notmyself24

Angelkiss, I just want to recant- I'm sorry to imply "snooping" on him- if he found out then, he could turn around (like I said) & accuse you of being untrusting & that could lead to more problems with out much of a resolution. Love & trust are needed to make a relationship work, if one is lacking, you should work at it b/c I'm sure you both love one another. If you are missing both- well, it's up to you to 2 decide together. Men just think differently than us, this is a fact. There is a great website called psychology today that has great professional insight on the dynamics of relationships & healthy foundations for marriage, etc... If you choose to confront him- be calm & prepare for anything. It's easier said than done, I guess facing reality is hard especiall for kind-hearted people who are loyal. If he is still contacting her on a regualar basis, I say have a serious talk with him- I'm just not sure you should say anything until you know the whole story. Like someone said- people have affairs b/c there is something lacking in the relationship- I guess only you know what it is...hope evrything works out for you!

I have never been married, but have been in a longterm relationship for 4 years- thats over now... I can only imagine that marriage is such hard work & maybe your husband had been having fantsies about this woman b/c she is bisexual (men have woman with woman sexual fantasies). Maybe is was a game or an "emotional" affair (which is still cheating imo). There are so many reasons- you said you became friends...what was "she" like? Exotic, kinky, fun loving- was she like you or your oppsite. How old was she- younger or older- come to think of it, there are so many factors. Affairs are wrong- plain & simple. But human nature (esp. men & their sexual fantasies) is curious. Obviously, their "thing" was so deep or meaningful. Now you have your old husband back,as you say. Unlesss it is totally eating you up inside, i would not confront him- just yet. I learned it is best to lay low- keep watching that account for awhile. I am not saying suffer in silence, however, the truth will come to you in its own sweet time & the trusth shall set you free! I don't know your husband, however, men are not as emotional as women in general. If you choose to confront him, he will most likely lie & put on a good poker face & you will never know the truth & he may trn around & accuse you of snooping & now has the upper hand. Life is not a game, but relationships have to be played like one sometimes- the ball is in your court. Its up to you to decide what tp do about this information. Good luck

Yea, I know many of you here may be against abortion & have no sympathy for me, but I am capable of handling my own errors- I'm onlu human- thats it. I appreciate any constructive advice. I guess this was the wrong place for me, but I still enjoy some of your wisdom here. Take care.

As time goes on, there is mre info that comes to me- Mike also has issues with letting go- he can be in denial about us "not working out"- its hard to expinan, but I told him many times that I want to leave- it can be so draining with him (serious abandonment issues, he has). Instead of giving me space, he holds on tighter, which makes me more resentful...I do love him, I just don't know if he is the one I should marry- does that make sense. He has wonderful qualities & is a loyal friend- I think he makes a better friend than lover, I dont feel romance with him, our relationship is so real & raw that rmance just seems phoney...I don't know! This is the second time I fell in love so fast & now we are in cahoots. No matter how bad a situation is, I never regret it, I learn from it. But when it comes to relationships, I keep making mistakes, it just becomes disenchanting, yet I still want more...is it an addiction? See, I analyze too much & this is one thing that he gets annoyed with...sorry for my rambling. In life, people come to me for advice, I just want to talk about myself for once & also willing to help. I know I will be judged harshly, but this is the Internet, I cannot hide these issues in my "loving" relationship anymore!!!

Hello, here is a link to the last post I made under "pregnancy". link removed I am sorry for posting so much *panicking*, its just that SO MUCh has been bottled up in the past 4 months. I had gone through so much w/my "ex" bf. that many people do not go through in a life time- this is not an exaggeration! Today, I had it & told him we should give one another space- he is so suffocating & confusing- alternates b/t crying & becoming needy to I have no time (to make a simple phone call). He whines about how much he loves me, needs me, wants to marry me to acting like he could care less- he is confused & its bugging the hell out of me. I know most people say 4 months- move on, but it isn't that simple. Both of us had been in long term relationships (4 years- me & 8 years- him). I said we need space & if someone comes along that is better for us, that is fine. he began to panick- but he is good at the poker face when we are in person & playing it cool on the telephone...he acted very calm, even though I know he will call me crying later- he is so predictable. I loved him b/c how he made me feel: he's 6'2, I'm 5'3. He is noce to look at, has a soothing voice & can be goofy like me & when we were together all was fun & relaxed- it "felt right". But, I have come to realize from experience that feelings can be wrong & they are not everything. I do analyze alot & this annoyed him even though he also analyzed. I have flip-flopped many times w/him- want to break up- no, lets give it another chance. Today, I was the one who stood my ground. We were supposed to see each other today (on his terms, of course). I realize that I cannot sacrifice anymore or stop my world for him. When I was pg, he said that he couldn't stand how much control I had- he felt pwerless- he stopped at nothing for me not to keep the baby- he manipulated me & lied & I was too weak to fight him. There are days I cry non-stop & want to die- I attemped suice over a year ago by oding on 200+ pills. I am still here today for a reason, but deep down I am a broken soul. On the outside I am well put together. Someone says I make my outsides look nice to cover up how I feel deep down. My body wants to cave in, but my mind is so strong, I cannot even give up. I must live for the baby I lost & getting rid of bf was the first step into my recovery. Thanks for listening.

