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Armyguy368

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  1. I am seeing a pyschologist via phone calls one a week at the moment since its free through the military. I am going to eventually see about one I can visit locally as well. It helps to vent and talk to someone. I feel sometimes when I talk to friends that I am always venting or getting my things off my chest with them. When its not fair to have them listen to me *** or unload my dirty laundry on them.
  2. Thanks for your reply. You are right about what you say and I focus on others a lot because I feel I am unsecure in my life to including lacking self-confidenct or self esteem. Unfortunately I dont have people in my life to make me happy is also the issue. I have tried to find others but fail to succeed. So, I tend to give to others because I am not selfish. It makes me feel good and happy to make other people smile and happy. That is what makes me smile.
  3. Well, I was told to send a text and dont send a text. I guess i just wanted closure from the incident. I hate no knowing what someone is thinking and especially when we will see each other as well. I did send a text message stating the obvious. She did reply and said that she should have told me to not tell her friend Julie. She said that this wont effect our good friendship as well. I guess that is what I needed to hear from her so that I can move on and clear my guilty conscience. I am good person and give from my heart and that is why we are so close. I dont like to hurt people, but seems I am always the one to get hurt from others. I also deal with depression weekly. So good days are good and others are terrible. I hate myself for who I am with my mood swings. It effects other people and I guess this is why I had a hard time dealing with what I did to Sarah. Yeah, it looks as though it was not anything I made more of a mess or issue with my mind telling me one thing.
  4. So, I say lonely and confused for various reason which I will explain below. One I deal with depression and so many things put me into this state. I have no real friends. I have aquaintances, those that were friends but I never hear from them. I do have one or two friends, but they live about an hour or more away, so I never see them. The rest I never hear. I feel I could die tomorrow and they would never know if I passed away. That is how much I feel disconnected with most of those I know. Ok, so I know you are probably saying, that I should reach out the two friends I have. Well, yes you are correct and I have. But they are married, have kids, and live a different lifestyle. I am single and as most of those who read this can understand, single people get left in the dust. Married people find other married people who have kids to hand out with most of the time. So, I can go four or six months without seeing them. I didnt even see one of my friends for about 5 years. I knew that because his son was five and I had seen him five year prior when he told me his wife was pregnant. I feel friendships or relationships are a two-way street. I dont live on a one-way street. I always make the effort, but never see any effort of their part! So, I tend to forget and move on from my "acquaintances". So, I can hear you say, go and make new friends. I have tried, but somehow I dont make friends very well. I seem to say the wrong thing and turns them away from me. It seems my mouth gets me into trouble most of the time. I am too honest of a person is most likely the issue. So, I have my parents and that is about it. They are getting older (78 and 82). So, I am preparing for the time they pass away. Then I will be very lonely as I have nobody to turn to then. As for woman, I cant seem to find anybody that is compatable. I always say (which seems so true) that I meet girls who are too young, too old, married, a lesbian, live too far away or plain not interested in me. My philosphy is I am water and they are oil, both do not mix with me. I lost two woman I was with because one said I gave her too much attention. The other one said I did not give her enough attention. It's a "damn if you do or damn if your dont" scenerio. I tried going out to meet woman, but not any luck. I am a fit individual, bald and about to turn 50. So, its getting to seem hopeless to find someone to spend time with or eventually to marry, the more I age. I am also unemployed and cant seem to find a graphic design job. I am turning 50 and feel hopeless. I have a two degrees and two professional certificates, but that get me or anyone nowhere. Experience is what counts. I cant get a design job because I lack the experience they want. How do you ever get experience if nobody will hire you? Expecially when I am turning 50 and ageism is alive and well!!!!! I have said many times, get a degree in basketweaving and then work somewhere to gain experience. All any employee wants to know if if you have a degree. Experience is valued more than a degree. So, I feel I may be working at Walmart just to get money to pay the bills, but I have all these degrees. I cant move out of parents place to find an apartment, because you have to show proof of a job with paychecks. Rent is around $900-$1000 per month. So, I had to move home because I was removed from where I live so the landlord coudl renovate the place to be able to make more money from the next tenants. I also had major surgery last year, so with all that going on to include the COVID-19 pandemic, I moved back with my parents. So, as you can see I am depressed a lot. Seems one thing leads to the next. No job = no real income = cant move out to pay the rent = woman dont want a man that lives with his parents = no dating = depressed, lost and feeling alone.
  5. I do have an attraction to her, but I never will push for any date or anything like that because she is too young for me. She needs something closer to her age. We just have a lot in common with one another and I am her mentor in the mililtary as well.
  6. I dont recall that I was not to tell Julie about the tattoo. So, I have had some advice from friends to just sent a text stating that I did not know that I was not to tell Julie about the tattoo. I will then leave it alone as everyone has told me.
  7. I also wanted to post that she is young as well. She is 25 years old. So, I realize that older woman will act differently since they grow up and learn how to cope with situation differently than younger woman. I am 49 years old as well.
  8. Thanks for the information. I know that I have been told by my sister about blowing it out of porportion. So, I did apologize that same day and thought also about not sending the text message as it may show me as being clingy, insecure or just annoying. You mentioned to ask her what upset her, but I getting feedback to just give her space and not talk about it and let the dust settle.
  9. I am looking for advice from a female's perspective please. I have gotten closer to a friend (lets call her "Sarah") that is a female with the last year. I have known her for three years. We can both talk to one another for hours. I have helped her get a new job by giving her advice to prepare for a job interview. We also talk about other things as well. I make her feel good and laugh and she does the same to me. I can hear it in her voice when we talk and I told her the same that she brighten up my day. We are really good friends. On another note, we are both in the military in the same unit. When we talk to one another, we have a good connection, since she has the same qualities as I do. So, the other day she told me that she was getting a tatoo under her breast on her rig cage area. She has gotten one before on the other side. So, I spoke with her and boosted her confidence since she was nervous about getting another one again. The next day she was out sick where we work together. So, one of her very close friends (lets call her "Julie") and I were talking and mentioned that my other friend (Sarah) had gotten a tatoo. Well, unfortunatelly Julie mentioned this to Sarah. I found out the same day that I was not supposed to mention the tatoo to Julie. Sarah never mentioned that I should not mention this to Julie. I did not think anything about it, since Julie and Sarah are real close to one another. So, I called Sarah to apologize and to say that I am truley sorry. The next day, I tried to talk to her about the situation and Sarah said she did not want to talk about it at work. So, I listened to Sarah. But I felt there was a change in the way she acted around me now. I truley feel I have violated her trust in me now. I talk about trust is a key factor in any relation or life in general. But now I have broken my relationship/trust with someone I care for a good friend. I dont know how to repair what I did and to get her to trust me anymore. I spoke to my sister about this and she said that I am blowing this out of porportion. Its because I believe in trust and have broken it with Sarah. My sister said I should write a text message that says, "I know that I have broken my own rule of trust and our friendship. I am truly sorry. I hope your week goes well and and know that I am here if you need anything. Thanks". Should I write this to my friend or just back off and give here space? Please give me your suggestions or thoughts. Thanks
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