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About Me

Found 21 results

  1. He had been following me on Instagram for a while and noticed I put up a story about a loved one and euthanasia and he reached out with a nice message and it went from there. Having been speaking for a few weeks, we ended up going out for dinner. Had very good chats, seems like a really lovely guy and nothing sexual. We also agreed on a lot things; he spoke about family and he said his sisters boyfriend never takes initiative, for example doesn't help out in the kitchen and we both agreed that if it was us, we would be doing that. The odd compliment, but in good taste. For example telling me that I looked beautiful in a particular dress on Instagram and him saying he wishes I wear that to his birthday. Some cute messages to each other, like him sending me photos of what he does for work and him telling me that he often thinks about me. He picked me up from my house and before he got to mine, he texted me saying would I like him to meet my parents or just pick me up. Nice offer. He paid for dinner and it went really well in terms of chats, felt like a really caring and respectful guy, talked about family and all those nice things. He dropped me home and did not indicate anything about going back to his which was good. When we got back to my house to drop me home, my mother was just coming home and he waited and said hello to her. He then said she was lovely. I could tell he wanted to kiss as he sort of just kept looking at me, I said something and then we kissed. Honestly was quite slow and passionate. He asked if I would like to see him again and said yes. He has offered breakfast and study dates before previously. He told me that an ex-girlfriend he had years ago was quite toxic and they argued a lot, I asked him in what way and he told me that they had different opinions on aborting a certain child for specific issues, I told him that I agreed with his point and that was good. He dropped me home and did not indicate anything about going back to his which was good. He asked if I would like to do this again and I said yes. When we got back to my house to drop me home, my mother was just coming home and he waited and said hello to her. He then said she was lovely. I could tell he wanted to kiss as he sort of just kept looking at me, I said something and then we kissed. He messaged me a few hours later thanking me, kept in on and off-contact for the week, he told me he was tired but good. He asked about my plans for the weekend and I did the same, he is very busy and works in the medical field. He hasn't mentioned anything about catching up again. Our date was last Sunday. Good signs? It does finally feel great to be with someone that you just feel you could be compatible with and see them as a long term partner, irrespective of how things pan out. Things also feel easy and relaxed. **TL;DR** nothing indicates that he doesn't want a relationship. Only concern is that we still communicate via Instagram DM (perhaps out of habit).
  2. Hi! So I've just completed an internship at a company. I think I did a decent job and was well-liked among colleagues and customers. During this internship, I developed a friendship with a colleague and we flirted a bit. On my last day, she told me she would miss me but unfortunately I forgot to ask for any kind of contact details. She even said (jokingly) she would try to find out my number from the company's system which I should have probably taken as a hint. I think I would deeply regret if I never met this person again but I am now faced with the following dilemma: Her work email is the only way I have of getting in touch with them. On a scale of 1-10, how creepy/wrong would it be to contact her on her work email? It also doesn't help the situation that I am leaving the country in a few weeks. Any advice is appreciated, I'm really not sure what to do here.
  3. Hi everyone, I'm having some hard time at work. I've joined this company remotely 4+ months ago, and my work has been great. About a month ago, they decided to give me higher responsibilities in my post and field, and it's about recruitment. I work in HR, so I've done recruitment for 5+ years. Let me tell you, I've never been this stressed in my life. I'm recruiting for a tech team and on top of the tech team is a CTO. This CTO, just looking at him in my recent meetings, makes me want to cry my eyes out. He's so stiff, always finds a way to comment on my work.. in meetings AND in public channels on Slack, and so does his tech team! I'm new to the role and I've been under IMMENSE pressure. Last two weeks, I've spent some afternoons crying. I even talked to my therapist about it, and he seems to tell me I need to replace my old thoughts/self-talk* with better more realistic/positive ones. Can I get any tip from anyone? Today I've cried my eyes out because of him and his team. I felt criticized, with people I don't know judging me. But, I want to be able to see this from above and not relate it to my self-worth. I know I do great work, and was even rewarded recently by another client. But... Whenever I read his comment, I feel like I'm doing a really bad job! Mind you I never felt that with my direct managers before! (At this company) Thanks for reading.
