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I'm worried I might be rebounding... My ex and I broke up and I started seeing this guy at work shortly after who I was never really attracted to but had always really liked me and is super kind and sweet but not the typical guy I date and wanted to see. He likes me a lot. I think about my ex everyday still and we had a very connected albeit rocky relationship... I was talking to my ex alot still and sleeping with him when I was starting to date this new guy. I had also hooked up with my exes best friend right after we broke up and he forgave and tried to move forward, but he works a long way away and I was still hanging out with this new guy alot. I had told me ex to come and visit and we hooked up... but things got messy because I hooked up with the new guy when my ex was in town... I told my ex I hooked up with him and he finally had enough I guess, told me to tell this new guy what had been going on between the two of us... or he was going to do it himself. I had rejected this new guy once when I was starting to hook up with my exes best friend.... and then I had to tell him that I had been hooking up with my ex when we were first starting to date. I'm also the first girlfriend he has ever had. The new guy has forgiven me and we are now dating.... but I still think about my ex everyday. Mostly I am just curious... Do you guys think I'm in a rebound relationship? Has anyone ever had any good experiences with rebounds?
Hi guys, so I am M(24) ex F(22) we were together for 18 months and lived together for around 1 year of that. She first broke up with me 2 and a half months ago but she immediately regretted that decision and we got back together 1 hour later. That lasted 2 weeks then she broke up with me again. After 2 days of begging I went No contact and have not reached out since. After the breakup, It took her only a week for her to go on holiday to a different country and move into her 'friends' place who she's know for 5 years and become a official relationship on facebook with this guy. So she's living her dream - living somewhere free, no job and this guy is spoiling her. This guy is not her usual type. Throughout the next month she has blocked and unblocked me a couple times, bearing in mind I have not even reached out in any way. So I find out they are now engaged! Exactly 2 months after our breakup. A day after her engagement announcement she unblocked me from Instagram! This is when I start to realize she is most likely a narc and started looking back on the red flags. I just want your opinions / thoughts. This is all very new and painful to me. Is she a Narc? How can you move on that quickly? Why unblock me to see? Will they ride off into the sunset? Thanks in advance.
I don't exactly get affected by it so much anymore, as I just see that I still have a hold of him. However, we broke up almost a year ago. Was a hard break-up, we admitted that we still like each other and that we miss each other all the time, and we both have mentioned to each other that if we ever did talk about our relationship again - it's once we've moved on from the hurt, so I don't think it's a 100% final break up where you never want anything to do with them again. I think because I still to this day felt like we broke up over very odd things and he thought the grass was going to be greener. Sometimes the texts will stop and he'll find a way to contact me weeks or even months later and it's always about how he's sorry about how things ended and just our relationship in general. He'll never directly ask me how things are unless we speak on the phone. But his texts will be wrapped in 'I hope you are truly happy and things are good' Or for example, recently I replied to one of his messages saying that I miss our intimacy and laughs. He hasn't responded but it's almost for certain he'll try to find a way to respond back to that. Because I know at this moment, he tries to play it cool or even just compartmentalize it. Any input?
I will try and keep this as short as possible. I'm 40M and she's 34F, we met at work and dated for almost 5 years. We got engaged last year and were supposed to get married Oct of this year. We were "soulmates" we had an instant connection when we met, co-workers even told her that I never have talked to anyone at work as much as I did to her. This is true. Everything was great for the most part, I caught her in little lies here and there but nothing major. Problems started around June 2013. A blast from her past re-appeared in her life. She bumped into him and they exchanged numbers and have known each other for 10 years prior. Not a big deal - until she was showing me a video on her phone and a message popped in saying, "I love you so much" followed by "I'm going to make you mine". She didn't see that I saw the messages because she was holding the phone so I could see it. I decided to address it that weekend. I asked who (GUY) was. She said, "oh that's an old friend, why?". I told her I saw the messages and said they're inappropriate and why would he be sending you stuff like that? She said, "he doesn't mean it like that he's just a friend". I told her that it needs to stop now. She then said she wanted me to meet him so I could see. Well as time went by I found out he had been coming up to her office at work. Hanging out and talking, sometimes bringing lunch. So I asked her again what the deal with (GUY) was? She got super defensive and that lead me to talking crap about him, calling him a few choice words/names and she got even more mad and left to go to her moms to cool off. Well, when she left I left to go to my parents house. As I was driving I get a call from a random number. I didn't