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Ellie2006

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Everything posted by Ellie2006

  1. Ellie2006
    Hi there Pharaoh, Welcome to ENA! I am so sorry to hear of the circumstances that has brought you here, though. I am sure you will find many threads here on ENA regarding NC so you may want to browse through some of them on your own for more info. In a nutshell: NC is something we do NOT to get our exes back BUT to heal ourselves by shielding ourselves from information about our ex's post-breakup life that might harm us further. NC is NOT right for all situations; especially when there are children involved, NC is not realistic nor is it advocated. Consequently, NC means no phone calls, no emails, no text messages, no IMs, no checking up on ex's Myspace or Facebook, no "accidentally" running into them in town, no driving past their house, no (cyber) stalking them, no asking friends about how the ex is doing, etc etc. No contact, imho, means: completely distancing yourself from your ex so that you can fully focus on YOUR healing. I am sure other members will further elaborate on NC. Hope this helps. Also, if you would like more specific feedback that's relevant to your particular situation, how about starting a thread? Take care of yourself! Sending best wishes your way, Ellie (ps. Sorry to the OP for going off on a tangent for a bit)
  2. Ellie2006
    Hey Hazeleyed, This happened to me too a while back; I was very scared bc what seemed like clumps of hair fell out every day when I washed my hair. BUT, once the stress factor was removed, my hair stopped falling out so much. Nonetheless, as DYT suggested above, please do consider getting your thyroids checked. Take care and good luck! ps. Thank you Honey Pumpkin for that info on "telogen effluvium"!
  3. Ellie2006
    Hey there, STBX, I've been keeping up w/ your thread and I just wanted to throw at ya another "hang in there" I am sorry I can't be more helpful; I hope you get things resolved sooner, rather than later ... Take care of yourself and keep on typing ...
  4. Ellie2006
    Hi Kat, Sorry to hear that you're hurting right now This is my two cents and I am sorry if this is not something you want to hear right now but I do believe it is best that you move on and away from him. According to your OP: a) He is dating other people. b) and in so doing, he is making you sad. c) Though he has the right to do this, he is being rather insensitive to "leave comments" to his numerous dates, fully knowing that you can see these comments when you log on d) He has clearly stated (via his action and his words) that he does NOT wish to reconcile. His being nice to you does not equate to his wanting to reconcile, I am sorry to say Please consider deleting him off your MSN Messenger and starting NC. Take care of yourself.
  5. Ellie2006
    Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you had a bad day I am so glad it's the weekend; please do get plenty of rest this weekend if you feel faint! Plus, please do consult a doctor if this symptom persists. Yes, the breathing thing: I think trying to breathe more slowly (and through your nose) helps to regulate your breathing; I do this too when I feel like I can't catch my breath ... Don't know if there's any medical basis for it, though Easier said than done, I know, but please please please try to push those thoughts out of your head for now; those thoughts are exacerbating your anxiety attacks, it seems. Letting those thoughts overcrowd your mind will deter the recovery of your peace of mind. Hard as it may be, please do try to keep your mind from returning to those memories. Would the "rubberband" trick (y'know, wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it everytime you feel like your thoughts are wandering to those memories as a reminder NOT to do that?) help, do you think? Hang in there. And please DO consider talking to a medical specialist if you still feel shortness of breath... Hugs, Ellie 1:
  6. Ellie2006
    Hi there, I know exactly what you mean! I think it must have been around the two month mark for me as well; I cried and cried and cried anywhere and everywhere! My colleagues could not understand why my eyes looked so puffy and red all the time. (I told them I had pink eye, lol). I cried at my office. I cried when I was home at night. I cried watching TV. I cried listening to the radio. I cried ... well, you get the picture. I even cried on the commuter bus while people looked away uncomfortably ... In hindsight, I think I must have cried more during those months than I cried in all my life! BUT you know what? I think it's just part of the grieving process, as cliche as this may sound. Breaking up evokes such a wide range of emotions within us and I do believe it is best NOT to suppress them but to allow us to fully experience these emotions. One caveat: we cannot let these emotions swallow us whole, though. Anyway, this might sound too simplistic (?) in a way, but if you find yourself thinking about what your ex said when you are alone, please try to cut down on the alone time. Ask your friends for support; go out and hang out with them more. Call them. OR you can always come here and vent! We're always here to listen! Keep yourself busy. Also, one thing I've found helpful is NOT to keep track of how many days has passed since I started NC: I found myself really down on those milepost days (1 month, 2 months, etc etc) but once I stopped counting ... I did start to feel a tad bit better. In any event, I do hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself and please don't forget to eat, drink, sleep, rest, exercise, get fresh air, pamper yourself, cry, laugh, vent here, etc etc. Sending a great big hug your way, Ellie