  4. Sorry I'm posting so much but I'm in a very strict COVID lockdown for a couple of months now and I'm hardly working because of that. So I have a lot of time on my hands. I've been wondering if there's something wrong with me in regards to dating. I'm 36 years old and I've dated a lot of people and been in a few long term relationships. But all my longer relationships have only been 1.5 - 2 years long. I've been in maybe five of those and I ended all of them myself except one. I think I did have good reasons for them. I also had a pattern with most of them of breaking up and getting back together at least once or twice, but often the relationships were off and on. Also I've been doing a lot of online dating since I was eighteen years old but I've never really had a relationship with anyone from online. Whereas some of my close friends found their partner online and one of them has been married to her husband for 14 years and has kids with him. I have a bit of a weird relationship with my parents. My Dad never took any interest in me, never contacted me since I moved out of home at 23. He's always been very cold and apathetic towards me and basically we have zero relationship. I felt very rejected by my father because he just never seemed to care about me at all. I don't really know the whole story but I know my Mum had a still born baby before me and some miscarriages. I'm an only child. My Mum has been the total opposite of my father. I'm not sure if she was also overcompensating but she was very overbearing and clingy. Very nosey and overprotective over my life. Even when I still lived at home, if I went anywhere she constantly called me just to talk and it was actually embarrassing in front of my friends. She was constantly overly worried about me. Even when I was in my mid 20's and I moved back home for a couple of years, she treated me like this. Now she messages me every day or every couple of days, which is fine. I don't want to do that Freudian thing of blaming my parents for anything, but I'm not sure if because of my parents maybe I have some kind of unhealthy relationship attachment style. I ended most of my relationships and I'm not sure if that's because I was dating the wrong people in the first place or whether I'm just dysfunctional in a relationship. I just don't understand why other people can have long term relationships and marriages, but it's never happened to me. I have a lot of friends, many very close friends and some of them I've known for 10-20 years. So with friendship it seems to be no problem but it's just with romantic relationships there seems to be some kind of issue. Do you think it's normal to have this type of relationship history? What experiences have you had? I'm just not sure if this happens to everyone or maybe I'm actually doing something wrong.
  5. I've been going through a really tough time for a while... I'm about 6 hours away from home staying with my sister and I've been here for months. This is a result of my relationship with my ex if you've read my past posts. A lot has happened since that situation, but for times sake I'll try to keep this on the topic I'm talking about. But maybe I will make another post concerning those things. Ever since that occurrence I've been staying with my sister and her family. I am 22 just for reference. Since I've been up here I started going from feeling okay to just wanting to go home. But I'm not allowed to. My mother wants me to be more independent yet she won't allow me to make the decisions I want to. She doesn't like the idea of me applying for my old job. She wants me to prove to her that I am better and then we can talk about me returning home. I understand that I needed time away but now it's starting to make me feel controlled. She disconnected my phone for a while to try to stop me from talking to my ex but to tell you the truth it didn't do anything except create and inconvenience for me when ever I have to talk to my therapist (we have phone call sessions). I understand that my family wants to protect me, I'm also scared of making more mistakes. I can only hope that they'll still continue to be there for me if anything happens. But I don't like being told I won't survive by myself, that I'm lazy, that I act like a kid, etc. At this point I'm thinking that I'm the problem, like there's something wrong with me. And I feel like I was only born to experience bad occurrences just to amuse whatever powerful entity is in the universe. This whole thing is starting make me believe that I won't do good living by myself and I'm way to dependent on my mom or family. I don't know what to do, and my paragraphs might seem a bit incoherent because I'm just word vomiting at this point. I just don't know how to prove myself to my mother. What else should I do to make em see. My mental started to decline because of this and it's ironic because the reason why I'm up here was supposed to be so I could calm down. But it's been getting stretched out longer than I wanted but my mouth is sewn shut metaphorically speaking.
  6. I've been depressed for years and then this year I met a uni classmate on Zoom who made me feel good for the first time in awhile. I haven't had friends in a long time ever since my depression hit. We became friends and I developed feelings for her after some months. She felt the same. However, we're no longer in the same class in the new semester and I can feel her pulling away. I don't know if it's paranoia or just gut instinct but I also feel like she's falling for someone else in her new classes (recently came to know this person exists through an extra curricular group we happened to all be in), which hurts, even if I don't have concrete proof of it. I feel myself sinking back into that depressive state and it's affecting my coursework. Couldn't even bring myself to attend classes this morning. What do I do?
