renaissancewoman101

I don't have a lot of credit card debt. I went through the credit card debt problems in my mid twenties and I dug myself into a big hole. My parents helped me out of that and after that whole craziness, I swore off credit cards. I have a few hundred in credit card debt (like about $600), that's about it. All or most of what I spend now is mainly cash. I try to avoid credit cards because I know how addictive they can be. It was a lot easier to do that when I was living in Wisconsin since things were cheaper there and people there were very down the earth and hated getting into debt. Now that I live in CA, I find it harder to avoid debt, because people here have a spend, spend, spend mentality, and there is so much that you can spend on out here. I do have school loan debt about $30K, but since I am in school again, the loans are in deferment.

I wouldn't just consult the free apt guides for your city. They usually only advertise the expensive apts, like the ones paisley80 said, the ones with pools, etc. Look in the classifieds in your local newspaper. Drive around the area you want to live in, see if there are apt buildings around with a sign saying "For Rent". Take down the number and call. My parents own 2 small apartment complexes with like 3-4 apts per complex and they only advertise rentals in the Classifieds section of the local newspaper. It's not easy to live on your own. That I do know. I lived with roommates my first two years of college, then I moved out on my own, after that. Couldnt deal with the roommate situation. I lived in the Midwest at that time, so rent was A LOT cheaper than what I pay now. I first lived in a studio where I only paid about $425/month, then when I graduated, I upgraded to a one bedroom apt that I paid $600/month. At that time, I was able to support myself because I had a great full-time job. Now, I am living in CA, in a studio, that costs me about $1200/month. Not so good. I've blown through my savings and had to resort back to borrowing from my parents, but I am going back to school for a career change. It's not easy to make it on your own. I still remember living in Wisconsin and eating cheaply because I needed to afford rent, medications, and basic stuff. But, if you really want it, you'll find a way.

If LOA could get someone who was losing interest in you, back, hell I would do it. Sometimes we go all out to regain the interest of the person who lost interest in us.

Why can't you go visit her or she come visit you? $400 isn't that much.

If I were you, I would just send the letter back "return to sender" and then let him sort his mess out with the state. After reading how he reacted to you, I think he doesnt deserve anymore than that. As for his stuff, tell him by email you are leaving it outside. If he doesnt claim it, then give it away. Otherwise, if he doesnt claim it, keep it for yourself.

I've been good friends with guys before. It's not an easy thing, esp if you have feelings for them, or develop feelings for them down the road, but if you care more about the friendship, then you make it work. Just focus on the friendship, the fun you guys have, etc. Try to downplay the feelings. It's not easy but doable. At least for me its doable.

What you are saying about teachers is NOT true. I am studying to be a teacher right now, and all the teachers I've worked with, stay beyond 3 PM, to grade papers, work on lesson plans, tutor students, etc. Being a teacher can be a thankless job. You dont get paid much, you devote a big chunk of your life to the kids, etc.

To me love is caring about a person more than, or as much as you care about yourself. Love is action by you showing how much you care about them. Love is feelings, (the fluttery feeling you get in your heart when you see them).

Whatever you do, when you do live alone, you must go out and socialize. That will help keep you from getting depressed and down on yourself. I've been living alone for the last 10 years. I like living alone since I like the solitude, but this year, living alone has been sad for me, probably since I also moved to a new city and am having a hard time socializing. I somewhat solved that by going back to school to work on my MAT degree and by taking a water aerobics class.

Right now, I am pretty sure it's a stomach bug. I have been throwing up periodically as well as periodic diarrhea. EWWW!!!!!

Thanks. I am just going to take Tylenol and not eat much today, but drink water and some gatorade. I am so glad I don't have school today (President's Day holiday). I will also rest and drink tea too. Ugh, I hope this goes away soon. Haven't felt this bad in a long while.

What's paracetamol? Is it like Panadol? Also, what's Lucozade? I dont think we have that here in the States. I think I have a nasty stomach bug that I either caught last night from eating a burger, or the day before from eating sushi and sashimi.

Last night I ate a burger late in the evening. Went to bed and woke up a few hours later feeling queasy. Couldnt go back to sleep real well because stomach felt queasy. Took some TUMS thinking heartburn. Slept a few. Woke up and threw up badly. Then went back to sleep for a few more hours. Now I am awake, my body is aching like hell (muscles and bones ache), I feel hot and cold, and I feel like crap. My stomach is also acting up again. Ugh! I have drank water like hell, drank white soda. What else should I do to take care of this problem. I don't think I need to see a doctor, but I feel like crap. And my stomach is still not feeling good, but now it is not the throwing up thing anymore.

A lot of times, I find it hard to love myself, esp because my mom seems to be embarrassed of me most of the time.

I think you are thinking too much on this and making it sound like a chore. It should just happen naturally where you guys are friends, it didnt turn out the way you wanted it to. You guys stay friends, you meet someone new and naturally you introduce that new person to your "old friend". Simple as that. If you have to think about it and lose sleep on it, then probably it isn't worth it.

I am not sure about that. Sometimes, I wish I accomplished more than I have up to this point in life. There are days when I hate myself and days when I am ok with myself. Final analysis. Not sure.

what's a chav?

I do agree with you, your first love is pretty much the one you remember the most and the one that hurts the most and is hardest to get over. My first love broke my heart because he ended up coming out of the closet. I dont think I really ever let go of him, because he is still a good friend of mines and I still have some feelings for him. It's hard to let go of your first love, that I do know.

Happy Chinese New Year to you too. Do you have a Chinatown close by to you? You can go there and watch the festivities and you probably will feel less lonely and it will feel more like home? I haven't celebrated Chinese New Year with my parents for over 15 years. Partly because for the last 15 years, I was living elsewhere. Now, when I am back in the same state, my parents have their own stuff they do for Chinese New Year. Start some traditions of your own and gather together some of your friends who haven't gone home.

Have you talked to your ex about maybe getting the cat? I know you are in NC, but if not having the cat is making you miserable, then I would approach him/her and talk about getting the cat back, or have a third party approach the ex about getting the cat back.

Validation is something I always seek from people. I want people to like me, to include me in things. If I feel like people don't like me or want to include me in things, esp people I like, I go out of my way to try to "make" them like me. Part of this stems from my relationship with my mother. She has always told me that I have been a disappointment to her.

You guys are right, there are probably other issues involved. If I ever get married and have a SO, they would have to learn to like my guinea pigs. I get very attached to those little things.

Hope75, the thing is, they just adopted these two piggies about a month ago and from what she wrote, he seemed ok with them, was playing with them, etc. Then recently, he pulled this on her on Val Day. I guess he really isnt a pet person and he felt like she paid more attention to the pets (dog and guinea pigs) than to him. I was just asking this question because I wanted to know, does this happen a lot with marriages where you are compelled to give up something, deny yourself something, for the good of the other or the marraige?

Hope75, she has 4 guinea pigs and she takes VERY good care of them. I think the husband feels neglected a bit and wants attention.

She really isn't a friend of mines, just someone I know from that forum. I was just asking the question because I was kind of surprised about how much people will give up for a marriage. If that was the case, I would be afraid to get married, since in a way, I would be giving up a part of myself and my autonomy. For example, I love my guinea pigs and they mean the world to me. They are like my kids. My mom hates them and would LOVE it if I got rid of them. She actively wants to get rid of them for me behind my back. I've worked it out to where I only go up to visit her at their place. They dont come here because she hates the pigs, and I discourage her from staying over because I know the pigs would annoy her to no end.