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  1. I have been dating a girl for about half a year, and lately I have been wondering whether the relationship between us is healthy and if it should go on. The reasons why I think I should breakup are: 1. I feel that I am attracted to other girls more than to her 2. We don't have enough things in common. We like different music\series\movies\food\books\... We also have different taste in things. 3. We have different lifestyles, I am an engineer, I like to read books, learn things, I always look for ways to improve my life and have a better future. and she spends most of her time with friends, or watching TV, or just spending time doing nothing at home. 4. Sometimes I feel she is needy The reasons why I think I should keep the relationship: 1. She is really a very good person, she cares about me, and loves me too much 2. I feel she is very loyal to me On one hand, I feel I should breakup, on the other hand, I am afraid to regret this. I would appreciate any advice you can give. Thanks
  2. Me and my boyfriend have been in a long-distance relationship for 1 year. We are grown adults. He's the sweetest guy I've ever known. My whole family liked him. Not only was he my lover he was my best friend too. I had a miserable life before I met him. He helped me so much to get back on my feet and be the best version of me. Last few months of our relationship was a mess, we argued but over small things. I was just frustrated because I couldn't see him often as I would like. Two days ago I asked him what is wrong and continued to tell him about things he was recently doing that i didn't like (nothing bad like texting other girls, going out with girls... just minor things) He saw that as if I was attacking him which was not the case, i just wanted to find out what's happening and how we can solve this. He got upset by it and said that we need to break up. When I read that my heart shattered into pieces, a man who I love and planned to have a future with him, no longer wants to be with me. I send him a long text message explaining my side and telling him how I truly feel about him, he just saw the message and didn't respond. I don't know if he needs time or something. I just know that I'm shattered, this is the case of "either we get married or it will be the worst heart break ever". I can't sleep, I can't eat. I'm crying all day, I want to scream on top of my lungs because it hurts me so much. I'm praying that he will come back, my life is truly miserable without him. It's been 3 days since the break up. I don't know how the male brain works, is he taking time to cool off or does he just not care anymore? Few days prior to this he send me a long message telling me that he wants me to be his wife and have kids with me, I can't believe this is happening right now. I'm hoping that he'll respond today, because i told him how happy he made me feel and that i want him to stay in my life. I know I probably should leave him alone for now but it's so hard, I'm used to talking to him all day every day. I literally cannot do anything besides being in my room and crying, I'm crying while writing this. I'm so miserable, I want to be strong but I can't. If someone has a similar story or advice on what should I do I would be happy to hear.
  3. After lots of problems in my life I am stepping forward slowly , I m gonna be 20 this year and gonna join the army next year hope for the best , my crush is also preparing for getting into medical field , any tips to grow and enjoy life a little 🌟
  4. I’ve been crushing on my best friend for a year and a half… Ive talked to him about other guys and he’s told me about other girls… Hid last relationship was with a girl who used to be my friend, she turned out to be toxic and really bad for him… The other girl was one of the people I knew, and she turned out to be a slightly different breed of toxic. I don’t know if he’s just sweet in general, but dang he is… Stuff like “I went because you went” ”Your my best friend” ”Where did you go?” XD last few days we’ve been talking till two AM, some people may not find this strange but we have veryyyyy different sleeping schedules. His ex is going to the next dance, with another guy to make my best friend jealous and get him back. so he says he’s gonna get a date just to get off his back, but not someone he would date date. He brought up two girls and didn’t know who else so I suggested myself as a last resort…^^’ We had been responding to each other right after getting texts…five minutes goes by and I send “It’s just a suggestion dude xD” cause I got nervous and he responded right after “I might actually… 😂 like if no one else works” He’s been sweet…saying I looked good in dresses I wore to the last few dances… And his brother dropped “If you ever feel like something is going on…he trusts you a lot, you two are really close.” a few days ago…^^’ I don’t know, I guess I needed to vent?
  5. Sorry if this is long but there is a lot to digest here. Little back story I work at an IT company in a sales management position and the female in question is a customer service rep on my team. I am 33 and single. We have been working together for about 3 years and until about 6 months ago we had a normal work relationship. We were friendly with each other but I couldnt tell you one thing about her and I didnt have any sort of feelings. Back about 6 months ago we started to become very close with each other at work. It is to the point that despite the fact that we work on opposite ends of our office floor she is constantly coming over to my desk to talk to me whether it is personal related or business related. However the business related questions are so simple she could easily call me on my phone or email me but she ALWAYS does it in person. We have gotten to the point at work that everyone is convinced there is something going on between us when there really is not. We do flirt with each other all day but in a completely non sexual sort of way, making fun of each other, laughing together, and generally just spending a large portion of the work day hanging out. We also have a weekly "date night" where one of us will cook a homeade meal for the other and bring it in on a Friday and we will sit together and have a "date". I have now developed strong feelings for this woman and according to everyone else at work it is obvious she has feelings for me based off of her interactions with me and the way we interact with each other. Here is where the story takes a turn, this girl has a boyfriend that works in HR at the company, and he just started working here about a year ago. They have been dating for almost 3 years total. So I am in a tough position where I cannot really reveal to this girl how I truly feel, but it is more than obvious that we both have strong feelings for each other. I am not really sure what to do, I know revealing my feelings to her is probably off the table because of the boyfriend etc, but at the same time I have completely fallen for this girl. Anyone have any idea what to do next in this tricky position? We also never talk about her relationship and she used to up until recently, now whenever she talks or tells stories its like her boyfriend doesnt exist, its like she has flipped a switch with me where she will not talk about him or anything they do anymore. I have never seen this guy in person as he works at our corporate headquarter office, so I am not sure he even realizes what is going on.
  6. Hello folks. I'll make this question short. There's a girl at my work whom I think I fancy, but have not really given a thought, as I don't really need a relationship at the moment ( or I may be wrong ). Some time ago I ordered a book and courier brought it to my work place. This girl is very outgoing and has fairly good personality. got interested in what kind of book I got and kept asking question regarding the book. By the end of our shift, she brings the book that she's been reading and gives me as a present. saying that she no longer has time to read it and assumed that I liked reading, hence gave the book as present. Since then, she's brought few books to me and I kindly accept her gifts. Now I want to make her a nice present as well, but don't want it be in a weird romantic way. I may be attracted to her but there's been absolutely no signs from me, that I may be interested. So my question is, if I get her some sort of jewelry, would it weird and raise some red flags? I just want to make her a pleasant gift that's it ( not in a quid pro quo way )
  7. Hello, I have planned to text to my crush for the first time, since I am going to get his number but I am afraid of giving her a bad impression, I plan to tell her: Hi, I'm… we were at the same school and I always wanted to meet you And I don't know what else to add to her, at high school I always wanted to talk to her, but I always was nervous so I never spoke to her, now that I can get her number I'm afraid of giving her a bad impression. I would also like you to advise me what to answer if she asks me: Why do you want to meet me? How did you get my number? Among other hypothetical questions ... And well I'm definitely going to talk to her, I don't want to regret never having to spoken to her, she is a spectacular girl, since I saw her something attracted me to her and unfortunately I never spoke to her because I always scared of talk to her since I was an immature teenager but I have grown up and I want to take that step to meet her. And sorry English is not my mother language.
