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Found 16 results

  1. Why does this happen? LOL. I've gone from being super into somebody to feeling completely repulsed to them out of nowhere. Don't ask me why coz I haven't the foggiest 💁‍♀️ Actually it's pretty upsetting to go from one extreme to another where you see a future with them and then you have to reject them somewhat abruptly. Our first date was pretty middle of the road, but our second date was fantastic, I left feeling completely overcome with excitement and we had so much fun together. We waited a week for the third date? Perhaps it was just too soon for him to visit my house. In any case pretty much as soon as we started our hangout, something changed in my mentality, my perception of him became increasingly more negative throughout the evening even while nothing stood out as a turn off. I'm seeing a pattern because this has happened a few times with several different guys and I cant understand why my attraction switches on and off so much.
  2. Hello everyone, So as the title say I was having an affair with a married man with kids When we met I did not know he was married. We exchanged numbers and began talking and such nothing much at first but I did like him as more than a friend before I gave my number to him shortly after he told me that he was married and at that point I should have just backed away but I thought I could keep the relationship plutonic because I did enjoy our talks but now that I look back at it even that would have been terribly wrong in itself but sadly I continued our relationship as friends but a while later he told me that he liked me as more than a friend I really didn’t know how to take this because I did want more than a friendship with him but he was already in a committed relationship with kids so I just left it on that note and after a while he was starting to not contact me as much so I eventually told him how I felt out of fear of losing what I thought we had so A while after that our conversations became inappropriate but I was in something with him but I know now that it wasn’t love or anything close to it but unfortunately this relationship continued He’d start to tell me that he didn’t love his wife and he didn’t feel the same way about her as he did for me this made me even more hesitant to leave because I thought he loved me and wanted to be with me .. It started as him asking me if we could hug I told him no and that it was not something I could do but he asked more and more until I eventually said yes so we hugged And it felt wrong but it was just a hug and it was only supposed to be that one time but it was not the last time We hugged again after that and he was more touchy this time I can’t say that I didn’t want him to but I stopped him from me too much because I was trying to resist it going any further than a hug , The last time we did hug it became I little more than a hug I let him touch my body this time .... I gave in unfortunately and that was close to the last time we saw each other but we did stay in contact because it was hard for me to let go at first He tried to invite me out like to a hotel but I just couldn’t do that so I told him that we should not talk anymore and I blocked him . But I started to miss him so I unblocked him and told him that I missed him and we just talked for a little while but then it led back to him asking me to come over to his house because his wife was on vacation.. I said no and I couldn’t do that to her or his family it was then I realized that he was not mine and was never going to be because I could not break his family.. he told me that it was not the first time he cheated and that almost made me think that it may be ok if we did have a relationship . But I still couldn’t go through with it and this time I blocked him for good and we have not talked since.. Shortly that after I met my current boyfriend and he makes me so happy and I know what it’s like to be truly loved and to love someone he’s everything to me . But I can’t be happy with him knowing what I did in the past and who I was .. This was my first relationship ever and I hate that I was based around lies and secrets and hiding.. and again I don’t want to try to sugarcoat this in any way I am very ashamed of this it was very wrong and it is something that really deeply regret and cry and hurt over it should have never happened i feel just awful about everything and I feel like don’t deserve to have a good relationship with my boyfriend and I don’t deserve to be loved by him or to love him . But the truth is I do love him with all my heart and because I love him I feel I need to tell him but at the same time I don’t want to lose him . How do I approach this with him ? I really need some help with this . Please and thank you all
  3. Hello all, I am new here so sorry if this is too long or if I mess up on something. I’m hoping I can get what I’m saying across lol. So I have been in a casual relationship with a man for just over a year, about 13 months. I met him initially 6 years ago when I was 19 and I was instantly attracted to him but he was my boss so I didn’t say or do anything the entire time I worked for him. The day he quit that company, he confessed that he liked me and he took me out for dinner that night and we slept together. On his end, it seemed like I was just a one, maybe two time thing, and I honestly didn’t care because I liked him so much, it was worth it… but we ended up continuing our causal relationship for the next year and half. Although it was causal, and mostly sexual, he eventually referred to me as his girlfriend and he always made me feel special and important, which is why I stayed with him for so long. But since it wasn’t going anywhere, I eventually got a real serious boyfriend and he completely respected that and we went out separate ways, but ended on good terms. This was in 2016-2018. So fast forward to Summer of 2020 and we’ve reconnected (my bf and I split). Initially it’s friendly on my end