My bf of about two years wants to break it up with me. About 8 months ago I began to lose my feelings for him, and I pushed him away (w/o breaking up with him), but then he went after me and showed me how much he loved and cared about me. I was flattered by his attention and his desire of me, but still my feelings for him dried up. Alot of that has to do with our differences in what we like to do, who we like to hang out, etc. Our relationship lasted two years, one of the only relationships that I have ever had that lasted this long (and I am 32 years old). I also posted that after a few months, he gave up on me and began pulling away from me, all the while warning me about what he was doing and giving me chances to patch things up and make things up. All he wanted me to do was spend time with him and his friends doing the stuff he liked to do. In the beginning of our relationship I enjoyed doing the stuff he liked to do, with his friends, etc., but as my feelings for him changed and I avoided him, I really avoided him a lot and gave him a lot of free time to go and spend with his friends.
He really gave me a chance this summer to try and make amends, by spending time with him and his friends at the renaissance faire. He is a big ren faire buff. I love Ren Faires, but this summer, I had a lot going on so I did not go to Ren Faire a lot. I didnt prevent him from going either. I told him to go and enjoy himself and have fun with his friends.
Now that Ren Faire is over, I finally have some time to devote to him. A lot of that has to do with my best friend (who is a gay guy). My best friend is moving to CA for a chance in a lifetime job that he wants to pursue. Part of my summer, I spent with my best friend, because I knew he would be leaving by the fall. My best friend is moving away at the end of this month, and that is going to leave a big void in me. I dont have a lot of friends around here.
Now, I am trying to redevote some time to my bf because I sort of miss him. But now he decides that he has had enough of my inattention to him and to the relationship, so he is breaking up with me. He tells me that he is losing his feelings for me and feels like he is the only one putting effort into the relationship. He hasnt really hung out with me one on one in about a month, and he has stopped sleeping with me.
Now, I really want him back and I dont want this relationship to die out. I dont understand myself. Earlier this year, I couldnt stand to be around him and everything he did drove me nuts and made me want to get away from him even more. I guess at that time, I was hoping he would break up with me, but I didnt want to do the act and break up with him.
Now, he is the one wielding the axe and doing the chopping. I dont want this to happen. I am really not sure what to do. This is not a good time for this to be happening to me. My best friend and confidante is moving away at the end of this month, and I was hoping to have my bf around to cushion the hurt, and now my bf wants to end it.
I saw my bf yesterday. I told him that I was going to come down and hang out with him and he told me that I could come down, but that one of his friends was around for the weekend. I did not really mind that since his friend is someone I know and like to hang around with. The afternoon started ok. We hung out, talked, chatted and had a good old time, although I realized that my bf had put up a wall against me. I wasnt really happy about that. I had really come down there to talk with him and to convince him to give the relationship another chance. I was planning on talking to him in a nice and convincing way, etc.
It didnt turn out that way. Towards the evening, I decided to go home since I didnt see a chance to be able to talk to him one on one. But him and his friend did not want me to leave since it was getting late and they knew I was getting tired. His friend likes me and likes hanging around with me. We were all sitting on the porch of my bf's house (his parents were away for the weekend)and they were drinking and we were laughing and shooting the breeze. After a bit of convincing, I decided to stay the night. Then we all got to drinking. I havent drank in a long time and I am small in stature so one or two shots of liquor usually get me drunk. I ended up getting really drunk and yelling at my bf and telling him how I felt about him and how much I wanted to get back together with him. I told him that I wanted another chance and that I was angry with him. It turned out into a yelling match in which I think I woke up the whole neighborhood with my yelling. I am surprised that someone didnt call the cops on me. One of the neighbors yelled out the door to tell us to shut up. We ended up moving the argument into the backyard, where I threw stuff around and yelled at him about how hurt I was about this whole thing. He yelled back and told me why he was doing this. He felt that our relationship was going nowhere since we both dont really share the same likes and dislikes and hobbies. He likes my lifestyle, but he cant afford it. I make a lot more money than he does. In the beginning I helped him live my lifestyle by paying for a lot of it. He was ok with that, but his uneasiness with the way I do things, bothered me a lot. He also felt I wasnt putting anything into the relationship anymore and that I was pulling away. Now, his feelings have changed for me because the way I treat him and the relationship, and he doesnt feel the love he did for me as before. The shouting match lasted a few hours with his friend trying to calm us down.
This morning, I was calmer and tried to talk to my bf in a calmer fashion. It has now come down to this, he doesnt want to sleep with me again because he doesnt want to get drawn back into the confusion which is my life (part of why he also wants to break up with me has to do with my emotional attachment to my best friend - who is a gay guy). He says I trust in my best friend more than I do him and that I confide more to my best friend than I do him.
My bf also doesnt think there isnt any hope for our relationship because we are so different and I have too much attachment issues with my best friend. My bf also wants to get his life back together and go back to school, etc.
I am not sure what to do now. My bf gave me back some of the stuff that he has of mines. He offered to give me back the cell phone. I gave him a cell phone last year, that I pay for off my plan so that he could have access to a phone without his parents constantly chasing him off the phone so they could use it. I told him to keep the cell phone for the time being. He still wants to be friends with me since he cares about me and still somewhat "loves" me.
About a year ago, we got into a major fight that ended up with us breaking up (that lasted a week). The issues then had to do with my clinginess to him, and my attachment to my best friend. We got back together a week later and things were ok. I am not sure what is going to happen this time. He seems really resistant and trying to work this out again. He thinks is going to be like a cycle like last time where things are great for awhile and then bad again.
I am not sure what to do now. He has told all his friends as well as his parents that he has broken up with me. I know that his mom still hopes that we can be together again, since she likes me. She has always told me that I am one of the only normal, put-together financially, etc. girls that he has ever dated. Last year, his mom had a part in helping us get back together again.
I am willing to put the effort to repair this relationship. I do miss him, although I am not sure if I want a long term relationship with him that will lead to marriage. I am not sure how to approach it. He is a nice guy with a nice heart. Throughout his life, he has always been on the dumped end of a relationship. Girls have always dumped him. I am the first girl he has ever dumped. (His mom has told me that). So, I know he feels a lot of guilt about this.
I am not sure what I am going to do yet. Any ideas? I always thought if you gave a guy space and time to hang with his friends he would like that and it would help strengthen the relationship. It seems with me, that the fact I gave him so much space and time to be with his friends, it killed the feelings he had for me.
I am not sure if NC would work in this instant, because in the past few months I was aloof and pulled away from him and gave him lots of space, and it caused him to realize that I may have lost my feelings for him and consequently him breaking up with me.
I am thinking about maybe trying to devote some time to showing him I do want to make an effort at doing stuff he likes, hanging out with his friends, etc. I am not sure.
Next weekend, he is going out to help his friend at a Ren Faire about 3 hours away from me. I usually go to that Ren Faire every year, so I am thinking about showing up, saying hi and maybe trying to be nice to him and buy him something from there to show I still care about him.
This relationship died because I didnt care enough to put the effort into it. NOw I want to put the effort into it.
