Fruit Smoothie

Over the past month or so, of me initially discovering my boyfriend's "habits", I'm trying to view it as a normal thing for guys to do, for the most part. So I'm trying not to let it bother me anymore - it's not worth losing the entire relationship over, right? But lately I've realized that my boyfriend is using the same picture, over and over again, while he masturbates. Like I said, I found his magazine underneath his bathroom sink. But every time I'm there now, this one picture (ripped from another magazine) is there instead, and moving from place to place from time to time that I'm there. (Which is how I know he's still using it). It's been about a month, and it's still just this one picture. It's not even a provacative picture, that's what kills me. It's just a magazine advertisement of three women, in bathing suits. The suits aren't overly-skimpy, and the three women are just laughing together. That's it. This makes me feel as though these women must seriously be his "ideal" kind of girl. If it were Playboys or Hustlers, at least then I would see it as him just being "in the mood" and wanting to just use the image of any random naked chick to get him going, but to simply focus on this one picture of the same three girls every time? It bothers me. Is it normal for a guy (in a committed relationship) to masturbate over the same picture of the same three girls every single time? I don't mean to sound so insecure or mixed up about this, it's just that I honestly have no clue about how most guys are - I've never had a lot of guy friends or anything of the like. I suppose I'm just ignorant when it comes to men, lol. So any advice is very greatly appreciated, thank you.

Thank you...I feel like you really understand where I'm coming from. A lot of people seem to be jumping down my throat. All I can say is, yes, I realize that I'm insecure, and overreacting. What upset me most is how my boyfriend didn't seem to care enough to comfort or reassure me, instead giving an "Oh, whatever" when all I was doing was bringing up my insecurity. I didn't attack him, yell at him, or anything. He knows how insecure I can be, so what was the point of letting me know how much he'd love oogling her titties? Unattainable or not, it's just a point of respect, IMO. There's really no need for me to know that info. I might find other guy celebs hot, but why on EARTH would I feel like my boyfriend needs to know that?

Tears May Fall, you're missing my point...I don't care that he finds Jennifer Aniston attractive. What I minded was his blunt way of feeling the need to inform me of the fact, it was just unneeded. And then to follow it up with his refusal to reassure me (by just saying "oh, whatever") upset me even more.

Well, my boyfriend proved himself to not be such a caring guy after all tonight. We were on the phone earlier, and I saw on some news site that Jennifer Aniston is sueing tabloids over a topless picture of her being published, or something along those lines. I mentioned it offhand to my boyfriend, and immediately got a... "...wow. Topless Jennifer Aniston? Wow. Oh God, babe, I'm sorry to say, but I would absolutely love to see that. I'm sorry. Is that bad? I would just love it." Really sweet, huh? I'm already pretty insecure as it is, so this only made my jealousies flare up. But when I brought it up to him, telling him that it upset me mainly because in some inner, silly way, I'm afraid he'd be comparing me to her, all he said was "oh, whatever." And besides, it was incredibly inconsiderate of him to say that to me. I don't expect him to be blind to beautiful women, he's only a man, but why does he think I need to hear those things?

Are most guys unhappy with this "holding back" aspect of the relationship, then? I'm honestly confused...I guess I've always been naive, but lately now that I've been looking into other's opinions on guys and their "urges", it seems that for the most part, all men want to screw other women, period. Yet when they have a girlfriend or wife, they can't, or they're held back. Does this upset men majorly at all? Being held back from being able to act on these urges? Or somewhere along the line, does their love for their girlfriends/wives balance out that strong desire to sleep with other women, and make it seem worth it to them? I guess that because I'm a girl, I can't understand exactly how -strong- this sexual urge in men is.

Cantexplain, thank you as well for the advice...so you do think I have a right to be more upset over the fact that he's jerking off over photos of half-dressed women, as opposed to actual porn? It's weird, but somehow the fact that (as you said), it's not even their sexual parts (boobs, etc) getting him off...because in these pictures, those are covered up...is more upsetting to me. It feels more personal that these girls are actually half-way dressed, as if I found him masturbating over a picture of a girl (who was skimpily dressed) he used to know or something. I mean, these are car magazines and the bikini inserts he also has were ripped out from ads in other magazines. Is he really that desperate, that even a half-dressed girl will do for him? Or does he just picture her completely naked in his head, or something? This is so frustrating! I've offered to take naughty pictures of myself for him before, but he didn't seem to enthusiastic at the prospect, and so I didn't pursue the idea any further. If he really does just use these pictures of half-dressed women as a way to "get off", and doesn't even use porn or completely-naked women, then why wouldn't a naughty picture of me be enough? I feel like I must not be attractive enough or something...my sex drive has gone way down...every time I even kiss him, I'm wondering if he's imagining these other women in his head while he kisses me. It's driving me crazy on the inside.