  7. Ellie2006
    Hi there, I see that you've decided to keep trying; I am glad to hear that you've decided to put in more effort to work things out with your gf. Based on your OP (original post), I was going to say that: If you are living together now, would you consider moving out and living near by while your gf is going through her pregnancy? While I agree that you should NOT threaten to leave in the heat of the moment, I did think that perhaps all this arguing (and the tension that it generates) cannot be good for the baby OR the children already in the home who witness your arguments. In my humble opinion (based on your description of your relationship), I did think that you and your gf do have many compatibility issues and if you are genuinely unhappy with the relationship, you should give a serious thought to breaking up with her. In the end, I did not feel that either one of you would benefit from being in a relationship in which one (or both) of you were feeling miserable. Even if you did break up, you could still be supportive of her in many ways, I thought. BUT as your decision is to stay and to put more effort into making things work, I would like to ask: would you consider going to couple's therapy to sort through some of the issues in your relationship? Just my two cents. Good luck!
  8. Ellie2006
    Hi there, Welcome to ENA. It looks like other ENA-ers have been giving you great advice! If I may chime in here: Yes she will cry. Yes she will ask million questions (esp. if she did NOT see this coming) Yes she will hurt and so will you. Yes she may resent you for a while. BUT She will thank you down the road for having the wisdom to let go, sooner rather than later, of a relationship that was not right for both parties involved. If you are certain that this relationship is not right for you, then please talk to her as soon as you can; as hard as it may be, do not let her tears dissuade you from doing the right thing for both of you. And please know we're here to support you. Good luck and take care.
  9. Ellie2006
    Thanks for sharing such an uplifting poem! It's lovely ....
  10. Ellie2006
    Hi there! I too agree with what Caro and LIMT have already said ... so nicely too, I might add Eating more fiber and drinking more water is probably your best bet; OR perhaps you might consider drinking green tea, which is known to flush out the toxins in your system?? My apologies but another "gross time" : I have heard both good and bad things about colonics BUT doctors generally advise against it bc your body could get dependent upon the process and will become lax in uh .... initiating bowel movements on its own. If you are feeling sluggish, how about trying to amp up or diversify your exercise routine?! I hear exercise is inclined to increase your energy level, not decrease it. Hope this helps a little!
  11. Ellie2006
    Kevin, Hi. Maybe it was too extreme a turnaround?! Bottom line: based on the pics you posted, there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with the way you look and dress. [The whole "drop-the-trench-coat" thing was simply a suggestion based on my limited observation of what college students seem to be wearing] You already know this so I feel pretty silly saying it BUT what every women likes is different so keep true to YOU and you will attract the type of women who are, perhaps, more compatible with you (and shares YOUR sense of style). Just a thought. ps. How's that cough? Hope you are feeling better!
  12. Ellie2006
    Ach, Sorry to hear that your life has turned topsy-turvy due to the actions of another family member. As Caro suggested, getting back your sense of stability is KEY! So please do take care of yourself. IMHO, I think it might be best NOT to dwell too much on the actions of this other family member; rather, focus on how you can move onward and away from this traumatic event. When YOU feel stronger, I hope you will consider returning to support other family members; help them with your strength. Hey, we're always here to support you; please know that this is a safe place for you to come and vent your emotions. Hope you find this site a great place to help you heal as many of us have. Sending best wishes your way, Ellie
  13. Ellie2006
    Hi there Veneratio, Like RayKay says above, time-management is key: Write out a detailed schedule of what each day should look like: pencil in time for schoolwork, work, exercise and don't forget to include break-times and friends-time as well! Realistically, you may have to sacrifice *some* time you used to spend w/ friends and re-route this time to "work" One caveat: if you find that your schoolwork and your general well-being is suffering due to the extra hours added for work, please do re-consider, at that juncture, whether or not this job is worthy of your education/degree/health. Good luck!
