notmyself24

Thanks for your advice- danny'sgirl & wild child- I am sorry for being snippy earlier, I am just frustrated- I really thought I could love him, now I realize that I do not- Please dont take this the wrong way ie. think that I am a bi**ch or snob, but I just do not think I am too good for him, I know it! My mom knows everything that goes on in my life including this & every relationship i have been in, she even says that I am dating below my "class"- she is a ver kind, intelligent, educated woman, a doctor in fact & she is not being mean but blunt & honest... This fact has NOTHING to do with money, appearances, etc...but it is simply the way he handles important situations & carries himself- as a man, he like to date above his means. For example, right before we met, he was dating a high profile celebrity's personal asistant- a very attractive, wealthy woman. She would not introduce him to her friends or coworkers b/c of his appearance, ex. he never cuts his finger nails (he likes them long b/c of ocd). Shwe criticized him alot, so they eventually split. I, on the other hand, NEVER criticizedhis appearance until recently (out of frustration). It was wrong & I am not justifying it...so we may have broken up- the thing is, I dont even care! It is still confusing & hurting. I really put over 100% of me into the relationship, I have given up & feel no love or attraction for him anymore & it saddens me deeply, believe me! Thanks again.

I feel ashamed to call this man my bf now! I couldn't sleep so I texted him 5am to say "I love you" and he texted me back "I love you more"- he was still up b/c he was drinking vodka shots & playing Halo ( a video game)- this guy is 26 & almost became a father- I think the baby NOT being born was a blessing in disguise but I feel alot of guilt & cry for "him" everyday... When I first met "M" he was insecure b/c an ex of 8 years ledt him & a few months earlier, the second girl he fell hard for left him fto return to her husband (the were separated), so I got his "damaged goods"- I dont believe that, but he is not the loving/sensitive man he once was- I have lost so much by loving him, but as much as I try to stop loving him, he comes back with all these words, and promises that sound so nice- then he is back to being bitter (against women/relationships). It's not like he stares at other women, men check me out oo- that is part of his insecurity. He knows other men are out there (my ex), who are harder working, have more money, better looking, and just beter all around- I have to stop seeinghim as father of my child b/c he is dead, gone forever. Some souls are just too good for this world...my baby surely was & "M" wants to think that he was a father too- he never wanted responsibilty, so why give him that privelege, then he degrades me over & over- he knows he has a hold on me... As far as money goes, thanks for your concern, but I already have a mother & I will pay it off that is why I am in school & will get another job in the city that is better- the hair is not going to make me more attractive, but rather add to what i already have & add to my confidence- sorry if that offends you. Take care.

Well, sweetie, I am only human. You do not know me or what I have been through! We all go through things, so judge me- and, yes, my family probably has more money than you will ever have & when x-mas rolls around, my bills will be paid. I am sure that YOU are the epitome of self-eseem & happiness, if so, i commend you- have a nice life

Thanks for your responses, I guess it goes beyond- control & money issues b/c I know that he thinks that if I am more confident then I will meet someone who actually deserves me- I am not shallow/superficial as it seems & he always says how much he loves me- in fact he said it first only 3 weeks after we met! I felt it too, but it may have been too soon- we have intense chemistry, but lately, I have been turned off by him so maybe this is my way to get my self-esteem back...this is making him angry- he realizes that I am not as turned on by him anymore- that also had to do with anti-depressants I was taking. When it is just the two of us- one on one- he is fine, affectionate. He is just inconsistant- one minute he is fine with me doing something, thenhe does a 180- he also critisizes my socializing skills...some of his actions do not show love, but he says the words MUCH more than i do. I say it when I mean it, NOT to manipulate- I am doing my hair no matter what he says- its just too bad he cannot accept it.