Thank you for the advice, Northalius...I decided after discovering this about my boyfriend that I was going to let it wait a few days and see how I still felt about it then, whether or not I would come to accept it and not feel the need to bring it up to my boyfriend. I haven't come to accept it. In fact, each day, I just feel even worse. But I'll feel like a hypocrite if I bring it up to him, because about a week ago, my boyfriend discovered that sometimes, I'll watch the soft-core porn that comes on TV at nighttime. He didn't seem to really care. I'm afraid he'll use that as a "well you do this, and I didn't mind or feel threatened by it!" The thing is...I don't watch the soft-core porn and masturbate to the naked men in it. I don't sit there and fantasize about having sex with the guys in the soft-core. To be perfectly honest, half the time all it does is get me hot-and-heavy for MY guy, or make me giggle. He, on the other hand, looks at these pictures of skimpily-dressed women, most likely imagines himself having sex with them, and gets off to the thought. But obviously this will be just one test for my relationship to undertake. It's weird though...I wouldn't want to ask him to stop...I mean, if he enjoys it, then I'd feel mean/controlling taking that away from him...but I just want some kind of REASSURANCE from him, that I'm still the only girl for him...even though obviously I'm not the only girl he wants in bed with him, which I can barely stand the thought of...but that's basically what this all comes down to. My boyfriend wants to sleep with these women. Now I just have no clue how to go about bringing it up...light-heartedly at first? Serious? Should I plan out what I'll say in advance? I've always been horrible at bringing up issues that've upset me before in the past, just because I'm a very meek and timid person when it comes to talking about my feelings and standing up for myself. I don't know what to do.

Hey - posted a thread, then afterwards saw this one and thought it might just be best to post in here. Might get a lot more advice about what to do, I'm not sure. Anyway, last night I discovered that my boyfriend's been "enjoying" himself over car magazines full of skimpily-dressed females, and also pictures of girls in bikinis (that he has ripped out from other magazines). He had the magazines first in his bathroom underneath the sink (I thought at first it was just bathroom reading), and then in his room. I found out when I picked one up to read, and out fell pages of bikini girls ripped out from other magazines - safe to say he's not just using those for reading material! I can hardly stomach the thought of him getting off to these pictures of half-naked women. In a weird way, the fact that the pictures aren't technically "porn" upsets me even more. If it WAS porn, at least then I might feel as though he's just being turned on by the sexual situation, etc, and not just the way the female looks dressed skimpily and posing provactively. To me, it feels as though I've been mentally cheated on. If he's whacking off to these pictures and fantasizing about having sex with these women...I might find other men attractive, but would never get off to a picture of a half-dressed, hot guy. To me, it would feel as if I had just betrayed my boyfriend in some manner. I have no clue what to do from here...bring it up to him? Try to talk it out? I don't want to say to him "no porn at all anymore! no looking at these girls!" because that would just piss him off and make him feel like I'm controlling him...but at the same time I want him to know I'm upset about it, and get reassurance from him...I don't know what to do.

All right. Where to begin? I guess I'll start off by saying that I've been with my boyfriend for about five months now. He's never been into porn (or at least, doesn't appear so to me...no Hustlers or Playboys lying around), but does like cars, and gets a lot of the car/truck magazines. Of course, these magazines are just chock-full of girls in itsy-bitsy bikinis, but it never bothered me before. Even though I acknowledge the fact that he most likely appreciates the way the girls look, I know he gets the magazines for the car/truck aspect of them alone. But a few weeks ago, I noticed that there were a few of these magazines underneath the sink in his bathroom. I once more didn't think much of it, and figured it was probably for "bathroom reading" if you catch my drift, lol. Tonight, while I was at his house, my boyfriend was in the shower and I was lying on his bed. I noticed that the same magazines he had underneath his sink before were now lying on his dresser. I was bored and so I picked one up to read. Imagine my surprise when a couple of his own "inserts" - pictures of more girls in bikinis, ripped out from other magazines - fell out. It stunned me. And irritates me, because I've always told myself (and my boyfriend as well) that I wouldn't care if he happened to look at stuff like that/porn, because I didn't think it would upset me. I guess I always figured that he wouldn't look anyway, which is naive, I suppose? Now I'm also wondering if he possibly had the magazines in the bathroom to use as assistance while he...you know. It's got me feeling jealous and insecure. I wasn't sure whether or not to bring it up to him, and decided not to. Now I don't know what to do - should I just zip my lips, and act as if nothing is wrong in front of my boyfriend? And some advice on how to accept the knowledge that my boyfriend looks at other girls in a sexual manner...(yes, I've realized before that he must, but it was never this in-my-face before) would help. Thanks for any suggestions/words of wisdom/advice.