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Deviant_Kate

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Everything posted by Deviant_Kate

  1. Deviant_Kate
    How WE feel about it isn't going to change how HE feels about it. Just have a serious talk with him about why it bothers him, and let him know that there are things you can do to minimize the mess (I have a dark red towel around specifically to protect the sheets if I have sex during a period). You could also *try* shower sex or some other "water sport" to make sure the blood is easily washed away.
  2. Deviant_Kate
    I didn't have a clue until I was 18 that I was gay. I noticed beautiful women, but it was always wanting to be like them, not with them. I remember my sister once talking about how hot Antonio Banderas was, and I was thinking .oO(Really? He doesn't look special to me). I dated men, but I realize now it was more because I didn't want to disappoint them than an actual desire to be with them. I think there are probably at least a thousand different answers to that question. In my case, I was propositioned by a woman and I spent a week thinking about how that made me feel. I came to the conclusion that I was attracted to her, and that was that. I came out to myself, and six months later I came out to my parents. Have you seen the film Kissing Jessica Stein? It's pretty relevant to the subject matter here.
  3. Deviant_Kate
    I say keep ignoring her. If she doesn't stop, just say "I'm not interested." Don't be wishy-washy, don't offer to help her with her car, don't say "we can be friends." Just blow her off or she'll keep trying.
  4. Deviant_Kate
    It depends on the person. My girlfriend and I were friends for two months before we were "together" - we got really close really fast and we went on dates constantly without admitting they were dates. The relationship timeline went a little like this: Monday - admission of mutual attraction Tuesday - dinner date ( I brought her flowers) Wednesday - Sex Thursday - Sex Friday - Sex and so on and so on You get the picture. We've been together for two and a half years now.
  5. Deviant_Kate
    a dental dam is a square of latex that you place over the vulva (preferably with lubricant) before performing oral sex on a woman. It covers enough space that it should fully protect from any STDs.
  6. Deviant_Kate
    Going on a date doesn't mean signing a contract that promises you'll be gay from now on. What can it hurt? Take a few baby steps, test the waters, and see how you feel. And don't forget - being gay doesn't mean you're attracted to EVERY woman. If your first first date doesn't ignite any fires, that doesn't mean your second first date won't. Ballys is right - no woman is going to like knowing she's your guinea pig, so maybe keep it to yourself that you're not sure of your sexuality - but be honest in other arenas - don't lead them on, don't pretend you know all their is to know about LGBT life, and don't worry about it if you don't catch all the LGBT references.
  7. Deviant_Kate
    The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network has a free 24 hour hotline that you can call to talk to somebody if you'd like: 1.800.656.HOPE. I do agree with a lot of posters that counselling would do you a world of good. You should also do a search for free or sliding scale counselling in your area (I see you're college aged - most colleges have counselers you can talk to), and maybe you should look into counseling with your fiance so he can be there for you and so he can actually talk to the counseler about how what happened to you has affected him - he's probably suffering too, knowing that the woman he loved was assaulted and he can't take your pain away. I think you're doing surprisingly well. Especially since it was only a year and a half ago. Rape isn't like a broken leg - it doesn't just heal after a couple of months. You shouldn't expect yourself to be "all better" by now - no decent person would expect you to just move on from this, especially since you haven't sought therapy. I wish you all the luck in the world, and congratulations on your engagement. I hope things start looking up for you soon.
  8. Deviant_Kate
    From what I've picked up about the situation, you guys have been together a few years, correct? In face-to-face relationships, after a while sex can get to be kind of boring because it's the same thing over and over again if you don't work to make things different and interesting. So...IMing about sex could suffer the same kind of dull slump. I don't know that I have any sort of solution since I don't have a real understanding of your relationship and how it works. I just wanted to reassure you that it's kind of normal for sex-related things to get boring after a while if you don't really have the opportunity to spice things up. It's hard to keep passion going in a long distance relationship when you can't touch each other. Don't beat yourself up or doubt yourself.
  9. Deviant_Kate
    Well, the first thing you can do is stop assuming that being called gay is some sort of terrible indignity thrust upon you - the fact that you're insulted by being called gay is an insult to those of us that ARE. Then you can tell your sisters that you aren't gay and to stop trying to get you to call guys cute. Have an honest conversation with them and make it clear that you aren't just being defensive - you truly are not gay.
  10. Deviant_Kate
    Thanks. That's Taco, my sweet little mutt. The top hat was my idea. You should see her in her rain coat.
  11. Deviant_Kate
    If you LOVE him, you'll do what's best for him, which is to make sure he doesn't become a father before he can even become a high school graduate. Not only do you have to worry about pre-ejaculate, you need to remember that there is such a thing as premature ejaculation and it's EXTREMELY common in teenage boys. He may intend to pull out before ejaculating, but that doesn't mean he will - sometimes things happen so fast you can't control them. If HE loves YOU, he'll wear a condom. If he's not willing to wear one EACH AND EVERY TIME, he's a selfish PRlCK because he's choosing his personal pleasure over your future. Do you really want to lose your virginity to someone who doesn't care enough about you to protect you?
