Jump to content

notmyself24

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    62

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by notmyself24

  1. notmyself24
    This is such a complicated & intense situation ((Lulu)), god, I can understand your need to help. He sounds so desperate. I want to say that he truly loves you b/c I have been there with a man who was an alcoholic- we last 4 years- there are different types of addicts- even romance/emotional/love addicts! There are places HE can go alone & you can guide him as long as you can detach yourself from him. believe me, i can relate. We can tell you to leave him, forget him, but we are not you- none of us actually know either of you & your relationship is unique since it was intimate/you were engaged. There is a lot of history there...I am not a therapist- you should talk to a professional about this, seriously. Is he dangerous? Would her hurt you in any way: remember that he has aready hurt you emotionally. I know that you love or you think you do. You think, you want to believe in your heart, that is, that he is coming back b/c he misses you & loves you. Be strong & realize that this is a game- he is very manipulative. he knows that you care about him, that is why he calls you crying (crockadile tears). Nobody can understand your plight unless they have been there, I mean in the flesh, the emotions: it feels like you are drowning & part of you is happy that he has called you- if you want to help, so he leaves you alone- look for a group he can join- they are free. You DO NOT have to help him, he left you...so maybe a restraining order may be what you really need, maybe that is too extreme. I am just giving you some ideas. Obviously, I cannot tell you what to do. f you were a friend or sister, I would definitely try anything in my power to keep him away from you- you do deserve better than him. As far as guys go, that is sweet & definitely an ego boost to know that they are interested. It is so tempting to just dive right into another relationship for fear of being alone- one word: rebound. Please focus on you & keep an open mind, don't shut anyone out completely, just make it clear from the get go, that you are the most important thing right now. I wish I could do more to help. Just follow your womanly instincts & be careful!
  2. notmyself24
    That was great advise. I know all too well about depression I know right now it may feel like you will die/are going to die, but you are very much alive like "us" who have literally been through hell & back with f-ed up exes & are alive to tell the tale- its ok tocry a lot: even everyday b/c with every tear you shed, you earn my dear, believe me...you learn!
  3. notmyself24
    Hun, My own mother was loving yet was "selfish" too- your poem hit home, litterally & I hope that you learn to forgive & letgo of the pain you feel towards her (or possibly another mother figure) in your life. We are only human & we make mistakes- everyone deserves a second chance.
  4. notmyself24
    I have to say ((shysoul)), your soul is quite beautiful & deep, I was like you at 22- I'm only 24, now, but you make strong points without being offensive, that is difficult to do- you articulate yourself well... I wish ((imtired)) the best b/c yes, he does seem like a good person! Take care all!
  5. notmyself24