Hello, I have posted here months bck about a guy I was dating "M"- we are still together (6 months now)..alot of our issues have been smoothed over- we are technically waiting to move in together (after he gets his BA in 7 months) in order to become the couple we really were meant to be- in the past I thought he was making excuses when he said he doesnt have enough time/money to give me what I want & deserve. Now I see that he just budgets his time really bad b/t 2 jobs, an internship, school-full time & friends (playing video games), family & me- its clear he has a full plate- but i often feel neglected. I am a regular attractive female- part chinese/german, irish, american indian- I am petite (naturaly big boobs) etc...sometimes with "M", I get insecure. he is tall/handsome & he stands out- women check him out (when he cleans up, lol) & even flirt with him when i walk away! Not only that, but he looks around constantly when we are in public- he looks at everything, including other pretty women, who I notice as well. But, when i confront him, he just denies, denies....I know men are visual, but come on! Last night we had a very long, heated discussion b/c I want to get hair extensions. I am from NYC & it is normal for women to want to be very attractive/look good/ be stylish. I was brough up here & he is from the Poconos (PA) & currently resides in Jersey. He sometimes doesn't shave & even forgets deoderant. he cares zero about style/fashion- mainly b/c he hasn't got alot of money. But, I come from a wealthy family- side note: I went to a $20,000 boarding school in the area he was brought up in PA. We come from opposite sides of the world. He doesn't understand the competition to be seen as sexy which makes people notice you more- I already have a good personality & I am very sharp minded. Last week I literally chopped my hair off (it was totally PMS & hormonal). I did research on "real hair" extensions which are pricey, but well worth it- he claims I don't work/I am in credit debt- all true- but, I had been through some traumatizing things with him & he knows I was not thinking straight when I cut most of my hair off- i regret it terribly. I didn't have to tell him how much they cost, but i wanted to be honest- he does not pay my bills, we are not married or live together (yet), but he still want to convince me I am being superficial & throwing money away. He said that guys hit on me all the time & hair is not going to make a difference, just more guys checking me out... I told him that it was about me, not other men or him. I want to feel beautiful & young again- life was litterally stripped from me 3 months ago & I want to feel good about the way I look again- I am only 24, but feel so old! He doesn't understand! he fell in love with who i was (he says), not my looks- I told him that he is just insecure that I will look better & he will lose me to someone that will love me more/treat me better- he said that nobody will love me more than him & I am immature to believe that a man would only look at me & not fantasize or check out other women wether we are physically together or not ...he said that all new hair was going to do was spice things up in the bedroom...What nerve! I know he watches porn almost every night, I found it on his computer & even watched it- I never make a big deal about this b/c it was part of his life before me- most women would throw it out/delete it, not me- does he realize how lucky he is to have a gf who doesn't care tha he whacks off to other women?!? He is still paying off a $5,000 surgery & wants another one his stomach (lipo)- isn't that the same thing? He doesn't need that to survive, he can exercise, walk, have sex, etc...over 2 years, he has lost over 100 lbs so he feels that he deserve the surgery to take off excess fat that he cannot work off. Why is he being so hard on me for doing something that will make me get out of my house more, motivate me to find a great paying job in the beauty industry & face the world a little brighter. Eventually, my real hair will grow back: not the end of the world right? he was so angry, it just makes no sense...Is he just trying to control me? Or is it just his own insecurities? I have a questions for guys- Is it true that you will always look at other women & fantasize no matter how much you love the woman you are with or how beatiful she looks & how good her heart is...just wondering how many agree with my bf. Thanks in advance for any advice. Peace.

Well, it IS his problem- men are very visual creatures, lol. All men watch porn & have fantasies- of course us ladies do too, but when we we are in love, esp. have a child with a man- we have a special bond, while men may love their woman, they still feel the urge to fatasize about other women- its evolution & I am NOT defending a man who cheats or deceives women over the internet (i.e. leading them to believe that they are single when in fact they or married, have kids, etc..). I'm only 24, but i have always wondered why men & women think so different about sex- it seems that the same exact frustrations come up no matter what race, age, geographic demographic...I am starting to become a female sigmund freud b/c these intrinsic differences b/t the male & female brain are facinating- I have dated alot & I ask men very candid questions (the truth only) even if it is offensive to females b/c that is the only way to really know what a man thinks... Many men do not consider watching porn, seeing strippers, chatting on line (dirty talk) cheating b/c there is little to no physical contact- this is a major discrepency b/t men & women. Men also think it is the intent more than the action that determines cheating... I am sorry that your bf is being so secretive. If je keeps things from you, you have every right not to trust him as much. He may be hiding b/c it turns him on more being a naughty boy or he may be a liar- you never know. I say, just lay low- act like you trust him & just observe, the ball is in your court. I am not saying to go through his personal things (email account, wallet) b/c he could accuse you of being untruting, then you lost the upperhand- I guess all women have to learn the art of detachment once in aehile. Not all men are like I mentioned above, a majority are...we cannot change them, its not our job. If you love him, you accept him to a point- if you suspect cheating, again, its your decision whether to stay or leave- just protect your heart. Be safe

