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Batya33

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Batya33 last won the day on January 10

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  1. But at that point you weren't official right? So I wouldn't be interested in dating someone who behaved that way because I find it tacky and shallow whether the person is in a relationship or not. And even if he had pictures of you posted his values are that he thinks it's appropriate to comment on women's physical features on facebook and message them about their bodies. Many would be fine with that because they also like to comment on other's physical features on Facebook or social media. I also think if a person is in a relationship it's probably not appropriate to do that but that's a
  2. I think you have to ask yourself why you're so focused on his social media activity and your social media activity. His girlfriend might prefer he not be connected to an ex girlfriend. No need to throw away a friendship - but for now since you are still attached to him you can't be platonic friends with him. You have no idea where his heart is or who owns it. You only know he is probably dating someone based on his relationship status. He told you he wasn't that into you romantically basically and did his best to let you down easy. When you reached out he'd already moved on romantically a
  3. I wish you the best. Please do keep it simple. Don’t get bogged down in psycho speak or business speak. Get down to simple basics. The “I want to matter” ship has sailed. It’s too broad and vague. I’m not sure how you hold down a full time job and make hats all week. Even if you weren’t in a relationship. It sounds like a great business and you simply may have chosen to basically be married to your business right now. And that’s ok. But given his mental health issues he needs more than perhaps you can give him right now.
  4. I agree with the others. Also what happens if you are there when or if the police come?
  5. Yes this. He made sure he could just disappear because he is not your boyfriend. He's a chat buddy and he might be who he says he is and he might not be- you have no way of knowing. I'd move on 100% -do not contact his "brother" because if his "brother" wanted you to contact him this man (or woman) would have connected you to him. He didn't because if he did and his family knew perhaps his wife/girlfriend would know too. I'm sorry he just disappeared and it's fairly typical in this situation.
  6. Of course you do, you just choose not to. You're wrapping your choices and your reactions in too much psychobabble. And pretending you "don't know" how to show love and you "don't have" the energy. Many many couples work their behinds off on new businesses, intense academic degrees, taking care of ailing family members - it's all part of life -and they stay together. They prioritize, make space and time for each other. Your boyfriend has a serious mental health issue. Good for you that you had a perfect, no stress life. Good for you that you are passionate about your new bu
  7. I don't get why you need a frame of reference. Do you have friends -close friends? Are you close with any family members? Do you have friends who are in serious relationships or married? It's really basic common sense. You don't need to have romantic relationship experience to analyze why it concerns you about this photo situation. There's no rule for how people deal with photos and social media when they are friends or married or involved with someone -it depends on many factors. For example I often get really really tired of friends who post photos of themselves or with their SO on F
  8. So first I want to echo what 1a1a said - I cannot agree more. And I would consider whether it's true that you're standoffish - I know a number of people like that and sometimes it's worth the work and sometimes it is not. And with sparse free time people sometimes make choices. He said he didn't find it easy to talk to you - I know how that feels from his end, I know how it feels to feel like you're pulling teeth with someone you should be close to. It's awkward, often stressful. Dating requires a very thick skin. For me dating was worth it (dated people/looked to date people for 2
  9. So that's really concerning -why would it be any easier? He can delete photos or block you on social media if he wants out. No biggie. Why are you going there? Yes, if a man won't marry you because he tells you that he doesn't want to be tied to you legally or financially he is telling you he wants it to be easier to separate from you. If he tells you a year from now he doesn't want you to meet his family because if he does it's a signal to his family that you are his forever person and he doesn't feel that way about you -then yes. But deciding not to have pictures of what you look li
  10. That is extremely concerning for someone who has suicidal ideation. I would just be there and not try to substitute for therapy/meds in any way. But I would seriously consider starting to distance yourself if she is not willing to seek therapy ASAP because while I can see you being there as a friend, as a support who let's say helps her find a good therapist, good professional resources I don't think being in a romantic relationship with her right now is the best idea if the therapy piece is missing especially since you two haven't been together that long. I know that's not a popular opinio
  11. No you do not know if it was "him" or whether he is a he, etc - especially since he hid his Facebook from you - and the "phone phobia" of course is an excuse - the closure I would look for is asking yourself why you invested this much time and energy into a stranger who was deliberately hiding basic facts of himself from you and never had any real intention of meeting you in person?
  12. Why does he need to have photos of you posted publicly? Why do you? Why do you need photos on your phone? Why does he? I delete a lot of photos so I have room on my phone. My sense is you're concerned about how into you he is and you're using the photos as a way to worry about it. Why are you questioning this in the first place? Here's what I do know - I know of several couples who plaster social media with photo after photo of how happy they are - all it means is that they like the attention it gets, have a need to brag, to have others know -woo hoo! - they are in a relationship. Says noth
  13. Give yourself closure like this "people move towards pleasure and away from pain. if he wanted to meet me in person he would have already or he'd be making plans to meet ASAP so I will assume he is not sufficiently interested in meeting and long distance is hard enough without 110% enthusiasm so I'll move on". Done -closure!! Of course you can check whether someone is married if you really want to. Living together-harder -but surely if you've been texting that long you can find him on social media or like that or do a quick records search??
  14. Sorry I was just musing off of what Tattobunnie wrote. I understand what she wanted to talk with you about and that you did not feel like talking about your mother. Tattobunnie's overarching point, I think, was that she asked about your mother also because she wanted to share something going on with her that was analogous.
  15. Yes I saw that after I posted. I guess it's possible she still wanted to share about the relationship.
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