    porn issues

    notmyself24 replied to dak6's topic in Jealousy

    I deleted my post.
  6. notmyself24
    I can relate to codependancy- like I have said before- I dated/fell in love with an alcoholic- it is very difficult to break free from such a relationship- emotions are magnified 1000 times b/c all the other thinks of is himsel/herself & they just use us as a support- but, when they screw us/leave: who is there for us- simple: we are there for us & in the end, trust me, we will go through pain that they may never feel (god forbid) yet, in the end, we are the better, more enlightened ones. they have to live with themselves, but we have a choice. If we learned from the past, we will not settle anymore. best of all, we will learn to love ourselves too & open are hearts to something better than we coould ever imagine. Best of luck in your selfdiscovery!
  7. notmyself24
    ((Diggitydogg)), I agree with you. But, I think that some people are more giving & others are more selfish. Some people actually take (joy) away the other's self esteem & confidence by manipulating/controlling them. You may think that means the other is weak, but love can really blind you. Soem of us just have bead luck, its only natural- have you ever truly been in love? Maybe you were lucky & met someone wonderful, the world consists of so many wrong people. It saddenns me deeply. I used to think everyone was nice & had good intentions. I am beggining, my self, not to trust so easily or heartbreak is inevitable...
  8. notmyself24
    For Daniel, my one true love... She's wrapped up in a ball: tears and all. Shaking from the core, she rolls onto the floor. Breaking everything in sight- its fight or flight. She's too weak to speak – he sees her, lying there meek. He just goes back downstairs to play with his friends - leaving her alone so his misery ends. But, it will NEVER go away: it will surely hit HIM one day. He'll never understand. All she needed was the touch of his hand. Her child had just flown to heaven: at seven Weeks old- he was too good for her to hold. The blood, sweat and tears cannot mask her fears. She has nightmares of a fiery hell: the silence- she promised herself not to ever tell. Will the pain ever dissipate? Did her mind just deteriorate? The molecules of matter that were once growing inside her Womb – that became his tomb…have flown to heaven: What would he have been like at the age of seven? Only god knows. Everynight she prays, still, her sorrow grows. Her family cannot do a thing- she wasted life on a fling. The guilt eats away at her spirit, but he, he never wanted to hear it. He swallowed all his pride, it tore him up inside. He never wanted to let her know. He knew he had to let her go. It was the most selfless thing that he had ever done. Unfortunately, he would never get to meet his son. I love you baby!
  9. notmyself24
    Yes, yes, yes....((Lulu)) I am sending you big hugs & also: the reasonhe tells you he still loves you, blah, blah is to keep you there emotionally. He sounds like my ex- If I can't have you (don't want you) nobody else can- Just be strong & don't rush into another relationship- revounds are fun at first, but they cause more pain in the end. Take care of yourself, please.
  10. notmyself24
    Hun, Thats why experience teaches you to be cautious of your heart. If you are anything like me or other tender hearts I know, you will fall in love again, however, you will not let yourself get too euphoric b/c that memory of hurt will be engrained within you forever. Take all the time you need to heal. I guarentee that you will fall in love again, remember that as hard it is to believe, we CAN choose who we love. The big red flags show up early- justtake off those blinders- the rose colored glasses for only a moment: the truth will set you free. You really are not alone b/c when you open up to another human being there is always a chance of getting hurt.it is not you, she is scared/immature/can't handle a serious relationship- it sounds as if she is manipulating you b/c she is uncertain. Let her go- release her from your mind & heart (all in due time). Take care.
  11. notmyself24
    My best friend just brok off a 5 year relationship- we are 24 & she was also with him since 19- she even excepted an engagement neary 6 months ago- he never had a steady job, yet could afford a $10,000 engagement. He never told him how he made money. They are both Greek & he went to Atehns on "business" often for 3 months at a time (near the last year & half of their relationship). I guess that was ok, but sometimes he wouldn't even call her for a whole day & she would leave him vms - would not get back to her for hours b/c his phone was off. He supposedly really adored her (according to family & friends). I never really got to know him, but he was hurting her emotionally/mentally for quite sometme & nobody truly knew the situation then one day she brok down & confessed her unhappiness- she never believed that he cheated on her (who knows). The guy is a showoff & lazy (I mean she is working full time as a tecah & getting her masters, but he hangs out in cafes most of the day playing backgammon with old greek guys, lol). I just wanted you to know that this kind of stuff happens- engaged or