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Batya33 last won the day on February 27

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  1. Wow -what you cut and pasted is so very negative and makes so many negative assumptions! It has nothing to do with her meeting this person -if it were not him it would have been someone else she behaved inappropriately with /cheated with. She didn't cheat because of "unmet needs". Much more basic. She cheated because she wanted to. People move towards pleasure and away from pain. She is a person who chose to move towards pleasure and her values justified her actions - she did not value being loyal and keeping her promises. I'm sorry.
  2. She wasn't going to cheat. She was asking if she could date others -not behind your back - if you agreed of course that wouldn't be cheating. But cats out of the bag and now you know she's thinking the grass might be greener, or at least more fun. Listen to the old Carly Simon song "we have no secrets" I also wouldn't trust her for being dishonest with you about being "naive". Please.
  3. I am so glad she is out of your life. How ridiculous to claim she cheated because she didn't think you loved her. Obviously that's not why. Her values justify cheating and making excuses when caught. Ick.
  4. Pushy? No - never ever. Now it's not pushy to ask someone out again or to text twice instead of once -that's still ok - but if someone tells you she is not interested there's nothing to pursue. And being pushy in that situation will convince her that she made the right decision to be direct with you about her intentions. You cannot be friends with her because you are very into her and wouldn't want to hear about who else she is dating and trying to date. I'm sorry it did not work out. Not everyone is going to be your match.
  5. What do you mean by wait - not date others or look to date? Why in the world would you do that after only 4 dates? It's funny -my friend married someone many years ago she met at a bar. They danced/hung out and he called her the next day -told her - he was just out of a relationship -or just ending one - (no he did not cheat) and he would call her in x number of months -it was either 1 or 3. Anyway -he actually did call her (no, she didn't put her life on hold) and they were happily married for several years (still married but likely separated)
  6. I think it's totally normal to know when exes get married/pregnant especially now with social media. I think the root of it is she thinks you're in this for keeps and sees you having her live with you as proof. As far as you getting home late -if you told her you'd be home at X time it's thoughtless not to let her know if you're running late -she could have been worried, etc. Totally you should spend time with your friends and part of communication is talking as maturely as possible about what works for each of you. Does she work? Just asking to see how she occupies her time. Also plea
  7. I'd avoid treating him like a buddy you tell your date stories to -save that for your friends - be discreet -show him that you have appropriate boundaries. Ask him "what are your intentions towards me and us" - if he wants to be with you or sees potential he will know exactly what you mean and he will want you to know, right then, that he sees potential -why in the world would he risk you getting snapped up by another guy? Also watch the feet not the lips - not what he says what he does -does he make plans for these trips? What actions is he taking that are consistent with wanting to be
  8. I think every family decides on the boundaries of modesty and what is private and not private and - the practicalities of parenting especially in small spaces (and, hello pandemic life!) requires flexibility lol. In fact I think it's great when children learn boundaries where they respect their bodies, respect others' boundaries about personal space, and can differentiate between getting dressed in the same room as someone else for example (or wearing only a swimsuit while the instructor has her hands on them, appropriately), and on the other hand someone behaving inappropriately. It's not a
  9. If one partner asks another if he or she’d be open to seeing other people and still dating each other that would be different. That’s accepting that both people can date others. Typically unless it so happens that both people want that that conversation leads to a breakup. But it’s not thoughtless because there’s a chance the other person will want it too. I think it’s highly unlikely that a person who asks this is “polyamorous” all of a sudden. Much more likely is the basic reason that one person is no longer as into the other person as he or she once was.
  10. Once she said that this is how I would preserve (if I were that desperate). I would never ever imply that she said that because I wasn't satisfying my partner. Nothing could be further from the truth and the last thing he needs to do is feel like he's auditioning to be a better lover. If she was rude/thoughtless enough to present it in that way I would say: No I am not going to be with you if you want to seek to be with others (this again is not her asking for an open relationship -it's a one sided announcement that she wants to have her cake and eat it too). I would say "I would like to b
  11. I strongly disagree that he should even imply that it’s his fault she wants to comparison shop. If she wanted to be with him and was unhappy she would have approached him about how to make things better with him. Not how to make things more fun for herself.
  12. I wouldn't even deign to label it in any trendy way. She wants to hook up/sleep with other guys and she's telling herself it's not cheating if she tells you in advance. She's also not saying you should do the same so it has nothing to do with "open relationship"/
  13. If this is fun to her to the extent of actually asking your permission to hook up with other guys then she is not sufficiently committed. Agree with all the others.
  14. I know of Chron's. I know it can be debilitating and there are so many treatments etc but still it's so hard. Learn how to say no politely but firmly even though it feels not nice or putting yourself first. Don't apologize or give a long back story, etc. I especially had to learn this skill as a new mom when it came to people wanting to touch or hold my infant/newborn, visit when it wasn't a good time, etc. Honestly I feel uncomfortable when people are "too nice" or do "too much" - I so appreciate thoughtfulness and generosity -when it comes from a place of confidence. I respect boundarie
  15. Completely agree with this. The person who is not prioritizing your health is.... you.
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