  8. Hey, ENA. Welcome to part one of the new PDN5 series called "shouting into the void about his past and present problems." For context, I am a 26-year-old man. Relationship Problems and Break-Up I broke up with a long-term girlfriend (23 F), call her R, almost three months ago. Things with R were not going well. Here is why. Problems. Views on Children. I was originally open to children when entering my relationship. R really wanted/wants biological children: that became apparent we got to know each other better, and especially in the last several months. (Of course, that's totally okay). I started going to therapy for our relationship problems last December. During the course of that therapy, my therapist and I realized that there was a complex moral issue that was causing me mental turmoil. I likely didn't want to accept it because I knew it probably would affect or end the relationship. Essentially, for moral reasons, I realized I should not have biological children. After I came to terms with this and told R, we stayed together for a while - maybe a month or two - but it affected us, and eventually, I knew that would likely remain an irreconcilable difference. COVID-19 Restrictions. R was very, very, very worried about the pandemic - at their core, the worries were for good reason, because some of her family were at greater risk of serious illness. I tried to work within her parameters, but they became unreasonable and began to affect our relationship. To illustrate how far it went, it became tough to see even my small immediate family because, if I did, I would not see my girlfriend for two weeks. That extended to responsible friends, even while outside, 1-1. While I've been a responsible citizen of the world during this pandemic, I am an independent guy who likes his freedom. Additionally, I haven't always gotten along with my immediate family so well. We are in a good place now, for the first time in my life. I really value them, so knowing there would be consequences put an unfair strain on seeing them. (I tried to be reasonable - "Hey, R, let's go and wear masks the whole time?"). Eventually, hope was on the horizon because the vaccines were coming out. But then - she was fearful of all of the vaccines, too. She believed without any scientific basis (she has a degree in a natural science, so this was surprising) that there was a substantial chance that the vaccines would cause fertility issues. So, not only were all of those limitations on my seeing others becoming unreasonable and difficult, but I also saw no end in sight to them. It became too much. Sex and Communication. Though I try to be a giving partner in this department, R eventually stopped giving earnest effort here. It felt like sex was for her benefit mostly. In many cases that is okay - I am a giving partner - but I don't like feeling neglected or not working together in this department. I communicated concerns to her, but doing so just seemed to make a difference once and then the habits would continue. Intuitively, I chalk it up to being interested in different things sexually - perhaps she obliged my interests for a while. No one's fault, just incompatible here. Misc. Communication was not easy. She would not let me support her as a partner, i.e., help her with tasks like resume/applying for jobs (I help a lot of my friends with resumes, usually with success) or driving (she was for most of our relationship without a driver license - in her early 20s. Early in our relationship, she hid this fact from me out of embarrassment, but when I wondered why she was always having me or her parents driving her around, she eventually told me. I only wanted to be a supportive partner and help - she should be able to drive to see me on occasion instead of parents dropping her off). For the second half of the relationship, I paid for everything: food, dates, gifts. I understand I had a job and she was not in a steady job, but once in a while doing something like picking up McDonald's for us would have been nice. She often acted spoiled or child-like: it at times felt like I had a daughter instead of a partner. Probably as a result, I often felt uncertain and anxious about the relationship. When I sit down to really think about it, there were so many problems. Due to past experiences where I left the relationship too early instead of fighting for it, I now believe in fighting for the relationship with best efforts... but perhaps I let the pendulum swing too far the other way this time. The Break-Up. There were many other problems (see misc.), but the first three above were the primary deal-breakers. The break-up was the most belligerent and perhaps infantile that I've ever had. When I sent the "we need to talk"-esque message, R refused to meet in-person (even with double-masks, six feet apart), and so I eventually had to do it over the phone (which felt awful - like I was back in high school). While on the phone, she immediately claimed I was heartless for breaking up with her days after a friend of her younger brother's had died. I did know that there had been a death - her younger brother's friend and classmate - but intuitively in my conversations with her I was not aware that this had hit close to the home for the entire family. I asked for details in days past, and R actively told me that she did not think it was appropriate to share details with me, so we did not talk about it further and I did not pry. I had not honestly gotten the impression that this was more than a person the family had known / the brother's friend and were vaguely sad about. During that accusation of being heartless, she described the gory details to me about this decedent 13-year-old's tragic suicide and how the family was going to essentially have a grieving session that night - and impliedly I was sending a broken-up daughter back to that family. That made me feel horrible. Obviously, if a family member had passed away, I would not have ended the relationship for some time out of respect/care for R. My therapist said describing the gory details of a child's suicide and blaming me for being heartless after her previously withholding that information was manipulative. Still, I profusely apologized and felt terrible. In hindsight, I wonder if it was an exaggeration, but either way I wish that would have gone down differently. As the phone conversation went on, R accused me of being unfaithful/cheating, which wasn't true. She said also that I always messaged other women when she was over, which was not true (that would be rude - I don't do that and I'm not sure where she got that). She criticized me for my choice of friends and therapist. She further claimed I had bad timing for breaking up around my birthday/holidays. Ok, that one was probably true, seeing as we broke up on April Fools' Day. (ok so she has a point there). Anyway. Eventually the long conversation was over. We returned items a few weeks later. It was cold, but perhaps to be expected. A few weeks afterward, without using my name, she called me a narcissist and awful boyfriend on Facebook. That really hurt. My whole extended family saw it. She did not respond to me confronting her about it - she probably has me set to “ignore” on everything. At least the family was good-natured about it. My grandpa, jokingly: "well, we know you are a narcissist, but why is she posting about it!!" Thanks, Grandpa, lol. It has now been almost three months since the break-up. Admittedly, though I miss her and the relationship sometimes (and, those experiences hold a place in my heart: we had history spanning over two years), I think all signs before the break-up and especially afterward point to that I made the right decision. Moving Forward – Dates & Misc. It has been approximately three months since the break-up. I do not feel like I am clinging onto my past relationship: I had tossed and turned for months prior to breaking up. I do not feel heartbroken: I feel like I made the right decision. However, there is now an empty void where love and the satisfaction of being a good, faithful partner used to be. Dates So Far. I have not yet found a partner, but I've so far gone on dates with two different people. An attractive acquaintance and I had been having more conversations. She eventually asked me to go running with her at a local trail while she biked alongside. It was fun - she was nice, but she mentioned that she wanted kids and I didn't feel a major spark or connection. So, the conversations have mostly fizzled out. Recently, out of the blue, a love interest, call her K, asked me out to brunch. It sounded like a date and I assumed she and her boyfriend had broken up (not listed on Facebook, etc.). We've seemingly almost always had mutual interest in one another but have been single at different times (and I know previously she mentioned she might want to adopt but not have kids - bingo). We also competed in ballroom dance together and we are quite good. I like her quite a lot. I was excited for the date. I arrived. Not to be rude, but while I do and always have found her very attractive, it looked like she didn't put in any effort to get ready, while I definitely had. Shortly after arriving, she mentioned that she is still dating her boyfriend. Oof. The resulting conversations were… superficial? We talked about ostensibly deep topics, but it still felt superficial - maybe on account of me feeling guarded that she was still dating someone. She mentioned that her boyfriend and her fight a lot, so while I was puzzled why she asked me to brunch, maybe it was (1) just a friendly meet-up, (2) an ego-boost because her relationship isn't going well, or (3) a low-interest or testing the waters meet-up. I sent a polite “thanks for brunch – it was nice seeing you :)” text shortly after getting back home. She was evasive/non-responsive. Who knows what that was about - kind of confusing. It makes me think maybe she thought the conversation was superficial or forced, too. Whatever it was, I know I should not pursue her, because she is in a relationship. Still, that was a major let-down. FWB. I am in a non-public FWB with someone. We see each other occasionally – maybe once every two weeks. She is also in professional school. She's a great person, but at the moment we both only want to be friends and occasionally hook up because our sexual interests coincide. I would rather be in a relationship with someone, so it's just a meantime thing. Limits to Meeting New People & Dating Apps. Last, I want to meet people, but (1) the hopefully subsiding pandemic still limits available social events (esp. at my University (law school): speaking candidly, Zoom does not bring out my good side. I do not think I will make a connection over Zoom), and (2) dating apps, including this time around, seemingly just do not work for me. Though I feel I am charming in person, I just don't have that ~~~~pizzazz~~~~ that the men who get matches seem to have. So, if I can't get matches, I do not get dates. If I do not get dates, I do not get to be charming in person. Then I do not make that possible connection. Worries. I am especially concerned given the fact that at this time, I do not want to have biological children. I am worried that that severely narrows my potential dating pool by a lot. I would need to date someone with whom not only do I feel a connection or spark, but also one who is (1) undecided/open to children or (2) also does not want children. ____ I am not sure what I am looking for by posting this. I am lonely and worried about the future. Perhaps, all these topics are in the back of my mind. Maybe just shouting at the void was good for me, or maybe someone might have an insight or some words of encouragement. Thanks for reading. 🙂