not- people get engaged for various reasons, unfortuneatly even if they are no longer in love, I believe that it is security reasons. She accepted the engagement even though she was having major doubts. Ironically, the marriage proposal made her realize that she needed to get out of the relationship. This girl is like a sister to me, we have been friends half our lives & when I saw her break down (she is still crying everyday) & have a ajor panick attack, I knew that she was in a bad situation. He was not into drugs, but being an a-hole does not require drugs...it is just a character defect. She even tried giving him another chance. But, there was too much resentment there & he began cursing her & her family out & losing his temper more, so, his true colors began to show. She is terribly hurt, but has a great family & friends for emotional support- that is all you need. Stay strong.
  12. notmyself24
    Hun, Please read your post again- yes, it seems he is using again , but most importantly, you are too good for him...there is not much more for me to say. I am truly sorry you are going through this.
  13. notmyself24
    He could just be obsessessive & manipulative. However, if he reallyis depressed clinically, It is not totally his fault- everyone's brain works differently, it has to do with the chemicals. Be careful & keep in mind he could just be faking it out of desperation- well, you know him better than anyone here! Think about it, please!
  14. notmyself24
    Just be honest- of course it will hurt, just make sure you really mean it & you don't have to lead him on- unless you tell him "I love you" & he's the one etc..other wise, just be as honest as you can & be sensitive to his feelings too. Good luck.
  15. notmyself24
    I too was in this situation with my "x"- it has to do with jealousy. I do not believe his friend is a TRUE friend b/c if he was he would wanthim to be truly happy- a genuine friend wants to see someone they care about & respect (like a brother/sister) happy not b/c of their own selfish reasons- even if that means they may lose the closeness they oncehad- a true connection is never lost no matter who comes into your lives. Remember that it is his issue, not yours, just be who you are- don't let either of them manipulate you into changing. If your bf dumps you b/c of his buddy them ay least you know what kind of man he is- good luck.
  16. notmyself24
    I understand that this is the internet,but how can ou judge ME on one thing I said- that one comment does not define me- I am not a bad, evil person- anyways, this is an advice forum- I would never intentionaly hurt/criticize anyone, so I got a bit defensive, sorry for being an emotional human being.
  17. notmyself24
    ((Vanilla)) There was a big misunderstanding b/t us & I did appologize- did you even read everything I wrote about me (now) "X"- he was manipulating, controlling, & actually, he did not love me unconditionally...other people (nt just me) thought that he was not the most well kept individual- I should have figured that out when he would not take a shower for 2 days, which was often- he was good looking, but in the end, I think your habits/behavior determine who you are. It is not an exscuse to act rude, I know, but I was just under alot of preassure, I truly beleved he loved me, I was only rational when we were physically apart/didn'y speak, he knew that so he NEVER gave me space that I requested numerous times b/c he knew that I would leave if I had time to truly think about our relationship- the whole thing was draining & I just snapped- so I am very sorry once again for my response to ((Wildchilds)) advice... Update: I changed my cell number & had not emailed him nor has he even attempted to contact me, this is going well so far.
  18. notmyself24
    I agree with Billjean- once we women make up our minds to walk- we are gone- I would say that when we love a man, we have infinite patience, but we are only human with limits- once our heart/mind are out of it, that means we fought long & hard about leaving 7 trust me, it isn't over night, I am talking months & possible years b/c we always want to gove another chance. However, in your case(s) you just met the WRONG women, you both see like good guys tha deserve much better. Take care
  19. notmyself24
    ((Wildchild)) At this point, I just wanthim out of my life! We texted for quite awhile last night after only hours of nc- he texted me first around 10pm when I was having dinner up until midnight (I fell asleep) then the last text was 2am...I responded this morning, but that was wrong. I told him that I am changing my #, but he told me that I dont have to- he is still trying to control the situation, ha! Actually, I just signed up for mys[ace- all the rage these days. I did reconnect with a guy I dated once, but beofre & after we dated (he saw my pictures before we met), he was infatuated with me. he is in great shape, a very sweet guy working & going to school & after 8 months, he still has not lost interest in me b/c he says I am someone not easy to forget. My "x" knows of him b/c I used to update him on the emails this guy used to send me & pics of his brother's new baby, etc...he was very persistent, so we talked again on the phone last night, I made it clear that i am only looking for a friend right now, but who knows for the future...