  14. Ellie2006
    Hey there, Delusion79, It's okay! First. Breathe.... Yes, I understand why you might not want to talk to your off-line friends about these issues cluttering your life right now. What's wrong? Talk to us. We're here to listen, whenever you're ready ... Hugs, Ellie
  15. Ellie2006
    Hi Blink_guy, I am sorry to hear about the break-up I am not too keen on the whole "taking a break" myself (mostly bc they usually seem to end in a breakup anyway) BUT do you think if you asked your gf to take some time (say, about 2 weeks or so?) to think about whether or not she wants to be in this relationship, she would be willing to do this? If you DO take the "break" and opt to discuss this matter after you both had time to think about the ramifications of a breakup, please make sure you give yourselves a "proper" break in the duration till the next time you meet: meaning NC -- so that you both can have the clarity of mind to approach this matter. Again, I usually do not like to suggest taking breaks BUT I only say this bc I felt as though you guys kinda broke up at the heat of the moment (? sorry if I am way off ...) and did not properly address the issues re: the fight last months and her confusion about how she feels about the relationship. Just my two cents. Good luck!
  16. Ellie2006
    Hi again, I am so sorry to hear that you're hurting so much right now I know this is NOT what you want to hear but your ex sounds like a manipulator and he duped both you and this other woman. This is a cliche, I know, but perhaps this was a blessing in disguise. Nonetheless, breakups are rough, even when we're breaking up with those that betray and hurt us ... Hang in there, Scared12. Please know we're here to support you FULLY! And please do take care of yourself while you heal: don't forget to eat, sleep, rest, get fresh air, vent, cry, laugh, etc etc ... All this is necessary for you to regain your sense of emotional stability ... Sending best wishes and a great big hug your way, Ellie
  17. Ellie2006
    Hi again Mario, I agree with the others: it DOES sound like she's clearly communicated to you where she stands. Hence it might be best to give her the time and distance that she requested. As she has given you the green light to call about your son, please do keep to LC and limit your conversations w/ the ex about issues regarding the children involved. I agree with the others that it will probably backfire on you if you take the conversation with her to topics about the relationship/breakup/reconciliation; so it would be best to stay away from those topics completely, IMHO. Also, I would ask that, as hard as it may be, you disregard her final comment about how "she'll let you know when she realizes she's made a mistake and wants to come back." We should NOT hang our hopes on these empty words and put our lives on hold. I would say continue on with your life as if she is not returning and focus on your healing and your children's well-being. As for reconciliation, cross that road *only* when the natural course of events leads you to that direction. Good luck and take care!
  18. Ellie2006
    Samross, hi. I hope the doctor's appointment went well? I understand how one can feel a bit decentered when a grup dynamic shifts. Nonetheless, you ARE a valued member of your band and what's good for the band is ultimately good for the members of the band too, wouldn't you say?! Take care of yourself and keep your chin up! Hugs, Ellie
  19. Ellie2006
    ITG, how are yo doing today? Better, I hope! SuperDave, you must be the single biggest purchaser of duct tape in North America, running around as you do, trying to tape down everyone who's about to break NC!
  20. Ellie2006
    Hey Hail, It is most likely that the info may get conveyed to your ex. But if I may ask: even though at one point, you wondered if your ex was feeding her questions to ask you, why didn't you stop answering them OR let the roommate know that you'd prefer if she kept this info to herself? I am sorry if I am way off here but do you think you were perhaps (unconsciously) telling the roommate these things so that this info would get back to your ex?! In any event, it is natural, IMHO, that you are thinking more about your ex than ever now as: a) you have run into her recently and b) you've talked about your ex (and the convo about her (and subsequently, thoughts about her) is in your head) ... Just my two cents, Hail, but if you truly wish to move on, you have to actively stop yourself from thinking about her. It sounds like running into her from time to time (in these meetings and at random places on campus) cannot be avoided; it just will not do, if at the end of each encounter, you feel like you're taking a step back, wouldn't you say? Easier said than done, I know, but if you do not believe a reconciliation is a possibility, then you must remind yourself each time you are hit with those "what ifs," IMHO. Also, the only way you can escape from those questions of "does she perhaps want to get back together" is to ask her directly; trying to read her signals rarely works bc they're easily misread. If you find yourself thinking about this question 24/7, then please DO consider asking her directly so that you can, once and for all, escape the limbo and clearly know where she stands. If you (kinda) already know the answer to the question above (and you know she won't be swayed otherwise), then what else can you do but to move on? It must not be easy to run into your ex from time to time with these thoughts occupying your mind BUT hang in there, okay? Take care and good luck.
