FrancisHouseman

all of these comments about internet dating can be said for meeting people in 'real' life too. I have met guys in clubs and swapped numbers, chatted all night, thought "they were cool.." then gone on a date and discovered they were very odd in deed!! it usually only takes a couple of dates to realise if someone is worth a few more and then a few more.... protecting your heart each time. If it fails it fails, blaming the forum you met them is useless. I met my ex through my best friend, she worked with his mum. when he broke my heart and turned out to be a cheating liar I said "I wish you had never of introduced us!!.. if only i hadnt gone out that day.. if only i hadnt come to that party..." I met my current boyfriend (who i have been with for 16 months, live with and totally adore) on faceparty! one of my friends met he husband on Myspace and my 37 year old friend is using link removed to find someone because she is sick of meeting men in bars who just want to take her home and give her a good seeing to! I have had plenty of bad experiences with guys, bad dates, crappy relationships, wherever i met them.. family barbeques, work do's, internet. I have met a few liars off the internet who described themselves as taller, more wealthy, but werent, I had a date with them and then didnt see them again. I think its great that you feel better about how much of a loser that last guy was, but it doesnt mean every guy you meet is going to be like that. Internet dating doesnt have to be seedy and sad, if you are sensible and realistic about it. You might not find the man of your dreams, (like i have) or you may do.. just as with 'life' when dating, we only know what they tell us.. until we learn.

no matter what you say you are going t hurt your boyfriend's feelings. I can totally see your point and see how annoying that could be, but he is an old man, he could have a ton of unresolved issues, he could be jealous, he could be old fashioned, he could hate technology, late bedtimes, sex before marriaged, he could feel left out when you are watching your movies and want to be noticed. He may feel invisible, we can't guess how he feels, but I think telling your boyfriend is not going to change anything, it will probably just mean you see your boyfriend less, hurt him, or maybe row abot it. You may have relatives that he can't stand. I say this, because over the weekend my boyfriend really upset my mum without meaning to. My mum has this habit of interrupting people, or not really listenning unless it concerns her. She also talks really loud, she kinda shouts you down, if you try and not let her interrupt you, the pair of you end up shouting over each other, in abattle to dominate the conversation. She isnt a bad person, not malicious or anything she is just a bit 'ooh lets talk about my new shoes.. my new clothes' I love her to death but i never noticed it about her until my boyfriend pointed it out. He said "Everything has to revolve around your mum it drives me mad! if i talk about something she doesnt find interesting she turns it back to her.. its annoying!" She doesnt even know she does it and for years i have just let it sail over my head. However she came round for a brew and i was talking to my sister, my mum started to interrupt and cut me off, like she always does because something came into her head and she wanted to say it without waiting for me to finish , she had already decided that she wasnt listenning to me she was waiting for me to finish, but i didnt let he, I talked louder to drown her out which resulted in her talking louder and then my boyfriend shouted "aghhhhh my effing head!! ive got a head ache and you are all shouting!!" my mum got really upset and said "Are you saying i shout?!" and she got up and stormed out of our house. Now she is all funny around my boyfriend scared to talk almost, feels like he doesnt like her. It upset me too I got protective, I thought to myself about how annoying his mum can be sometimes and his dad and how i just sit there and smile politely because i wouldnt want to hurt anyone's feelings and I was upset that he felt he had to say it out loud how much my mum annoyed him, because he just upset the pair of us and now i visit my mum on my own and she says "oh where is Paul?" and I say "oh he is busy.." and she looks hurt. Im waffling now, but sometimes just keeping quiet, ignoring it, we arent going to like everyone or be comfortable with everyone, but sometimes it just isnt constructive to say it!

differences in religeon rear their ugly head in all sorts of situation. I went to a christenning at weekend and my boyfriend smirked and laughed and was rude all the way through the ceremony. Im a catholic, and he will never marry me in a church, and our future children will never be christenned. that makes me really really sad, but i love him so, although I joke about trading him in for a good decent catholic boy, i really have no intention of ending our relationship. I know of others in my situation who refuse to put up with it. The relationship you have with your girlfriend is extremely difficult, because i would feel like her too, if my boyfriend said to me, what you said to her. You are forewarning her that you may have to break her heart, that you are thinking of leaving her for someone else. Your relationship with God is equally important to you, but you do need to choose. Even if you dont become a preist, will your girlfriend stick by you and marry you in a church? will your children be christenned and go to catholic schools? would your relationship survive anyway? I dont think it would.

