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Stu147

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Everything posted by Stu147

  1. Stu147
    Hi Francis I can assure you, as a man, that you are not 'just being a woman and whinging about cr*p". You are trying to encourage your man to be a man and take some responsibility! I think his behaviour is appalling, not to mention plain bone idle. You are not his mummy, you are his partner for goodness sake, and he is completely taking you for granted. I work full time, as does my wife. I take an even share of cooking, washing, ironing, dusting, vacuuming, you name it. And this does not mean I'm under the thumb, quite the opposite. I do these things willingly and with pride, because a real man can take care of himself and his family. And that does not limit itself to just putting money on the table. If I were you I would down tools and stop acting as his maid. Stop cooking his meals, stop doing his washing, give him a sharp dose of real life. Tell him that unless he wants to pitch in then you're only going to do tasks that are for your personal benefit. Tell him if he wants to be looked after like a little boy then to go home to mummy. I'm sorry if I sound a little harsh, but you are being so unfairly put upon and it's not right, and you shouldn't accept it. I really hope that he changes his immature ways, take care...
  2. Stu147
    Hi 4answers, You admit yourself that you did the 'needy/obsessive' thing, so I don't think contacting her would be the best idea. What you need to do is to move on, and you can start by forgiving yourself. Ok, you are not proud of how you behaved. Fine, so learn from that and prevent it happening again. Bear in mind that you were undoubtedly under a lot of emotional strain at the time which prompted your irrational behaviour. Don't let these few irrational actions define how you see yourself as a person. You are much more than that. You just lost control for a time. Work on your self respect, work on your insecurity, and give yourself a break. Move forward, don't look back. The pain will go in time (as glib as that may sound). And who knows, maybe one day in the future your paths will cross again. But right now you are not ready to be with her again, and she is most likely not ready to have you back. You will get past this and be a far better person for it, believe me. Take care, and wish you all the best...
  3. Stu147
    I haven't read all of your back posts Annalise, so I don't know your full story. But if you would like to talk at any time then please drop me a PM. I would be glad to listen and offer any advice I may have. Take care...
  4. Stu147
    Hi Gemma Just tell him straight out that you don't feel that he contributes enough financially. Tell him you don't want to get into a 'I payed for this, you paid for that' kind of discussion because it's not constructive and you can both be more mature than that. You just feel that as you earn the same money that he could help out more. Remind him that you have bills to pay as well. And if you ask me, if he is really struggling then he could sell off that sports car for a start and get a more practical vehicle. It sounds like he's a bit immature and unrealistic when it comes to money. Don't let him sponge off you like this. He's a grown man. You don't want to be a mother figure to him, he should support himself. If you don't broach the subject and stand firm then he will remain in this comfort zone and will change nothing. He is bound to get a little touchy when you bring it up, but don't let that distract you from telling him your feelings. I wish you the best of luck, take care...
  5. Stu147
  6. Stu147
    Hi Johnny, My question to you would be, are the positives outweighing the negatives in this relationship? Is the turmoil you are going through worth what you are getting back? If you can answer that question in your own mind then you might be a good deal closer to knowing what to do. The rollercoaster of ups and downs, good times and bad, that you indicate you are currently enduring is actually worse than if things were consistently bad. Because it leaves you not knowing where you stand, not knowing what to expect from one day to the next. It messes with your mind and tears you up inside. It's such an unhealthy situation. My gut feeling is that if you don't feel she is truly investing in this relationship then you need to step away from it. Yes, fight for the things you want in life, but equally don't waste energy on lost causes. If you believe this cause is lost then better to save your energy for your recovery, you'll need it. I wish you all the best with this, and take care...