but he quickly regains attraction to me and eventually I do as well. We hit some road bumps at first because he wanted to jump into sex and I felt I needed to get to know him again (he’s the only casual relationship I’ve ever had). Because of this we ended up not talking for 2 months but in February 2021 we finally had sex again for the first time since we split years ago. And again, this seems mostly sexual for him which I wasn’t necessarily into but I was ok with us being casual again, but he’s the ONLY casual relationship I’ve ever had and despite it being casual, I’ve always had feelings for him. I’ve always known that but I never expressed it too much to him and I always kept in my mind that it would only go so far, so I accepted that and handled it well.. but since I had gone though this with him before, I figured although it’s casual, it would hopefully be like it was before. Like he would make me feel special and important and cared for like he did before. But since we’ve gotten back together, it just doesn’t have the same feeling anymore. Our relationship has evolved since we first had sex again.. like we talk more, we express more to each other than before, I feel like we both can trust each other but I just don’t feel special. Before, he would call me his girlfriend. He never calls me his girlfriend now. Before, he would kiss me hello or goodbye or both. But we haven’t kissed ONCE since getting back together. We lay together, we cuddle/snuggle, we have the most wild sex… We do all these other intimate things yet it’s lacking intimacy. Because of the lack of intimacy, I feel like I can’t be completely comfortable with him physically because I’m not comfortable with him emotionally. A lot of times I feel like just a friend or just an employee.. We’ve talked about this a bit before. I told him once that I don’t believe in “friends with benefits” relationships because To me if your having sex with a friend, they most likely aren’t just a “friend”. And There was a time where he would always refer to me as “friend” and it really bothered me. I didn’t tell him how I was feeling but one day he was a bit worried about my “friends with benefits” comment and he asked me how I saw him and I told him I saw him as more than a friend but that I had limited expectations of him (meaning, I’m not expecting him to marry me, have a baby with me, etc). He was relieved to know I was getting all crazy obsessed on him… and When I asked him the same question, “How do you see me?” he agreed he saw me as more than a friend as well. This made me feel better and I took this as a good sign but that was back in October or November. It’s now March and I still haven’t gotten that feeling from him that I got before.. and he STILL hasn’t kissed me. I don’t know why I’m so intimidated to talk to him about this.. I guess im worried about behind vulnerable and making him aware I have some deeper feelings towards him. I think im worried he doesn’t feel the same way, or that I’ll scared him off. If he doesn’t feel the same way as me, I couldn’t continue this with him. As much as I like him, I just can’t have sex with someone that doesn’t feel for me what I feel towards them. It’s a deal breaker… part of why I’ve been scared and hoping he’ll just do all this on his own like he did before. And it’s unattractive to me that he doesnt kiss me at all. I don’t want to come off desperate but not sure if I should say something or just let it go.
  4. Hello! Here is my story: I had my first time with my boyfriend a long time ago, but it wasn't the way I wanted it to be. I felt pressured to do it because he wouldn't stop asking every night I stayed over or just other nights when we were texting he would bring it up and even if I explain to him he was still trying to convince me with his explanations. Sometimes he asked a few times a night and often he touched me down there and even if I removed his hand he would put it back there. I really wasn't ready for a step like that yet and as a girl I wanted it to be special and romantic if it happens. One night he asked again and I said yes because I thought that maybe I will never get ready if I wait and I just should do it. Plus the romantic things happen only in movies so I shouldn't expect something like that in real life and also I won't feel guilty for saying "no" every time and be scared that he will eventually leave. So it happened. It has been a lot of time since then and I had really burried these moments of our first time and the previous times I got touched but recently they are starting to resurface and I don't know why. I get that all that happened already happened and I can't change any of it, it's my own fault and I should move on but I seem to not be able to do it. I don't know if I'm disappointed that he never made sure I was sure because if he asked I was definitely going to say no. Or maybe that he never made sure I was feeling okey since I told him I was hurting a lot and him just saying it's normal. Even when we had a problem and I said that we should try another time my words were never heard and that hurts. And all the times I had to go through the touching when I just wanted to cuddle. Everytime I went over I felt like he was inviting me just for these things and not because of just spending some time with me. All that keeps me up some nights and I don't even have the desire to do anything intimate with him now. I don't want to talk to him about it because I have told him once some months ago that I wish he understood me when I told him I wasn't ready and he said sorry so I don't want to bring it up again. Since our first time our relationship became a lot stronger and even thought our sex life isn't that great he doesn't touch me if I say that I don't feel it right now and he even says he isn't inviting me over just because he expects us to do something but because he wants to spend time with me and that's why I'm so confused about my feelings right now. I just don't know what to do and I would appreciate any advice.