  7. Hello! Here is my story: I had my first time with my boyfriend a long time ago, but it wasn't the way I wanted it to be. I felt pressured to do it because he wouldn't stop asking every night I stayed over or just other nights when we were texting he would bring it up and even if I explain to him he was still trying to convince me with his explanations. Sometimes he asked a few times a night and often he touched me down there and even if I removed his hand he would put it back there. I really wasn't ready for a step like that yet and as a girl I wanted it to be special and romantic if it happens. One night he asked again and I said yes because I thought that maybe I will never get ready if I wait and I just should do it. Plus the romantic things happen only in movies so I shouldn't expect something like that in real life and also I won't feel guilty for saying "no" every time and be scared that he will eventually leave. So it happened. It has been a lot of time since then and I had really burried these moments of our first time and the previous times I got touched but recently they are starting to resurface and I don't know why. I get that all that happened already happened and I can't change any of it, it's my own fault and I should move on but I seem to not be able to do it. I don't know if I'm disappointed that he never made sure I was sure because if he asked I was definitely going to say no. Or maybe that he never made sure I was feeling okey since I told him I was hurting a lot and him just saying it's normal. Even when we had a problem and I said that we should try another time my words were never heard and that hurts. And all the times I had to go through the touching when I just wanted to cuddle. Everytime I went over I felt like he was inviting me just for these things and not because of just spending some time with me. All that keeps me up some nights and I don't even have the desire to do anything intimate with him now. I don't want to talk to him about it because I have told him once some months ago that I wish he understood me when I told him I wasn't ready and he said sorry so I don't want to bring it up again. Since our first time our relationship became a lot stronger and even thought our sex life isn't that great he doesn't touch me if I say that I don't feel it right now and he even says he isn't inviting me over just because he expects us to do something but because he wants to spend time with me and that's why I'm so confused about my feelings right now. I just don't know what to do and I would appreciate any advice.
  8. Hi everyone! I am reaching out to get some outside advice about a problem I'm having with a friend of mine. I have a small group of friends and one of them I have known for almost 10 years. All the years I have known her, she has dated men who do not stick around for long. She gives them something that they want/need for the moment (in many more ways than what we are all thinking!) and then they leave her in the dust. Despite us warning her of red flags we might see, she always pins us as the bad guys and then something happens and we are stuck in a "We told you so." position. She has been with a new guy for maybe 6 months. We met him a few times and he seemed nice! Then he began making her late for our gatherings, he came to one with her after causing an argument. He didn't converse with any of us at the gathering despite us trying to include him in conversation, ask questions, etc., he then got really rude with one of our friends when we decided on a place to go that he didn't particularly like, continued to not talk to us and then left abruptly from the event, leaving her with us to go home-one hour away. (He took her car.) Without dragging this on too much, we were told at the beginning of their "journey" that he had an apartment that he allowed his sister to stay in because she needed a place to stay after returning from serving with the Marines, but then she developed COVID-19 and had to quarantine, so he stayed with my friend for the time being. But he left the sister his car to use, while he also owns another place in the same area, where he could have stayed. My friend then allowed (and still allows) him to use her car to go to his job (over an hour away from where we live), out with his friends, various personal appointments. It began inconveniencing me because she then relied on ME to get her to work (we are also coworkers, we carpool regularly) more days than normal. I began turning down or rescheduling dates because I didn't want to leave her high and dry. It has been 6 months and we haven't seen him attempt to get a new car, take back his apartment, and every time they went to stay closer to where he worked, they stayed in a hotel. My friends and I see these red flags and have tried in our different ways to make it apparent to her that there is something wrong. It has come to the point that none of us want to be with her, everyone avoids being where he is and turns down invitations if he is at all included. The other 4 of us have made plans without her because of this and we don't know what to do in order to tell her. We are all stuck because we know that she will not like it, and pin us all either against each other (she has lied to us all about some details of this) or we will be the bad guy. How should we approach this? Should we all tell her at once, should someone tell her individually? Should we wait until something happens and then express concern? Sorry for the long write up-and thank you for taking the time to read and help!
  9. If your ex-girlfriend, who you haven't spoken to in nearly 20 years, sent you a message in IG with a link to Frankie Knuckles' Your Love song (Your Love) how would you interpret it? Mind you that this was NEVER our song nor had any significance during our relationship, but if you were to listen to the lyrics you could see a clear message there. What should I make of it?