It is saturday, we both have school until 3- I'm dropping my class today. We used to be together every weekend- fri night- mon. morning- now we only see each other once during the week & saturday (we rent a hotel room to relax & hold each other & other stuff, lol). Last night we had tension b/c I feel I do more in the relationship. I have to sacrifice more- we both are laid back, low energy people- however, when it comes to relationships, I put in 110% so that's just me. He is puting in 75% of what he has into this- I am even overestimating. He clearly loves me thats why he is working hard & it frustrates him that he has no time in money for all the effort he puts into school, work, internship, etc... All I ask is that he calls me. This is the 3rd time since we met that his phone has been turned off. he can receive calls, but cannot call out. There are such things as pay phones & he can use the phones in both of his jobs so why can't he call just to say: "hey, babe I miss you" or "How's your day so far?" Instead of appologizing when I confront him, he just gets defensive- "So, I don't call you when I said I would & you think I'm cheating on you or trying to break up. Look, I just have no time I am running from one job, to school, to my second job & my cell has been turned off...nothing is going right, I have no time to take a S***t!" Seriously, how much time does it take to pick up a phone to say what's up? I took this as a sign that we should take a break b/c recently, he said he feared that I was going to leave him (for obvious reasons). Thing is, I care about this guy & he is very attached to me. Whenever we fight, I can't ignore him- he will tex me sweet things or cry on the phone telling me how much he loves me. Sometimes, I feel more like a mother than gf. There are times, I wish I kept the baby & got rid of him...but, I am only human & realize what's done is done. He is very affectionate & when we are together, both of us are just happy & on cloud 9- when we are apart, I feel a void- he always says that he's working hard so we can live together within a year. I miss waking up with him in the morning & just looking into his eyes. he doesn't like letting me go after we hang out b/c he's affraid he'll never see me again. I guess he has abandonment issues b/c of his past relationships- well, nobody's perfect. It scares me when he says: "your looking at your husband." Its like out of nowhere. Does he say it b/c that's what he thinks I want to hear? marriage is arbitrary to me. I would much rather live with someone & get along great than fell trapped in an unhappy marriage- I have expressed this to him. The reason I am not jumping for joy about him wanting to marry me was his reason- so he doesn't lose me. I am his security blanket...that's a terrible reason to marry someone & that just killed him when I said I will not marry him until he get's over his past (namely, 8 year ex). Another thing that worries me is that he says he wants to give me a baby- he owes one to me, but I know he really, really does not like babies- he always has something negative to say about kids- so why are we together? There is something unexplainable there. If anyone saw us together in public, we seem like a happy, in love couple- all our issues stay b/t us, we work them out. However, I am drained beyond belief. I told him last night, I am going to be apathetic like he is sometimes & see how he feels. No matter what i do or say, he doesn't budge. All he says is that he & I must have another baby & that he loves me. Maybe I am complicated or his is too simple (for me).

Ok, first off, please do not attack my "intelligence" (IQ), please! If anything, attack my common sense or lack there of- also, many people here do not use protection & will not admit it, but i was honest enogh, that seems to be all you are all attacking. Second, I was with bf. for 4 years, we never used protection, I never got preggie & my bf. never used protection w/his ex. 8 years, she never got preggie. Our relationship began simple enough. In fact, he didn't want sex right away, but I am very sexual. We just got along great & did some fun stuff together, but now money is tight, still we are together. I am thinking about moving onm but keeping in touch. He says if I let him go, he will be ready for the relationship again in 8 months- he will look me up. I told him I willnot hold my breath. He says he is not looking for another girl b/c he is in love with me. He does have self control compared to many guys- he wants marriage & committment- thats why he stayed w/a girl for 8 years, but she just wanted new experiences. I was supposed to meet his mom & sister a few weeks ago, but my family interfered. My mom likes mike, but her husband & my brother see him as a threat, my brother knows of the ab & he knows I have cried alot & feel remorseful. He doesn't like mike right now even though they were getting along not too long ago when he came to my house. There are quite afew obstacles keeping us aprt. If he was w/me just for sex then I think he would have moved on, don't you?

Thank you both for quick replies- damn, I had so many typos, lol. I appreciate what both of you had to say so far...Let me add- sexual partner- yes, but there is so much more there- he is going to school fulltime & working 2 jobs, plus an intership so we can live togetehr & get married. We laugh, talk, plan our future, go out- we are comitted- how is that only about sex-? Also, he NEVER abused me in any way, shape or form- I had been accused of verbally abusing him b/c I was very angery after the ab.

