notmyself24

This is such a complicated & intense situation ((Lulu)), god, I can understand your need to help. He sounds so desperate. I want to say that he truly loves you b/c I have been there with a man who was an alcoholic- we last 4 years- there are different types of addicts- even romance/emotional/love addicts! There are places HE can go alone & you can guide him as long as you can detach yourself from him. believe me, i can relate. We can tell you to leave him, forget him, but we are not you- none of us actually know either of you & your relationship is unique since it was intimate/you were engaged. There is a lot of history there...I am not a therapist- you should talk to a professional about this, seriously. Is he dangerous? Would her hurt you in any way: remember that he has aready hurt you emotionally. I know that you love or you think you do. You think, you want to believe in your heart, that is, that he is coming back b/c he misses you & loves you. Be strong & realize that this is a game- he is very manipulative. he knows that you care about him, that is why he calls you crying (crockadile tears). Nobody can understand your plight unless they have been there, I mean in the flesh, the emotions: it feels like you are drowning & part of you is happy that he has called you- if you want to help, so he leaves you alone- look for a group he can join- they are free. You DO NOT have to help him, he left you...so maybe a restraining order may be what you really need, maybe that is too extreme. I am just giving you some ideas. Obviously, I cannot tell you what to do. f you were a friend or sister, I would definitely try anything in my power to keep him away from you- you do deserve better than him. As far as guys go, that is sweet & definitely an ego boost to know that they are interested. It is so tempting to just dive right into another relationship for fear of being alone- one word: rebound. Please focus on you & keep an open mind, don't shut anyone out completely, just make it clear from the get go, that you are the most important thing right now. I wish I could do more to help. Just follow your womanly instincts & be careful!

That was great advise. I know all too well about depression I know right now it may feel like you will die/are going to die, but you are very much alive like "us" who have literally been through hell & back with f-ed up exes & are alive to tell the tale- its ok tocry a lot: even everyday b/c with every tear you shed, you earn my dear, believe me...you learn!

Hun, My own mother was loving yet was "selfish" too- your poem hit home, litterally & I hope that you learn to forgive & letgo of the pain you feel towards her (or possibly another mother figure) in your life. We are only human & we make mistakes- everyone deserves a second chance.

I have to say ((shysoul)), your soul is quite beautiful & deep, I was like you at 22- I'm only 24, now, but you make strong points without being offensive, that is difficult to do- you articulate yourself well... I wish ((imtired)) the best b/c yes, he does seem like a good person! Take care all!

I deleted my post.

I can relate to codependancy- like I have said before- I dated/fell in love with an alcoholic- it is very difficult to break free from such a relationship- emotions are magnified 1000 times b/c all the other thinks of is himsel/herself & they just use us as a support- but, when they screw us/leave: who is there for us- simple: we are there for us & in the end, trust me, we will go through pain that they may never feel (god forbid) yet, in the end, we are the better, more enlightened ones. they have to live with themselves, but we have a choice. If we learned from the past, we will not settle anymore. best of all, we will learn to love ourselves too & open are hearts to something better than we coould ever imagine. Best of luck in your selfdiscovery!

((Diggitydogg)), I agree with you. But, I think that some people are more giving & others are more selfish. Some people actually take (joy) away the other's self esteem & confidence by manipulating/controlling them. You may think that means the other is weak, but love can really blind you. Soem of us just have bead luck, its only natural- have you ever truly been in love? Maybe you were lucky & met someone wonderful, the world consists of so many wrong people. It saddenns me deeply. I used to think everyone was nice & had good intentions. I am beggining, my self, not to trust so easily or heartbreak is inevitable...

For Daniel, my one true love... She's wrapped up in a ball: tears and all. Shaking from the core, she rolls onto the floor. Breaking everything in sight- its fight or flight. She's too weak to speak – he sees her, lying there meek. He just goes back downstairs to play with his friends - leaving her alone so his misery ends. But, it will NEVER go away: it will surely hit HIM one day. He'll never understand. All she needed was the touch of his hand. Her child had just flown to heaven: at seven Weeks old- he was too good for her to hold. The blood, sweat and tears cannot mask her fears. She has nightmares of a fiery hell: the silence- she promised herself not to ever tell. Will the pain ever dissipate? Did her mind just deteriorate? The molecules of matter that were once growing inside her Womb – that became his tomb…have flown to heaven: What would he have been like at the age of seven? Only god knows. Everynight she prays, still, her sorrow grows. Her family cannot do a thing- she wasted life on a fling. The guilt eats away at her spirit, but he, he never wanted to hear it. He swallowed all his pride, it tore him up inside. He never wanted to let her know. He knew he had to let her go. It was the most selfless thing that he had ever done. Unfortunately, he would never get to meet his son. I love you baby!