Dreamy-83, I believe that you are a pisces (march 3) like me. No problem, we are water signs- the two fish swimming in opposite directions. My bf is a cancer- we are all clingy b/c we are sensitive & our feelings get hurt easily. Yes John Gray has a dating advice forum on his website- look it up. It cost money to join, however you can read the posts for free. Most men play that pull back game. Its called "hiding in their cave"- I have 2 of the mars/venus books. Somethings are generalized & some are so true! Men are hunters, let him ask about you & call you more. If he truly loves you, you will not lose him. If you wanna know about pisces- om me & ket me know your bf's star sign0 this could be interesting, lol.

My "undying" love for you Remember those words you said to me the day I met you in the city. My belly was getting plump and round- you said I looked so pretty. It was a glow coming from something growing inside me- It was also part of you- there was only you, then bam! me and the baby made two- new mouths you would have to feed. Mine you didn't mind the other was created out of wedlock through passion: a baby is not a crime. You held me close, held my hand as you strolled down street- you promised to marry me those words were so sweet. yet, I was cautious not to let you talk me into such a quick union- There is always a price to pay with no retribution. I let you take me in with your eyes, your nose, I longed for you to be inside me again- I didn't want to lose that feeling- all my sense were reeling. What were we going to do about the bundle growing inside, in a few weeks time, it was something we could not hide. As tears rolled down my apple cheeks you wiped them away & I knew what I had to do so we could be together forever, I pretended like it was no big deal. I would take back that day so readily if I knew all the guilt we would feel.

hes not worth it- you will find someone who loves you. We have all been there & you knew what it was all about- please stop thinking that there was more- he is an a-hole. Whats worse is women (including youreself) let him act this way so he will never stop. he sounds like a misogynist (sp?) of the worst kind...be strong & who cares if he's with another woman- sh's just his next vicitim- this man is not looking for love or a meaningful relationship- he has issues & is out to hurt women- believe me, there are guys out there who know how to treat women: just go out on a date with a nice guy (I have) & even if it leads to nothing, but a so-so date, so be it! At least you will not hurt anymore.

I can certainly see your gf frustration- not only have you been dating 6 years, but "Living together"- I have never officially lived w/a man (a bf) before, however, I heard that Living together is difficult & if you can get over the hrudle of being with someone day in & day out then you can most certainly marry them. If you 2 get along so great, you're bothin your 30's, been together for a significant amount of time, you know she is the one- then, why don't you just pop the question? Or is it the underlying issues that come along with her wanting a ring & moving in with her grandmother instead of with you in your new place? It seems that your ego is a bit bruised. i think at your age, you should listen to yourself, your heart, and communicate with this woman- it does seem like you love her. I guess men & women are fundamentally different when it comes to marriage/commitment. Men want to wait until they are established & more financially prepared before getting married b/c of the traditional emphasis on the man as the provider/bread winner. Women, on the other hand just need to feel that the man is "the one", no matter what his financial status is (that is if she is not a shallow gold digger). I am only 24, but I have friends/acquaintances younger & my age who are engaged & some married. There are some who are very superficial & put lots of emphasis on the ring (the bigger= the more he loves her), Personally, the ring is not as important as the relationship b/t the 2 people who are taking part in the union. I agree with the other poster who said that if you really love this woman, you are happy, get along, etc...just ask her to marry you. You know she wants to marry you, so go dor it & don't let some minor differences get in the way of eternal happiness. The only reason you should break up with her is if you are thinking of other woman, you are completely miserable, she cheated on you, etc...friends will always offer advice (what you want to hear). The ultimate decision is yours. Take care.

