Deviant_Kate

Yes - gay people are PEOPLE and they (WE!) deserve to be happy and to be treated with equality and respect!

I was 18 and she was my first love. She turned out to be a cheating w-h-o-r-e, but if she hadn't come on to me, it might have taken me two more years to figure out I liked girls.

The way she's joking around, I would bet money that she's genuinely interested in you. Story Time: I had a friend who would hold my hand or put her arm around me when we were shopping, and she would joke that I was her "friend-girl" (to give context: the guy she was seeing and fooling around with at the time was her "friend-boy" because they were involved, but he wasn't technically her boyfriend since they weren't exclusive). It was really frustrating for me, because I was genuinely attracted to her and I couldn't tell if she was just kidding around. Then at a party on the beach one night, she said "you're the first person I've told, but I'm bisexual." - and she ended up initiating some making out on the beach (only one of a few very intimate encounters she initiated over the course of the next few weeks). She was confused about what kind of relationship she wanted, but she was definitely attracted to me, and she wasn't nearly as bold as your friend when we were in the joking/flirting stage - If your friend is joking that she wants you and that you should sleep together, she undoubtedly means it on some very real level.

If you don't want to be in a real relationship with her, is it really worth it to you to risk a friendship just to experiment?

The fact that you push her away when she touches your or kisses you in her sleep means that you are a true friend - a less scrupulous person would take advantage of her or at least lay back and enjoy it. She's lucky to have you, and I hope things work out the way you want them to. It sounds like you two would be great together.

Relationships with women are no less painful than relationships with men. If you're trying to protect yourself, there's no "safe" gender. You shouldn't necessarily decide ahead of time which sex you'd like to date next - just keep your options open and go for whatever person makes your heart do flips. Choosing one sex over the other automatically takes away half your options, and why would you want to do that?

My girlfriend and I have (pretty much) decided we don't want children, so we've got a dog, a cat, a guinea pig, and several pet rats. She's got a sizeable inheritance and a great job, and I'm working on a degree, so we're going to have our own little version of the American dream: a beautiful and happy home, full of love and the pitter-patter of little (dog & cat) feet. If we feel like contributing to the younger generation beyond the BigBrothers/BigSisters, we'll foster older children, preferably the gay ones, so they can see what it's like to be part of a family who values them no matter their orientation. Luckily, I don't think our state is trying to make it illegal for homosexuals to be foster parents.

I didn't mean to imply that you weren't politically aware - I just didn't know, and I didn't want to give you a conversation suggestion that you didn't know anything about. The only boy I know close to your age is my 16 year old brother, and he's completely uninterested in politics.

Maybe you should just start hanging out with her 2-3 times a week, see where it leads. You can at least build an awesome friendship, and maybe she'll come out and tell you that she likes girls, or that she's had same-sex relationships in the past. That's the neat thing about friends - you tell each other stuff. That's how I found out that my girlfriend was bisexual. It just came up in conversation the first time we hung out one-on-one, because she knew that I was, and I asked if she was. There wasn't any pressure because it was just a friendly dinner, and we were both able to be really open. I'm really happy for you. I hope it works out!

CALL THE POLICE! You have the power to help yourself - Call the cops or DHS and get your mother arrested. It's illegal to beat your children, or ANYONE for that matter. I'm not saying what Ann and your Dad did was right, by any means, but you don't have to sit back and wait to be rescued. Stand up for yourself! And ignoring Ann and Rachel might be exactly what pushes them closer together. Just tell Rachel you think Ann is trying to steal her away from you. At least then she'll be on guard.

I know exactly how you feel. I want to put gay pride stickers on my car, and I want to say GIRLFRIEND when I talk to my co-workers, not roommate or the ambiguous "fiance". I want to be able to talk about my life like any other person, but I'm terrified to let everyone know that I'm (for all intents and purposes) homosexual. Everyone close to me knows, but at work or at school, it takes so long for me to be willing to share that part of my life. You never can tell how someone will react, and I have to fear for my job or my grades. I hate living in a society where I have to know someone for months before I can trust that they won't be waiting in the dark to stab me for being gay. I don't know if it's a fear that we can just get over, because society can't seem to get over its fear and hatred. The societal progress toward accepting homosexuality is SO slow when you're the one waiting for acceptance, and it hurts even more when you're with someone and you're in love and you can't tell the whole world. My girlfriend and I have been together for over two years, and she's still nervous about holding hands in the mall. I don't really have any tips except to know who you're dealing with at all times so you can make the safe decision for yourself. I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel, and you aren't alone in feeling like you're denying/losing a little piece of yourself every time you hide who you are. Best of luck and all my sympathies, James. ~Kate

Whoa! "Ann" needs to back off. You need to talk to Rachel, and tell her the story you just told us. She needs to know what Ann is like, and she needs to know that the flirting is hurting you. Chances are, she'll be upset with Ann on your behalf and she'll be able to tell you that she loves YOU and she's not going to be swayed by some stupid conniving girl. She needs to be aware of the situation. Always always be up front and honest with your girlfriend. That's how you make good relationships last - romance and honesty.