  7. Stu147
    Hi Katy, It seems like you broke up with your guy for valid reasons, that you didn't feel you loved him anymore and that he had become more like a friend to you. And you don't mention any real heartbreak for you after the break-up, so it seems like you were ok with your decision at the time. Now you hear that he is missing you a lot and is getting high to forget his troubles, and it's natural that this upsets you. And you feel a little guilty for hurting him. But you have nothing to feel guilty for Katy. Relationships break up, it's a fact of life, especially so when you're young. You were honest and up front with this guy, you didn't cheat on him, you didn't string him along. You told him the truth. If he genuinly loved you then of course he is going to hurt for a while. And he probably lacks the maturity to deal with it in the most constructive ways. But he WILL get over it in time, and he will bounce back. What I am trying to say is don't go back into the relationship out of guilt or sympathy because then it will not work and you will regret it. If you really feel you want to be with him and really think it can work then ok, but otherwise you would just be lying to yourself and him and that's not fair on either of you. He will work this out, and he will be back to his usual self. He just needs some time to work it all out. Be strong, and take care...
  8. Stu147
    I have experienced one of those breaking during penetration, and it was not put under any undue stress and nor had we damaged it in anyway prior to the activities. So I have never used them again. That is not to say that you will have the same experience of course. But as another poster intimated, they don't actually feel any different to normal condoms as far as I'm concerned, so better go with something stronger if you ask me!
  9. Stu147
    Maybe she really doesn't have time due to her study commitments, but I have to say that it does sound like an excuse. I mean, if she is busy but really interested in being more than friends then why didn't she say 'I'd love to get to know you better, but you will have to bear with me for a while as I'm really snowed under with study' or something along those lines. The fact that she has specifically said you guys should 'just be friends' indicates that she is not interested in more, not at this time certainly. If you can put any other feelings aside for now and be just her friend then fine. Who knows, maybe things will change one day. Main thing, keep your chin up. Worse things happen at sea as they say. I wish you all the best...
  10. Stu147
    I you select 'User CP' from the blue menu at the top left of your screen, then select 'Edit Options' from the options list at the left side of your screen, and then on the page that opens there is a tickbox that says 'Enable Private Messaging' or words to that effect. If you put the tick in the box and then save changes. Then I can PM you, it would be much easier.
  11. Stu147
    Lovehurtz, is it ok to email you without causing you a problem? I see you don't have the 'Receive Private Messages' option available but you have agreed to receive email from users here. I would really like to share some of my own experience with you, but the public forum is not the best place. I won't send anything unless you say it's ok. What I can say here and now is that I feel for you, totally understand your situation and I wish things could be better for you right now. Take care...
  12. Stu147
    Hi Venga, A lot will depend on how deep the cuts were. Were they surface cuts or deep? Perhaps you could use make-up to cover the scars while they heal. If they are not too deep then they will likely fade over time. I understand your situation exactly though, believe me. Perhaps if someone found out it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I know you would probably feel very ashamed about it if they did, but you are obviously suffering and are in need of some support. Hey, if you would like to talk about it anytime then drop me a PM. Take care...
  13. Stu147

    trust

    Stu147 replied to grn's topic in Dating Advice

    The first thing I would do is to question these guys' motives in telling you this? Is it purely in your best interests or do they have their own agenda? Are you sure it's not just malicious rumour? I would advise you to get to know this girl and give her a fair chance. Make your own judgements, don't let idle speculation put you off. If you really trust what these guys are saying then fine, keep it in mind, but still give the girl a chance. Who says that just because she might have done something before that she will do it when she's with you? Maybe she sees you as a lot more special than past flings. A girl's past is past, and she should be allowed to make mistakes as you have doubtless done. But she should not be tarred for the rest of her life with the same brush, that's just really not fair. Trust your own instincts, ignore the gossips. I wish you two all the best...
  14. Stu147
    Hey Alex, In my opinion your girlfriend is being unreasonable in her demands of you and is acting a little unsecure. She is not displaying the most trust in you. Just because she doesn't like your brother's girlfriend is not enough reason to ban you from seeing your brother and your friends. That is selfish and immature. And similarly, just because you have a little history with one of these girls doesn't mean you are going to jump into bed with her. If I were in your position I would explain to my girlfriend that, whilst I love her very much, I also love my brother and I need my best friends around me. I would tell her that I will not overdo the time I spend with them, and will make sure she always comes first (unless in a emergency) but that it's important for me to have some 'me time' with the guys. To be honest, if she completely shunned that point blank then I wouldn't stand for it, and would accept the consequences of that. She is supposed to be your partner, on equal terms, not your boss or legal guardian. She is not looking after your best interests in this case, more her own selfish insecurities. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she's a bad person. Just that she is being too controlling with you and unreasonable. And I would advise you to stand up for yourself, politely and respectfully and with sensitivity, but make a stand. I wish you all the best with this...