  20. notmyself24
    Hunny, Its better to be alone than hurting. Feel better & things will improve. peace.
  21. notmyself24
    Gee, love is so fickle- I even od'd when my first love left me- I was trying to save him from himself b/c he was an alcoholic- I gave him so much love & understanding for 4 years of my life. Then, one day he left me b/c I stopped him from going to bars & binge drinking. he once told me that he would NEVER stop drinking- not even for me, his first true love. I hurt so bad, I feel into serious depression. He was put on meds soon after & months later came looking for me at my college! He was the type who could stay in bed 2 weeks staright- so I gave him another chance & 6 months later I broke up with him for good- I forgave him about the past, afteall he was my first love. But, I never will take him back ever- he tried to weasle himself backinto my heart: helping me out with my (now) ex, but I let him know where I stand. Its amazing how we can love someone so much for an amount of time, then it hits you that it will not last- I have been on boths sides of the fence & it hurts like hell either way- I guess its how you handle it & how each individual deals with loss & heartache. Hang in there. You will do better- please believe me: take it from someone who has settled too much! peace.
  22. notmyself24
    Sorry that you are going through this I dont think that you are as unattractive as you think. That is great to be realistic- could you please throw some of that reality my way?!? Maybe you are just going through a phase of low self esteem- it could be stress, a sudden lose, sudden weight gain 9we aren't getting any younger, lol). I have phases like this often & a million guys pining for me or a people telling me how pretty I am will not help- ultimately its how you feel about you- easier said than done, I know. An older woman tolde me that sometimes seeming "ugly" women get what THEY want b/c they feel beautiful thereforeeee others see them that way too- how much of that is true...well, just look at hollywood (i.e Parish Hilton, uh...). I guess her point was that it is really how you feel on the inside. I, for one should follow that advice too- maybe you should cut your friend loose 7 you will rediscover your inner beauty once again..it is all up to you & how much YOU can handle. Take care & chin up
  23. notmyself24
    My very last text to him : Don't make things harder than they already are. If you call me anymore, I will change my number. Whew! It was so difficult to send that- there was security there even though we were so unhappy- I think I did the right thing, it was such a release, but god it still hurts. Very early in the relationship I loved him, but after the loss of a child, I guess that love is replaced by pain...I have gone numb- yes, this was the right decision.
  24. notmyself24
    Well, he has been calling me for hours & i ignore his call so it goes straight to vm- he left me a lengthy message full of I love you, care about you deeply- blah0 then he proceeds to tell me that he hasn't called in almost 2 days b/c he was too tired to fight wiht me...hmmm- he was the ONE who started the arguments. He was drunk the other night btw (oceaneyes) when he made those comments- is it true that the truth come out when you are drunk, lol... I texed him back 30 minutes after listening to the vm- I told a white lie to get him off my back once & for all- I had told him on numerous occasions on the phone & in person that I need space to see if I will mis him- we had broken up a month ago, but continued to treat one another as bf/gf b/c ther was so-called love (& a baby bond) b/t us. The problem is that he treated me with little respect sometimes & other times he was amazing- never consistant. He played the "poor me" I'm confused (I dont know) game long enough- he might have actually believed that I would never leave him! As I have stated before, I have lost a precious child in this, so it hurts, but it is like a wound that only time can heal- I never had the strength to just cut him out like this, however, i did it with a 4 year relationship that was toxic (he was a binge drinker: alcoholic). nothing is going to bring the baby back, least of all loving such a selfish man & letting him manipulate me. Sometimes when we play games we win, sometimes we lose- it sucks to lose at your own game, but it feels wonderful to beat someone at theres. I am not being vindictive, I am not going to take him back just to hurt him some more- it is over for good! He will call/text out of guilt, I am thinking that this is maybe the way he wanted it to end, who knows. I have grieved long enough- he always said that he wants to be friends with me for life- how can I have a friend like him? I decided to cut my loses this time & text him: That I met someone new. I am drained, etc...the second part was true, first part, a lie- however, once I get my self-esteem back, I plan on entering a healthy relationship with a man who truly loves me & "only has eyes for me". Thanks for all your kindness. Peace.
  25. notmyself24
    Thank both of you for understandingmy plight. Take care
×
×
  • Create New...