  9. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up three months ago after five and the half years of relationship. We are both in our forties. She said she doesn't love me anymore and that she doesn’t have any feelings for me for a longer period of time. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but there were a lot of beautiful moments as well. We share a lot of happy and nice memories. She had a lot of issues and I was always there for her to help her and support her, and moreover to love her in that moments. At the end of the relationship, I had issues and instead of getting the same support from her, she found another guy and dumped me. She forced me to move out from our mutual apartment. During this last three months, those beautiful moments we had were all over my mind, more or less every day, and I feel regret that she has left me. But I managed to move on and worked a lot to improve myself and I made a progress. But at the same time I kept calling her to come and visit me in my new apartment. And then, last Friday she came to my apartment, we had a good time and we had sex. She stayed overnight. Yesterday she came again and we had a really good and passionate sex. But all the time she was telling me that she is satisfied with the new guy and that she is going to stay in the new relationship. When I asked her for the reason, she said that he treats her good, he is funny and that she is in a way taking advantage of him (something like he is paying for all the food). When I told her that I’m seeing someone else too, she started to cry and she said that she likes me the way I am now and that she feels regret I was not like that before when we were together. I told her that she can leave him and that we can try something again, but she categorically refused that. She said that she wants to be with him and maybe one day in the future, who knows, we are going to be together again, but not now. I'm also sure that she came to me and cheated on him, because she doesn't care about him at all. But she said that is not the truth and that she fell in love with him. I was quite fine, but now I feel distressed almost like three months ago. So this just brought me harm. So why did she come to be with me? Does she really know what she wants? Who does she love?
  10. So me (34) and my girlfriend (26) are 11 months into our relationship and things were amazing up until January when the 3rd lockdown began. To add some context to the situation I was happy with how everything was panning out and we both were extremely happy, but I had my guard up from day one, and was very careful not to let myself get carried away with her because I really didn't want to mess it up. I live with my parents (currently waiting for the keys to a house I have bought)and she lives with hers. We've talked about her moving in with me when I get the new house up and running and all was fine, we'd talked about how she would still save up for her own house to buy, to either do up and rent or sell, but essentially I wanted her to have that independence and feeling of achievement I'm having with buying your own house... obviously if things went well, we would merge our assets at some point and go from there... anyways, her parents are very strict and have been quite hard on her over lockdown, especially when it came to us seeing one another, they basically said, no, we have to stick to the rules. She's been threatened with being kicked out for minor things in the past so we carried on the relationship but only by seeing each other once or twice a week for a walk. Before lockdown she was the perfect girlfriend, caring, attentive, always putting me first, kind and most of all my family absolutely adore her! But I put up walls and said if her parents won't let her come round to mine (which I know was wrong at the time, but my parents knew how important it was to us that we carried on seeing each other privately and they were fine with it) then we should honour that to stop them giving her a hard time and making things even worse for her. We both have a history of anxiety, she reacts to it alot worse than I do but we have always helped each other, been completely honest and really just had an amazing connection together. Fast forward 5 months and we are now in a situation where we've become distant, like we've drifted apart. We still see each other for walks but she's really hesitant to spend any quiet time together where it is just me and her. I.e. not outside in public. We've discussed breaking up (which is a really hard thing to do in life, and I'm proud we can communicate that way) and told each other how we feel, and the conclusion is we still love each other and we want to work on things to see if we can get that deeper connection back, or the spark, back in our lives... My only worry is, how can we do that? With everything that is happening in the world, we are very restricted on what we can do together. We've got a date planned this weekend, and we're spending the day together on Sunday, but it's going to be no different to what it's been like for the past 5 months and I'm worried it's not going to remind her of what she wants to feel for me (I've had a sudden realisation of how important she is to me and how much I do love her, ive come clean about the walls I put up and told her I want a future together) I'm just looking for advice, from women especially, on coming back together after you've drifted apart... I apologise if this doesn't have much context but it's basically the backbone of my situation and its got to a point where I'd do anything to give us the best chance of maybe actually experiencing a relationship together where we aren't bound by lockdown rules or living with our parents. Also, I know once I get this house, things will be alot easier because we will have our own space and be able to experience day to day life together......And im aware this also could be the answer to the question I'm asking 😅 Any experiences to give me a little light in this very confusing maze we seem to be in now would be amazing. Thank you
  11. This question is based on a previous post I made about my boyfriend getting moody when I don’t want to have sex. After reading the replies to that, me and him had a conversation, and it led me to want to know how others view sex in a relationship. I’m mostly looking for a male perspective, but of course I would like to hear from anyone who has answers (whether in a relationship or not). feel free to simply answer the title with your opinion “how Important is sex in a relationship”? But below I have some related/unrelated questions that I would like to hear about as well. Main Questions: how often do you feel you should be having sex with your partner? What does it mean to you? If you’re someone who is ok with hookups, what’s the difference between a hookup and having sex with a committed partner? If your partner started to lose their sex drive, and the activities were less frequent, how long would you wait to say something? (Like how long would you guys have to go with little to no sex) If you lost sexual attraction to your partner (no desire or ability to do sexual activities) how would this affect the relationship? If your partner lost the ability (maybe became paralyzed or something) to have sex with you, would you be able to stay with them? Do you think it’s possible to maintain a healthy relationship if there is little sex? (Twice a month or longer perhaps) When your partner does not feel like having sex after you ask, how does it make you feel? How do you react? Do you think it’s healthy to have sex everyday? Or do you feel there needs to be breaks? (!Trigger Warning!) this question is a bit unrelated but still relevant to what I’m trying to understand; If your partner was r*ped, would that ruin your sexual attraction towards them? Would you be able to continue to be with them? Some people view sex as a “reward” do you agree or disagree with this? If your partner needed a prolonged break from sexual activities, how long do you feel you would be ok with? Or is this something you would not be ok with? Do you feel that the more dominant partner, should be the one initiating sex every time? Related to the previous question, if you’re in a relationship where you are the one to usually initiate sex, do you feel like your partner would try to initiate it if you stopped? If not, how long do you think you guys would go without doing anything before they say anything? Again related to previous questions, How would you feel/react if your partner explained that your initiation felt more like you were pressuring them into sex? I think that’s it for now, thank you to anyone who provides insight and answers.