  15. Stu147
    Hey, Maybe try to put yourself in the place of her boyfriend and think about what gifts you would deem acceptable for another guy to be giving your girlfriend. That might help you get a little perspective on this and stop you going overboard. I mean, would you want some guy giving your girlfriend jewellery? Probably not. You've said nothing that indicates that her boyfriend is a bad guy, so he doesn't deserve someone putting the moves on his girlfriend. Maybe something that will be of practical use to her would be better. Something not too sentimental. Like something that she could use at university. I appreciate that you want to give her something special but with her in a relationship you need to be careful that what you buy is not too intimate. Be honest with yourself about your motives for buying this present. Are you trying to gain her affections or are you genuinely just trying to be nice? If you're just trying to be nice then the gift doesn't have to have sentimental value. The gesture of a friend giving a gift should be enough. I wish you all the best...
  16. Stu147
    Hi Sparkly, I don't think I've replied to any of your messages before so first of all nice to meet you. You will have to excuse me not reading your previous threads yet, I'm sooo sleepy this morning, but I just wanted to reply for a couple of reasons. Firstly to say I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you as you might of hoped but that I'm impressed by your positive attitude, it really is spot on. But the second and most important thing I wanted to say is don't leave the forums. You have just gone through a life experience the sharing of which could be invaluable to future members, to others who find themselves in the same boat as you are/were. And if you could get some of your inner strength and your positivity in adversity to transfer to others that would also be a great service. What I'm saying is, you have a lot to give. And you clearly have some friends here who will be sad to see you go. Anyway, I can't affect your decision but I'm just saying it would be a shame, that's all. I wanted to reply because many of the regulars are not here at this time and I wouldn't want you to walk off into the sunset without someone trying to get you to stay. Please reconsider. Take care, and wish you all the best...
  17. Stu147
    Hi Dothk I don't think that you have done much wrong. This guy went waaaay overboard on trying to contact you. You asked him to email instead of call, he ignored that request. You turned down most of his requests to study together, he didn't take the hint. His behaviour would make most girls feel uncomfortable. Way too needy. You have heard the phrase 'would try the patience of a saint' right? Even the best of us can lose patience when we are being hounded, and that's all you have done, lost patience. Sometimes people who don't get the message need it hammering home to them. As long as you didn't intend to hurt this guy, which I believe you didn't, then your conscience should be clear. And it's more than understandable that you would ignore him now as I'm sure you don't know what else to do. If you make contact then he may take it the wrong way and start pestering you again. Perhaps you could send him an email just explaining why you reacted the way you did. But maybe it's best to leave things to settle down for a while. Wish you all the best, take care...
  18. Stu147
    MrCrazy, It's nice to hear someone put that spin on it for a change. For my own contribution I would like to add that my equipment is mine alone and not for anyone else to judge. It is not too big, it is not too small, it is what it is. And I don't give a monkey's what anyone else might think about it. It's not theirs, it's mine! Like it, great. Don't like it, who cares. And I 100% genuinely mean that. If a woman were to use a physical trait to belittle you that is called bullying. Bullying is for the weak and the insecure. Same as if a man criticised a woman's breasts. There are things I like and don't like about my body, but those are for me to judge and me to call. Don't need any help with that from anyone else. Good post, wish you all the best...