Wow, someguy...your story sounds like my bf w/his ex- together since 16- first everything to each other & then when he turned 24- out of nowhere- bam! She left him after spending the weekend w/him (their usual thing) making love & the whol gamit- poor guy NEVER saw it coming. She just started arguing w/him over petty things. Like you, he cried & begged & emailed her & sent vms on her cell crying (she never picked up). She sent him an email (I read it) saying how much she loves him, they talked about marriage, & they grew together, but she wanted to see whatelse was out there- this was 8 years we're talking about, they were attached at the hip from hs-college like you 2! This still traumatizes him which is an underlying problem in our current relationship. he's 26 now, this happened about 2 years ago. Since then, he had met & fallen in love w/another woman who taught him how to love again (blah), but she was separated & went back to her husband after dating my bf for 2 months- this hurt him very badly & they were still hanging out (before I met him) & she calls him from time to time- he used to pick up, but since he met me (he's trying not to f-us up...) he has been severing ties with that woman. My bf cries & he is also manipulitive. Sure I see faults in him- I can imagine 8 years of being with someone- in your case 6--at lease you know what she did, to a point. However, you still don't know if she is cheating or considering it for the future. You have every reason in the world to be unsettled. I had chills reading your post b/c this hits so close to home- we have problems, yet I love him dearly- its just that so much of her is still within him- she made him who she is today it pains me not to know the true reason why she left him- did he do something..was he the messed up one all along- if I knew, it would help me decide if he is the victim or the manipulative creep (I sometimes think he might be)... Well, as you can tell I have my own issues too- we all do. Thats my point. I'm sorry to hear about your eatingdisorder...well, if she truly loves you, she should accept the whole package you have to offer...maybe you are staying together out of fear of the unknown (at least you may be). Try being open minded & realize what is outside of that little world you 2 have created- you just may be surprised. I really wish my bf could read your post & you 2 could chat- I swear, he thinks he sees her in the most random places, then he gets all bent out of shape & starts acting strange- I hope if you break it off w/your gf, you don't take it out on the next one-do the right thing for you: she wasn't thinking of your feelings (very much) in the past. Sometimes it pays to be cold hearted (trust me its not in my nature either). Poisonus people should just be cut out of our lives swiftly, even if there is alot of pain & a big gash left behind, like any wound, it will heal . Taje care of yourself, you sond like a good guy.

From your experience(s), I suppose you do have reasons not to trust bfs. Why don't you take things slow, maybe with a man closer to you- physically, mentally, & emotionally. Relationships are tough & beautiful too! However, distance can put a strain on them & some men need more attention (if you know what I mean) than others. Not all guys are jerks like that- i guess snooping is wrong- hey, I did it & thats how I found text messages from another female & her number- although they were harmless words (nothing sexual)= I still confronted him & he denied, denied, to no end- well, he admitted it that night & told me it was b/c my ex was calling me (at the time) & he was confused: whatever. The irony is, he told the girl about me that day (before I found out). he says she doesn't come around his work place anymore & I deleted her # from his phone- he didn't mind...now, he lets me know when he's unhappy: which is never b/c I am a great gf. The point is, it happens. Every situation is different- but, the motivation is the same- men stray b/c 1) They feel neglected (bad exscuse), they need to be desired by other woman for attention, their ego, & validation that they are "still" sexy, attractive to opposite sex. 2) They don't necessarily need sex, just that ego boost & fantasy (i.e. porno, or images of gorgeous woman)- he may have been gratifying himself when you were not around by just talking, picturing them since he was chatting online.3) They are bored. Thinking about moving on- this is the worst case senario b/c they will look for another (better) woman behind your back, so they have a fall back when/if he diecides to dump you (his current woman). In that case, you never need a man like that b/c he is pathetic & is affraid of being alone- sad!!! You may ask how I know this- I ask guys (curent bf too) how they operate in reguards to their women/relationships & why they "stray" & I ask them to give an honest answer even if it hurts...some men are simply misogynists (woman haters), that is a fact- read about it- ok...I am focusing too much on the nagative- But, my point about trust- we have all been violated one tie or another. I realize that men think/do completely different from woman. Accept it- it may help you sleep better at night. Don't give up a good guy b/c of jerks in the past. I was giving you worst case senarios so you understand that these things happen- I guess in this day & age we have to be fearless or be alone- I hope I make some sense to you. If not, ask about anyhting you don't understand...take care