  5. So my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. Rightfully so, I had a tough year and I took it out on my relationship. I had horrible communication skills, would turn cold when I was angry and towards the end got very controlling. The love is real but after doing no contact for a month she said that she does not see a future where we are happy together and that that door is closed. She is reluctant to meet even for a coffee. In the past two months I have been doing nothing but reflecting, therapy and reading about relationships and communication and healing past wounds. I want to show her I have changed but she thinks we are incompatible irrespective of change and growth. I know for a fact this is not the case and that she is just hurt. How can she say that after two years? I am so lost and I need to get her back. Please help.
  6. In the past 4-5 years I have been on and off in a relationship with a man , when we first met I was 19 he was 27. I was in this relationship with this man but there was manipulation, lying but I was too naive to see it. Recently we broke up for good and I moved to a completely different state. I started talking to another guy and he started out really strong from the beginning. It kind of freaked me out , he asked me to be his girlfriend the second week we met but I said no because I hadn’t known him that well yet. We went out on a couple dates, he cooked dinner from time to time. It was all going well , he was willing to move mountains to do what I request . It was all going too fast for me so I asked him to slow down , as he was calling me babe already , he bought tickets to a couples event even before we had gone on an actual date. It was all too fast. I asked him to slow down. I was new to the city so it felt good to be around someone who already knew the city . He was at my place almost everyday , recently as he was leaving I just asked if he could go out with the trash bag by the door as he was heading downstairs to his car. He started to complain and I asked why he was complaining and he raised his voice stating that it’s my apartment and I need to learn to take out my own trash( not that I have never taken out my trash before) I was taken back and just surprised by the raising of his voice . I then just said it was fine I would take the trash out myself. I later messaged him stating how him raising his voice made me feel , he switched the whole thing and said I was overreacting and that all he said was no , but I could have sworn he raised his voice at me over a simple request . He made it seem like he never raised his voice at all He replied to my message being a complete *** and stating that he wants nothing else to do with me . He removed me off of social media and even blocked my number . Im just confused how someone can go from being obsessed with you to removing you from all social media and blocking your number . How do I stop attracting men like this
  7. This guy messaged me first quite a few times before I had responded on Instagram. I then realised it was a few months and I hadn’t responded so I messaged him. We spoke for probably a whole month before the meeting. He has offered breakfast/study dates before too. We ended up going out for dinner. Had very good chats, seems like a really lovely guy and nothing sexual. Some cute messages to each other, like him sending me photos of what he does for work and him telling me that he often thinks about me. He told me he was a bit nervous before picking me up. He picked me up from my house and before he got to mine, he texted me saying would I like him to meet my parents or just pick me up. He paid for dinner and it went really well in terms of chats, felt like a really caring and respectful guy, talked about family and all those nice things. One thing is that he takes great interest in my life and wants to make things easier for me (or so it feels at times), for example wanting to help me out with studying etc. He dropped me home and did not indicate anything about going back to his which was good. He asked if I would like to do this again and I said yes. When we got back to my house to drop me home, my mother was just coming home and he waited and said hello to her. He then said she was lovely. I could tell he wanted to kiss as he sort of just kept looking at me, I said something and then we kissed. He messaged me a few hours later thanking me, kept in on and off-contact for the week, he told me he was tired but good. He asked about my plans for the weekend and I did the same, he is very busy and works in the medical field. He hasn’t mentioned anything about catching up again. He asked about a job interview over the weekend and I didn’t respond till about 5 days later. In one of our messages, I sort of implied that I wasn’t sure when I would be seeing him next and he sent a sweet message saying he hopes to get to