  12. Hello, I have a crush on a coworker at the school I work at, which developed a few months ago. We both work together at the after school club and are a similar age (24). There's been some instances where I don't know if he likes me too or is just being friendly. He's French and moved here in October, and I've been helping him practice his English at work. Some kids at work said we're in love so planned our wedding and we got "married". I've often seen him looking at me and looks away when I catch him. He always makes jokes and laughs with me (again, probably just friendly but my crush brain wants to think otherwise haha). He told me that he always thinks about me when he sees / hears about a football player because we're from the same place. This is long but I'm just giving instances where I've wondered if he feels similarly.. He recently brought clothes shopping with him to work, and another colleague asked him why he had all of them and he said it was because he needed to impress me, then told me not to worry and that he was trying & getting there (said in French so might not translate the same). I know it was a joke but there was an annoying part of me that wondered if he meant it a little. He also repeats my name a lot to himself, e.g. after he's said hello to me he'll repeat it, or after someone else says my name he starts to repeat it to himself. An old friend of mine works at the school during the week and said she thinks he likes me. Not sure if that means anything but there we go 🙂 Sorry this is so long! But I'd appreciate any replies as I'm annoyed at myself for overthinking little things about our interactions haha.
  13. Hello everyone So met a guy from tinder 7 weeks ago and now he has ghosted me, we got on very well, a lot in common, the spark was there, he seemed nice and normal but around the 4 week mark, (I was taking it slow, as with covid, all we had being doing was walking and talking..) he told me he had gotten a sti from someone he was seeing some weeks previous and obviously we could not be intimate, so it was a shock, but ok he isn't the first and not the last, I told him ok, let's see how we get on, it's not a deal-breaker.I was more surprised as he told me he had not really being seeing people as his mom has health issues and he was calling to her house to see her, I decided to not judge too early on. I also wondered if the stuff we did had in common, really was stuff he liked or was just saying it to create a connection, it was a lot of unusual stuff in common anyways, we kept seeing each other, we spent a lot of time together, with out the physical stuff. He kept thanking me for being understanding, he had a really bad sti but nothing serious thank fully. He would talk about making plans for the future, as in dates..but he also talked about us being a couple in the future, he told his mom about me and family...we just spent 2 days together at the weekend, it was a nice weekend, felt like a friend ship as nothing physical could happen but I still really enjoy his company and im ok with taking it slow. I have not heard from him since Sunday night, I guess I'm being ghosted.. I've been on two dates in one year and half, the last guy put in 3 months of dating/effort before I slept with him..due to covid restrictions. And got ghosted by him, is this just dating now??. Why do people put in so much effort for just sex?? How do we ever know who is genuine? I've a few single friends and this is happening to them too. Why do people put on such an act??
  14. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here. If you go through my post history you will see all the events that transpired and led up to this moment. I’ve tried to restrain myself from coming back after my last post as I realized I kept going in circles and was starting to get a bit annoying and pathetic. Maybe it’s the covid loneliness talking, but after so long I felt I wanted to reach out again for advice. Sorry if this post drags on, I posted a tdlr at the end. To summarize, my ex and I broke up 2 and a half years ago. I was her first relationship. We were friends for a while before anything happened between us but I knew she had a long standing crush on me. once we did get involved, we had a bit of a rough start because I initially wasn’t interested in her and had my mind on other woman while being involved with her (before we became official). But eventually, my feelings for her grew and I became committed to her once she became my girlfriend and tried to make amends for making her feel insecure initially. From that point onwards I had the happiest relationship of my life, with someone who was also my best friend. After around a year or so of dating we had to do distance. And long story short she fell for another guy who was a coworker at her summer job and she ended up leaving me for him. It was unbelievable at the time because it felt like there was no warning. Just that one week we were fine and the next I sensed she was different. It took me so long to get better. This person who I came to believe was my soulmate was gone. Someone who was my best friend before we even dated had hurt me without remorse. Since then I’ve tried healing. I’ve casually dated some more people, focused on my career and physical well-being and while it helps and my life is on track in many ways, I still feel myself missing her and lonely. I sat on these feelings for a while until I heard that she had broken up with the guy she had left me for. Apparently it had been a toxic relationship and he hadn’t been such a good person but I don’t know details. I decided to wait and give her some time to process her breakup and didn’t reach out until 4-5 months afterwards. When I finally did, we caught up for the first time in years. And it was nice but I could tell she was guarded and didn’t want to give me much. A lot was said between us but the most important takeaway was that she admitted that she believes she never really loved me and that she had confused our friendship for being more than what it was and didn’t like the person she was back then. The person who had put up with so much and didn’t respect herself just to win me over. She said that while the guy she left me for wasn’t a good guy and things didn’t end well, that she thinks she experienced real love with him, and never felt like a second choice while with him. For the record I didn’t ask for this information. She just offered it up. And it hurt. It hurt that I had never fully moved on from who I thought was my soulmate, and in her eyes I was just a mistake from a more naive younger version of herself and wasn’t even real love in her eyes. While I was hurt, I told her I accepted how she felt but asked if she was still willing to have a new beginning as friends, because that’s what we were before anything and I sincerely mean it when I say I would have learned to be happy with just that. She admitted that while it was nice to talk to me again and she doesn’t regret our time together, that she didn’t want that, as she feels that it would remind her too much of who she was back then and the mistakes she made. Accepting her answer, I told her to let me know if she ever changed her mind as she was an important person in my life and I’ll always be happy to connect with her again. And that was the last I heard from her. In a way, while not in the way that I had hoped, I had gotten closure. Her words should have been the final indicator that she had moved on and would never look back and I needed to accept that. Which brings us to today. I’m not happy, but I should be. Things have improved in my life in a lot of areas but it feels meaningless without her. And that’s not right. Especially after over two years. I feel creepy and pathetic with how obsessed I feel. I don’t even bring up my feelings to anyone else anymore because it’s been so long. Maybe because it’s also covid and meeting new people is just not in the cards right now, but even though my ex was clear that she was past me, a part of me wants to cling onto hope? In two years I haven’t met anyone who makes me feel even close to how she made me feel. It’s not a healthy mentality to have I know, but I can’t help but compare other girls and so far no one has come close to just how amazing my ex was. And maybe that’s why I keep coming back to thoughts of her. finally to the ask of this post. What should I do? I’ve tried to focus and build on myself but even after that my mind still comes back to her. I know it’s not normal after so long to still not be okay but I want to work on changing that. Any advice is appreciated. tdlr: still not fully over my ex that I broke up with over 2 years ago. I’m worried that I never will be. When we last connected, she told me she doesn’t see us being in each others lives in any capacity in the future and that she never really loved me. I feel pathetic that I’m still thinking so much about her but I’m looking for genuine advice on how to move on.