Hello everyone, I am new here, but have been reading posts for quite sometime. Many of you give out wonderful, "objective" advice. Here goes- thanks in advance. I have been with my b/f mike less than six months. A mont into our relationship we got pg. He is 26, lives in new jersey & I am 24 from NYC. We met on an online dating site. Background- I was in a 4 year relationship with a bing drinker (alcoholic) who was 5 years older then me. He lied to me about his drinking & hid it well. I loved him through & through- my first love. He was there for me when I was diganosed with depression, he was a hard worker & good person despit his flaws. Nobody understood why I stayed w/him: I am young, atractive, intelligent- many men asked me out during that time, but I thought he was the one forever. We talked about having kids & he came inside me over 10 times in 4 years, I thought maybe I would get pregnant, by accident, it NECER happened. I dated quite a few guys in the months after I broke up w/my ex. Then, I met mike. Mike is great looking, sweet, creative, witty, all the things I love in a man. We had instant chemistry, but waited a few weeks until having sex. I know its stupid- I am educated- but, I usually dont use protection- I have been lcuky & clear of stds- Mike has had half the sexual partners as me. He was w/a irl 8 years from 16-24 & she left him b/c she wanted freedom (who could blame her), but he was devastated & really cannot trust any female. He fell in love w/a woman months before I met him & she also left him (she was separated from her husband of 6 years & went back). Now it is me & mike, we fell in love, fast & hard & that is how we got pg...we both just let our inhibitions go. He never even thought of coming in a woman- there has to be a man here who can explain male phisiology & brains b/c this makes no sense- why me? He was w/a girl, madly inlove for 8 years & he chooses to inseminate me?!? Well, I did not worry, but he did it twice, so I began to woory & he freaked, but I played it off-I never got pg before. I always wanted kids & my mother always tells me I will make a great mother. A few weeks after all this I had strange symptoms- I thought it was my period, but I am irregular- 30-40 day cycles. After a little over 4 weeks I took a test- mike bought 2. Within seconds a second line showed up- positive. We took a second one a few hours later- positive again. I should have known, was in denial. Here was the ultimatum - 1) Keep the baby, be happy, we love one another after all- but, live in a low life town, in a roach infested apartment, and never have money to go on vacations or have nice things. 2) Go full term & give baby up for adoption- the kicker- he doesn't want a kid, but says that he couldn't see me pg for 9 months then give the baby up b/c it was ours. 3) abortion. The worst, but most viable option. The second I knew I was preggie. I was secretly happy & in love- in a different way. About 2 weeks later Mike took me to the clinic, I was 5 weeks pg. He later admitted that he tricked m into going & this would lead to a guilt trip that I have never seen any human being go through...to this day, he always says how much he loves me- but, i do not know if he is in love w/me (like he says a hundred times a day) or feels terribly guilt for coercing me into an abortion- sure he payed for it, but at the same time, he was too immature (not man enough) to handle it. I did blame him & with him alot- called him unthinkable names 9i think he deserved at the moment). he started calling me verbally abusive (something I never heard before). We knew we were in a rut. how do 2 people so in love get over an abortion? Well, we stayed together through the storm & here we are. You would think we learned our lesson, but, yesterday i broke the news that I may be pg again b/c we have sex 3-4 times a day when we are together. Recently iy has been less b/c I do not spend the night w/him anymore. Between work, school, distance, money, time- we are both stressed. Recently he asked me to marry him- he used to ask me before I got preggie, he is at it again. Thing is, I said yes, then backed out- which I am sure bruised his ego, I mean, we both still live at home, he doesn't want kids right now, we live in different states- it would be a disaster imo. We still argue, but have learnedto resolve things. I wish i could post emails he sent me. Anywyas, I am here about the possible second pregnancy- not about the past or our abortion- too much info! I had my period last week. He hasn't come inside me since before I was pg. However, we have alot of sex- he goes deep (sorry too graphic) & he has lots of precum- he pulls out & I see it! I know precum can get women pg, we have sex enough, there were some times we cut it close so it is very possible, but I have worried him & we are in jeopardy once again. I just started getting thesymptoms again- cravings, frequent urination, very sleepy, dizzy, alot of clear discharge (no pain, little irritation), very tempermental, cry for no reason, and bloating that just won't go away and nauseas (I had the worst morning sickness before)- unless its some std, I don't know. 2 weeks ago mike had a cold & gave it to me. I was sick, but now I still have all those other symptoms...I am willg to be a single mother- Mike said he would never make me have an abortion again, but I know he will drop out of school & blame me if i keep the baby. My prd. is due on the 14th or so. Its too early to take an hpt I think, so we decided to wait it out. The irony about Mike is that he doesn't want kids , he does love me, doesn't want me to gove baby up for adoption. I gave him the option to go last time & he just stayed & later almost strayed. I love him dearly, but since i know him better, I know not to believe his lies- a baby will not ruin his life (or mine), it will change us- i think it will mature him alot. There's just so much to contemplate- any advice would be greatly appreciated- thank you!