Stu147

For what it's worth I second those opinions. If you agree to the friends thing he get's the best of both worlds and you get to be in limbo. Not a healthy place for you to be. You have been given sound advice from Batya and Lessy. All the best & take care...

Wow, nice eyes Azure! p.s. don't tell my wife I said that! hehehe!

Hi 4answers, I also apologise to you if my reply seemed a little blunt. It wasn't supposed to be having a go at you, just making some points. If I misinterpreted anything you have said then I'm also sorry for that. I have not been immune to your line of thinking in the past. But some years ago I just tried to put more onus on myself and what I am or am not doing right. I tried to take the view that the world doesn't owe me a living, in life or in relationships. Anything I want I am going to have to go out and get it, it won't fall in my lap. Getting shot down in flames is terrible for a person's self respect and can seriously knock your self-confidence, but it isn't the worst thing that will ever happen. And with time I even managed to find humour in those nervous situations. More often than not I can laugh off nerves these days. Probably because I'm very secure in what I am, what I have to offer and my overall value as a human being. But some elements of my finding that confidence have been due to luck and timing as well as effort, I admit. One thing I can agree with you on for sure is that it shouldn't always have to be the man who makes the approach, not in this day and age. But at the end of the day someone has to, and if she isn't going to and I really want to be with her then I'm gonna have to. Rather risk getting shot down than do nothing and never have a chance. To make an introduction does not always require putting yourself in a vulnerable position. If it's to a girl in a nightclub then you're gonna be vulnerable, because your approach will be read as a come on. But to introduce yourself to a girl in a more neutral environment does not have to be such a big deal. Just find a common talking point and go from there. Anyway, I will stop there because I'm far from a dating expert! Just really wanted to say I'm not knocking you or anything, you are entitled to your opinions and your views. Just trying to put some of mine accross. All the best...

You seem to be sticking to the misconception that only guys who are jerks will approach a woman. Or that all guys who approach women are likely to be jerks only after one thing. What about guys who are just confident in what they have to offer, that does not make them jerks and does not mean they are just looking to bed the first girl they can snare. Just because you are a decent guy who lacks confidence does not mean that a guy with confidence is a jerk. That is way too much of a generalisation to make and smacks of a little bitterness on your part. Because you aren't good at something does not mean you should knock those who are. In fact part of you probably aspires to have their confidence. Their motives are not your concern, it's up to the woman to work that out for herself. You would do well to concentrate more on yourself than trying to berate the efforts of others. I would also add that if a woman is slightly naive and gets mistreated that does not mean that she deserves it. To be trusting is not a fault. If she continually falls for the same lines then fine, you could accuse her of not exactly helping herself. But still she does not deserve to be abused. Seriously, don't blame the rest of the world for your weaknesses. That attitude will ensure you never make any progress with women. No woman like guys who feel sorry for themselves or are blighted by insecurities. You need to learn to project more self-confidence and less bitterness. By the way, I'm not the sort of guy who could ever easily approach women. I never do chat up lines, haven't got the guts. But I've never struggled to find relationships either, there is a middle ground. And I've never knocked those who are more successful in chatting up women. The confident attractive guys are not all jerks, that just simply isn't true. Wish you all the best...

I was going to post my thoughts but you pretty much summed up everything I was thinking Honey Pumpkin. I would add that I don't think guys are any different to girls when it comes to this. Most people aspire to have what they perceive as the best. Nobody thinks 'I want to go out there and find me an ugly person'. Looks do count, but they are nowhere near ALL that counts. Looks just sometimes make it easier to get your foot in the door, but it's your personality that will open the door. Think of how you present yourself when you approach women. If you went for a job with a CV that said "I really suck" then who would hire you? So if you project a negative attitude then what girl will that appeal to? I wish you all the best...

Hi Aymee, My wife and I met when I was on business in Kiev, Ukraine. It was then a further year before we finally lived together in the same country. I think during that year we had about three two week holidays together, and that's all. And yes, I had the same questions about 'How does that work?', 'How do you cope?', etc etc etc... I spoke with my wife very early in the relationship and asked her if she would be able to sustain a long distance relationship. I assured her that we would be together as soon as possible, but that we'd have to be patient and be strong in the meantime. I asked her if she had the strength to do that and she was sure that she did. And so we coped. At times it was hard, but we kept focused on what lay ahead for us, which was the potential of a great future. And now here we are, married and together for almost a year. She moved countries to be with me, and we are so happy together. So it CAN all work out if you just keep faith and your bond is strong enough. Keep focusing on when you two will be together, and this will help you through the hard times. And as for friend's comments, let them pass over your head, they are of no consequence. Wish you all the best, both personally and in your relationship. Take care...

Hi Piratelady, There is not an awful lot to go on in your post to suggest why you are feeling this way. I mean you indicate that pretty much everything in your life is good at the moment. My first thought if I'm honest is that you may be suffering from depression, and if so then you will need more qualified help to determine the root cause. I would suggest that a trip to your doctor is in order, and better sooner than later. Take care...