  21. Ellie2006
    Hi there, Re: breaking NC for ex's b-day: this is a much debated issue -- some posters think that sending a nice card (or e-card) is a kind gesture to someone you cared about. Others believe that your ex forfeited the right to your kindness once they broke up with you. In my humble opinion, I think the ultimate decision should come from what YOU are comfortable with. Ask yourself this: will you be okay with NOT acknowledging her b-day this year? Would it make you feel too guilty about ignoring her b-day, to the extent that you're going to worry about it and apologize for it later? If latter is the case, then I think you should save yourself the agony and simply send her a nice card (or ecard). If you think you'll be okay without acknowledging her b-day, then continue on with NC. Also, if you DO send a card and she does NOT acknowledge the card OR if she sends a cursory thank you via text or a brief email, will you be okay with that? OR would her cold response set you back in the healing process? If you think it will set you back, then it'd be best if you don't send a card. If you think you will be okay even if you don't hear back from her or she sends a one-line response, then it might be okay to send a card. Ultimately, your decision should depend on what helps YOU the most to move on and away from the pain of this breakup, IMO. Just my two cents. Take care of yourself!
  22. Ellie2006
    Hi there, Houdini, Welcome to ENA. I am sorry to hear of the circumstances that brought you here, though. As you already read in the ENA forums, NC is generally advised for those trying to get over the pain of their breakup. Nonetheless, NC is NOT right for all situations. And if there are children involved, NC is next to impossible to implement. First, if I may ask: if you guys have identified the problem in your relationship as a lack in nurturing the love between you two, are YOU willing to do all that it takes to reconcile? Is she willing? If both of you are willing to work on the relationship to make it work this time around, would you two consider going to couple's therapy? Second, if neither (or only one) of you is willing to work on the relationship and hence a reconciliation is *not* in progress at this juncture, LC (limited contact) is preferable to NC, in my humble opinion. In doing LC, you would limit your conversation/contact w/ your ex to matters only concerning your children; all other topics would be off limits. Just my two cents. This must be a difficult time for your family; please hang in there and make sure to take care of yourself while you heal. Best wishes to you, Ellie
  23. Ellie2006
    ^ Haha, that IS funny! Mine's Burberry too and it looks really similiar (except for the bands around the wrist)
  24. Ellie2006
    Another great one, FP. My favorite stanza: Moments ago, I lived a little, Thought by thought though, I cry a little, Inside, outside, I die a little. One question if I may: why do you consider it an "unfortunate unbottling"? If I had your writing prowess, I would consider it a "welcomed release" Thanks again for sharing!
  25. Ellie2006
    Caro, that's how I pictured a trench coat too! [Charley, I agree. A men's trench coat would have a different type of collar, I believe.] Well, I think some people are in professions that call for more business-y outfits. [i confess I too have a beige trench coat , which is perfect to wear over business suits] But seeing as Kevin is a college student, it might make him stand out (which could be both good and bad)? This is neither here nor there, I suppose, but I went to an ultra conservative private school to do my graduate studies: the undergrads mostly came from super rich families and everyone dressed to the nines for class every day. Clothes/cars were the great divider b/t grads and undergrads Yet, even at this school, I hardly saw a male student with a trench coat. Sure some, on certain occasions, wore suits, and on others, sports jackets/blazers, but rarely trench coats. But I guess this is all moot, in a sense, bc Kevin likes his trench coat and I do agree that he should NOT have to give up his personal sense of style to accommodate those who do not understand it AND judge him for it. By the bye, Caro, you mention this above but yes, I can't believe we're actually having this convo about trench coats ... of all things!
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