  15. Hello folks, I probably already know the answer to the question I am about to ask, but will give it a chance Not a big fan of online dating, but after moving to a new town I gave Tinder a chance and met one girl. Started chatted on instagram and things seemed to go well but then her replies became seldom. Once, she wrote an apology saying that can’t write frequently because of her job. It was understandable, untill it took her whole day to reply vaguely to my messages. I told her, that I respect her job and her time, but if she did not find our conversation interesting, we’d go seperate ways. She did not reply for a whole week, but whe she did, she completely ignored my last message and replied to another one. We kind of started chatting again. This time she seemed more open, it was like she invited me to ask her out, so I took the chance and she agreed, Said it would be good for her because of her schedule (she finishes her shift very late). We agreed on time, I said I would give her adrress the following day and everything seemed to go well, untill the next day, she replied with the text, I am deeply sorry, I thought I told you, something urgent came up, something along these lines. Me being complete idiot, said it was ok, what about another time. Now it’s been several hours and still she did not reply. I know very well that she has 0 interest in me, but why does she come back after some time and starts chatting like she’s actuslly interested and wants to meet me? Sorry form such long post, and for my english
  16. Hey, I've never done something like this so it feels a bit strange to me. I don't have many people in my life I can openly talk to about my personal issues, especially when it comes to relationships so I thought maybe being anonymous and the opinions of others might help. Its a bit of a long read. TLDR: I still care for my GF but the relationship feels 1 sided and I don't know if I still love her. I feel trapped and neglected and don't see a way out of the relationship. Lately Ive been questioning whether of not I still love my girlfriend. We have been together for a couple of years and started dating in our last year of high school after knowing each other since the beginning of high school. Our relationship is pretty complicated; she is a Christian and I am not. I am not against Christianity or religion in general and respect those who can commit themselves to it, however I am yet to fully make a commitment to one religion. My GFs mother is strongly against her dating a non Christian and is against the idea of us together, to the point of threatening to kick her out the home if she does chose to be in a relationship with me. So for the past couple years I have just been seen as a good friend in her parents eyes. My parents know and are happy with her and as far as I know support the relationship. My GFs love language is quality time which I try and please her with. I always try to make time for her whenever she calls me or asks to spend time together like grabbing a bite to eat. I also love this but my love language is physical touch, so my ideal date is to just watch a movie at home, get take out and cuddle together and just relax. We have never done this though as we have to hide the relationship from her parents and doing a date night like that takes too much time compared to us getting dinner after university together and catching the train home. This is something I have voiced but there isn't much we can do about it. Also due to her being a Christian, we have never really had sex which is a bit frustrating but I can respect her choices and said I am willing to wait. It feels like there is no compromise for me and I am putting all the effort into this relationship. My GF also suffers from anxiety and goes through episodes of depression. She is highly sensitive and makes bringing up issues very difficult. Most times we don't get to solve the problem if I bring something up as she just shuts down. I was similar to this at the beginning of our relationship and still on occasion also shut down but as I know its not a healthy mechanism I try not to. This just makes it hard to even get my point across and as of late I have been questioning if I am even happy anymore. A part of me feels trapped in this relationship because she has told me on multiple occasions that "You are the best thing to ever happen to me, Im so glad God put you in my life." and "If it wasn't for you, I would have probably killed myself". She didn't say this with the intention of making me feel trapped but in times where I question the relationship this is always at the back of my mind. Lately I have been feeling really neglected as we haven't spent alone time together in months let alone go on a date. This is mostly due to COVID but lately it feels as though she never has time for me. For example, I asked her if she would want to go on a date together as we haven't in a long time on Friday (I asked around Saturday) and she said she had too busy with university work and was overwhelmed. However on the Friday, she messaged me and told me she was going out with one of our mutual male friends for lunch because he sounded upset. I don't think she is cheating on me but I just feel like I'm worthless. This has happened multiple times. If put a lot into this relationship and I know she has risked a lot too but I don't know what to do about how I feel anymore. Its getting to the point where I don't really find happiness in anything and find any face to face social interaction so draining because I have to act like everything is fine and I'm happy. I don't know what to do anymore. I still really care about her and want her to be happy but its taking a toll on me and I have no one I can turn to. My male friends suck at emotional talk. I'm not suicidal and have never been clinically diagnosed but I believe I am also prone to depression episodes (although less than my GF) and have anxiety. Sometimes my anxiety is so bad I cant eat anything without throwing up. I went to the doctor with my stepmum once in high school but they just told me to relax and recommended I drink tea which didn't do anything. I know this isn't the end of the world but I just feel really bad and don't see a way out. Id appreciate anyone's advice/opinion. Sorry for the long read, I tried to condense it but this has built up for a long time. Thank you.
  17. We have had our issues in the past and I've been working on myself and going to therapy to improve. My boyfriend is still hung up on the past which is okay to take time to heal but because of it he sometimes gets a "negative vibe" from me. Even when I'm not trying to show anger he still thinks im angry. It's at the point where he is so cautious inthe mornings that he's cold towards me and really doesn't care. It makes me upset when he does this because it just creates negativity when there is usually none to begin with. It makes me feel hated that my own existence is just a problem. I've asked him countless times and reassured him that in the mornings I'm just tired and not really focusing on how I sound until I'm fully awake. And I've made so many improvements to myself and my previous anger issues. When I tell him how it makes me feel he gets upset and says that he hates it when i say things like that even when I approach him calmly. I'll admit today I was at my wits end and kinda said it more forcefully but I'm tired of feeling hated. I'm tired of not feeling special, honestly I feel like im just a good utility for him to keep. When he wants me I'm there but when he's done it's like I don't even cross his mind. I try to do a lot for him to make him feel special like I cook his favorite meals or I'll buy takeout. Sometimes when I go shopping for groceries I'll bring him back a snack or candy he likes. He doesn't really leave the apartment so he doesn't do those things for me and he doesn't cook unless I ask. I've asked him to always kiss me in the morning if he's not hung up on some deadline or to send me a cute text when I'm at work or write a note but he doesn't unless I ask or remind him. He has told me that he doesn't kiss me in the morning because of that cautiousness I mentioned before but I've communicated to him that I would always like a kiss and that it would make me feel really good. He didn't listen I guess and just usually says good morning and doesn't even look at me and carries on until I ask for a hug and kiss. Maybe I am asking for a lot, I'm not too sure. He feels he isn't good enough when I bring these issues up but I reassure him that I just want to feel special sometimes. Maybe im.not being understanding enough. The issues of the past have been addressed and resolved at least to my understanding for about a year now. The issues were anger issues that come from my traumatic upbringing which he knows about. I went to therapy and I control my emotions in a better and healthier way. We have been together for over a year and I usually take care of most things because my partner sleeps all day, plays games when he's awake, and does online school when he has to, other than that I'm usually on my own and when we spend time together it's just watching TV that he likes.
