boltnrun

I understand why they monitor. They need to know their employees aren't secretly transferring information to anyone who shouldn't have it. And that's fine with me. I have personal devices I can use. My brother doesn't have a personal computer so he filled out his mortgage forms on his work laptop and then saved them to the company network drive instead of his hard drive. The company network went down for about a week, right when he was supposed to finalize his home purchase. He was practically hysterical because he couldn't access his documents. Secretly I was wondering why he did such a boneheaded thing, but of course I didn't tell him that!

If you do decide to move back, be sure to deal with whatever it was that caused you to leave first. Have a job and housing secured before you move. Reconnect with friends you have there. Have a couple months worth of money for expenses saved up. Also remember, geography doesn't solve everything. You have to go with yourself wherever you choose to live, so if there are things you need to work on emotionally or mentally moving away won't solve them. Whatever dissatisfaction you're experiencing also may not necessarily be related to where you live. It just might seem that way. And looking to moving back to NOLA as a solution to all your problems might not be realistic. Have you discussed this with your boyfriend, BTW? Do you plan to leave him behind too?

I don't either. My phone has data which I use even when in the office. And I only go to innocuous websites like Google Maps on my work laptop, even when I work from home. Just because they might not look at browsing history every day doesn't mean it isn't recorded and periodically reviewed. This is especially true if you deal with anything considered confidential, whether it's in the private sector or public, or you work on government projects (like I do). I don't do anything on my work computer that I wouldn't want my manager or corporate leadership to see.

If you connect to the work WiFi or network, every keystroke goes from your computer to the company network (where it's recorded) and THEN to the website you're using. They have a record of everything you do on it. Both private companies and government agencies. A former coworker used to send sexy messages to her husband (who also worked for the company). They were so embarrassed when their messages were read by IT and the in-house IT person teased them.

Do you use this site on your work computer? I would strongly encourage you not to do that. Everything you do on your work computer is recorded by your company's IT department regardless of whether you delete it or not. It's not just on your computer's hard drive. Anything and everything is accessible to them. I would recommend you use your personal cell phone (like I do). Secure and private.

Some of the people in Supply Chain are trying to drag me into their processes. I do not work in the Supply Chain department and will not do any of their functions. They always say "we just want you to be aware of how the processes work!" which translates into them trying to get me to take over some of their work. Not going to happen UNLESS they give me a significant raise. Their manager just quit so they're scrambling but they need to address that within their own department.

What would happen if you get to California and meet a high powered career man who meets all of your desired criteria? Do you truly feel you'd resist being attracted to him because you have this other guy back at your previous home? If someone has to fundamentally change to be right for you, they're wrong for you. And that goes both ways.

All those nice things you think and feel and say about her? She probably thinks and feels and says similar things about you.

If you are successful in getting your deposit back may I recommend you choose a different destination? If you choose the same dates, destination and lodging she could show up and cause all sorts of drama.

You're still planning to take her on this vacation? I wouldn't expect any "good will". She can use the money as ransom to try to force you into reconciling. I would contact Air BnB and/or the property owner and explain the situation.

Do you have to get the money back from her or from the vacation destination?

So she's not even divorced yet but she was already on a dating site? Interesting. I'm glad she did you the courtesy of telling you. Now you can move forward. Oh, and I recommend being proactive about dating others. Don't wait around in case she changes her mind.

I slept better last night. Although I had another weird dream. I have some dreams that recur every so often. In this one I was driving the car I had before I bought the one I have now. I was driving up a VERY steep hill. For some reason I got out of the car and walked up some stairs, then had to retrieve my car at the top of the steep hill. I've had this dream before. Weird. Almost all of my dreams involve either leaving some place and driving or driving and arriving at some place. My family features prominently in these dreams too. But I'm grateful for being able to sleep.

If she reconciles with her ex would you still want to stick around being her "friend"? Could you tolerate visiting their shared home? Or would it hurt?

She'll be nice long enough to ensure you're hooked. So, probably a few hours. Then once you agree to give her "another chance" she'll go right back to berating you and making accusations and name calling. You've seen this movie before. Many times. It's up to you if you want to put yourself through this another dozen times.

Remember, she didn't say that. You did. You can completely sabotage this promising relationship by punishing her for your insecurities. Or you can figure out how to get a grip and enjoy what you have. Which option sounds better?

Also want to add, the usual "fixes" for digestive issues don't work for me. Probiotics, fiber pills, laxatives don't work. And I already drink a lot of water. Also don't drink sodas or coffee.

