BagMan

The following is just my random thoughts of why i got to where i almost got. (See first post). I realize what a mess i must be. I've thought alot about how i got to the previously discussed situation and realized how sad of a person i am. I have to assume that alot of why i am the way i am is because all my life i've been extremely shy around women. If i ever liked a woman i would do nothing and stand around and watch my friends go out with these ladies while i performed the usual wall flower routine, i'm quite good at it. Being a wall flower means you dont have to worry about being rejected, take no chances never get hurt. I thought about some things, even my wife i did not meet by conventional means at the time (1995). I was learning how to use the internet and she instant messaged me. We talked on line a couple of weeks, exchanged phone numbers, talked a few weeks and eventually agreed to meet. I had never seen her until the first time she came to my house. If i would have seen my future wife in a social setting, i would have never gotten married as i would have never had the nerve to talk to her. If i am not attracted to a woman i can talk to her easily enough, but if i feel any attraction its almost impossible for me to talk to her. Which is what happened in my situation. I got to talk to her as i was training her to take over my old job. Simple enough, i felt no attraction, i was just happy someone had taken over my job finally. But as i had stated earlier when she started telling me about her situation i fell for her in my head. She is a vey nice girl trying to get her life in order and get away from a scum bag. I initially was just offering her advice on how to go about getting her life in order. But being the bonehead i seem to have become i was attracted to her. As i said before she has no attraction to me, and for that i am glad. I dont want to ruin my families lives, my life and her life. I'm happy that i have things straight in my head and know i wont act on any impulses, but i will always have an attraction to this woman. This is one time in my life where my shyness and not being able to tell someone i like them will actually help me. I think of a situation from City Slickers where Curly tells Billy Crystals character about the love of his life and how he saw her with the sun behind her. Yet he didnt even know her name. Just the image of her beauty was all he ever needed.

Definetly good replies. I have no choice but to work with this woman. I now know the exact time i looked at her differently. She was telling me about being choked by her boyfriend and started crying. I felt so bad for her. I didnt touch her or anything like that but i told her that she deserved better for herself and her children. Its strange to me that it happened like that. I have purposely distanced myself. The good thing as far as i can see about the whole thing is that the attraction was on my part only. I'll agree i'm no Brad Pitt, dont know if he is good looking or not, i dont usually judge guys. 8) We're now trying to figure out what exercise device would be best for us to get in better shape. We'll definetly have to have a talk about what goes on in the bedroom. Maybe after beginning to exercise we'll feel better about ourselves and be more adventuresome in the bedroom. Once again i appreciate all the replies.

Thank you everyone who responded. I do see what has to happen in my life. I think i wouldnt offer my wife a gym membership until she finishes school. She has mentioned she is interested in Curves, i think thats what its called. Maybe i'll see about getting her a membership there and me somewhere at the same time. She has mentioned her weight in the past but all i have ever said is yeah you've put on a few pounds, nothing more. I dont want a fight over this issue. Willow your advice is fantastic, thanks alot. I am working on my image, cutting out junk food to get rid of 10 lbs. Could be difficult with the holidays coming up soon.

Thanks for the reply. I've definetly got some work to do. I know the right thing to do. I consider the woman at work a friend, and since she has not shown any interest in me, its in my best interest to continue to be her friend at work, nothing else. It will be difficult but i realize i must look at the bigger picture; My family and their happiness.

I've been with my wife for 10 years. We've been married for almost 7 years. We have two great kids. That all sounds great, but here is where i am starting to have problems. At work i am finding myself completely attracted to a woman who is quite a bit younger than me. In all honesty i dont know if the feeling is mutual, im actually afraid to find that out. The thing that has floored me is that it wasnt until the last few weeks i've become attracted to her. When she first started working with me i didnt give her a second thought romantically. Now i cant get her out of my head. She has a boyfriend who she desperately wants to get away from. She tells me he is physically and mentally abusive towards her. While I want her to get away from this guy i know im not the right person for her to develope a relationship with. Also i feel like i would be crushed if she told me she found another guy, even though on the other hand i would feel so happy for her if this happened. I know that the worst thing i can do is somehow get into a relationship with her. I feel like i have an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other when i run this scenerio through my head. Now for the home life. My wife is in school 5 days a week and works weekends. I know this is gonna get me "boiled" but she has started to put on significant weight. I love her but she is less physically attractive to me due to this. I feel her hygeine could use a little work, but how do you tell someone this. I know it would really bother me if someone said it to me. She complains if my face is too rough yet she doesnt shave her legs and during sex the stubble on her legs bothers me. Our sex life is quite boring, in all honesty neither of us is creative at all in the sack. There is no way this is only her fault i also share the blame on this front. I used to be abhorred at the thought of my wife ever seeing another man, but recently it doesnt bother me at all. Is a boring sex life leading me to desire this woman? Am i possibly attracted to her because of her situation? I wish i knew what was going on in my head these days.