  10. 26f, 35m. Had been talking to this guy for a few months prior to the meeting. He said he is open to a relationship but not with anyone (same). I ended up thinking that he was a bit too forward in the kindest way and I had gotten out of a relationship a month or so beforehand. We had some really great chats. I think he took it a bit negatively and blocked me on social media. I had noticed that he unblocked me on social media so I reached out saying it was probably a miscommunication. He responded positively and we had our first date. Said to me to come to his which we did, we ordered food to his (very gentlemanly sort of guy), attracted to each other, great chats again and we went on a little evening picnic. We both have similar interests in academic stuff. We only kissed that night. I got to his around 6 pm and left almost 12 hours later. He offered that I could stay the night but we could sleep in separate rooms or he was happy to drive me home but it was late, so he ordered an uber for me. We both are quite busy and we had our second date a few weeks later. He said it would be nice to hang again. A few days before our second date, he asked what I was up to one evening and offered movie night in PJs. Anyway, the second date comes, I got to know him a bit better and he mentioned that we're quite similar. Joked that we both mumble a lot. Joked that he is often really immature and normally people bring him out of it to stop it but I make it worse. Ended up sleeping together, not a selfish person, cuddled afterwards and had our good chats. The date went really long like last time and I got an uber home. He messaged me asking if I was okay and to send me the details of the driver. We have been in contact via social media a bit since. I'm just unsure whether he should be the one that expresses what he wants in person or do I mention that this is what I'm after. He works till the evenings throughout the week and weekend so it seems that I can only see him after work hours.He reached out asking how I am, days went by and I started to think that I didn't like it how I wouldn't know when I was going to see this guy again and that if it's not meant to be, it's all good. Immature but I sent him a text saying that I didn't like it how our two dates consisted at just his house and that I'm often left not knowing when I would see him again, I said I don't have expectations around texting. He said he would talk to me the next day as he had a lot on his plate and he is sorry for not mentioning when he would like to see me again in the manner it deserves. I knew the answer wouldn't be good so I deleted him off my social media. He sent me a very rude message the next day saying I was immature, we ended up calling and he said that he thought he would be open to a relationship but he thinks he cannot provide what I would like. I then said to him that I've only met him twice and I'm unsure myself but I do like to know when I'm with someone if they would like to see me again such as 'this was great, when are you free next?' and weirdly he said he felt the same with me. He also said something along the lines of that he doesn't hear from me for days and is unsure of how I feel. He said forget the relationship talk, that he likes me and thinks I'm cool but he asked what my expectations were regarding texting and said he would like to see me again. He said we don't also have to be sexual when we catch up, we can be friends or anything. He told me that he's meanest to the ones he likes the most. Joked that I'm so annoying as we were giggling at stupid things. The next day I said I would like to see him again but I would not pressure him but I understand if he doesn't as I don't want to waste my time. I apologised for blocking him. He rudely responded and said "I don't want to deal with this f**king bull*** right now, name. I said I've been accommodating enough and to not contact me again. He replied saying 'f***** off, mate' and blocked my number and on WhatsApp. I noticed this morning he unblocked me. Advice? I would like to see him again but I do not understand his behaviour. TL;DR guy that I would have liked to have seen again has proved to be quite unstable. Unsure whether I've done the right thing but not ever going to talk to him again. We unfortunately are very similar and have similar interests. I've noticed that he's been blocking a lot of people on his Instagram.
  11. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now. We’ve been seeing his one friend more often now since he moved back to our town (I’ll call him “R”). My friends seem to think R flirts with me when we all hang out but I can’t tell if it’s flirting or not. For starters, whenever I go to the bar he bartends at, he only charges me for 1 drink no matter how many I have. He also almost always makes me do shots with him. He has driven me back to my boyfriends and my apartment multiple times cause he didn’t want me to walk home drunk or didn’t trust my own friend to drive me back. The one time my friend and I walked home, the next time I saw R he gave me a huge lecture on why that wasn’t safe and he could’ve just driven me. When we’re with him, he teases me a lot. He does act a little differently around me when my boyfriend isn’t around, like he’ll tease me more often or he’ll harass me about the days he’s working at the bar that I don’t go. He told me the other day he loves when I go to that bar when he’s working. Over the weekend, some friends of mine wanted to go see him at the bar (he makes really good drinks and there’s not many places we like to go). My friends ended up wanting to go back to my apartment after and they invited R. He ended up driving me back and the whole way back he was just venting to me about his problems with his girlfriend. At my apartment, we were all drinking a lot and there was a few times R would lay his head on my lap when I sat down on the couch. I also noticed when I wasn’t around him, he would sometimes seem like he was just watching me. He also kept asking me to do shots with him and when we would, he would stand very close to me. My friends and R ended up spending the night since we had all drank a lot. R then all of a sudden was very drunk and kept telling me he thought my one friend was cute. He wanted to sleep next to her and I basically wouldn’t let him 1. Because he has a girlfriend of his own and 2. Because my friend didn’t feel comfortable with that so she asked me to sleep next to her on the couch so he wouldn’t. We all fell asleep on my couch (my boyfriend was asleep in bed the whole time) and my friends fell asleep first. R kept putting his head close to me and he got so close at one point I thought he was gonna kiss me. He just kept drunkenly looking at me and saying “stop it” to me but whenever I asked stop what he wouldn’t tell me. He ended up falling asleep and leaving the next morning around 9am. Does he seem like he’s flirting with me? Or are my friends over reacting? I can’t really tell what it is or if it’s something I should be making my boyfriend aware of.