Hi Psu11, It's hard to judge from his comments whether he really told you the truth about his reasons for not wanting to be with you anymore. His comments were particularly blunt and harsh, so the least you could say is that he is completely insensitive. Were his reasons a little lame? In my opinion, yes. And if I had to guess based on my instincts then I would say that he didn't tell you the whole truth. But that's just my feelings, I would need more in-depth info to be completely sure. Either way, in terms of how you should approach him when you resume college then I would suggest that you go all out to look as hot as you can and then just blank him. Give all your attention to your other friends. Maybe you might notice a little spark of jealousy from him! But definitely I wouldn't give him the time of day. He made no efforts to protect or spare your feelings, so what do you owe him? What will you get from talking to him, or being friends with him? And do you really want him as just a friend anyway, would a friend have been so harsh with you? I think you are really better off without him, and if your photo is anything to go by then you're not going to struggle to find another guy! Take care, wish you all the best...

I agree with Darkpumpkin, you have asked your girlfriend if there is anything wrong and she has denied that there is. Which means that there genuinely isn't or that there is and she is reluctant or maybe unable to talk about it right now. Either way if you push her then you could create a problem where there really wasn't one. You have already asked her so you have shown interest, now give her space. At least she can't ever say that you didn't pay attention to her. Hopefully if there is something wrong she will open up to you in her own good time. Try not to run through scenarios in your head about what might be going on. Easier said than done I know, but the mind can be a dangerous thing if allowed to run out of control. Just be there for her, show her affection but don't crowd her. Wish you all the best...

Hi Sean, My personal opinion is that there are three parties involved in my relationship, her, me and us. I think it is vital for each person to retain elements of independence. Nobody wants to become just an extension of their partner. I believe that this can only lead to conflict or unhappiness further down the line. How far you take this independence depends on the relationship. I believe that anything is acceptable as long as both parties are fully aware where they stand and are in agreement about what is and isn't acceptable. Hey, even if two people in a relationship want to sleep with other people then as long as they are both happy with it who am I to judge them. Some might question what kind of relationship that could be, but again it's up to the couple to decide what is and isn't right for them. I like my wife to have independence, to have her own money to spend outside of our shared resource, etc. We both work and combine resources to pay bills, etc. Basically my point is that as long as you too are genuinely happy with the state of your relationship then you have nothing to worry about. I would add that these are purely my personal views and that others will have different opinions I'm sure. But to each his/her own. Wish you all the best...

Hi Jay First of all I'm sorry that things with your relationship are clearly not good at the moment. It appears he's got you dangling on a string at the moment. He has assumed a position of control and you are waiting on him to let you know whether he wants the relationship or not. If it were me I would be inclined to take that control away from him and be in control of your own destiny. I would rather tell him that it's over for good. You might find then that he has a sudden rethink! Of course, I wouldn't suggest doing that unless you are prepared to carry it through if the worst comes to the worst. Never a good idea to bluff where emotions are concerned. Bear in mind that I have no background on your relationship so I don't know how much past you have together. This could have significant bearing. But for me I wouldn't like anyone else to be in control of me like that. Again, sorry that things are not good for you right now and I hope everything turns out for the best, take care...

I would say it that I have been at least six or seven months into a relationship before I have said 'I love you' to a girl. When I say it I want it to have meaning. That's not to say I don't believe you can feel in love earlier. I don't think there really is an acceptable amount of time before love becomes valid. It happens when it happens. If you could time it then how could it be genuine. It's funny how sometimes we are so quick to say we love someone else yet struggle to love ourselves. Kind of unbalanced sometimes. Hey, that's my thought for the day!

Hi Darkpumpkin I would say that using suggestion might be the way to go especially if, as you say, he is not the sort of guy you can just pounce on (so to speak). Perhaps you can drop subtle hints into conversation about the sort of things you like or would like to try. In a sense try to guide him to doing what you would like but almost in a way that he thinks it is his idea. This perhaps will take a bit of practice, but if he is really into you then he shouldn't need too many prompters to pick up on what you are driving at. I find that sometimes if a person is to blatant in their sexual advances it can be a turn off. It's nice to leave something to the imagination. I wish you guys the best of luck, and a lot of fun.....

Hi sunnystar, Sorry to hear you're going through this right now. I don't think it's necessarily wrong that you are extra cautious about your boyfriend's emails and phone. He broke your trust in a major way and he has to rebuild that trust. And you have every right to ask him about the picture of the girl with the cleavage, again he has to earn your trust back. I hope that there is an innocent explanation for it, but at the very least it is really stupid of him to have something like that on his phone in the circumstances. I won't tell you what you should and shouldn't do because you need to go with your instincts and find your own path. But I will wish you the best of luck, and I extend to you the offer of support if ever you need it. Take care, all the best...

Hi Balistic, I'm not a girl but I thought I'd reply anyway. First of all don't jump to conclusions. Yes it's possible that the card may have freaked her out a little, if she thought that you guys were just friends, but it's equally possible that there's another explanation for her lack of email. Maybe she's sick, or has some other problems going on. Don't jump the gun, get panicky and send some irrational email (not that I'm saying you would, just saying don't). Wait for a week or so and if you haven't heard from her then send an email asking if she is ok and saying that you are concerned about her. If still no response then just hang back and hope she contacts you when she can. Wishing you all the best of luck....