  18. Hey! I am an 18 yrs-old male who has been through one break-up before about a year ago (the first one is tough) and I never wanted to leave her, but she decided to end things. We are both in high school and she is 16 yrs. However, it’s been some time and I had recently gotten a new gf. The concerning thing to me is that I think it hurts her a bit because she posts on social media implying her feelings of being alone. I certainly don’t want this for her as a still care about her feelings but I wanted some advice—some insight—on whether I should send this song I wrote dedicated to her. Since we haven’t seen or spoken to the other in so long, I was curious on whether I should send it anonymously just to be a simple note of encouragement. Again, I don’t know what to do but I just wish to contact her in some way so that she receives further closure and make the healing process much easier. All advice is welcome—thank you! The Best For You - (Original) They always speak of the past, but I don’t know what for. Though I can’t help but wonder if I’d ever find a heart like yours, But truth says I could never—you’re irreplaceable. Your love is something to cherish—so embraceable. And I think you should know That, before I go, One day you’ll be someone’s everything Enough to make their heart sing. You can give the best of smiles, That will last their days awhile. And I hope you feel the same too, ‘Cause all I ever wanted for you Is to know what love can do And what it can do is the best for you! (Oh-oh, the best for you!) You know that sometimes good things weren’t always meant to be, But that won’t change the past, nor how much you meant to me. And forget you? I could never; your time is a treasure. I won’t be the only one whose heart you can change forever. And I think you should know That, before I go, One day you’ll be someone’s gold star, Who will love you for who you are. He’ll have you on top his mind, Thinking of you all the time. And I hope you feel it too, ‘Cause all I ever wanted for you Is to know what love can do And what it can do is the best for you! (Oh-oh, oh-oh the best for you!) Though it’s been some time, I had to deliver one last time ‘Cause I know that you deserve More than you know you’re worth. And I want you to know That, before I go, One day you’ll be someone’s world, His perfect, favorite girl. And I hope you know it too, ‘Cause all I ever wanted for you Is to know what love can do And what it can do it the best for you! (All-ll I ever wanted is the best for you)
  19. Hi friends. My ex broke up with me last december. We had been lovers in a 12 months relationship, no abuse. It has been now 3+ months but I am still struggling with emotions from morning to around 4Pm[I sleep well though]. It is pattern. I can agree that I have now decided to do things that improve my career like taking courses that I couldn't take while in a relationship but any time before 4 PM I can fail and go back to bed. I have decided to stop all forms of rebound relationship & sex as I confused my temporary feeling with real healing and hence delaying any hope of moving on. When I stopped them, I felt worse again. I can't stop easily thinking about my ex and I do still occasionally cry. Is it normal for 1 year relationship breakup to take this long to heal? I have been in no contact for 30 days. I know I will eventually heal but it seems too much far. Thank you
  20. so my ex boyfriend which whom we i was trying to get back together a few weeks back, but because i was being stubborn and taking baby steps and being a little unconsiderate at the moment he decided i was being toxic and not giving him peace, so he told me to give him some space and not call him back till he got over how i treated him. Now he has a new girlfriend and i texted him asked him is he was happy and he told me "i am in peace which is the most important to him" my respose was the next: i am not going to lie to you it hurts a lot and i dont know when its gonna stop hurting since i was the one that pushed him away, but if that is what he wants i am going to try my best to be happy for him. He than just thanked me and said " same for you" Was it wrong of me to text him when he knew i already knew he had a new girlfriend? like did i pushed him further away showing how hurt i was?
  21. So my first ex boyfriend and i where trying it out again, sort of. We have hurt each other a lot actually but somehow we always find a way to get close again. For example i broke up with my second boyfriend during pandemic and my first ex called the same day i broke up with the 2 out of the bloom just to see how i was doing. Of course after i started a new relationship my first ex boyfriend felt devasted and he went through a lot, had to start therapy and was sort of depressed, it was a lot for him becuase he never thoght i will move on. Now things have changed, i treated him pretty bad since the call after my breakup, i wanted him to be there but i wasnt there for him, and i took advantage of him being there. Now he has a new gf, pretty fast, last time i saw him was on february 11 and i heard he asked the other girl to be his gf like on the 26th. On february 15 he told me not to call nor text anymore, he needed space, he was tired of me mistreating him and fighting all the time. Now i am devasted, lost my best friend. Never imagine him getting together with someone else since he was always so present to me, telling me how much he wanted to marry me and how much he wanted a life with me, for us to be back together. After he told me not to call or text, to give him space, ( also i apologized asked for a chance for me to change and actually investing in our relationship) i did exacly that gave him his pace and now i have learned of his new gf which is bigger than him and ive never heard about her it was like out of the bloom as well. I broke up the silence and asked him point blank, are you happy? he spend a couple of minutes to answer me as if not lnowing what to say, and his answer was im in peace thanks god which is the most important ( He told me i was toxic, didnt gave him peace ), i told him i was glad and that i was hurting because i knew how much fault i had in the situation but that i will try may best to be happy for him and let him go. I know we are young, we still are in our 20's but i just love him so muchh, he has always been there for me and i always think about him even when i was with the other guy. I just wantt to know what you think of this, if he will come back, if he actually got tired of me , or if getting together with this girl is a way to forget or punishme
  22. Hi, everyone ! sorry, my English isn't perfect but I hope you understand me! I studied in Austria for 3.5 years ,but I am from Moscow and wanted to move back later, because I never had a plan to live somewhere instead of my home town ( so you understand that this is about love and not about visas or anything else ). But I fell in love with Austrian so deep and we were together for 3.5 years, my whole study time . I never had such feelings he was my whole world .He is also a student but much more adult (mentally) than any other student in their 27( I thought so) . I have never experienced such understanding and acceptance and he has always said that I am "the love of his life". I never asked anything and was with him through all the most difficult times when he was in hospital due to kidney disease and when he had depression . When I graduated (was on media faculty) the lockdown started and everything was closed, in order to find a job for me, as for non EU citizen I should have find a job with at least 2600 euro salary also in the media field, + I would need work permition. Of course, it was hardly possible with Corona situation. But my bf promised me that he would never allow me to fly away from him, he wants children from me in the future and cannot live without me . I trusted him more than anyone else in the world and even when I was in Moscow ,I was looking for job so that I could pay for our apartment myself in the future and he could focus on his masters degree. And after 2 months of searching and distance, he asked the most important question: "will u marry me ?" … I was so happy . This of course would not mean that I would just sit and do nothing ,it was just a possibility to be together again and I would work and he would study. I already bought a dress and prepared documents and he was overjoyed too, it was his decision... And then suddenly he cancelled everything !!! He explained that it was all true, and he loves me but he is not ready and has to study (as a person I understand him, but as a woman, it broke my heart ). How can you first make a proposal and then just leave me when I've already canceled everything at home and have explained to my parents. I went through it and still stayed in touch with him every day because I just can't live without this person ... and I told him that I'm willing to wait for him for 2 years and then we can both work and until then we can be in distance relationship, and he was again so inconsistent "distance relationships" he doesn't want ,he doesn't want to get married either ,but he loves me and blah blah blah ... what is that please ?? I'm trying to explain it to myself with western mentality cause it is different and maybe it's impossible to imagine getting married for European after 3.5 years even if it's just paper and I'm not a helpless person who can't do anything alone ... I talked to my girlfriends and everyone said " it's not a man ,leave him he just doesn't want you ,it wasn't love etc ". Of course for me as a Russian ,when we're all a bit dramatic and are used to men fighting for us and doing everything for us ,it's hard to understand... But he's from other family background and I don't understand everything yet . I wanted to ask you is it really just mentality that he just doesn't feel ready until 35 and is rational and even love can't change his ideas . Or are all men the same and if he really loved me, he would never cancel everything ... Should I wait for him and hope that he is simply "lost" and support or does it simply mean "end of the story"??! It really hurts, I would do anything for him but just want to understand if it has any sense .. Thank you for the answers.