  12. Hi all! I'd really love some advice on a confusing situation so here's what happened: Ex and I dated for five great years, doing distance the last year and a half. We're both moving soon to new cities and were excited to make that jump together. Then last year, COVID hit, he lost his job, and started struggling with mental health. I've known before that when he gets stressed or overwhelmed he retreats from everything. I think when we were doing distance he'd take that lack of feeling and just assume it meant he doubted our relationship or that we were a bad fit. He ends things last summer (on the PHONE) saying he felt like he needed to be alone. We didn't talk for about a month, met up again, and had a big emotional reunion. I started going to visit him every 3-4 weeks and it was always great. However, I noticed some signs of trouble. When I was there he was extremely happy. But the second I left he'd go back and forth mentally with this push/pull of sometimes being really into it and sometimes pushing me away completely. I knew he was still struggling with mental health so did my best to be patient and talk through things with him. I knew he was struggling but I was still hopeful we were getting on the path to moving to the same place and that the distance/covid was the only reason we were in limbo. He FaceTimed me again about a month ago (after a great weekend and ~4 months after we reconnected) saying it was too hard and that we should stop talking. I'm not trying to minimize his feelings at all, but it really felt like a slap in the face to me after we had been rebuilding our relationship and looking at cities together. I feel like I've been discarded like it was nothing so he can live the single life with his guy friends and try to distract himself from his problems. He also has some commitment-phobic tendencies I've always known about, but I can't help but feeling t was his recent struggle with mental health that's caused all this to happen? I'm having a tough time moving on because I'm not sure if this is the kind of situation where he will eventually "wake up" and realize he was treating the person he claimed to love really unfairly and pushing me away. And I do know I deserve better at this point I don't even know what to think.
  13. I had a very close, very deep connection with a friend for 15 years. I've never felt any other connection like it, I felt like he was my soulmate, or that we were kindred spirits. I believed in him and in the connection between us, and because I met him when I was barely 21, my belief in this formed a foundational part of my adult identity. It formed the basis for my sense of hope about myself and my life (I came from a difficult and unsupported home. He 'saw' me and 'knew' me, or at least, did things to make it seem that way). A couple of years ago, things shifted between us. There was always an element of romance to our friendship, but it was not something at the forefront, and I often responded to suggestions of that with fear (it is very difficult for me to trust and be intimate with people and I think the depth of the connection I felt made me feel vulnerable). I suppose, for me, it was something deep within me that just 'knew' that one day we would, or should, be together, but that it would be in the future. Anyway, a couple of years ago, things shifted between us and it felt like something was going to happen. He treated me really badly during this stage. I felt loved by him, I felt like he loved me by the way that he looked at me, by the things that he said, and by the way that we were together. But - consistently - just when it felt like things were definitely moving in that direction, he'd start dating someone. He was a serial dater, constantly meeting women online, and breaking things off after a couple of months. And in between, there was this confusing, charged, 'stuff' between us. I went a bit crazy during this time, I hardly knew which way was up. Looking back, I realise how damaging and harmful his behaviour was, and how it was driven by denial, low self-esteem and an addiction to dating. He was a womaniser and he used and threw away so many women. I knew this about him, I felt him to be wounded, I saw the person underneath who had so much love and goodness, and who I felt so connected to, and I felt that he knew it, and felt it too. Eventually we kissed one night, but it did no go well. It produced further mixed messages and confusion, and dishonesty on his part. He told me he didn't want to be involved with me, but then treated me like he did, and made me feel, again, like he loved me, and that there was hope. Only to drop me or ignore me for weeks, and serial date. It made me question my sanity and my grasp on reality. This situation culminated in our spending the night together, when very drunk. Afterwards, he blamed me, shamed me, and broke contact with me, ostracising me from the social group we shared. (A group in which he has more power and influence than me). He told me some terrible, cruel things that I am still trying to recover from, 18 months on. After 6 months, we resumed contact and I told him how the whole situation had made me feel. I apologised for the actions on my part that had led to the breakdown in our friendship, (mainly, that I just wanted to know what the *&£& was going on and was unable to accept his treatment of me - which was basically to just erase me so that he could continue enjoying his life without having to deal with what had happened between us). I didn't get a real apology from him, although I could see just how sorry and guilty he felt. He struggles to apologise, although at a later date, he did partially do this (and it was a very emotional, authentic moment between us). We agreed to stay friends and to rebuild trust between us. He very much wanted this. But weeks in to that, he started letting me down again, dropping me and forgetting about me - not following up on things when he said he would. He has made me feel so worthless and forgettable, like I just don't matter. But he frequently has told me I do (without my prompting). When the pandemic happened, which was very soon after our initial reconciliation (curtailing our ability to reconnect properly as I no longer live nearby, although we have have talked online over this period). He totally crumbled. Complete manchild. He continued dating (meeting people in person, via online dating sites) all throughout lockdown and eventually met a girl who a few weeks in broke things off with him. This seemed to catalyse him into a period of growth. His extreme vulnerability due to lockdown allowed him to emotionally connect with this woman, and as a result, he continued to pursue her and they are now back together. He talks about her like she's the 'one', he told me, in great detail, about the great connection he has with her. How he imagined a future with her. It feels to me that the situation of the pandemic forced his wounded nature to grow and heal, and that this woman is now the beneficiary of that. He's reformed his womanising ways and is free to love and give - he's happy, in love, and going to have a future with her. Being forced in one place, and having fewer distractions and options to run, is deepening their bond and giving him the time and space to actually settle in to a real relationship. I want to be happy