excellent advice. you are completely right, we are both drawing lines and refusing to meet in the middle. I love him so much in every other respect. He is off work at the moment sick, got a chest infection. I have been moaning about period pain! ha ha and he rang me at work today to ask how i was?!! he is the one in bed at home. Bless him. I guess i just dont want to turn into a nagger, i suppose there is this part of me that hates having to be 'grateful' when he does something, its like when he washes the pots he is really chuffed with himself and he cant wait for me to see it because he wants his 'brownie points' but the fact is, i wash the pots every other day of the week and do everything else and i dont get "wow!! it looks great, come over here for a three hour massage and chocolate body painting exercise.." ha ha ha you get my drift? however, i have realised, with experience, that if i am very impressed and happy and GRATEFUL when he cleans the bathroom and makes the bed that he is more eager to do it. I suppose if i love him, I have to accept some things about him that i dont like so much.

At first i totally agreed with you and wa thinking the same thing. however, by the time I reached the end of the thread, i thought 'who am i to judge how someone else lives their life' and i was filled with sadness for Ellie. im so sorry for your impending loss

Yes, he had asked one of my friends what perfume i liked and she gave him a list and he got the cheapest. My current boyfriend does things like, hunt down DVDs of old black and white films that you cant buy, films that i watched with my grandma as a child. financially they dont cost him fortunes but then he spends weeks trying to get the, to surprise me. He always gets me what i want, whether it cost a lot or not. Gemma talks of the money, but its not just about money its the whole feeling of not being important enough, not mattering enough. I know that sometimes women are given a hard time and men are quick to accuse us of being shallow and superficial and gold diggers.,. my boyfriend goes on about one of my friends all the time because she will accuse her boyfriend of being tight. Its nothing to do with that. If you cant afford to eat out, then cook for us, that would make us far happier than going out for a restaurant and having to pay ourselves! if you cant afford to buy some wine and get a take away for us, then dont go out on the p*ss with your mates all weekend, save money for us. its the thoughtlessness that comes with having a tight boyfriend. my current boyfriend is a student and hardly earns anything, but he budgets and saves and treats me. we pay equally even though i work full time and earn a good wage. Its an equal partnership. When we moved in together, we opened a joint account and each month we put exactly the same amount of money in. to cover bills, food and treats for us. if we go out with our mates it comes out of the money that we keep in our separate curent accounts. i remember saying to him "but i earn more than you, i can contribute more" he said "Dont be silly, its equal, everything 50/50"

OMG you have just recounted my previous relationship!! he is not called Daniel is he?! ha ha ha My lord! we would go out and I would pay and he would say, "next week, we can get a nice chinese take away and some wine, my treat.." and then of course the week fter would come and he would say "oh my mum made a curry last night and there is loads left, so we can have that.." then i would say "what wine have you got?" and he would say "oh sorry, do you wanna pop t the shop while i warm this up" and of course i would nip to the shop with MY money and buy the wine. what was supposed to be a treat to me was a warmed up left over and alcohol bought myself. I used to get so hurt, because he would say things like "oh i went out with Paul the other night.. i was sooo drunk..." then he started on the whole, how it cost him money to pick me up and petrol... so i would get two buses to his and he let me, he never said "No i will pick you up.." im sorry but my story doesnt have a happy ending. Christmas came and i had spent a fortune on lots of presents that i knew he would love, stuff he had wanted as a kid, stuff he wanted now, things he had mentioned in passing and he got me a card that was out of a box of 30 for 50p, and a bottle of chea perfume that cost £12.99 in Bodycare! I was devestated. Soon after that he told me, he wasnt inlove with me. Looking back, it was so obvious that he wasnt, His behaviour was not that of a man inlove. We are sometimes so blind by our love that we kinda see it, (because we moan to our friends about it) but we dont really see it, properly, we dont see because we are afraid.

I have lived with my boyfriend for about 5 months. Im sorry this is long! thanks!

im insecure and I get jealous and I used to complain to my mates all the time "he knows me!! he knows what im like! why does he go 'oooh she is fit!!' when a woman comes on telly half naked! especially if she looks nothing like me!" but then I thought why should he walk on egg shells, watch what he says, LIE all the time when he around me, it could get tiring, just because im insecure. I noted that Troy was on the TV the other and i wanted to watch it, simply because I think Hector is really really fit and it made me laugh to think of all the times i have moaned that he has found some celebrity fit. If someone had a naked picture of Hector I would probably say "woo hoooooo!" whether my boyfriend was present or not! ha ha ha no body should have to walk on egg shells in a relationship incase it makes the other person cry.

