. I love her, I want to be with her the rest of my life, but she doesnt want to be in a relationship right now, since she has been in a relationship for so long and needs to get an identity. I understand that and support her, but I dont feel comfortable with her going out to the bars and clubs when she turns 21. she has low self esteem, but she is increadibly gorgeous and I know a lot of men will show her attention, and she will like it =( the other day, we talked and she said she wanted her "man" to only be attracted to her. why does she say she wants to make her identity and then to say something like that? we were supposed to spend the entire weekend together, but she got sick. I didnt want her getting worse but I was still sad I couldnt see her. Yesterday when we talked on the phone, I asked if she was gonna come over, cause she said she may if she was feeling better, she said no and I showed a little attitude. she hung up on me and later that day we kinda made up. this is the same kind of crap that happened last time, I tried calling her today and she doesnt call back which is unlike her, little signs here and there... I am being so patiant with her, but her on and off feelings for me is driving me nuts.

As it stands now, you dont have her so what will it hurt to call her? Maybe she feels she cant call you cause she broke it off with you, cause wouldnt that make her look indecisive? Funny how pride can keep people from letting each other know how they feel... You feel it's her job to call you since she broke it off... I dunno what to tell you about your relationship, I think it's odd you two who love each other so much, would just leave it with a good luck in life. And truthfully if I was in love with someone, and was destined never to see them again, I wouldnt want to say my goodbye over the phone. Maybe fly down and see her, surprise her and talk face to face! Now this is what I would do, it may not be the right thing to do but it is what I would do. she's gonna be gone for 4 months? let her have her fun and you do the same, tell her when she gets back or when she gets whatever it is she wants out of her system, and she still wants a future with you, then to find you and let YOU know cause she did end it with you so yeah, it is her job to express a desire to have a life with you. But that doesnt mean you wait around for her, you have your fun too, and who knows, you may find someone else who makes you just as happy. anyhow, those are my opinions, like I said I dunno if they are right but I guess you'll have to do what feels right to you, thats the best advice I can give.. =\ good luck!

My girl wants to get breast implants, has for awhile. She feels it will help out her self confidence and make her feel more "Beautiful" Truthfully I dont want her to get them. My mother got some and has had medical problems from them for the past 20 years. I know they are supposed to be safer now, but back then they said they were perfectly safe also. Anyhow, I like her body, I dont want her to change. My irk is this, why doesnt she care what my opinion is? I mean I think the world of her and it makes me feel like my opinion doesnt mean anything.

Because she has lost her father, her brother, and her friends, she has to lose you to? You are very strong and compassionate, and I dont think I could give you any advice you dont already know. But if I were to give advice to her, I would say that instead of running from him, you should run to him because if you dont, thats just another loss your going to grieve for and one less (amazing)person for you to turn to for comfort. thats just my opinion though...