for him. But I am so desperately hurt and angry. He wounded so many women, for years, and he wounded me, and he's still so oblivious to it. My life, and my sense of self and identity was destroyed because of the careless and cruel way he treated me. But he gets to be happy. He gets to benefit from the pain he caused me by knowing not to treat someone else like that. These are all things he has basically said to me, in one way or another. And even though I know he feels guilt and sorrow at what happened between us, he hasn't really made real amends It's been me giving him all the opportunities, and every time it's mattered, he has let me down. He drops me or just entirely forgets about me and any communication we have had. He just forgets, like he has forgotten everything else he's done and said. Like it's nothing. I can't trust him or rely on him, but it is so hard to let go, to something I believed in for so long, and someone I cared for so deeply. I don't think there is a way forward for this friendship anymore. And I don't think there is any point in me telling him about how I feel. But I am struggling so much with the idea that he gets to be happy now, when I am still in so much pain. It doesn't seem fair, and I feel so helpless. I wasted so many years of hope and trust in someone who I still believe felt deeply for me, but who could only treat me cruelly. And then, to make it even worse, is now giving someone else everything I thought we would have - everything he made me believe was there between him and me. I didn't project...he either manipulated me (because of his desire to be loved by everyone) or really did feel something, but I know I didn't imagine it. I know I have to give up on salvaging anything; relegate him to the past and block him from my mind. But I don't know how to cope with the anguish that I feel that he is now reformed! That everything he did to me was a waste, that my love was a waste, and that there are no consequences for him. How do I do it?
  14. We met three months ago, we dated, and it was going very well, he is a Capricorn and I'm a Taurus, both male. we were so connected, and we planned so much for the future, even getting in a serious relationship and maybe marriage. but last week we had a fight that he wants to live the night-life (Nightclubs and partying) I wasn't welcomed because of his friends. I was looking after him from snapchat feeds on my friend's phone and I called him saying I hope you enjoy it. when he came back, I welcomed him with all love. next day, he started changing, he said I have to enjoy my life, don't look after me, you have to trust me. and he brought subjects of infidelity as if I will cheat, he stopped texting me or calling from work (he used to call me and chat with me) I'm confused, why he is being so cold? he seems out of place and disconnected, it’s a long-distance relationship but we are always on a video call, suddenly he sits there without any words, opens the camera and gets busy with other things than me. help me please. what do you think?
  15. Recently a close person cheated on his girlfriend, she forgave, they are back, and he’s been complaining that she’s acting “too” forgiving and “too” understanding, on top of that, a casual love showcase with words such as “I am crazy for you”, I told him that people can actually forgive truly inside their hearts and not to worry about, but on the other hand, I also have my doubts. Is this one of those “too good to be true” cases?
  16. Hi, I could use some advice on a girl that I like. Currently (24M) & she is (27F). We met at a summer job 6 years ago and we became best friends, I had just graduated high school at the time and she had just finished her second year of college and we were going to two different colleges across the state and I had gone on some dates with her that summer and we kept in touch. The next summer we worked at the same job and got even closer and became better friends but still did not attempt to date. I liked her, but because I was younger and wanted to enjoy college and didn't think long distance would work and she wanted to remain friends as well. I got a girlfriend while in college and started to reach out to her a lot less often but would still pray for our friendship and reach out randomly as a friendly catch up. When my friends would hang out with her she seemed jealous of my girlfriend. Whenever my girlfriend and I broke up it was my senior year of college and the girl I had met at the summer job began to reach out more and we rekindled our friendship. I still had a crush on her but I felt of her more of a friend at this point. But we began talking about what our dream date would be, future life that we want would be etc. and our other friend listened to our responses to one another and told me that I need to try dating her. I currently lived 2:30 hours away from her due to staying in the city I graduated in, but I began to reach out and go on dates on weekends when I would go visit her. All of her friends and even her sister have told me she talks about me and even at her sister's wedding her sister and her husband asked me when am I going to date her. I moved back to our hometown where we both worked the summer job and I continued pursuing her and I took her out for Valentines day in 2020 and we had talked about us. She said that right now she wants to focus on herself and not pursue a relationship with me if she can't give 100%. Which I respected and didn't want to ruin any friendship nor try to force a relationship. But what hit me hard was in that conversation she brought up that she had told one of her friends back when we worked together at the summer job years ago that she would date me one day. So hearing that from her made me more confused as I thought this was that "one day" she mentioned. But we moved on and continued growing our friendship as she is within a close knit mutual friend group. As 2020 continued her sister continued to egg me on about dating her and one our close mutual friends asked her one day if she liked me and she said yes and that she could see a future with me. Recently, her and I began getting closer to one another and started flirting more and went on a date and it was great. We went on another date and she brought up us again and basically said the same thing as before that right now she feels like she can't commit herself to a relationship. She has never once said anything to me, her sister, or her friends that she doesn't want to date me and when we both hang out there isn't any tension ever. We are even going with her sister and sister's husband on a ski trip at the end of this month. I think a big thing for her is the age gap, me being 24 and her 27 which to me doesn't matter but maybe for a girl does. Also, the fact we are such good friends and are in a close knit friend group, maybe she doesn't want to ruin a friendship. As far as what I currently know from what she has told her friends she has feelings for me and can see a future with me, just not right now.. So i'm wondering what should I do? Keep trying to flirt/take her on dates? Just be friends and let her make a move? My heart is pretty set on her and I've tried talking to other girls and honestly I only think of her so I don't want to date someone else out of spite, because that isn't fair to a new girl and also to myself.