I say stick within 2 years until you're a few years older. My 14 year old sister tried to get involved with a guy 3 years older, and he tried pressuring her into stuff she isn't ready for. Dating someone that much older than yourself at such a young age puts you into different developmental categories, and at different maturity levels. You may end up in over your head. Take care.

She dislikes both of the people she used to have sex with, so it's hard to answer that question since I've never been faced with that situation. I think in the early stages of our relationship, it would have made me uncomfortable, but this far into the game, I have no worries. Either way, I don't think I would have tried to stop her from hanging out with them - just from spending the night with them

Maybe you should start a conversation about all the anti-gay political goings-on. Something like "Hey, did you know the Marriage Protection Amendment* bombed?" See how he reacts, maybe say something like "I don't know why everybody thinks gay people shouldn't get the same rights as everybody else." That way, you can get a feel on whether or not he's homophobic. If he's not, you can tell him you like him, and even if he turns you down, you can (hopefully) still be friends. *I don't know how politically aware 17 year old boys are, but the Marriage Protection Amendment was a proposed amendment to the Constitution that would forever ban gay marriage. It went to the Senate on Monday, and did not pass (thank goodness!)

Just talk to her about the kiss. Ask her if she remembers, if she's okay with the fact that you kissed her, ask if she really meant it when she said she wanted to kiss you too, and then ask her what she thinks you two should do about your feelings for each other (If they're mutual).

Maybe you should just start by telling her that you think you're bisexual. See how she reacts to that alone, without knowing how you feel about her. Then, perhaps give it a few days, and maybe you'll feel comfortable saying "I think I have a crush on you." I'm not suggesting that it's only a crush - I'm simply suggesting that you tell her only a little bit at a time so that 1) you don't overwhelm her, and 2) you can see her reactions and figure out if she's going to freak out or not. With my current girlfriend, when we were just friends, I'd had a crush on her for weeks (she already knew I liked girls), and one night when we were hanging out at about 2 a.m., she did something adorable and I said "you'd better watch out, or I'm going to end up having a crush on you." She surprised me by telling me that she already had a crush on me I wish you the same kind of luck!

I'm going to echo a few sentiments and add a little of my own thoughts...first of all, that whole "joining in on activities with the gay community" idea isn't a bad one. At least they'll be more likely to believe you when you say you like women. Personally, I've never gone to a bar looking for a relationship. Bars are, in my opinion, for facilitating one-night stands and flings and whatnot. My girlfriend and I (we're both pretty feminine) have been together for over two years, and we met at a party thrown by a mutual friend. She knew I liked girls because our mutual friend had told her, but she hadn't told anyone that she liked girls. We bumped into each other several times, and I thought she was interesting, so I got her number and we started hanging out, and within weeks, we were smitten with each other and revealing our crushes, and after 2-3 months of dating, we were head over heels in love. The strongest relationships have a foundation of friendship. Maybe instead of looking for a girlfriend, you should start out by going to LGBT events and trying to make new friends.

If you've made a point to spare him from hanging out with your ex, maybe you should *calmly* point that out to him and explain that it would make you uncomfortable to spend the night in the same house as a person who once had sex with the man you love. I skipped a wedding because my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend was going to be there, and I want nothing to do with anyone whose had sex with her. It makes me uncomfortable and jealous. She understands that, and I hope your boyfriend will too. Good luck!

I don't so much think your question is "am I gay?" I think you're really just trying to find out what to do about it. Coming out is terrifying. My advice is to be patient and start out only telling people you're very close to that you know won't betray your trust. The unfortunate thing about being gay in high school is that if everyone knows or thinks you're gay, they're going to give you a hard time for it. I don't know what your school is like, or your family, or your community, so I guess I just want to suggest examining your family/school/community and finding out how accepting they are of homosexuals, and THEN decide whether or not to tell them that you're gay.

It's not uncommon for best-friendships to be INTENSE. Even in my early twenties, I've had to stand back and ask "Am I really attracted to her, or do we just have an incredibly strong bond that I'm confusing for attraction?" More often than not, if I examine my feelings, I come to the conclusion that I wouldn't actually want to be with the friend. Maybe that's the part you should be looking at. You said you wanted to sleep with her - think about it some more. Try to imagine yourself actually performing sex acts with this girl. If you imagine it in detail and you still want to, then it's probably more than a friendly bond. That doesn't necessarily mean you're "gay." She may end up being the only girl you're ever attracted to. But that doesn't mean it's any less real. Hold off on labeling yourself. Practically nothing I believed about myself at 15 still holds true for me today. One crush doesn't define who you are. Just step back and look things over before you make any life-changing decisions. Adolescence is a difficult road to travel. Good luck!

well, I'm not a gay man, but I am a bisexual girl, and in my experience, lesbian sex is WAY better than straight sex. When you've both got the same parts, you both know how everything works. I don't think you really need a manual. Perhaps you should read up on how to SAFELY have anal sex - a lot of people think that anyone can do it, but the tissue in the rectum is very prone to tearing. The most common sex act between homosexual males is actually oral sex. Since I'm a girl, I feel kind of like a "know-it-all" trying to explain male sexuality. I should just shut up. But I did just take a human sexuality course (that covers LGBT stuff really well!), and I got something like 106%, so if you want to ask me any technical questions, I'd be happy to answer them for you. Good luck!