  19. Stu147
    Hi Schizo It looks like you are trying to change the habits of a guy who really doesn't want to change. He clearly wants you to be happy, hence his assertions that he will change, but he hasn't followed through and I would say that's because his heart's not in it (the changes I mean, not the relationship). I understand about your anger when he lies to you about stopping smoking, but it is nice in a way that he cares enough about your feelings to hide it from you. You could argue that if he cared enough then he would quit, but then he could argue that if you cared enough you would accept him for who he is. I don't think either of these arguments are particularly about how much you both care for each other though, they are about your own individual beliefs and unfortunately they don't seem to meet. Your attempts to get him to stop smoking are hard to argue with. It's unhealthy, we all know that. I'm a smoker by the way. But some would say you knew he was a smoker when you met him, etc. I won't pursue that line of reasoning though, it's a little flimsy. The vegetarianism thing is a slightly different issue. Eating meat is not unhealthy. It may be abhorent to you, but that is your life choice and not his. To try and turn him vegetarian is really forcing your beliefs on him. Where he has erred is by saying he could adopt your views when clearly he can't or doesn't want to. It all comes down to you really. Do you accept the guy as he is, love him as he is, and accept that you will have to agree to disagree about some things? If you can't do that then there is no future with him, but also you really cut your prospective partner market down to a select group of non-smoking vegetarians. I hope that you too can work this out and find a middle ground somehow. Take care and I wish you the best for the future...
  20. Stu147
    Hi Kate, He has made his feelings pretty clear about where he stands, so the only question for you is are you ready to be 'just friends' with him? Do you really need him as a friend, wouldn't it be too akward for you? He has made the point of stressing that he wants to be free so he is really closing the door on the relationship. So you need to do whatever is best for you right now. My inclination would be to leave it, but you need to follow your own path. I don't know if you have already emailed him back, but if not then I would stick entirely to the financial matter and don't get into anything more personal. Keep it cool and detached. I wish you all the best, take care...
  21. Stu147
    Hi Hazey, Brag away my friend, it's nice to hear a bit of positivity every now and again. You lucky girl you! I always enjoy buying my wife jewellery, but shhhhh, don't tell her!
  22. Stu147
    Ok, so this was a past thing. Right, finally I've got where you're coming from. Excuse me, my brain is a little slow this afternoon! As he was looking for just a little fun then your text could well have scared him off. That could be seen as either unfortunate or fortunate depending on your views on extra-marital affairs.
  23. Stu147
    Thanks for the extra info Batya, I have now read Studio's previous thread. Studio, Whilst my original reply still stands I can't condone you having an affair. I am not going to moralise with you, to each his/her own, and I don't know anything about your marriage so I'm in no place to comment. But I ask you to think about this before you proceed. Especially with a guy who, as you have said in your own words, will offer you nothing more than just sex in the long term. Or has that position changed? I still, however, wish you all the best...
  24. Stu147
    Hi Studio, Would that turn me off? Easy answer for me, no way! I can't see how it could possibly turn a guy off. At worst you might find that some of the romantic touches are lost on the guy, depending on whether he is a romantic or not, but the core idea of the girl, who he is really into, coming into his room and making love to him is a winner on it's own. I'm sure he will love your dream, and that you have shared it with him. And I dare say he will have thought a great deal about it since your text! Wish you all the best, take care...
  25. Stu147
    Hi Isabella, Really sorry to hear that you are not in a good place at the moment. Everything you say leads me to agree with Newo, that there might be a factor beyond your control that is causing you to feel the way you do. And while it is keeping you down you are punishing yourself for your inability to do things, which really isn't being fair on yourself. Perhaps if you stopped and considered for a minute that you have an illness, psychological or otherwise, then you might give yourself a break. If you had the flu would you punish yourself for feeling bad? Would you punish yourself for being too weak to get out of bed, or too hazy to think about the future? Of course you wouldn't, you would accept that you are ill, and you would defend that position to anyone who sought to doubt you. Where you are blaming yourself for your inability to cope right now, it could be that this is way beyond your control. But either way don't punish yourself. Seek professional/medical help before things get any worse. And please, if I can ask you to do just one thing, when you're feeling really low and feel like you need to hurt yourself then drop me or someone else here a message and talk to us. Many of us have been where you are, you don't have to do this alone. I really wish you all the best, take care...
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