know me better and see where things go. That he was busy but should have more time once exams are finished and that he does want to see me again. I told him I supported him and that I don’t expect him to keep in contact. He initiates a lot and has initiated predominately. He’ll message, we’ll talk for a bit and then maybe I won’t respond if it doesn’t require a response and then he’ll send a follow-up message asking about something. He asked about studying together. I suggested we should go to the beach/study together. He asked me a few other questions, asking where the apartment is etc as I’m probably buying one soon. He’s currently in quarantine and we’ve been messaging a fair bit, him following up if I don’t respond etc. He told me about some job offers he took, asking what we want to do when we catch up. Today, he asked me about what I’m looking for (to clarify) as he has to move away which is about 2 hours away with a sad face. Told him I want to see where things go and that I do like him, he agreed to talk in person. Then asked if I’m looking for someone casual at all, perhaps asked me this as a while back when we were talking, I said I probably didn’t have the capacity for anything serious but would be open to it. He questioned at the time and said ‘I thought you were looking for something serious?’ I said not pursuing something casual but the same for a relationship. He agreed to see how things go. Advice?
  8. E.g new jobs he has applied for and got, exams he has recently passed etc. He goes out of his way to tell me. Along with other signs for example, meeting my parents and general signs of showing commitment etc.
  9. Sometimes it gets the best of me and I find it very hard to not compare. Advice? I'm seeing a really lovely guy atm and can't complain. However, whenever he follows someone mildly attractive I do get a bit jealous and find myself comparing. Any tips?
  10. Hi everyone! I am reaching out to get some outside advice about a problem I'm having with a friend of mine. I have a small group of friends and one of them I have known for almost 10 years. All the years I have known her, she has dated men who do not stick around for long. She gives them something that they want/need for the moment (in many more ways than what we are all thinking!) and then they leave her in the dust. Despite us warning her of red flags we might see, she always pins us as the bad guys and then something happens and we are stuck in a "We told you so." position. She has been with a new guy for maybe 6 months. We met him a few times and he seemed nice! Then he began making her late for our gatherings, he came to one with her after causing an argument. He didn't converse with any of us at the gathering despite us trying to include him in conversation, ask questions, etc., he then got really rude with one of our friends when we decided on a place to go that he didn't particularly like, continued to not talk to us and then left abruptly from the event, leaving her with us to go home-one hour away. (He took her car.) Without dragging this on too much, we were told at the beginning of their "journey" that he had an apartment that he allowed his sister to stay in because she needed a place to stay after returning from serving with the Marines, but then she developed COVID-19 and had to quarantine, so he stayed with my friend for the time being. But he left the sister his car to use, while he also owns another place in the same area, where he could have stayed. My friend then allowed (and still allows) him to use her car to go to his job (over an hour away from where we live), out with his friends, various personal appointments. It began inconveniencing me because she then relied on ME to get her to work (we are also coworkers, we carpool regularly) more days than normal. I began turning down or rescheduling dates because I didn't want to leave her high and dry. It has been 6 months and we haven't seen him attempt to get a new car, take back his apartment, and every time they went to stay closer to where he worked, they stayed in a hotel. My friends and I see these red flags and have tried in our different ways to make it apparent to her that there is something wrong. It has come to the point that none of us want to be with her, everyone avoids being where he is and turns down invitations if he is at all included. The other 4 of us have made plans without her because of this and we don't know what to do in order to tell her. We are all stuck because we know that she will not like it, and pin us all either against each other (she has lied to us all about some details of this) or we will be the bad guy. How should we approach this? Should we all tell her at once, should someone tell her individually? Should we wait until something happens and then express concern? Sorry for the long write up-and thank you for taking the time to read and help!