Why would you listen to a man who says that ALL women are dogs??? Heres a question for you... I know you have used the "dog' metaphor for men much more htan women...why? Why would you ask females to answer your post if you were going to do your own thing any way- I am only trying to help. I may be having relationship issues my self but i was in a 4 year relationship & dated at least a dozen guys & I am 24! I think that the fact you are lonely makes you very confusing- I was only answering your questions from a female point of vies & admitting to be quite subjective. However, I do have life experiences and do not listen to bitter old people who have issues- I follow my own mind & opinions. Take care1

Hello, Well, certainly a long story, but I'm an aspiring writer so....I want to just focus on the soulmate issue- it may sound confusing, but what she said actually makes sense. Astrology is a "serious" hobby of mine & someone I met through astrolgy also told me that we have more thn one soulmate in life that teaches something, that helps us grow... some lessons our soulmate teaches us are difficult. That doesn't mean that there aren't fun, silly moments. I think they key to "soul" mates is the connection that extends beyond physical- you didn't see her for a number of years, yet she was always there in your mind- thats invaluable. Considering all the shallow connections we have day in & day out. This goes beyond looks-physical attraction-lust-those connections fade in time until another preoccupies you. I know words will not make you feel better. My bf cried months over his 8-year ex who left him. Like you, he wanted to marry jer- they were highschool sweethearts...eventually he realized that she did him a favor. Unfortunately, he is still very angry & sometimes things he sees her when we are out in the city- You may not understand how you feel like you are soulmates, but she doesn't reciprocate your love. In a sense your love is unrequited, which I am sure is very confusing, resentlful, & once the pain subsides, you may actually resent her. Its only natural. But, not let negative emotions of pain & hurt turn you against one of your soulmates. She acknolwledged she was your soulmate, she is your friend first & foremost- in HS, you were there for her (you saved her in a sense) and she was there for you- physically & emotionally. You may feel like you went through all of these things with her & now she doesn't want the same things a syou anymore. She wants to take a different direction, but not with you. I know it makes no sense, you may never really understand everything unless you ask her. It seems that she has made up her mind & there is not much you can do than execpt what she feels if you truly love her. I guess NC is harder for the person that still wants to be with the other (the rejected one, if you will). Don't even look as this as a rejection although it wounded your heart & ego- time is the only healer. I ahve no doubt in my mind this woman is/was your soul mate. However, the soul is not bound by chains, it can never be owned by another & once in awhile it must be set free. Maybe she will be the one to return to you when you have found someone else. Not too many people find even one soul mate- but you have, embrace that- no matter how much it hurts you, love her as you always did, but don't use that love as a way to entrap her. Things may work out with her or someone who is better suited for you. Cry all you want. Just don't become bitter for future relationships. You seem like a good person. I've seen resentment eat away at people & when some good comes along, they don't even see it & its a vicious cycle...be strong, be bold, be different & hang in there. Take care

I am 24 year old female & i can give a female sperspective, albeit a subjective one on some of your questions.... 1) If someone is really not happy within a relationship, appearances ont really matter. Many couples appear happy to others, but if they are not compatible/in love/no strong connection/no chemistry- one of them is bound to stray. This is where men & woman are the same. If she really care about her boyfriend, then things could get worked out. Maybe she is interested in someone else & doesn't want to hurt her b/f or is confused. In that case it has to be worked out b/t the 2 people in the relationship: COMMUNICATION! 2) A 'dog"? No. Human. Yes. Listen, chemistry is not about sex or even touching. If two people have it then wether they are physical or not, it is there. Billions of poeple are among us. So why do we commit if there are so many? B/c we bond to another human being & subconsciously want a family with them. If the gf is noticing other men or one man in particular, she has already begun to lost interest. To many woman, sex is not a requirement for love, it is the icing on the cake- if there is a strong emotional/mental connection & the sex is amazing- more power to the man. 3) No. She would not drop her bf that moment- she needs time- is confused or wants her cake & eat it to- maybe she is immature & selfish or waiting for the right time (i.e when she is ready). Any way you look at it- you must drop her before she leaves you or you will ultimately be the one to suffer- that is if you kow the other man is real & not a figment of your imagination, lol. 4) There are alot of "decent" woman who are attracted to more than one man. A mature woman will not commit to either until she has made up her mind. This woman sounds very confused & likes the attentiion- tell her to grow up & see how fast she either leave the bf or changes her sneaky ways- I am a female & admit that we are sneakier than men...don't accept her flirting with someone else if she is with you- dont you have any selfrespect- condront her man. 5) Personality? Why do some men get married very young while others play the field into their 60's. Why do some men want children & some woman never want to be mothers- there are no definite answers. It just soundslike this girl is not right for you & she making you think up some pretty strange things...resolve it yourself, you dont need anyone here to tell you what to do- like you said its "stupid" & "crazy"... Good luck