Yes, Panadol is paracetamol, it should state paracetamol as the sole ingredient (possibly 500mg). It is the safest to take with upset stomachs as it is gentle on the stomach. Lucozade is like an energy drink that contains rehydrating salts, I think possibly you have Gatorade? That is remarkably similar. It will help rehydrate you to compensate for the loss of fluid you have suffered. The rehydration will help you feel less nauseous. Take care...

Hi psu11 Wow, that's quite a difficult time you've had but I really like the positivity that you are projecting about the whole thing, and the strong message that you are giving to others. I think the worst thing that can come of a bad relationship is if you allow it to change you, to make you trust less, to make you bitter, to make you a different person. I notice in your story that you blame the guy for jerking you around, at no point do you blame yourself. I like that, it's refreshing and it shows strength. He wronged you, you did everything you could and he wronged you. You don't punish yourself, you accept that he was weak and you continue on. I have been hurt in the past, maybe I will be hurt again, but I will not change who or how I am for fear of being hurt. I don't fear hurt, I will always cope and come through. And I sense that about you as well. Thanks for sharing, and take care...

Lucozade (allowed to go flat if fizzy) is a really good call. Can help a lot, I have used it with stomach upsets in the past. Why didn't I think of that, darn!

Could be a gastric bug or equally could be food poisoning from the burger, although I will steer clear of making such an accusation against the establishment that you bought it from for fear of legal action! Either way the advice is going to be pretty similar. Keep up your fluids, if not water then weak diluted fruit drinks. Take paracetamol for the fever and aches/pains as it is likely to be the least harsh on your stomach. Get plenty of rest, take Tums/Rennies/other antacids to quell the over acidity you are bound to be experiencing. When you're not sleeping then try to keep your mind occupied with something, like reading a book. If you don't feel much improved within 48hrs of the onset of symptoms then see your doctor. And similarly if the symptoms worsen significantly then see your doctor. I really hope you feel better soon, take care... p.s. this is only my unprofessional opinion based on zero medical training. Based purely on good advice that I have received in the past.

Hi Longhaircats Well one of you has to contact the other and there's no reason it should always be the guy first. Maybe he is going through the same thoughts as you right now, thinking whether he should email you or whether you might have changed your mind. Guys have insecurities too sometimes. Perhaps he is a little nervous, or doesn't want to appear too pushy, who knows. So one of you needs to break the ice and I suggest you just go for it. What have you got to lose? At worst you don't get a reply and then you move on. At best you get a wonderful reply and a new relationship blossoms. To your original question, I would be very happy if a new girl I met emailed me first. I would probably go round for that day whistling to myself and grinning like a cheshire cat! Best of luck to you...

It sounds to me like you are actually interested in this girl romantically? The Valentines rose sends mixed messages, as it's a romantic gesture, and you are slightly over stressing the 'just friends' bit. I could be way off track of course, but you should be clear and honest to yourself about your motives before you proceed with this. Because if this girl has a boyfriend and they are happy together then you could wind up getting hurt if you push for anything more than friendship. If I am wrong and you can really honestly say that friends is all you want to be then don't stress about how to approach this girl. Just be yourself, let the conversation go where it goes. Start with just light-hearted chit chat and if she is responsive then you can start to ask more about her. You don't need to 'make it seem as if you are just looking for friendship', because if that's all you are really looking for then it will seem that way to her. I wish you all the best with this...

Hi Kleopatra, Yeah I have noticed a lot of break-up threads today too, some of them make really hard reading. I hate that so many people are suffering in this way, not that I can do anything about it but offer a few words of consolation that won't even scratch the surface. I am now happily married and those times of torturous pain and turmoil seem like a distant memory, apart from the scars I still carry (both physical and mental). But I really feel for those for whom these wounds are still so fresh. Perhaps the only thing I can do is to be an example of someone who has come through the other side and is infinitely stronger for it. The world does go on, you're so right, even though some times we wish it wouldn't. I really wish all of those suffering a peaceful night tonight, take care all....

Hi Amy I feel for you because it's easy to see you are suffering right now. There is no quick-fix way for you to get over this, it's a combination of time and keeping yourself busy. The more spare time you have the more you will sit and think and dwell. You need to get out there and do things even if it's the last thing you feel like doing. Sitting around listening to sad songs won't help speed up your recovery (not that I'm saying that's what you're doing, don't get me wrong). The main thing to remember is that your life goes on without him. Don't think of him like the only reason you had for getting up in the morning. Think of him as more of a supplement to your life, not your reason for living. He has left a hole in your life right now but in time that will be filled. So all you need to do now is ride out the storm, be brave, and wait for the calm. Have faith in your own strength. You are more resilient that you know! I really wish you all the best. Sending you a virtual hug....

Yep, I second that opinion g1234567890h! This is sound advice Echo, go with your instincts and have some fun!