know if it was someone from work so I answered, it was (GUY). He apologized and said he didn't mean to send the messages and that he didn't want to run her relationship. He won't do it anymore but it wasn't mean the way it was said. I told him what I thought about him sending the messages and told him I also knew about him coming up to her work. He again said it wasn't like that and I told him I'm busy right now but feel free to talk about it in person then we hung up. After that I kind of started rethinking the relationship. She's always been a little secretive when it comes to her phone. So, I started backing off a little. Later in 2019 around October she was showing me her phone again and I saw a message pop up from a females name that said, "I love you so much". I asked her who the hell Sara was because I've never heard you talk about Sara? After blowing up at me she finally admitted it was (GUY). She changed his name to a girls name..... seriously? Now I really started slowing down and kind of withdrew from the relationship a little more. Fast forward to 2020. On January 1st, as a New Years resolution, we agreed to do more stuff together and get the relationship back on track and do what all we had planned in the future - kids, marriage, grow old together. So her mom and I had talked, and I Was going to propose to her on Feb 14th. But my mom was sick in the hospital and I wanted her to be a part of the proposal since she wasn't doing well health wise. Since the proposal got derailed her mom and I agreed to do it when she got back from her trip March 14th and as everyone knows COVID hit and everything was shut down. Then April 23rd my stepdad passed away. I lived 3 hours away and with COVID we had to stretch the funeral out over the course of 4 weeks per the funeral home. Well during that time I was trying to help my mom get her stuff squared away, my sisters were helping too, but I had to do it remote because I didn't want to be in person for safety reasons since I was still going into the office at work. Well, 3 months after my step dad passed away, my mom passed away on July 30th. My girlfriend at the time was SO helpful. She checked in on me, she went to my moms funeral with me, she helped me pick stuff out for the funeral and even went down and helped me and my sisters clean her apartment out. She cleaned and moped while we boxed everything up. ****Major Side Note***** This relationship, was the first time I have ever in my life told a girl I loved her. Keep reading to see why this is important. Prior to my mom passing we had went down there for my stepdads funeral. While we were down there my mom started talking to her about me while I was in the shower. Long story short my mom told her that I don't say the "L" word. It's true. I never have told any one that I loved them. Not even my parents. I didn't grow up in an affectionate household (parents divorced when I was little and I lived with my dad - he was ex military and was all about "be a man and not a sissy" ya know?) and all the relationships I saw as a kid, my sisters, friends, and parents were dysfunctional and a lot of arguing. None were loving like you see on TV. Here is why my girlfriend will always hold a special place in my heart - forever. As we were leaving to go back home my girlfriend said, "why don't you tell your mom you love her before we go?". I kind of brushed it off and she said, "come on, tell her? I've never seen you tell her." So I went back over to my mom and after screwing around for a few mins I finally said it. My mom looked up at me and smiled. I never knew that would be the last time I saw my mom..... After my mom passed my girlfriend told me what my mom had told her and she said my mom told her, "I just want to hear him say he loves me at least one time before I die. I know he does, he does so much for me, he just never says it." This right here, is why I'm having such a hard time with the break up. My girlfriend did a lot of little things but they were SO huge and impactful. ****End Side Note***** Unfortunately at this time I wasn't in a good place. Me and my girlfriend had communication problems as it was, but when this happened I pretty much isolated myself in an upstairs room and shut her out. That was my way of dealing with everything that was happening. The loss of 2 loved ones, COVID, lock down, appeared to be too much. I'll also ass that my sex drive was super low, so low the last time we were intimate was in January 2020. We went the whole year without sex. Stress, unhappy at work, kept finding messages from (GUY) that were still inappropriate for the 3rd time now, and we got in to a rut where all we did was work then come home and watch TV. So trying to turn a negative into a positive I decided on October 4th 2020 I was going to propose. I got her mom, my dad, and one of my sisters to be there for it. She never saw it coming, it was great. She was so surprised and she even said YES! She loved her ring, I had it custom made just for her so it would be the only one out there. I sent the video out to my other sisters and my aunts and uncles. They ALL said the same thing, "What??? We never thought you'd get married, CONGRATS". This was a big deal for me because I never was interested in marriage. Relationships prior sucked, a lot of fighting and arguing. So marriage was off the plate until I met her. Fast forward to 2021. She was excited about the wedding, she got with her friend and started looking for a venue and has some save the date invitations made. Everything seemed to be going good, she would go to her friends out and they would pick out stuff for the wedding and so on. Until I found out that all the late nights and coming home at 3 or 4am weren't