  11. I've been going through a really tough time for a while... I'm about 6 hours away from home staying with my sister and I've been here for months. This is a result of my relationship with my ex if you've read my past posts. A lot has happened since that situation, but for times sake I'll try to keep this on the topic I'm talking about. But maybe I will make another post concerning those things. Ever since that occurrence I've been staying with my sister and her family. I am 22 just for reference. Since I've been up here I started going from feeling okay to just wanting to go home. But I'm not allowed to. My mother wants me to be more independent yet she won't allow me to make the decisions I want to. She doesn't like the idea of me applying for my old job. She wants me to prove to her that I am better and then we can talk about me returning home. I understand that I needed time away but now it's starting to make me feel controlled. She disconnected my phone for a while to try to stop me from talking to my ex but to tell you the truth it didn't do anything except create and inconvenience for me when ever I have to talk to my therapist (we have phone call sessions). I understand that my family wants to protect me, I'm also scared of making more mistakes. I can only hope that they'll still continue to be there for me if anything happens. But I don't like being told I won't survive by myself, that I'm lazy, that I act like a kid, etc. At this point I'm thinking that I'm the problem, like there's something wrong with me. And I feel like I was only born to experience bad occurrences just to amuse whatever powerful entity is in the universe. This whole thing is starting make me believe that I won't do good living by myself and I'm way to dependent on my mom or family. I don't know what to do, and my paragraphs might seem a bit incoherent because I'm just word vomiting at this point. I just don't know how to prove myself to my mother. What else should I do to make em see. My mental started to decline because of this and it's ironic because the reason why I'm up here was supposed to be so I could calm down. But it's been getting stretched out longer than I wanted but my mouth is sewn shut metaphorically speaking.
  12. Sorry I'm posting so much but I'm in a very strict COVID lockdown for a couple of months now and I'm hardly working because of that. So I have a lot of time on my hands. I've been wondering if there's something wrong with me in regards to dating. I'm 36 years old and I've dated a lot of people and been in a few long term relationships. But all my longer relationships have only been 1.5 - 2 years long. I've been in maybe five of those and I ended all of them myself except one. I think I did have good reasons for them. I also had a pattern with most of them of breaking up and getting back together at least once or twice, but often the relationships were off and on. Also I've been doing a lot of online dating since I was eighteen years old but I've never really had a relationship with anyone from online. Whereas some of my close friends found their partner online and one of them has been married to her husband for 14 years and has kids with him. I have a bit of a weird relationship with my parents. My Dad never took any interest in me, never contacted me since I moved out of home at 23. He's always been very cold and apathetic towards me and basically we have zero relationship. I felt very rejected by my father because he just never seemed to care about me at all. I don't really know the whole story but I know my Mum had a still born baby before me and some miscarriages. I'm an only child. My Mum has been the total opposite of my father. I'm not sure if she was also overcompensating but she was very overbearing and clingy. Very nosey and overprotective over my life. Even when I still lived at home, if I went anywhere she constantly called me just to talk and it was actually embarrassing in front of my friends. She was constantly overly worried about me. Even when I was in my mid 20's and I moved back home for a couple of years, she treated me like this. Now she messages me every day or every couple of days, which is fine. I don't want to do that Freudian thing of blaming my parents for anything, but I'm not sure if because of my parents maybe I have some kind of unhealthy relationship attachment style. I ended most of my relationships and I'm not sure if that's because I was dating the wrong people in the first place or whether I'm just dysfunctional in a relationship. I just don't understand why other people can have long term relationships and marriages, but it's never happened to me. I have a lot of friends, many very close friends and some of them I've known for 10-20 years. So with friendship it seems to be no problem but it's just with romantic relationships there seems to be some kind of issue. Do you think it's normal to have this type of relationship history? What experiences have you had? I'm just not sure if this happens to everyone or maybe I'm actually doing something wrong.
