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Everything posted by Wiseman2

  1. Who? A GF? How much time do you need? Are you dating? Have you met in person? How old is she? Does she work, go to school? Start getting busy with friends, family, school, work, sports,etc. And don't smother her this much.
  2. Wiseman2


    You need to end it and cut your losses. Once you start playing phone police, it's over. Not sure which is worse. Playing psychiatrist or prison guard, what do you think? At any rate this is built on damage and creating even more damage. Take a break from dating altogether until you figure some things out.
  3. Where do you live now? Did he ask you to leave? Have you been treated for the pain pill dependence? Stay away from them. Find better options for your medical problems and get more support for that.
  4. Was it a three-way or after your father and she ended things? Are you, your father or she sure it's your "baby brother" and not your son? Get a paternity test.
  5. The first place you could start is with a physician for an evaluation of the moods, anger, anxiety and impulse control. Then get a referral to a therapist for ongoing support. Consult an attorney to discuss your options in divorce. Do not threaten divorce or mention you are seeking advice from an attorney. If substance use is an issue behind the impulse control and moods, anger and anxiety, get support for that as well.
  6. Some distance, de-escalating like this, space, time out,etc., are all good things you should be doing as well. Develop better boundaries, focus more on friends, other family, your work, etc. If a discussion isn't going well, do what she does and terminate the conversation, then take some space to relax, reflect and regroup.
  7. Excellent. This also gives you an opportunity to take your time planning a fun (and safe) trip with friends, family, etc. You can also research travel tips for safely in the particular country/area you hope to vacation. For example covid restrictions, etc.
  8. Sorry this happened. He seems overwhelmed so all you can do is step back and take care of yourself. Get to a physician. That is the best place to start for an evaluation, especially the degree of mood and anxiety issues you describe. Ask for a referral to a qualified licensed therapist for ongoing support. Reach out more to your own family and trusted friends. Develop much more interest outside of him. Sports, groups, clubs, academics, volunteering, etc. Maintain a healthy lifestyle with exercise, eating and sleeping well. Make sure you don't use drugs or alcohol. . Try n
  9. How do you all know each other? Are they dating? Did you ever date him? It would be best to date other boys. It doesn't matter if your friend likes him, if he's not asking you out, he's not worth worrying over. Have you read the book 📚 "He's Just Not Into You"? It may help you sort out the time wasters from the the interested ones worth your time and energy.
  10. Are you exclusive? It seems he is hesitant. 8 dates in 'a few months' doesn't seem as though he is all that interested. Since there has been no relationship or excusive talk or sex, just date others and put him on the back burner or end it.
  11. Normally the spouse inherits everything, if there is no will. However ask to see a copy of your mother's will and life insurance policies.. Is this money in a trust? How can it specify "to buy a house"? Your father is grieving and making some poor choices, but there's not much you can do about that. You are both going through the "angry stage" of grieving. What you can do is talk to trusted relatives and friends and most of all look up some grief support groups and therapy to unpack and sort all that out.
  12. Ok, once you mentioned you stay in touch with exes as friends, you can leave it and not run it by him chronically under the guise of "transparency". You never need "permission" to have friends, however you were wise to mention (once) that some of these friends are exes. Consider better boundaries. Autonomy is crucial one you live together in a shared space. Make sure you're always aware where you end, and someone else begins. It's also wisest to avoid TMI and excess details about your sexual and dating history to this extreme.
  13. Treat her like your mother, not like a patient/dying person. That is precisely what people hate about telling anyone they have a serious illness. Try not to feel guilty, despite the estrangement.
  14. Sorry to hear this. Cancer is a personal issue and she needs to deal with it in her own time in her own way. She seems to have your father for support as well as whatever hospital and organization support is available to her.
  15. That's ok. Spend more time with your own family and friends (rather than in-laws all the time). Leave them to their own views and feuds, rather than contaminating your marriage with their issues.
  16. Excellent. At least your kids seem ok and the younger boy sees his father.
  17. Sorry this happened. Rather than communicate with an ex, especially a cheater, delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps.. Is this the same woman?:
  18. Are you receiving child support for the minors or has that been adjusted since the 13 year old left? How is the co-parenting relationship with their father? Are your 19 y/o and 13 y/o daughters talking to you? Have you discussed with the minor boy about living with his father? Have you helped the older boy find some housing or asked if he wants to live with his father? Why have you made this about religion or alcohol? Obviously you do not qualify for legal aid attorneys, it's unclear why you would pursue that. You can however talk to an attorney who would discuss your
  19. Agree that's the aha moment. Intensity. Like a drug. Make sure you are following up with your sobriety support, therapists, doctors and try to stick to a healthier lifestyle . At some level you know this has nothing to do with him. It's all about intensity. Which of course provided some relief from your life and your troubles. But as a bandaid, just like drinking.
  20. So he's not an ex, he's an on/off BF and it seems you are using this new guy as filler. Make sure your therapist and doctors are helping you to avoid this drama and unhealthy ways of using people in your triangles. Set the new guy free and take your chances with on/off guy.
  21. Agree, just move forward. There's no point closing the barn doors after the horses are gone. If you feel you have improved yourself, apply that to new dating situations. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women. Backpedaling is never a good idea. Write the letter, take it to the therapist to discuss it, but don't send it to this ex.
  22. It's unclear how, after 3 mos dating at a normal pace is "rushing things". It's equally unclear why you are sabotaging it. It sounds like you would rather be with your ex and you are telling this new guy that. Make sure you have regular medical and psychiatric care and ongoing support from a qualified therapist to address the abusive relationships. Overall you don't seem ready to date anyone. Focus on your physical and mental health first. It's unclear why you are talking to and trying to get back together with the abusive ex .
  23. What is wrong with him asking what you would like to do? Just hanging around at his place gets very boring very fast. Try to participate other than just showing up and making him do all the hosting, planning, etc. "Just want to be with you" seems a bit clingy. Try to research his area and come up with a thing or two to do. Besides visiting and texting what would you like to see happening with this?
  24. You don't seem sure you wish to divorce. Can your exhusband take the younger son?
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