I DONT pay his bills, I offer knowing that he works & can pay be back, however, he always says NO to my money... Mike usually calls me & texts me 3 times at night around 1, 2 , and 3 am knowing that I am asleep. I am a morning person & he is a night owl. His friends (2 best buddies) are very important to him & he stays up all hours hanging out with them, watching movies etc.. Well, he called me on Weds. morning to tell me he got me something that i would love b/c he never has gotten me anyhting. Later he called me & then left me a vm (while I was in manhattan doing yoga). he said how much he misses me & he wants to tell me what the gift is b/c he can't wait until saturday. I called him back later on & was dying to know what the gift was- he finally told me that he bought me a gold necklace with a heart pendant surrounded by diamonds, then he told me it was $200. Ok. My ex bought me a $2,000 Gucci watch- I am not a snob, but used to nice things & I guess he was trying to tell me that he is spending money on me (finally). That is not what I need, but I feel if I don't accept the gift, he will think i dont appreciate him. Part of me knows that he is not ready- for a family or even marriage. I dont think he is stringing me along although someone who has known me a long times says I deserve better & can do better. I love him very much so this relationship is not easy to just let go of. I guess his issues stem from 2 woman he loved leaving him & he had not wanted our baby, so he is is the main reason I aborted b/c I told him to go away if he didn't want it, but he made damn sure I didn't keep my baby yet I am still with him, caring for him. I must sound like a very needy person, but he is actually the needy one b/c he couldn't stand me loving another human being more than him which is why I believe he never wanted the baby to be born. I f I knew he would be like this I would never have had the ab. I am a good person & I miss the baby everyday & wrute him/her letters & poems & cry everyday b/c of the loss & myselfish actions! Sorry for rambling. Thanks for any advice to my confusing life.

Sometimes people forget, yes, its happened to me in "serious" relationships- however, over a year together & he acts this way?!? Unless he bumped his head (many times) or has memory problems, I think he is making exscuses or like you said he is fallling back into old habits... Was his "forgetfulness" the main reason behind your break up? i think if he continues to act this way, you need to please take a hint & wake up b/c you or anyoen in inyoursituationdeserves better- however, there could be other reasons, maybe he was sick. Think about his usual behavior. Has he ever lied to you & you caught him- everyone tells white lies once in a while, but they count too! You really know him better than anyone here, follow your gut instincts. If you can't trust him, there is no real commitment/relationship. I'm not telling you to leave him, although after that behavior for this long, I would probably be outta there. ..don't you think you can DO better than him?

Why do men always blame "poor" sex life for cheating- I dont know if it makes sense, but I'd rather have my significat other "pleasure himself" to porn than hear 10 years (or less) down the road: I love you, you're the one I always wanted, but I was bored so I strayed, & I will neevr do it again b/c I love you (and the kids) so much. I am sorry." Well, I know in this sitation he is thinking about it- nobody can control another peron's thoughts, however, the reasons are pretty lame. BTW- I was that young girl (like her at least) who complained to an older more experienced man how unhappy I was in my relationship (at the time). He was separated, I was with my ex for 6 months then & things happened, my ex found out, but stayed with me. I wish he just left- which is what I deserved, but he was no angel either (so he tells me now). Who knows. Point is, love your wife, you have a family & you married her for a reason. Older man & younger woman = fun, fun, fun, and thats about it. In the end, you will do what you want. Just make sure it doesn't hurt anyone.