So today is a "nay" day. Detailed health issue description to follow. You are warned! I have a medical condition that affects my digestive system. It causes extreme swings between diarrhea and constipation. If I'm lucky I get a week or two when things move along normally. I was unable to "go" on Tuesday and Wednesday. This is very dangerous for me. So I took some stool softeners which proved ineffective. Finally late yesterday evening I was able to go a little bit but definitely didn't get it all out. So I decided to work from home today as I didn't want to either struggle to go or unload at work. With the increase in people working in the office we went from three women on our floor to about 12 so I almost never have the bathroom to myself, which makes having explosive diarrhea very embarrassing. Anyway, in addition to being stopped up I couldn't sleep last night so I'm exhausted. Fortunately I "went" this morning, but I'm still horribly tired. Ugh. When I did get a couple of hours of sleep I had the weirdest dreams. The first one was a horror dream about being in a driveway when someone was backing a large trailer in and they didn't see me. So I had to leap into some bushes to avoid getting crushed. Doesn't sound scary but it was. The other dream was about my teeth. I have a lot of trouble with my teeth, all self-inflicted. I had dental insurance for years but never used it and I ate Mentos chewy candies every day for years. Totally destroyed my teeth. I've had multiple extractions and will need a bridge at some point (implants are far beyond my budget and insurance doesn't cover them). So in this dream I had several teeth that were loose and about to fall out so I just pulled them. The only good part of the dream is my mom was there and she was telling me to stop pulling my teeth out. Also a very weird dream. So the few hours I got were not restful. So today is not a good day. But it's not the worst either. I may need to pick a different place to vacation next week. I was planning to go up to the mountains but it's supposed to be only 55 degrees. I don't really want to be walking around the village in cold weather. I'll decide early in the week if I need to change it to another location. But definitely want to do a trip.

Also keep in mind true narcissists don't want help, they want sycophants. They want admirers. They want servants.

Also, if I truly have strong feelings for my partner and am truly in love it wouldn't matter if fifty exes came sniffing around or sent messages. I would ignore and delete the messages or send one back saying "Not interested". Yes, that has happened (not fifty exes lol, just one). I told him I wasn't interested. I didn't meet with him and then tell my current boyfriend that I still had feelings for my ex and that my feelings for him weren't as strong as my feelings for my ex. I said no thanks and deleted the message. (Oh wait, I showed the message to my current boyfriend because I was being transparent. And I sent the "not interested" message in front of my boyfriend and deleted my ex's message in front of him.) Someone truly in love can't be swayed by an ex. Or anyone, for that matter. You shouldn't have to convince someone to be in a relationship with you. They are either 100% in or they're out.

But he did message and she does want to see him. And she's apparently convinced there are still feelings, AND she said she doesn't feel as strongly for you as she did for him. I did the "consolation prize/second choice" relationship thing and it really sucks. You can go ahead and try to force this to work or have a "talk" with her, trying to convince her to love you enough. I just think it's not going to go the way you're hoping, not because I'm a pessimist or because of my experience but because of what you told us about the situation.

What "stuff"? Are they things you just cannot function without (work laptop, bank book) or things you can do without or can easily replace (shirt, hairbrush)? If it's something innocuous but you insist you must have it back, you are searching for an excuse to see her again. As for the vacation deposit, is it absolutely non-refundable? If you'll only lose $50 or something it's worth just cancelling. Unless, again, you're already missing the fantastic sex in between being screamed at and called names. "I guess"? You seem reluctant. Are you?

You can make it a goal to be more social. It's fairly easy to send out a group message that says "Hey everyone, how does meeting at Wine Bar next week sound? Anyone in?" And don't be discouraged if you don't get any takers at first. Socializing, like anything else, takes practice.

Yeah, I made the bad decision to remain in a relationship with someone who I knew was still in love with his ex. She was never really out of his life. He bounced between the two of us for years. I should have walked at the two month mark but I didn't. Super bad choice. The entire relationship was fraught with fear and anxiety. I couldn't even sleep. He ended up leaving me for someone he DID have strong feelings for (not his ex) because he'd never felt that way about me despite him having some degree of feelings for me. It wasn't enough and he wanted that strong connection. No amount of "talking" could make him love me the way he loved her. Don't be me.

I find it's much more effective to be direct rather than relying on someone to pick up on "hints". It might have had different results if you'd said something like "I love that wine! There this great wine bar that serves it. Maybe we can get a few people together and go there sometime." Sure, he might have replied with something vague like "Sure, we should do that sometime" but then you could have said "Let me check with a few people and get back to you." However, it's fine the way it is. He knows how to get in touch with you. You never know what could happen next.