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Everything posted by boltnrun

  1. Are you hoping she cheats on her boyfriend with you? It's puzzling why you're so enthralled with a young woman you only met once. What's going on in your life that you're trying to escape from or distract yourself?
  2. She's paying all the bills and he's living there for free. He's not interested in contributing other than a chore or two. I don't think there's anything to "work out". Except the exact day he's moving out.
  3. What's wrong with telling him "When we have arguments I feel that you act nonchalant and emotionless. Resolving arguments is important to me because YOU are important to me. Can we talk this out?" Instead of, you know, breaking up or threatening to and expecting him to beg or fall apart.
  4. Why do you resort to manipulative games instead of talking to him like a mature adult? He probably got tired of it and decided to take you at your word. Don't be surprised if he's finally had enough.
  5. Has he said he wants to "change"? If not, why would you think he would "change"? Make a list of the things you believe you love about him. Then compare the list to what you wrote in your OP. And make a third list of what you want in a romantic partner. That will help ground you. You 100% will not find the right man if you insist on staying with the wrong one.
  6. If you think you'll get drunk and do something inappropriate, how about you just don't get drunk? You did not lose the love of your life. She's not the one.
  7. Calmly tell him you've decided you two are not right for one another. If he demands a full explanation simply repeat that you feel you are incompatible. Don't point fingers or go the opposite way and castigate yourself. Simply tell him you are too different to be a good fit. Pack your belongings while he's away and then enlist a friend or family member to help you move so it's as quick as possible. Then ask for emotional support from family and friends. Yes, you will believe you "miss" him. You might even start to think you made a mistake or he wasn't so bad after all. But that's an emotional response. Write down (or re-read here) all the reasons why he's not right for you. And I promise you'll never find the right one as long as you keep yourself attached to the wrong one. Don't worry about "hurting" him, BTW. He'll think it's your loss lol. He doesn't seem very aware of himself. You will be just fine 🙂
  8. You've been agonizing over this guy for a year now (I looked at your previous posts). Nothing you've written indicates this guy is any kind of friend to you. You can remove yourself from this toxic attachment anytime you want. You just have to decide to take out the garbage and stop bringing it back inside.
  9. Sound hurt? Can't read correctly? You yourself said lying is unacceptable to you. Yet he lied and you defend him and want to stay with him. So lying is totally acceptable after all. Which is fine if that's what you choose for yourself. Obviously if you can't stop thinking about his lies they do bother you. The way to move on from lies is to not associate yourself with someone who chooses to lie.
  10. Really? You really believe he had no idea he used her for sex when he was drunk and horny? And other times as well? So from what I can tell from all your posts defending him, this is not a problem and you're fine with him lying to you about it. Even though you claim lying is unacceptable to you, you're still totally OK with it. In that case, good luck and hope it's the relationship you've always dreamed of.
  11. I would make removing the cameras the first priority. Block him at the same time. You can have a handyman add a lock to your front door (and back or side doors if you have them) in one day and simply provide the landlord with a copy of the key. I did that when I wanted to keep someone out of the condo I was renting. The owner didn't mind at all. Then immediately stop engaging with this abusive man. Do not give in when you start to "miss" him or try to convince yourself he's "not that bad" or that he abused you because he loves you so darn much. Discuss this with your therapist. Do not hide it from him or her any longer.
  12. Is this the guy who hardly ever spent time with you because he was playing video games all the time?
  13. You already posted this a couple of times and got some great advice. Why did you post again? Do you think everyone gave you bad advice?
  14. His jealous, controlling and abusive behavior isn't because he "loves" you so much. It's because he's a controlling abuser. Throw out the cameras, change your locks and get intrusion alarms for your windows and doors or better yet, get a home security system. Block him from contacting you and don't read or respond to calls or messages from unknown numbers. When your lease is up, move back closer to your family and/or kids. Then stop avoiding talking to your therapist about why you're attracted to men like him. There's a reason why, but you'll keep doing it until you find out why.
  15. I don't think they have any children. OP, can you clarify? Your parents want someone, anyone, to provide for you financially so they don't have to. That's kind of crappy. I definitely recommend counseling so you can find out what you truly want in life. But a husband you don't love romantically or a boyfriend who smokes weed and doesn't work is not the path to happiness or a fulfilling life.
  16. I don't know that it was necessary to block him. You could simply tell him "no, thanks" the next time he contacts you asking for sex. But there's nothing wrong with blocking him if you feel you might not be able to resist having sex with him again. The likelihood of this long distance casual sex encounter turning into a love relationship was pretty slim. And I would also agree he's probably married or in a long term relationship, hence searching for sex partners far away and having a profile with no photo. If a relationship is what you want then yes, it's fine that you blocked him. No reason to regret what likely would never have worked out the way you hoped anyway.
  17. If you stay, it's as though your peace of mind and your sanity are for sale. You're trading them for money. If you like the money then you'll have to accept the crappy behavior. I made it on my own after I left my husband (and I had kids too). The first year on my own I made $11,000. Yes, for the whole year. It's decision time. Money and material things or your peace of mind.
  18. Please do not mix prescription drugs and alcohol. One of my good friends died at the age of 40 because he was doing this. His liver failed. Do you know what his relationship goals are? You said you are 20 years older. Has he said if he wants children? No, not necessarily with you (WAY too soon!) but eventually? Do you view him as Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now? Or Mr. Fun Time That Will End Sooner or Later?
  19. I would be less concerned with him not telling his family and more concerned that he doesn't seem to be supportive of you. You cared for him, got sick as a result, and he won't even run to the store for you? BTW, he can still get reinfected. His antibodies (and yours) only last a certain period of time. So it's still important to be careful. BUT, he can help by doing the food shopping and any chores you are unable to do. And also by being emotionally supportive.
  20. I'm so sorry to hear you are sick with Covid. I had Covid too, although not as severe a case as you have. Is is possible your boyfriend is concerned he'll get sick too? Is he vaccinated? You cannot go to the store for yourself so that's the least he can do for you. If this is how he is, you should decide if this is the person you want to be your partner for life. If not, you can make the decision to move in with family or friends once you're healthy again.
  21. Is this the kind of relationship you want for your daughter? To be the mistress of a married man who is having multiple affairs? And who doesn't love herself one bit?
  22. Asking you for sex and sexting you shows you he loves you? Or that you're "special" to him. Who are you trying to kid? Is this the kind of relationship you want for your daughter? To be the mistress of a married man who is having multiple affairs? And who doesn't love herself one bit?
  23. Quoting myself because you have ignored this and other people's very perceptive comments. You don't care about yourself. Why should he care about you? None of his women are "special" to him, including you.
  24. Why are you expecting a horrible, selfish lying cheater to treat you well? He doesn't respect you because YOU don't respect you. Why should he bother to treat you well when he treats you like crap and you stick around begging for more mistreatment? I shudder to think what you're teaching your young daughter about love and relationships.
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