People aren't who they appear to be especially in "work" environments. many people are nice to those who are passing through their lives & maybe you are not with him or any of the other men you have fallen for for a reason. I am very sensitive too. However, you have to pretent to be a B***H sometimes to get what you want. Maybe you are not comfortable enough in your own skin. Even those of us who are not put up a good front- its sad, but confidence (real or fake) is the best way, sometimes the only way to get what & who you really want. remember being a B***h does not mean being crue. It means being a bit aggressive & very self assured. Please try to have some self-esteem b/c most people can see through a total phoney. Cheer up! Believe me when I say that there is someone for every body.

How old are you? It sunds like you are young, who knows...I guess this is the typical case of "I want what I can't have"- relationships are like a dance: you take one step, he steps to the side, then you move back, he steps forward, etc... What is it you are holding onto exactly- what memories have you made in 2 months- What is LOVE to you? Love has no definition- it's what it means to an individual in love. Not to be harsh, but he could have just lost interest- think about it- is there a chance that he is seeing someone else at the same time? Its only been 2 months. not a long time to be able to really know & trust someone. Trust yourself at this ponint. Be careful & good luck

Well, she has broken up with you and you love your so it is confusing & hurts... Sorry, if I missed a previous post, but I would like to analyze what I see so far- You have only been together 2 months. Not a long time, but enough time to figure out if this person is right for you or not. You say you love her, have you told her everything in your heart? What is binding you to her besides emotions? She has trust issues: Been there. Why can't she trust? Did you do something wrong (hurt her) or was it an ex/past issue...this is not clear. Nobody likes to break-up. It seems she care about you as a person, but you may not be the "one". Sorry to be so blunt. I am sure she tried, maybe something was missing. There is no clearcut explaination. The just friends thing almost never works for obvious reasons unless there was a strong friendship prior to you romantic relationship. Everyone gives the same advice- NC. It works & it is difficult depending on how much you really want her. She on the other hand will not have the same problem b/c she made the decision to move on. It's very vague why - were you fighting alot. She was not happy- thats my female perspective- maybe it was her issue & nothing to do with you. I'm sure others may sgree or disagree, but don't lose hope & let her go- someone who loves you the way you deserve will come along!

I hear ya! Sometimes being sensitive turns us inside out & we want to yell & scream & tell everyone to wake up- but, we don't b/c we are sensitive & worries how people will react, lol. I am not poking fun at you. I guess there are difficult levels of sesitivity. We should all respect each other for our differences even if we don't agree or like them. I have a ver difficult time understanding why people hate each other. Some people pick on me for being too touchy while others think its beautiful...I am sure someone you know or will meet will love your sensitivity & you'll finally fell appreciated and truly loved in return. Happy belated birthday

I guess I am talkimg to myself on this thread, thats ok- its good to vent. I am by no means playing the helpless vitic (anymore). I should have learned from past xperiences & listening to others- when you give too much, act like a door mat, and expect something in return, the only thing you get back is disrespect. The best move I made was to tell him a few weeks ago that I cannot marry him b.c. I would feel trapped- in fact, it was another of his manipulations to hold me to him. he wouldn't let me go, a friend of mine said I had to go- the irony is, there was nothing holding us together in the first place. Last time, i took a step to leave him about a month ago- he acted like he hated me & never want to speak to me ever again then went right ahead & began texting me ho wmuch he loves me, will neve fall out of lve with me, wants to give me another baby, so sorry about putting me through an abortion-- My friends who was there through all this told me hes a loser & just leave. I';s only been 4.5 months. I am still distraught about my descision to abort, I guess i cling to him too or uses him not leaving me as an exscuse to stay b/c there are positive things b/t us. I cant stand is manipulations any more- slowly I am losing respect for him & think he may have blined me to the fact that he is a loser (its happened to me in the past). Sweet talk only goes so far...