  17. On Wednesday I got sad/upset because he found out last minute that he had to leave for a mission right before Valentine’s Day so our plans got cancelled. Before I could explain to him on the phone that I wasn’t upset with him, I was just upset with the situation, he hung up. He texts me that he’s done. So my initial reaction was to cry and tell him I’m sorry and that whatever the issue is, we’ll fix it. He’s very very very stubborn so he’s like no no I’m done. This is Wednesday. We still had plans Thursday to see each other, which didn’t happen. All of Thursday were going back and forth through texts, which I know didn’t make it better. His flight was Saturday (his unit is in NOLA) so we have a routine of me always dropping him off at the airport. Anyway, I asked if he still wanted me to take him since we’re broken up. He says yeah. So Saturday is my first time seeing him since he broke up with me Wednesday. I go there and my emotions are kinda high so I asked him if he’s genuinely done with me or just frustrated? He kept saying “idk” which was frustrating me and I told him when he says idk that leaves me in a confused and hopeful spot... I kept asking so he got annoyed and he’s like “no your answer is no. I’m done since you keep asking” So I got upset and went and sat in the car. He comes to the car, puts his bags up and then comes around the drivers seat and he’s like I forgot to give you a kiss... (so now I’m even more confused) I don’t say anything during the drive and he tries to put his hand on my leg. So I’m sitting there quiet more confused. We get to the airport and he leaves his vape in my car and then I got out to help with his bags, and he kisses me and is like I’ll see you when I get back... I’m more confused. Typically before he leaves, I’ll text him like have a safe flight, and before he lands I’ll be like hey did you land? Are you ok, blah blah. I didn’t ask if he boarded his flight, he texted me saying bye. I didn’t ask if he landed either, he texts me and says he landed. So I’m more confused. He typically texts me good morning but hasn’t since yesterday, I have. And the weather is bad so I’ve checked up on him. I asked him again today through texts if he will think about it and his response was “yea.” So I asked when and his response was “I don’t know when I get to it.” It’s like he reaches out and wants to talk but then when I talk or ask about the relationship part, he doesn’t. Am I being too forceful? Should I just completely not talk to him and give him space or what should I do? I’m racking my brain and don’t know what all this even means. Does it sound like he’s genuinely done or being impulsive?
  18. I feel crazy posting this to the internet but I need some advice so, what the hell. Sorry it's so long lol My boyfriend has lived with his family for years, including his 3 yr. old niece; who is just about his favourite person in the world. I moved in with them about 5 months ago, until that point he had such a strong relationship with his niece that they slept in the same bed. Now, I love children, I claim everyone's kid as my own regardless of whether I know them or not. However, from the point I moved in, my boyfriend's sister-in-law made it abundantly clear that she didn't like me and, in turn, didn't want her daughter to like me. This has changed somewhat over the past few months to the point where his niece is now obsessed with both of us, and follows me around just like she'd been doing to him for years. I know that ocassionally he gets jealous thinking that she loves me more than him, but I get jealous that he loves her more than me... or would love her more than our future children. I will admit, I'm a very needy and affectionate person; my bf knows this and he makes me feel loved almost 100% of the time, but sometimes when his niece is around he shows an utter disregard for me. Just an example: yesterday night we had a shower and then got in bed, his niece comes and climbs into our bed, my boyfriend starts to fall asleep.. I'm weird with sleeping and he knows that, I have to have the lights off and usually the tv on, cuddled up with him. She's in between us so I gently said "Babe, if you're tired then let's go to bed." He half-heartedly asked her if she was ready for bed, she didn't answer and he continued snoozing. I nudged him again and told him that I was ready for bed too, so he moved his niece from in between us and laid back down, thinking she was annoying me. It's basically just the fact that she's a toddler and gets to do whatever she wants, she's spoiled to death ; seriously, she cries if you tell her "no." She constantly wants mine or my boyfriend's phone, using it until it dies, or she wants to watch cartoons on our t.v. or draw in my notebooks. Basically she wants to be the center of attention in everything, and I have no freedom to do anything because I feel rude asking my boyfriend to get her out of the room so I can change clothes or go to bed. Also I forgot to mention earlier an don't know where to put it now, but he always holds her, plays with her hair and calls her cute names. He explicitly said to me "I'll love ours just as much," which bothers me because I feel like his niece and his daughter shouldn't be in comparisson. I wonder if our daughter will end up feeling the same way that I do or if he'll act the same with our daughter but still not me. Perhaps it's just that he knows that I know he loves me, regardless of the attention he gives me while a child wouldn't understand that. Not sure if y'all can offer me any advice or if this was just a large rant, but... Thanks, either way.