  23. Hello all, Background: I have a 5 year old son who is my adopted son. When he was born I thought he was mine and I coparented for 3 years. During that 3rd year I got a DNA test done out of curiosity. He was not mine, but I love him too much to abandon him. Hes my son and I want to be in his life. 19 days ago my ex dumped me out of the blue with her reasoning being because "she doesnt want to be a step mom to a child thats not mine." We dated for 10 months, its not that long but for me I was ready to marry her. I was going to propose to her in May before my graduation. I have a ring and everything and this is blowing my mind right now. I cry everyday on the thought of her. My ex, has known about my son from day 1. We have had mulitple conversations about how my son would fit in our life. We discussed if he might live with us if I wanted a better life for him. We even dicussed how she felt and what she didnt like it but respected I was still in his life. Thats why this doesnt make sense to me. A week before she dumped me, she meet my son for first time which she says caused her to rethink the situation and what she wants. First, my ex deserves whatever she wants in life. its her life. I will not self impose my beliefs or wants for her. Her happiness is her own. If she doesnt want to be with a man with a child. Thats her right but my issue with this is how can these issue pop up 10 months LATER. We spoke everyday. We talked everyday. We spent so much time together. She old me she'd never leave me a week before she dumped me. She said I was her best friend all the time. She told me I was her soul mate and that our souls will always find each other in past lives. She told me all the time how I was the sweetest caring man in the world and how she was so lucky to have me and that I was everything she ever wanted in a man. How could someone who I trusted and loved abandon me so quickly. If she never wanted to date a man with a child why let it go 10 months with me thinking I was going to spend my life with her. We had talked of marriage. We talked about kids. We talked about moving in together this summer and start our life together. The day before this all started she kissed me and told me she loved me and was all over me. I am just thrown in a maze of emotions right now. Why tell me shes going to have my children and were going to raise them to be amazing kids but leave? Why subject me with all the love and support and encouragement I ever recieved in a relationship and then be gone like nothing happened? I know I should move on. I know its the best thing for me but this is the first connection I ever had with a woman. The first time I ever wanted to marry a woman. I told her I wanted to go to the court house in August 2020 and she said she was ready but we didnt because I decided she deserved a bigger wedding. It was my fault we didnt get married ove summer. She was ready to marry me in August. How can she just leave me like this right now? The day before she broke up with me she sends a text first thing in morning stating "I cringe every time you mention your son." She goes on to say how she would be mean to my son. She would get into fights with her his mom. She even said "I dont know if I'll ever be able to love your son". Last thing she said "that day was shes just letting me know how she feels. Shes not breaking up with me". She states shes has abandoment issues because her dad left her before she was born and she doesnt want me to abandon her or make her feel unimportant because of my son. I would have never dont that to her. I would do anything to be with her! I would never put my son over her. I know in marriage wife comes first. I would give my last dollar or cut off my leg for her. I didnt get my son plenty of times bcause I was spending time with her bc I was focused on creating a connection and bond for marriage. I dont understand why she didnt even want to work on this issue. We could grown and worked thru these issues she had. She even stated before that shes broken up with dudes for no reason. That she always causes the break up. That she leaves bc shes scared in relationships bc she doesnt feel worthy enough. But We could have gone to therapy about her feelings and these issues, but she just left me with the coldest and meanest face I have ever seen her give to me. I was so hurt. When she dumped me she said "If I asked you choose *blank* or me who do you pick? " I said Im not picking anyone over anyone. But Im not abandoning him. Hes my son. I love him. I still pick you bc I love you. You are always be first to me though. "Well you made your choice. Its over. I deserve better then to be a step mom..." when she said that I started to cry. Last thing she said to me was, "Dont block me just yet, my period still hasnt came." I lost it then. I hung up the facetime call. I started to crying more and instantly went to facebook to unfriend her. She had already unfriended me. She had planned on breaking up with me before I even got on facetime with her. I feel betrayed. All my trust and love I had in her is gone. I wanted a life with her and she didnt with me. I just feel so worthless right now. Any advice...Please. Thank you
  24. We both were school mates and have been in touch on and off for the past 10-12 years. We didn't use to talk that much until 5 months ago when I confessed my feelings to her. We have been talking daily on text and calls since then. She likes me too and tells me that she has never seen a guy like me and would want to see her future with me. She had been in a relationship for the past 8 years. She told me that they both have slept together. I didn't intend to ask any further details. But she tells me that in the later stages of her relationship, she kind of knew he wasn't the right person for her (as he cheated on her but she gave him another chance). Also her parents categorically rejected the guy ( this means a lot in an Indian family). This all happened before I was in the picture. We both are not officially in a relationship yet. Since we live in different cities (and our relationship at least in the initial stage would be a long distance one), we both have decided to meet first and start a new journey together. And she is serious about it. Since we've known each other (though only a little) for a very long time and it's not like we just met 5 months ago, we ask straightforward questions to each other. I wanted to be sure if I was moving in the right direction. So I asked her if she still got feelings for that guy. She said yes and it'd take some time for her feelings to fade away. And I completely understand that it's not easy to not feel for someone whom you have been with for so many years. The problem is that guy isn't understanding at all. He thinks she will eventually be back with him. He will try everything possible to get her back. She has told him that her parents won't allow them to be together and she too doesn't see their future together. Still he keeps on trying and not letting her move on. He doesn't know about me yet but I believe once he does, he'd try even harder to get her back. He might even go on to call her parents and tell bad things about me so that my relationship with her doesn't work out. Even if we get into relationship, that guy will interfere in some way or the other. So I don't know what to do now. I'm willing to support her and give her as much time as she wants to get over him and to sort the matter out with him. Should I wait before he moves on because until that happens he is definitely going to interfere? Or should I start my relationship without thinking about him? If latter happens, I don't want her to waste time on that guy. But she will have to spend her energy trying to sort out the things and make him realize their future is not possible. Also I don't want to hide from my parents that I'd be going to her city to start my relationship with her. And obviously, I'd need their permission as well. So, I have to tell them. Is it too early for that? I am in a dilemma right now.