Thanks for the encouragement weezy- well, here I go again, off in a million tangents... After I told bf I need space, i didn't call him, but about 2 hours later I sent him a text & he was in class (his phone is alos off) so he didn't respond. When I left school i went to lunch by myself & called a friend to talk about what been going on w/bf lately. My friend said I should seek counseling to get out of this relationship- I had been in serious denial... So, bf called me while I was talking to my friend, but I never got a message until 2 hours later. The message was long & he said he wanted to see me, but i twas getting late & boxing was on (his favorite sport). He hoped we were not fighting, he said I love you many times & acted all remorseful. Of course, the sucker that I am calls him back & we make plans for Sunday since he has a meeting early at one of his jobs (he's not a morning person). We talked a couple of times Sat. night b/t boxing matches & he says that he has to go home to help his uncle clean out a shed- typical. He called me sunday at noon telling me he's still coming. I waited until 4pm, no call then he called soon after saying he was already in New York on his way. I met him around 5 & we had a great dinner & we talked about our issues (that I thought were resolved). he got paid & was going to finally turn his cell back on & switch to Nextel- the phone I have. In the morning he had an internship in New York at 9am. His pans for the evening were to go home & wipe out his computer b/c there were alot of viruses, call me & go to bed. We talked once on his way home, but I never got a call later on- he usually calls me before he goes to bed. Around 8 I called, no answer. he was supposed to be on his way to the internship so I called again after 9- his phone was supposed to be off & i was gonna leave a message. It was on & he picked up. He realized he over slept & said he had to go. he called back a few mins. later b/c he called in sick & now he had free time until 3PM, his next job, to pay his cell bill. I asked him why he didn't call. He said he called twice- I never received missed calls. Usually, I trust people when they say something, but he has exaggerated about stuff before, so I assumed he said that to cover his ass. I began grilling him on his night- then I told him how irresponsible he is for over sleeping & I am just settleing- He says: Then leave me...I aked him if he would hate me- He said: No, I love you. Then he said, we dont have plans for Sat., maybe I could make up the internship then. But we did make plans for the weekend- according to him that could mean fri., sat. or sun. He was just becoming too frustrating & he said he doesn't want to deal with me criticizing him. This is BS b/c I was the one who always encouraged him to live his dreams. i was his greatest support system- how could he say that? I just hung up on him & never called him back. This is not the last of him, I assume. he always ends up emailing me or leaving a long vm about how sorry he is. I am through on so many levels. At this point I want to change my number! I am starting to think that my bf treated his exs similimarly & maybe the 8 year one who left him had low selfesteem & they met very young, so it took her that much longer to break free from him. he alsways says that he doesn't play games, but i was not born yesterday- Isn't with holding communication a game? I mean he says he will call- sometimes doesn't or I will tell him to call more- that's all & he stubbournly doesn't b/c he says calling more won't change anything- but, it will & he'll try to call more then stop b/c he says that he knows we love each other so why should he prove anything- this is petty, I know, but there are many underlying issues. He has no money (he can't even pay his phone bill every month b/c it is very expensive), his bank account is closed b/c of bounced checks (he's paying off a $5,000 sugery he had before we met), he has no health insurance- the list goes on & on...and when I confront him in a diplomatic way he tells me: "Then why don't you leave me? I've been left before and I treated them better than you..." I always have money even though I dont work so I offer to help pay some of his bills & he can pay me back since he's working 2 jobs- but, he refuses, so the bills keep piling & this causes him stress & takes it out on me (so he says). I can't take it anymore.

weezy- Wow, thats inspiring & you are younger than me...I live at home too- rent free & am working on my college degree as well. I have had so much trauma as a child that I always thought I was prpared for anything. I was never called names (to my face) for having the ab- my bf & his buddies all thought it was for the best (except for a few). My mom was with me on any decision I chose- she's a great lady & I feel lucky about that. The thing is, yes, I have all the pregnancy symptoms, however, bf never "came" onside me- I know it can still happen (considering the frequency we make love & how easy it was for "us to get pregnant, litterally in one shot). I may have gave the impression we were just sexual partners, but that is far from the case. I just get insecure from time to time & he is even more scared b/c he's tryimg to get himself together as well & is scared I will find someone better. However, there is a lot of love & caring b/t us. I was just ranting & rambling in previous posts! I realize that a baby is not a curse, but a b;essing & next time around I will be strong & take responsibility for my actions. I am only 24, but healthy & must take responsibility for my actions. Avman- thanks for coming to my defense. I take responsiblity for being a scatter brain. I never put these thoughts down & I can understand that they may seem incoherent to some...yes, counseling is what I should have done- hind sight is always 20/20, you know..thanks again