  19. I have been dating this guy for 4 months now. On Thursday I asked him out for a beer on Saturday. He said ok, let's do it at 6pm. I said that hour is ok, leta go to this place. He didnt answer anything but kept talking of other things. On Saturday morning,at 9am I texted him and the conversation went like this: Me -Do you have a place you would want to go? He *lets grab some healthy meal and a beer. -ok, where? [He changed the conversation to something else] -ok, today at 6pm, let me know where you want to go. ....... the day passed by, I assumed we weren't going out. At 5pm he texted me: *are we going out? -i asked you where you wanted to go and said nothing. * I fell asleep -if you want to can come where I am *sends a sticker -what? * what are you doing? -over my sister's taking care of her pets, she's not at home. *let me see them -I already showed them to you. *you know I have alzheimers CD -yeah *sticker -Next time, if you dont want to go out, just say no from the beginning. I dont know if this was the case but I felt like it. *With this weather this is not a day to go out. I didnt even go with my friends earlier today as I planned to. -you have been elusive since Thursday, I asked you and no answer. And today at 5pm you text me. I hope you understand how I am feeling. *how are you feeling? -I don't feel comfortable talking about it because I feel like you are going to not take it very well. Still, the way I am feeling is because of my expectations. * I am sorry. -I m not feeling good today. Good night. *good night. So, haven't heard from him since then. And my doubt here is, should I text him and try to go for an end year beer?? Should I just stop thinking about this and if he texts fine and if he doesnt also fine?
  20. My boyfriend lost his father last night, he had been I'll with cancer for a long time so he was somewhat prepared but he's still heartbroken. I don't know what to say to him or do for him, especially right now since we're seperated because of the virus. I tend to ramble when I'm sad, I'll send paragraphs and random stuff to him throughout the day most of which he doesn't respond to. He's trying his best to call me 3 or 4 times during the day for updates about the funeral and how devastated he is😭. My question is is it normal for him to not respond to texts or messages during the grieving process, or am i just overthinking all of it. Please help, what can i say to ease his pain?
  21. My fiancé and I have been together for almost 5 years and we got engaged a couple months ago before Christmas. When we first started dating, I never had any issues with his sister (I actually thought she was the coolest!). However, as time went on, I realized she really didn’t like me. She looked at me like the person taking him away from family because he was spending all his time with me (we moved in together, moved to another state together for work). She would make snide comments and just generally rude to me (to my face and behind my back). I let it roll off my shoulders because I’m not great at confrontation. When he told her he was planning to propose, she told him not to do it and basically that I’m an awful person to marry. Same thing when we got engaged- not a happy reaction AT ALL. It was tough to see someone so upset about us getting engaged when we were so excited to take this step together, but again, let it slide because it wasn’t worth the confrontation. We went to dinner with her, his mom and uncle to celebrate the holidays and at dinner they asked about wedding plans. My fiancé told them we were barely started with planning but had a guest list and were planning to have an adult only wedding (no kids). She took this incredibly personally (she has a 4 y/o daughter) and became very upset in the restaurant. LONG STORY SHORT... She got incredibly angry (honestly borderline pure rage) and blew up in the restaurant. She began screaming at me (blaming me), cussing at me, telling me I’m a terrible and manipulative person. I said nothing back because I was purely shocked by her reaction and in tears. I got up to remove myself from the situation (it was humiliating and quite a scene in the restaurant) and she then chased me out of the restaurant trying to physically assault me. My fiancé had to physically restrain her to prevent her from actually hurting me. I don’t know how to handle her and our relationship. I’m terrified of this person and the level of rage she is capable of reaching. She clearly hates me and does not support our decision to get married. Bottom line is I don’t want her at my wedding.... Am I wrong if I don’t invite her? Any thoughts?
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