because she was at her friends house. I noticed he was coming hoe around 3 or 4 am every morning. I didn't think much of it because she said she was wedding planning - made sense to me. Well, when I questioned her about it she got defensive, said I was trying to control her and manipulate her. So she said she was going to her moms. Well, later on I called her mom and asked her if she was there. Her mom said no, she hasn't seen her in a while, is something wrong? I told her about the coming home at 4am and said she told me she was with you some of the time. Her mom said she hasn't seen her in a month. They were supposed to go dress shopping but she canceled on her. So I call her friend that she said she was with, her friend hadn't seen her either. Now I'm pissed and I discussed a few thing with her friend that, looking back I shouldn't have. But what's done is done. Come to find out she had been hanging out with, you guessed it, (GUY). That's when the ish hit the fan. She blew up at me for talking about personal things with her mom and bestfriend and left. This was on April 18th. I tried calling her, texting her, she wouldn't respond so I left her alone to cool off. About a week later she stopped by the house grabbed a suitcase and said she was going to her moms. I tried to get her to talk about it and she refused. So she left. I didn't call her or text her, tried to let everyone cool off. I didn't see her for a while but since we worked at the same place she started calling me again during the day and talked about work. I brought up the relationship and asked her if she wanted to work it out, she would say yes, then say she wasn't sure. Never gave a straight answer. This went on all through May, June, and July, every now and then she would text me or call me and say I'm going to come home and try again. Some times she would show up for a day, then leave again. Other times she would text me and say she's on her way then never show up. On July 9th, we both got terminated from our job, stupid reason, retaliation from a cowardly manager. Anyways, she would randomly pop up for a day at the house then gone again for a week or longer. July 21st, she showed up around 2pm, she went upstairs laid down in the bed and said she was having bad cramps and didn't feel good. So I warmed up her beanbag and went to go get her some lunch from her favorite sandwich place. Around 4pm I hear a knock on the door, I go down stairs and who could it be? If you guessed (GUY) you'd be correct. I didn't know that though when I opened the door. He demanded to talk to my girlfriend, I asked who the hell he was, he said I'm (GUY). My girlfriend came downstairs and was yelling, he stated yelling, I get in the middle and she walks out back to her car. He walks towards me and says, "I had to come over here. As bad as I didn't want to but I had to let you know what was going on. She's playing you and me both. She's been laying up at my place for the last 2 months and she only reason she came here today was because we got in an argument about girls I talk to". This went on for about an hour. He was telling me she told him she was done with me, she took her ring off, he introduced her to his mom and his girl, they've been going to vacations.... I was shocked but I guess not surprised at this point. He finally left and she never came back that day. I called, text, no response. July 23rd, she randomly showed up and I tried to talk to her about what happened. She said a little but most was deflecting and bringing up stuff I did, then she blew up and left. July 29th, around 10:30PM she showed up while I was in the shower. I Said what are you doing here? She said she was trying to work on the relationship. She went and got food and said there was a movie she wanted to watch. Next morning gone. The last time I saw her was Aug 3rd. We cleaned out the apartment and had the movers come pick the stuff up. I moved back in with my dad, and she went back to her moms. Aug 4th she text me and asked me if I wanted to go to the library tomorrow, I said sure let me know when. The 5th gets here and nothing. So I go no contact. Aug 14th I get a text that said, "I WANT MY STUFF BACK" I replied, "so you've made your decision I take it?" she replies with "I didn't make any decision I just want my stuff back" followed by "you don't talk to me and I don't talk to you so..................." followed by, "ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME MY STUFFBACK?" I replied and said, "I'll have it ready for you tomorrow, it'll be by the front door you can come pick it up". She never replied after that. She also never picked her stuff up. Then Aug 19th I get a text saying she used me as a reference and to be expecting a call. I told her ok, and her new employer called for a reference check, I spoke highly of her and he said she's hired. I text her that I spoke to (company) and she said, "thanks! I appreciate it". Then Aug 21st I text her asking her if she wanted to meet up and talk, see how things go. She said she was with her mom at the movies and would text me in a few. Never sent a text or called. So I haven't communicated with her since. Any idea what I can do, or shouldn't do at this point? I know what the overall consensus is, but I would like to reconcile and get her back. I know, after all that, why would I want her back? Because she had a huge impact on my life. She was the first girl I've ever told I loved and she was there for me when I lost my mom. She even wrote a note and put in my moms casket and did the same for my step dad. Lastly, I also feel if I didn't do the things I did and shut her out, get complacent and take her for granted we wouldn't be in the situation we're in. Any thoughts?