I moved away from New Orleans and I am having terrible homesickness. Need advice

[shelby6811]

A year and half ago I moved from New Orleans to Lexington, KY. It had always been my dream to live in New Orleans, and I realized that dream but after 14 years of trauma and stress brought about by the reality of the living in the city, my stress level was out of control. I had an opportunity to move to Lexington, where I have some seriously dysfunctional family, and a guy that I truly love. 

But...I don't love him as much as I miss and love New Orleans. I wake up every morning and the first thought that goes through my mind is "I want to go home. I miss it so much". Throughout the day, a thought will randomly pop into my head "OF COURSE you'll live in New Orleans again! You're not going to spend the rest of your life here!" I'm so afraid that I might.

Things have been awful here. I had a falling out with my dysfunctional family a few months after I moved here (oh, yeah, now I remember! THAT'S why I originally moved away years ago!), I lost my job after a year and I haven't made any friends. I used to spend all my spare time with my boyfriend, but he's been getting on my nerves lately, so I've been pulling away and spending less time with him.

Some really bad things had happened to me in New Orleans in the couple of years before I decided to move, and I think I didn't give myself time to heal. That, together with my reconnection with my boyfriend in Lexington, caused me to think I should leave. I made a mistake.

I think I'd better go back. Yes, it will be hard. I don't have a job waiting for me and the living situation there is rough. But my heart is aching. 

I need advice, peeps. I don't want to make another life altering mistake.

[boltnrun]

If you do decide to move back, be sure to deal with whatever it was that caused you to leave first. Have a job and housing secured before you move. Reconnect with friends you have there. Have a couple months worth of money for expenses saved up.

Also remember, geography doesn't solve everything. You have to go with yourself wherever you choose to live, so if there are things you need to work on emotionally or mentally moving away won't solve them. Whatever dissatisfaction you're experiencing also may not necessarily be related to where you live. It just might seem that way. And looking to moving back to NOLA as a solution to all your problems might not be realistic. 

Have you discussed this with your boyfriend, BTW? Do you plan to leave him behind too?

[ShySoul]

What caused you to move from New Orleans in the first place? You mentioned the stress and trauma of living in the city. If you did move back, would you just be returning to that same stress? Or do you think you've managed to heal enough that you could handle being there? Don't make the error of trading one stress for another thinking the grass is greener on the other side.

Moving is always a life altering chocie. There are risks and you can't tell how it will turn out. But there is also the hope things will be better, provide you a fresh start. Figure out what you want in life. What will truely make you happy? What will reduce the stress and make you excited about facing each day? Then compare the places and see where is most likely to give you those results. 

And remember, it's not a binary choice either. If your looking for work, see if there is an opening somewhere else that might interest you. You can go anywhere. The important thing is to follow your heart and do what makes you feel best.

Personally, a would get as far away from the dysfunctional family as possible. 😉

[Batya33]

I too would like to know how this would affect your relationship.  I have a personal connection to NOLA and a special fondness for it - a fondness that surprises me actually.  I visited there in 2006 twice and once in 2022.  So I get that aspect of it.  I'm sorry you're homesick.  I like Bolt's advice about the steps to take/what to consider.  Good luck.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately running from something instead of to something can lead to disappointment when you get there. Perhaps figure out the job, housing, family and BF situation to decide where you would rather be? 

[Seraphim]

No matter where you run you are always with yourself . 

[TeeDee]

If you have a job where you are, can you search for a job in New Orleans before you move back?   Having some financial security might help