  13. He had been following me on Instagram for a while and noticed I put up a story about a loved one and euthanasia and he reached out with a nice message and it went from there. Having been speaking for a few weeks, we ended up going out for dinner. Had very good chats, seems like a really lovely guy and nothing sexual. We also agreed on a lot things; he spoke about family and he said his sisters boyfriend never takes initiative, for example doesn't help out in the kitchen and we both agreed that if it was us, we would be doing that. The odd compliment, but in good taste. For example telling me that I looked beautiful in a particular dress on Instagram and him saying he wishes I wear that to his birthday. Some cute messages to each other, like him sending me photos of what he does for work and him telling me that he often thinks about me. He picked me up from my house and before he got to mine, he texted me saying would I like him to meet my parents or just pick me up. Nice offer. He paid for dinner and it went really well in terms of chats, felt like a really caring and respectful guy, talked about family and all those nice things. He dropped me home and did not indicate anything about going back to his which was good. When we got back to my house to drop me home, my mother was just coming home and he waited and said hello to her. He then said she was lovely. I could tell he wanted to kiss as he sort of just kept looking at me, I said something and then we kissed. Honestly was quite slow and passionate. He asked if I would like to see him again and said yes. He has offered breakfast and study dates before previously. He told me that an ex-girlfriend he had years ago was quite toxic and they argued a lot, I asked him in what way and he told me that they had different opinions on aborting a certain child for specific issues, I told him that I agreed with his point and that was good. He dropped me home and did not indicate anything about going back to his which was good. He asked if I would like to do this again and I said yes. When we got back to my house to drop me home, my mother was just coming home and he waited and said hello to her. He then said she was lovely. I could tell he wanted to kiss as he sort of just kept looking at me, I said something and then we kissed. He messaged me a few hours later thanking me, kept in on and off-contact for the week, he told me he was tired but good. He asked about my plans for the weekend and I did the same, he is very busy and works in the medical field. He hasn't mentioned anything about catching up again. Our date was last Sunday. Good signs? It does finally feel great to be with someone that you just feel you could be compatible with and see them as a long term partner, irrespective of how things pan out. Things also feel easy and relaxed. **TL;DR** nothing indicates that he doesn't want a relationship. Only concern is that we still communicate via Instagram DM (perhaps out of habit).
  14. I've been depressed for years and then this year I met a uni classmate on Zoom who made me feel good for the first time in awhile. I haven't had friends in a long time ever since my depression hit. We became friends and I developed feelings for her after some months. She felt the same. However, we're no longer in the same class in the new semester and I can feel her pulling away. I don't know if it's paranoia or just gut instinct but I also feel like she's falling for someone else in her new classes (recently came to know this person exists through an extra curricular group we happened to all be in), which hurts, even if I don't have concrete proof of it. I feel myself sinking back into that depressive state and it's affecting my coursework. Couldn't even bring myself to attend classes this morning. What do I do?
  15. Hi! So I've just completed an internship at a company. I think I did a decent job and was well-liked among colleagues and customers. During this internship, I developed a friendship with a colleague and we flirted a bit. On my last day, she told me she would miss me but unfortunately I forgot to ask for any kind of contact details. She even said (jokingly) she would try to find out my number from the company's system which I should have probably taken as a hint. I think I would deeply regret if I never met this person again but I am now faced with the following dilemma: Her work email is the only way I have of getting in touch with them. On a scale of 1-10, how creepy/wrong would it be to contact her on her work email? It also doesn't help the situation that I am leaving the country in a few weeks. Any advice is appreciated, I'm really not sure what to do here.
  16. Hi everyone, I'm having some hard time at work. I've joined this company remotely 4+ months ago, and my work has been great. About a month ago, they decided to give me higher responsibilities in my post and field, and it's about recruitment. I work in HR, so I've done recruitment for 5+ years. Let me tell you, I've never been this stressed in my life. I'm recruiting for a tech team and on top of the tech team is a CTO. This CTO, just looking at him in my recent meetings, makes me want to cry my eyes out. He's so stiff, always finds a way to comment on my work.. in meetings AND in public channels on Slack, and so does his tech team! I'm new to the role and I've been under IMMENSE pressure. Last two weeks, I've spent some afternoons crying. I even talked to my therapist about it, and he seems to tell me I need to replace my old thoughts/self-talk* with better more realistic/positive ones. Can I get any tip from anyone? Today I've cried my eyes out because of him and his team. I felt criticized, with people I don't know judging me. But, I want to be able to see this from above and not relate it to my self-worth. I know I do great work, and was even rewarded recently by another client. But... Whenever I read his comment, I feel like I'm doing a really bad job! Mind you I never felt that with my direct managers before! (At this company) Thanks for reading.
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