neonnova

I've noticed a pattern of trust issues with boyfriends in my life. I've always given them the benefit of the doubt but once lied to, found it impossible to go on because I didn't want to feel "crazy" all the time. Well, as time has gone on I've realized maybe my trust issues have gotten out of hand... or have they? I seem to be one of those people that NEEDS the proof because I always like to give the person the benefit of the doubt. When I was dating my exboyfriend for the 1st year we were living on different sides of the country. I COMPLETELY trusted him and even told him he could see other girls until we could be together... he declined because that would "defeat the purpose" of being together and I was flattered. Eventually I moved to be with him and we lived together for a year. The year was difficult and soon he grew distant. We rarely had sex (maybe once a month) and I started to wonder if something was amiss. There are no women at his job and we live together so I didn't really think he was sleeping with someone else, but thought maybe he was second guessing the relationship. So then I did what I shouldn't ever do. Yes, I read his email. He had given me the password a while back (but probably forgot). There was nothing earth shattering in there but I noticed he had given some girls his AIM name which I found odd since he NEVER has time to talk to me online during the day. Then later I had found out that he was talking with a girl one evening at a club and he neglected to tell her he had a girlfriend. He told her later (or so he says) but I found this all really uncomfortable. I've noticed a lot of small things like this and couldnt bare for it to eat away at me so I just broke it off. He was angry that I looked into his personal email and i can understand why. I guess I just needed to know if there was something to the feelings I was having about the relationship. If it was true he wasnt interested in me anymore and maybe in someone else. I guess at this point in my life I just don't know how to trust someone when I've been lied to so many times.

Yes, thank you for the reality check. I guess I blame myself (I seem to do that a lot) because I'm rather difficult to deal with and I know I expected a lot from him. When I moved here I honestly thought "that's it, this is 'the one' " so I guess I'm feeling scared because I'm going to be stuck out there dating again. I have no problems getting dates but they always tend to be a bit young (23/24) and I just find the whole dating thing scary. I guess this would be a good time to focus on my "career" but I'd feel better if I could sort out my personal life as well... I guess only time will tell (and that's the most unsettling part of it all).

I moved out of my exboyfriend's house 2.5 weeks ago... I'm still not sure I did the right thing. I was confused and upset and had just gotten a job offer for a 'dream job' 2700 miles away. I knew I couldn't take the job unless I left him... I felt tormented but in the end I packed up my stuff and left. Here's the quick story: I was living in LA when I met my ex who lived in PA. We dated for about 8 months until I broke it off because I didn't want to move... I had a good job, an apartment, and was settled in and I was very frightened of moving. We didn't talk for a couple months but then got back in touch and he basically said "you need to move or we can't talk anymore because I want a real relationship". So I moved finally because I did love him and I wanted to know if things were going to work out. Before I moved I told him all my fears and problems that may arise and he calmed all of them and I truly believed he was going to be there for me.... So after the move things were extremely rocky. I had problems adjusting to my new life... I didn't like his animals (i have alergies) and he just wasn't "there" for me as I thought he would be. There were a lot of excuses. After 6 months I decided we really needed to give things a shot and I moved in with him to find a job (I had been living with my parents before this time... a source of a lot of my bitterness). So I got a job that I didnt particularly like but paid well and was close to his house and we started our "happily ever after".... But we argued a lot. And eventually the sex stopped (once a month maybe) and we didn't talk to each other any more. He rarely made plans with me and never really had much time for me otherwise. First it was "the band" and when that was on haitus, it was "videogames". He went to the bar a lot with friends and while I was always invited, it just wasnt that much fun for me. He just wasnt willing to compromise on many things... at all. I felt like I gave up a great life.... I willingly traded what I had for what was promised in the relationship, but then felt really let down when it was nothing like we talked about. I felt abandoned so when I got the opportunity to go back to LA for a kickass job, I jumped on the offer. But I feel this overwhelming sadness about leaving him. Plus, my family all lives here on the east coast and this had been where I was planning on "settling down" to and now I'm up and leaving AGAIN (I'll be 30 this year). I'm just so confused. I haven't talked to him in 2.5 weeks since I moved all my belongings out and I want to call him... I want to just go back with him and hope things will change like he said they would... but I'm scared they won't again. And then I would have given up my chance on returning to LA. And I'll be stuck in a deadend relationship all over again. I guess I just don't feel like I really have anyone in my life and even at his worst he was still the one person that would always be there for me.