  12. Deviant_Kate
    I mark every period on the calendar, AND my girlfriend and I keep a "sex journal" with dates and descriptions (kinda weird, but we like it), and I've noticed that sex happens more often around the time I'm ovulating (makes sense - biological tool to insure pregnancy and the perpetuation of the species) and I almost always have sex the night before my period starts - I haven't figured out yet if I have sex because of a hormone spike or if my period is just jump started by the sex.
  13. Deviant_Kate
    I've seen them aim so they somehow shoot onto their own stomachs. That way you can control where it goes and clean up after with any sort of disposable cleansing cloth.
  14. Deviant_Kate
    With my ex in the shed in the back yard. With my current S.O., in every house we ever pet-sat in, including on the pool table in one of them and on the floor at her grandma's condo. On the beach of her dad's pond just over the hill from the construction workers. Standing in a creek I played in as a child. On the bathroom sink (which is apparently quite common in this bunch). In her parents' driveway in their car while they were home. I doubt any of that really compares to some of the other stories I've seen, but oh well. Those are the strangest/most interesting places I can recall. I lost my lengthy list of all the places we've had sex.
  15. Deviant_Kate
  16. Deviant_Kate
    I doubt he was actually masturbating with the pillow - He was probably just trying to figure out the the mechanics of sex beyond the penis-in-vagina part, like the easiest/most comfortable ways to hold himself up, etc. It's probably really common for considerate or insecure young men to do things like this - I think it's sweet. He didn't want to embarrass himself or disappoint you. You have absolutely nothing to worry about, and PLEASE don't make him feel like a freak about it.
  17. Deviant_Kate
    I was 18 when I lost my virginity, and I was in love with the person I gave it to - the problem is that because I was so young, I wasn't the best at decision-making. We'd been together for six months, and we wanted to stay together forever, but if I were older and more mature, I would have recognized the several red flags that would have warned me that the relationship wouldn't work out. I fell in love again just before I turned 21, and things are going really well - no red flags (believe me, I've been looking for them pretty closely this time). I regret losing my virginity so young because it's something I wish I could have given to the love of my life. People make mistakes, and it's not the end of the world, but I can't take it back. There's no way to know you're making the right decision when you make this kind of decision - just remember that it's not a race, there's no rush. Enjoy your life, and when you stumble accross love, listen to your heart and do what feels right.
  18. Deviant_Kate
    Cynical is right. It's actually kind of normal to be a virgin at 18. Nobody is SUPPOSED to be having sex, college student or not. It's not a requirement. There are plenty of people on this site that are adult virgins, and I've got a friend who's 23 and he's NEVER had sex. If so many other people can NOT have sex and still be happy, the problem isnt your virginity - the problem is your perceptions and your coping skills. P.S. True feminists want equality of the sexes. Don't blame feminism for the behavior of a teenage girl, even if she did reject you.
  19. Deviant_Kate
    Well, is the 3.75 inch girth the circumfrence or the diameter? It sounds like you're on the smaller end of average, but still in the normal range. Regardless of penis size, sex should never be only about penetration. "Going the extra mile" should be a normal part of sex. Foreplay shouldn't be considered optional.
  20. Deviant_Kate
    Tigris is right - there are all kinds of implants, from wires so you can put your penis in any position you want, to a water pump where you press a button behind one testicle and it fills a tube with water, causing an erection. Definitely talk to your doctor to learn more about what's available and what you're willing to do.
  21. Deviant_Kate
    You're right - gay isn't strictly male. I prefer to call myself gay instead of lesbian.
  22. Deviant_Kate
    I don't really have any stories quite like the rest, but a friend of mine and her fiance were visiting her parents, and her fiance was going down on her when her mom walked in. He went downstairs a little bit later, and her mom said "Sean, if I'd known you were hungry, I would have fixed you breakfast." I would have died of embarrassment. I'd prefer it if my mother would keep pretending I'm a virgin.
  23. Deviant_Kate
    My dad cheated on my mom two years ago, and the woman he cheated with met him through work and pursued him because he was a married man. Married with five kids and an awesome job - a real catch - she just didn't care that he was already caught. But he made his own decision. Even in cases where the woman is an "evil witch" pursuing someone who's taken, the guy KNOWS he's taken, and nobody can FORCE him to have an affair.
  24. Deviant_Kate
    Maybe he's really stressed. My relationship goes through dry spells once in a while when one or both of us are stressed out really bad. I think asking him constantly if he's cheating is going to cause a bigger problem than not having sex. Good luck.
  25. Deviant_Kate
    Lesbian sex can be tricky. My girlfriend was well...manually penetrating my vagina and thrusting pretty vigorously and her fingers slipped out - it took her body a second to catch up to her brain, so there was one last thrust and I ended up with a long and bloody fingernail scrape on my inner labia. Less brutal injuries - she reached for lube as I reached for a towel, and her elbow collided with my face. Once when changing positions, she lifted her leg to move it to the other side of me as I was also shifting, and her toes actually ended up IN my mouth - one toenail cut my gums.
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