  25. in november, i met a guy from bumble. We got on so well and sent messaged back and forth every day. we met in person on the 7th november. Since then we were meeting up every weekend in november (he was the one to say he wanted to see me again after our first date) and we were getting on really well, he would always come through to my house and we would watch a movie and cuddle and we were all over each other constantly. We were so happy every time we were together and made each other laugh a lot. this carried on in december where we got even closer and spent loads of time together. he would stay over every weekend and even drive through to mine on a weekday night after work (he lived an hours drive away) Then sadly just before christmas his dad started getting really ill so his mum wanted him to stay at home to help look after his dad with her. Because we are in the middle of Covid-19 times his mum wanted him to stop coming to mine to stop any risk of his dad getting ill while they looked after him. This was hard for us because it was just before christmas and we had plans to see each other over xmas and new years but we discussed it and decided we would work through it. Christmas was a lonely time for me as i live on my own and the one person i was hoping to spend time with couldn't see me and i will admit we had a couple of disagreements / arguments about it but we always apologised and made up afterwards. We both agreed we liked each other enough to work through things and listen to each others feelings. Then just after christmas his parents told him his dad had cancer and it was terminal. i felt so bad for him and having my own dad go through cancer but still survive, it kind of hit a nerve so i kind of knew what he was going through but obviously his was 10x worse. Early january we had a bit of a rocky time, he was liking girls pics/following girls on instagram and because i was insecure and didn't really like that sort of stuff i told him about it and he said he was sorry and that he'd stop, he just didnt know i didnt like it but he respected my feelings so he wouldnt do it. We then had another tiff a week later about him not being able to open up and he always bought up that we were arguing more than we should be this early on. explained it was because i self sabotage and when i see something is going good i end up overthinking and try ruin it. i also said i didnt feel good enough for him, but i said to him if you want to end it i'd understand, he told me he didnt want to end it and that he wanted to see if we can sort it because "its worth it". i was so happy he said that and honestly made me trust him more. we also had conversations about how i'd express my feelings because he always felt that they came across as arguing and he hated arguing and i agreed and said i would say things a better way next time there was a problem. (for referance, he did stop liking girls pics and he didnt follow anyone else at all for the next 3/4 weeks). In January We then decided that we wanted to try see each other but be really careful so i drove through to his town every weekend (for 3 weeks) and we went for a walk together and spoke about things and i tried to keep his mind off of the other bad things going on. when we were texting he was still the sweetest guy and always told me things like i was the best thing to come out of 2020 and he'd never want to get rid of me and we were making plans for when lockdown was over. Then sadly mid jan he told me he had said bye to his dad and he hadnt died yet but that was the last time he'd see him. i didnt hear anything else about his dad though for the next week, we were texting every day and he genuinly seemed like he wanted to speak to me and he told me he liked talking to me. 1 week later i asked how his dad was and if his mum was still seeing him and he said he had died 5 days ago and that he was sorry his head was just a mess and he forgot to tell me. I was hurt that he didnt tell me as i wasn't expecting that news, and i let him know i was upset in that he didnt tell me but apologised the next morning and told him my reasons as to why i was upset and he understood and said we could forget it and move on. i told him i was there for him whenever he wanted to see me/speak to me but he said he wanted to be with his family and he would see me when everything had settled down which was totally fine with me. then about a week later we were texting and he had said a joke that i wasnt very happy with. it was a joke about ways he could get rid of me and i said there are easier ways and he said how? i'll add it to my list. Me being insecure anyway i wasnt laughing along and i told him i didnt like the joke. anyway.. this caused a bit of an argument but he then apologised and said he was sorry, he didnt want anyone else he just wanted us to be fine. but i was explaing i needed to feel wanted and i wanted him to show it, and during me typing that message, he followed another girl knowing it would hurt me. i mentioned it and he said "yeah i cant do this anymore" (i felt like he did it because he knew i would say something and he would have an easy way out) i apologised the next day because i wanted him in my life and i didnt want that to effect our relationship. he said he just needed time to think because he didnt like the arguments and he felt like they would never stop. 3 days later he told me he didnt think we should carry on because we were "too different" and we had more arguments than we should be having that early on, even though a few days before he said he wanted me and wanted us to be fine. i was so hurt and i tried and tried to get him to see that the arguments werent permanant. we were perfect in person and never had an issue in person and he knew that. he just said "yeah we are great in person but it has to work overall and it doesn't". This was the first time i was hearing that he didn't think it was working because all he ever told me was that he wanted me and he wanted us to work. He said his head was too messed up and he couldnt deal with any more problems. I feel like if the stuff didn't happen with his dad he would genuinly fight for me but because he is in such an awful place he's exhausted and just wants stability. I gave up fighting for him, i wanted him to want me in his life like he said he did before. he said he still wanted us to be friends but i said we'll never see each other again so how could we be friends, he said he'd hope that's not true. i sent him one that message saying it was nice knowing you and bye, he read the message but didnt reply. Since then he's followed more girls on instagram and for my own sanity i've had to un-follow him to stop me from looking. i've un-friended him on facebook too. He still follows me though. It has almost been a week now, i miss him so much. I keep hoping and thinking he might come back to me one day when he realises he misses me and he realised that our arguments werent as bad as what he maybe thought they were as i explained to him if they were in person they'd just be 5 minute bickers. one minute i hate him for hurting me and for choosing to end us but then the next i see it from his side and understand he doesnt want to argue but i still want him back so i can show things will get better. we met through a hard time anyway with the pandemic but then having only knowing each other barely 2 months his dad then dies. I really like him and i could see myself with him for a long time but he doesn't see that and all he thinks of is the bad things and he's forgetting all the good things we have together and how happy we actually are in person. What should i do? do i wait for him to come back (if he does)? or do i move on and accept that he's made his mind up and even though he's told me all that stuff before, now he's just realised he doesnt want me? My colleagues are saying that he wont be thinking straight and that he will come back but i dont want to get my hopes up if it never happens :(
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