Yes, yes, yes....((Lulu)) I am sending you big hugs & also: the reasonhe tells you he still loves you, blah, blah is to keep you there emotionally. He sounds like my ex- If I can't have you (don't want you) nobody else can- Just be strong & don't rush into another relationship- revounds are fun at first, but they cause more pain in the end. Take care of yourself, please.

Hun, Thats why experience teaches you to be cautious of your heart. If you are anything like me or other tender hearts I know, you will fall in love again, however, you will not let yourself get too euphoric b/c that memory of hurt will be engrained within you forever. Take all the time you need to heal. I guarentee that you will fall in love again, remember that as hard it is to believe, we CAN choose who we love. The big red flags show up early- justtake off those blinders- the rose colored glasses for only a moment: the truth will set you free. You really are not alone b/c when you open up to another human being there is always a chance of getting hurt.it is not you, she is scared/immature/can't handle a serious relationship- it sounds as if she is manipulating you b/c she is uncertain. Let her go- release her from your mind & heart (all in due time). Take care.

My best friend just brok off a 5 year relationship- we are 24 & she was also with him since 19- she even excepted an engagement neary 6 months ago- he never had a steady job, yet could afford a $10,000 engagement. He never told him how he made money. They are both Greek & he went to Atehns on "business" often for 3 months at a time (near the last year & half of their relationship). I guess that was ok, but sometimes he wouldn't even call her for a whole day & she would leave him vms - would not get back to her for hours b/c his phone was off. He supposedly really adored her (according to family & friends). I never really got to know him, but he was hurting her emotionally/mentally for quite sometme & nobody truly knew the situation then one day she brok down & confessed her unhappiness- she never believed that he cheated on her (who knows). The guy is a showoff & lazy (I mean she is working full time as a tecah & getting her masters, but he hangs out in cafes most of the day playing backgammon with old greek guys, lol). I just wanted you to know that this kind of stuff happens- engaged or not- people get engaged for various reasons, unfortuneatly even if they are no longer in love, I believe that it is security reasons. She accepted the engagement even though she was having major doubts. Ironically, the marriage proposal made her realize that she needed to get out of the relationship. This girl is like a sister to me, we have been friends half our lives & when I saw her break down (she is still crying everyday) & have a ajor panick attack, I knew that she was in a bad situation. He was not into drugs, but being an a-hole does not require drugs...it is just a character defect. She even tried giving him another chance. But, there was too much resentment there & he began cursing her & her family out & losing his temper more, so, his true colors began to show. She is terribly hurt, but has a great family & friends for emotional support- that is all you need. Stay strong.

Hun, Please read your post again- yes, it seems he is using again , but most importantly, you are too good for him...there is not much more for me to say. I am truly sorry you are going through this.

He could just be obsessessive & manipulative. However, if he reallyis depressed clinically, It is not totally his fault- everyone's brain works differently, it has to do with the chemicals. Be careful & keep in mind he could just be faking it out of desperation- well, you know him better than anyone here! Think about it, please!

Just be honest- of course it will hurt, just make sure you really mean it & you don't have to lead him on- unless you tell him "I love you" & he's the one etc..other wise, just be as honest as you can & be sensitive to his feelings too. Good luck.

I too was in this situation with my "x"- it has to do with jealousy. I do not believe his friend is a TRUE friend b/c if he was he would wanthim to be truly happy- a genuine friend wants to see someone they care about & respect (like a brother/sister) happy not b/c of their own selfish reasons- even if that means they may lose the closeness they oncehad- a true connection is never lost no matter who comes into your lives. Remember that it is his issue, not yours, just be who you are- don't let either of them manipulate you into changing. If your bf dumps you b/c of his buddy them ay least you know what kind of man he is- good luck.