god yes I know about that! my friends say that i almost invent things to worry about, stress about. That i dont know how t be happy, that maybe i cant believe that its happening to me, that someone loves me, that i have found that elusive thing called true love. i worry all the time that im second best to someone that came before me. but then i look around and realise there are SOOO many other women feeling the same way. Its crazy jealousy, but i feel it and its because im insecure.

sudacrem. i have to shave delicate areas because i am allergic to wax and those hair removal creams and i always apply sudacrem otherwise i get a red sore rash. its a life saver!

i wont lie to you, i found it hard. i needed to move out, i had turned 23 and I was far too old to be living "under my roof, under my rule!" so I moved out. Had to move out alone as all my friends were in relationships and I was the only single one, I didnt want a couple practically living with me making me feel like a gooseberry. At first, I revelled in the peace and quiet! I could sit up late and watch what i wanted on TV. could have a bath and wander around naked with my music on as loud as i wanted while i got dry, got dressed. cooked myself nice meals, or had naughty take aways. No one to point out if i fancied a beer after work. no one to moan about how much I was smoking (I have since given up). After a few months I began to feel a bit poo about it. especially if my friends were busy and some weekends i wouldnt live the house because i had no reason to. no one to visit, nothing to do. I would lie on the sofa watching DVDs and drinking bottle after bottle of wine until I fell asleep. (I wasnt an alcoholic, its the British culture thing.. watch Bridget Jones! ha ha) anyway in the end i decided to get off my bottom and join a college course. I made some cool single friends. It also kept me busy because i had tons of homework to do, I worked in the week full time still so appreociated my evenings alone more rather than finding it lonely. I also joined an online dating site and met the guy i now live with in a nice house and i am nearing the end of my college course. although I found it hard and sometimes lonely, moving out on my own was the best thing I ever did for myself. Good luck mate!

I have spoken to you on private messages but I hadnt seen these posts. I think the hardest thing to come to terms with when someone breaks up with us, is not just the fact that we wont see them, hold them, hear them say 'I love you' again, its the fact that they don't regret leaving us, that they aren't sorry and they don't want us back. I remember when I had my heart broken a few years back and everyone kept saying (like they do!!) "He'll be back! no doubts! he will realise what he is missing and what you were worth and he will come crawling back.." "when he comes back you tell him to pee off!" I continued with my life, going to work, going to college, breathing in and out, can't remember a lot of that time, i was operating on auto pilot, consumed by my pain. Anyway Wednesdays was 'our' night. We would always eat dinner together on Wednesdays and then of course spend weekends together. but I would sit by the window every Wednesday and look out for him, arrogantly at first, i thought "He will turn up with a bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine..." but he never did. with each Wednesday that passed that he didnt turn up, i realised that he wasnt sorry, he hadnt realised my worth, he didnt miss me and he didnt want me back. it was like having my heart broken all over again. he didnt regret leaving me. Sometimes thats the hardest thing to accept. What we feel is not mirrored by the person we feel it about. Its times to let go of the hope that they will come back. In doing so we let go of the chains that are holding us in the same place, in the victim place. You are not a victim. Dont behave like one. She didnt mean to hurt you, there was no malice involved. You didnt do anything wrong. You didnt fail. You arent unloveable, you werent a mistake and she probably doesnt regret the time she spent with you. Its just that things change and people change and women in particular (ha ha) change their minds! You need to accept that you had a lovely time together. Be grateful for it (ITs better to have loved and lost than never to have loved atall) and now think positively about a future where someone will return your feelings all over again. If you have loved once, you are more likely to love again. It takes time, but you won't heal if you keep clawing at the past. It doesnt exist anymore, the only thing that is real is the present. good luck x

You should ask. I dont have any pictures of my ex, because when I was moving out with my present boyfriend, I threw all my stuff away, figured clean break. Now I am sorry I did that, because he didnt and I kind wish I had the memories. I have thought of asking my friends if they have pictures of us together, for me to put in my memory box. I wouldnt let my boyfriend know, he might question my motives and they are completely innocent. Having said that, found a stash of photos of my boyfriend and his ex and they made me feel a bit sick. With jealousy. However, he keeps them hidden and filed away, they are for memories only. If I heard that he had contacter her and asked for some pics of them and she sent him ones of them kissing, I would feel totally within my right to ask "WHY?" and reserve the right to feel uncomfortable about it. If you don;'t say anything it will build up and you may find (If you'r anything like me) you will have a few too many glasses of wine one night and suddenly say it in the wrong way, in the wrong tone of voice!