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TeeDee

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TeeDee last won the day on November 29 2019

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  1. I understand & do donate financial to other direct giving charities. This project is something that local organizations around here do. The recipients know how it works. They specify sizes & toy choices. The donors get them for the kids. If I was asked to give $100 to a needy family. I probably would not do it. However, I will buy presents. I do give to food banks & Toys for Tots, the Marine Corp charity. Throughout the year I am actively involved in groups that help wounded veterans & their families. I volunteer on the board of trustees for an ARC which runs 7 group home & have done hands on activities with Special needs kids at a specialized camp, as well as helped to make special Halloween & prom events for them. I work with charities that care for the elderly, especially those below the poverty line. I have given clothing & taught job skills work shops to multiple organizations who support battered women. I do help in real ways. See above. The Church is being honest. I don't usually have difficulty with this. It's just this Year. I could not find that brand -- Hello Kitty. I had no idea it was scarce / not in stores & feel badly about disappointing the child who asked for that. I don't internet shop. Although I was assigned my family before Thanksgiving, I set aside yesterday to shop. The gifts had to be wrapped & turned into this morning. Thus by the time I realized I could only get Hello Kitty on line it was too late. Although there have been a few scammers over the years, the groups that spearhead this Christmas project identify the families who participate -- through schools, through social services organizations etc. You can't just put your name in. There are checks & balances. In years past for other organizations that work with the direct support groups, I have been on the delivery teams. . . so I have seen the poverty 1st hand. The toy giving is the fun part for me. Next weekend I will be part of a team that will stuff 150 boxes with groceries plus food store gift cards to deliver to some of these same families. My ONLY concern with this post wasn't to have people on the internet judge me or my charity of choice but for somebody to try to reassure me that a substitute pink cat will not ruin some kid's Christmas. I am at peace with my level of giving & how I deal with my social responsibilities. I didn't come here to brag but to seek reassurance. I don't have kids. I am truly fearful that I did harm here not good even with the best of intentions.
  2. Obviously put the marriage plans on hold. He should not be talking to others -- any other of whatever persuasion -- behind your back. Unless this gets straightened out, & he can be FULLY committed, forsaking ALL others -- then you have a problem. Get some pre marital counseling before you proceed to put deposits on anything. See where that leads but do not marry until this is resolved to your satisfaction.
  3. You are a rebound. At best the above is Love Bombing. You are the whirlwind exotic romance she had on vacation to make her EX jealous & to make herself feel more attractive. Sane adults who understand what real love means do no behave this way. Declaring "love" after 3 days is an indication she has no idea what the concept actually is. She like the Hollywood version of hearts & flowers, the dizzying feeling of infatuation. Long term. this will never last. Everything she's doing is designed to lure him back & get him to open up. You are a pawn. Stop letter her use you. My heart breaks for you that at 48 you crave love so much that you want this to be real.
  4. All the more reason she is not coming back. No matter what her heart might feel her head knows she's nuts to trust again. Trust was so broken it can't be repaired & she's moved on. OP don't wait.
  5. It's an expectation I placed on myself but the list was so specific & it's a kid. I specifically don't take the families where the ask is for the new I-phone or some other $1000 thing, not that I could afford that but honestly until I shopped I didn't know Hello Kitty was out of style. Did I get the wrong substitute with the generic pink cat? Is there something I could have gotten that is better? I don't give gift certificates or gift cards; I know people love the convenience but I think they are lazy gifts, like the sender didn't care enough to try to figure it out.
  6. I hate to be the source of a kid's disappointment especially at Christmas . . . so yeah I feel kind of terrible for not ordering on line over Thanksgiving weekend.
  7. Every year we "adopt a needy family" through our church. You are given a paper with info about the kids: sizes, favorite colors & gift wish list. This year one of the three kids I was assigned wanted Hello Kitty stuff. The kid is 4; she wasn't even born when Hello Kitty was popular. Well no stores had this. I don't on-line shop & I have to give the presents to the sponsor organization tomorrow by noon so I can't order on line at this point anyway. I got a generic pink stuffed animal cat. Somebody please tell me I'm not terrible.
  8. Is there a viewing & a funeral? If so go to the viewing. Hug your friend. Express condolence to the other members of the family & leave. You don't have to go to the funeral or the repast. If you can't bring yourself to do either, send a card & in a week or two show up at your friend's house with food.
  9. She's NOT going through a rough patch. She is trying to figure out how to break up with you without hurting your feelings. That is an impossible thing to do but in her quest she gives you false hope & strings you along because her ego can't take you possibly getting over her.
  10. It does seem unfair but what are you going to do . . . stay & piss off everybody? Do ask dad if he could live with grandma while you make other arrangements. Do not lie to the landlord about the cat. Meanwhile get a budget together & figure out what you are going to need to do to get a new place. Then never trust any of these family members again financially.
  11. What kind of nonsense is that? This girl is jerking your chain. When you love somebody times of crisis move you toward them. If her instinct is to run away from you -- to break up -- because she has some issue, she doesn't love you. Right now you are letting her use you. She's never going to get her head out of her *** & fight for your relationship if you let her keep you on this yo you string playing head games with you. Have enough self respect to walk away. Point blank tell her to step up & full invest in your relationship or you are walking out the door to go find somebody with enough integrity to stop playing with your feelings. I still say there is part of her that wants you to be the one to walk away so it won't be your fault but she's got an ego on her & she gets miffed that she is actually forgettable & replaceable. Here's an idea stop talking to her about your activities with others. Let her wonder. You go live your life & have fun with whomever you choose. Your choices are no longer any of her business. What do you mean she won't let you walk away & give her space? Your decision to walk is YOURS alone. Block her! You are choosing to allow yourself to be tethered to this girl who is playing you. Whatever emotional limbo you are in, you put yourself there by failing to be accountable for your own actions. You are not locked in a dungeon. When you finally put your foot down this garbage will stop.
  12. She doesn't need time to realign her feelings to get back with you. She needs time to figure out how to come to terms with the fact that her decision to remain apart hurts your feelings. She likes you as a person. She is a nice person. She feels bad that you are upset & she can't cope with that so she feeds you a bunch of BS (that she may actually believe) about needing more time. She's stalling & hoping you will go away of your own accord so she's not responsible for breaking up with you & being the cause of your pain. Your decision to move on is the best one.
  13. Try finding an enclave of other ExPats. They may be more open to the fact that you are not Dutch.
  14. It sounds like a bit of both. While the length of time between the end of his last relationship & him taking up with you seems short his relationship may have been over in all material ways before the technical break up. Just measure how he treats you & go with the flow for now. Do guard your heart for a while longer but don't invent problems.
  15. Social skills are learned. You are not born with them. When you master them what you characterize as your shyness will disappear. You aren't so much shy as human. Like everybody else you fear getting hurt but part of love is risk. Since you are friends & you do see each other, assuming you are not brave enough to ask him out, it becomes incumbent upon you to make it totally clear to him that if he got up the courage to ask you out, that you would say yes. Tease him about thinking you were married. Ask him how he feels about now knowing you are single & available or something like that.
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